scobro Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 My wife ended are marriage quite suddenly and left me devastated.She is 37 this is her 3rd marriage I am 34 1st marriage.We were actaully trying to have a baby so that is why I was caught so off guard.I had to still live in the same house with her for 6 weeks after she broke the news that "we are not right for each other".During this time she had no empathy for what she was putting me through she would go out to bars with her friends while I sat in tears on the couch as she left.I caught her on the phone with a guy she met at a bar who she now says "casually dates", all while I am in the other room broken hearted you would think she would at least call the guy when I was not around.I kept asking her to tell me the truth if there is someone else and she just kept denying it until a friend of mine spotted her at a bar with this guy who she claims is "casually dating"he had his hand on her knee. Needless to say she finally admitted it but says this guy is not the reason she is ending it.She claims she was not happy and had no feelings anymore.She did the same thing last year to me but we went to counceling and worked it out. I am now trying to move on but I am going through what is called relationship withdrawal where I constantly hurt and wake up in cold sweats dreaming about my now ex, its so brutal feeling this way but a lot of books I read say this in normal relationship withdrawal.It hurts all day and feels so lonely.I am a fitness trainer/bodybuilder I lost 20 pounds during all this I couldn't eat or sleep.Its been 2 months and I still feel like crap emotionally.I see my ex because of my daughter(her stepdaughter)who she keeps in touch with and we have dogs that she comes to walk now and then.Should I just stop all contact?will the pain go away?I am so lost and cofused can anyone help put this in pespective for me?.......Thanks all
off2sea Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Sorry to hear about your loss. First of all these forums are a fantastic outlet and I have received much good advise that has worked well. It is comforting to know you have kindred souls here who are going through similar feelings and stages of recovery. I've found the key is recognizing the loss as well as the not so easy road to recovery. You will survive and thrive again, it just takes some time and support.
JohnJohn Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 If you can cut all contact then I would. Is it necessary for her to walk the dogs and see your daughter? How would your daughter feel if you were to cut contact? Perhaps you could talk to her about that? I know it would be a hard thing to do, but the more contact you have with an ex, the longer it takes to get over. I too work out a lot and am two months past a breakup, although mine was for only several months. I lost some weight too and found it hard to go to the gym, but I hung in there and now I am back to normal and even asked a woman out at the gym (something I had never done) and she said yes. Realize that you still are a good person and find someone that will appreciate it, not take it for granted. That's what I tell myself every day. Hope this helps.
In Sync Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time. You must separate yourself from her (I hope you are no longer sharing the same house and if so, that you have separate ways of coming and going without crossing paths. But definitely you need your own space) The ending of any relationship is devasting and when it comes unexpectedly, I can imagine the blow is far worse. Perhap talking to a therapist (temporarily and for you alone) is something to consider. Not only has your marriage broken up but there is a child involve who is also going to need support. For your daughter's sake being totally NC may prove difficult because your wife and your daughter still have a relationship and that needs to be balanced in regards to your relationship with your wife. Pull back from having any emotional conversations with your wife. Eventually you will need to in order to resolve your future and discussing separation, but unless there's an emergency take your time to digest this upheaval. You are in pain and cannot operate just yet fully and making decisions about your future now. You must take time to heal yourslef and that is a slow process my friend. As with everyone here, I say take care of you and comfort yourself. SIlly as it may sound you need a hug and unfortuantely I can't be there to give you one, but do treat yourself with kindness and love. Rest. Breathe. Cry.
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