Rejected guy in my condo - spreading rumors

[Luna66star]

A man kept stopping & talking to me in the halls & laundry room.  I was polite a few times but after awhile I noticed a pattern of him criticizing others frequently. Now, I'm not even interested in him as a friend.

I was turned off & started walking right by him without speaking. One day he saw me & asked "why so stuck up?".  I said upfront that I don't like him.  His eyes bulged wide and he asked "tell me what I said or did".

The next day a neighbor down the hall from me said she has been "hearing" I'm difficult to deal with (?).  WTF? I asked from whom and she mentioned talking to "Robert".

I'm furious!  I'm very friendly and talk positively to many people in the condo.  The one exception was Robert the previous week.

This guy's huge ego got bruised and now he's being a dick.  I feel Robert was also getting way too personal, considering we only met occasionally in the building to chat.

How do I fix my reputation in the building?  I also noticed 2 other people I'm friendly with just walk by me without as much as hello.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Luna66star said:

How do I fix my reputation in the building?  I also noticed 2 other people I'm friendly with just walk by me without as much as hello. 

Not much you can do except continue being friendly and polite to neighbors and have clear boundaries with problem individuals and trouble makers.

[Commongoal123]

On 1/1/2021 at 10:57 PM, Luna66star said:

A man kept stopping & talking to me in the halls & laundry room.  I was polite a few times but after awhile I noticed a pattern of him criticizing others frequently. Now, I'm not even interested in him as a friend.

I was turned off & started walking right by him without speaking. One day he saw me & asked "why so stuck up?".  I said upfront that I don't like him.  His eyes bulged wide and he asked "tell me what I said or did".

The next day a neighbor down the hall from me said she has been "hearing" I'm difficult to deal with (?).  WTF? I asked from whom and she mentioned talking to "Robert".

I'm furious!  I'm very friendly and talk positively to many people in the condo.  The one exception was Robert the previous week.

This guy's huge ego got bruised and now he's being a dick.  I feel Robert was also getting way too personal, considering we only met occasionally in the building to chat.

How do I fix my reputation in the building?  I also noticed 2 other people I'm friendly with just walk by me without as much as hello.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't let this experience make you think that other people are just walking by on purpose because of something they heard.  Could be many other reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Also.... when it comes to people like this... let the chips fall where they may.  When there is a whole community involved be it at work, or an apartment building, people like this guy generally expose themselves and have a harder time pulling the wool over people's eyes vs. doing it 1 on 1.

Just speak your truths with the people you want to do that with and this will probably pan out to most people realizing what you already know about this guy.

[Cookiesandough]

DOOD. This one of my worst nightmares. People can do so much damage with rumors and lies. Especially when they talk crap to people who do not know you.
 

I have dealt with similar stuff all throughout my life. It sucks, but you can’t let it get to you. The only thing I would do next time is not get involved with people that display critical/trash talking behavior. These people often turn on you if it benefits them. 

 

The only thing you can do to combat the rumors is to not engage in any of his messiness and just be a nice person. dispel the rumors by showing that he is a lying POS. When you get a chance, like if rapport/relationship is at that level, you can tell your people about what happened and what this guy did.Don’t do it in a messy way, but a matter of fact way.

 

Pro tip. Proceed with caution. I’ve found the best medicine for people that start stuff like this is to do the same. Before you say, “2 wrongs don’t make a right“, maybe not, but it does make us even. For examp, this girl made up a horrible rumor about me. Later, when I had built up my faction with a person she talked about me to, I told that person how she lied on me and also added a little bit of “embellishment ” iykwim. No regrets and she never said anything else about me. 

[Luna66star]

Playing fire with fire sounds like a great idea but I really don't want to mimic his negative behavior & stoop to that level.  Furthermore, it will create negative energy on my body which is one of my New Year's resolutions.  Being nice to him when he approaches sounds like being "fake" when I feel far from being nice.  My instinct is to be indifferent and totally block out his negative vibes.  

I worry what others think so I hope I can change any negative attitudes other people in my condo have adopted due to his gossiping. 

It makes more sense to me to continue being approachable & friendly to others.  I can't control him or others, or how they think.  This may not solve the issue yet at the same time I won't be investing my emotions in an obviously toxic individual.  

Like the previous comment, I will stop commiserating with people who whine, complain or  belittle others.  Once this becomes apparent, it's time to invest no more of time in this individual.

 

 

 

[alphamale]

Have a little party/get together in your unit with some neighbors (keep in mind Corona virus 🦠 limitations on # of guests.) Don’t invite that clown. He’ll eventually get word and the message.

[guest569]

Surely people will realise that he is bad mouthing everyone and they should trust their own interactions with you! 

[Pumaza]

Just tell those who tell you about it your side of the story.

And just live your life,Dont get in any convo again with that guy.He got mental issues if this is the story.

[basil67]

There are two sides to this story @Luna66star     While we may not like people we see regularly, good manners dictate that we should at least show a minimum of politeness.  Even cool politeness, like a nod small smile as they go by but avoid conversation.   But in this case, you were openly snubbing him..   Given that he doesn't know why you suddenly went cold, it's not surprising that he asked why you were being stuck up and your answer didn't help calm matters.  I can also understand why he told others neighbour friends about this...why wouldn't he?   He's got no clue what happened.  

I don't think there is a way out of this other than being consistently polite to others and hoping they see a different side to you.

>>I will stop commiserating with people who whine, complain or  belittle others.  Once this becomes apparent, it's time to invest no more of time in this individual.<<

This is exactly what I'm talking about.  While you should not invest quality time with them, if they share associates with you and you value your own reputation, be civil and polite.  

Edited January 9, 2021 by basil67
typo

[Blind-Sided]

All you can do, is continue to be "You."

This happened with my divorce.  The exW spread rumors our small neighborhood that I was abusive, and throwing her out... and a bunch of other stuff.  So, all the neighbors I've helped, and been friendly with for years, stopped talking to me.  Whats worse is... my youngest daughter kind of lost one of her friends over it.   But, over the last few years... I'm still the same person I've always been.  I talk to everyone, and I will still help the people who snubbed me.   Eventually, people will know the truth, and know who I am, and if they don't come around... well... I know the truth.