inuss2020 Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 hey everyone ! hope you re doing well. I have been in a relation ship with a guy since february 2020, he was totally in love with me. But during the lockdown he put less efforts in our relationship, I complained about that many times and he was always saying that nothing happened there is no problem.... then I started to get familiar with this situation. But last week, I argued with him for not texting me for 5 days, I insisted to tell me why so here is his answer : " I know you don't deserve this but i don't think that I still have feelings for you " I was very shocked , i criieeeeeeeeed so hard , I told him how much that hurt me... so he told me that we can stay in the relationship and he will try to renwed his feelings ..."it's not the end" he said, he hugged me to chear me up... when he was explaining to me why he lost interest in me, he said that the fact of staying alone during lockdown was the reason,......anyway I think that he still loves me he just lost the passion and the excitement of the beginning of our love. what do you think, may I be right ? I suggested to him to stop texting but we hang out together sometimes and he accepted. I hope this fix our relation. or not ? what do you guys think help mee !!!! I love him so much .
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 You guys started right before Covid so you didn't have much of a foundation. The forced separation didn't help things. If you can't find a safe, legal way to spend time together you may simply have to let this go. Your relationship may be a casualty of the pandemic. Sorry. 1
Gaeta Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 So he offered to stay in the relationship after you cried? Men have a hard time to handle tears and would say anything for it to stop. I suggest you end it and get back in touch when the pandemic is over and you can spend real time together. You know, if you both wear masks when you're out, if you respect the covid rules at work, if you don't live with elderly people I don't see why you 2 would not spend time together, you just integrate each other's bubble. 2
stillafool Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 I think 40 minutes ago, inuss2020 said: I suggested to him to stop texting but we hang out together sometimes and he accepted. I think you gave him an out. When you were crying (hard) he couldn't take the pain he was inflicting on you so he said you guys could work on it. He really doesn't want to go on but can't stand to see you cry. I think you need to prepare yourself. 4
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 44 minutes ago, inuss2020 said: I suggested to him to stop texting but we hang out together sometimes and he accepted. I hope this fix our relation. or not ? what do you guys think help mee !!!! You may love him but he doesn't love you. This suggestion to which he agreed simply means he will stop texting you AND you won't hang out. You sort of gave him permission to ghost you & that is what he will do. 1
Author inuss2020 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Posted December 31, 2020 I continue what he said to clarify for you all : he said that he easly get bored of people and yeah he is weird af ; even with the boys he sometimes prefer not to stay with them. he told me that he doesn't wanna lose me, the fact that he want us to stay in the relationship maybe means that he still has some feelings for me . maybe a little ?
Author inuss2020 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Posted December 31, 2020 I choose the option of not texting each other as a sort of a break.
Gaeta Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 10 minutes ago, inuss2020 said: he said that he easly get bored of people and yeah he is weird af ; even with the boys he sometimes prefer not to stay with them. he told me that he doesn't wanna lose me, the fact that he want us to stay in the relationship maybe means that he still has some feelings for me . maybe a little ? The part about being easily bored is him breaking up with you, he got bored with you, that's what he means. The part about not wanting to lose you is only to make you feel better and ease his guilt. He's probably the type of guy that will offer to remain friends so he doesn't make you cry again. Sure he can have feelings like respect and care, but he doesn't have feelings like a bf has toward his gf. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 Breaks are nonsense. You fix what's wrong by working together to address it. Taking time off from a relationship just strings out the break up & teaches the party who wants out that they can live without you. 3
kendahke Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, inuss2020 said: I choose the option of not texting each other as a sort of a break. There's no such thing as a break. You two are broken up--he just wants to have access to sex, that's why he agreed. Don't try to sex a man back into a relationship he's told you he doesn't want to be in. It's over except for the breaking up. Edited January 1, 2021 by kendahke
JSmith123 Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 It's over, there's no going back. Any further communication with him is a waste of your time.
Maldives Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: So he offered to stay in the relationship after you cried? Men have a hard time to handle tears and would say anything for it to stop. I suggest you end it and get back in touch when the pandemic is over and you can spend real time together. You know, if you both wear masks when you're out, if you respect the covid rules at work, if you don't live with elderly people I don't see why you 2 would not spend time together, you just integrate each other's bubble. Agree with this I did the same once just cause I didn't wanna hurt the girl but I really only wanted to be friends eventually I stopped seeing her completely and stopped all comms cause that was making it worse.definatley he is not into you 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 Sorry this happened. Don't be demoted to FWB or the friendzone if what you want is a mutually respectful relationship. Your best bet is to stop wasting time on his terms . That means no contact. When you delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps, you'll free yourself from this. That way you can move forward with someone who wants a relationship. 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 6 hours ago, inuss2020 said: I continue what he said to clarify for you all : he said that he easly get bored of people and yeah he is weird af ; even with the boys he sometimes prefer not to stay with them. he told me that he doesn't wanna lose me, the fact that he want us to stay in the relationship maybe means that he still has some feelings for me . maybe a little ? im confused...have you been together in person or distant in this? thus whole Covid situation has stra8ned many live together couples who are next to each other all day vs the 10 Thor so break for work. now being at home you can’t do the things you enjoy doing so he could be just as bored as he says he is now ifyou two weren’t together. you guys were in the new car smell period when Covid started. So thise little things that were cute, Are now annoying. 1
Author inuss2020 Posted January 1, 2021 Author Posted January 1, 2021 11 hours ago, kendahke said: There's no such thing as a break. You two are broken up--he just wants to have access to sex, that's why he agreed. Don't try to sex a man back into a relationship he's told you he doesn't want to be in. It's over except for the breaking up. No we didn't have sex and we won't have it.
Author inuss2020 Posted January 1, 2021 Author Posted January 1, 2021 5 hours ago, Ami1uwant said: im confused...have you been together in person or distant in this? thus whole Covid situation has stra8ned many live together couples who are next to each other all day vs the 10 Thor so break for work. now being at home you can’t do the things you enjoy doing so he could be just as bored as he says he is now ifyou two weren’t together. you guys were in the new car smell period when Covid started. So thise little things that were cute, Are now annoying. we are in the same university we don't live together, he said that those 4 months of lockdown made him pulling away from me a little. But once we started to see each other after the lockdown, he start to renew his feelings .and now with the scholar routine when we rarely see each other, his feelings are in a constant phase. I concluded that the way that make him attached to me is when we always spend time together .... PS : my boyfriend is a weirdo
Author inuss2020 Posted January 1, 2021 Author Posted January 1, 2021 12 hours ago, Gaeta said: The part about being easily bored is him breaking up with you, he got bored with you, that's what he means. The part about not wanting to lose you is only to make you feel better and ease his guilt. He's probably the type of guy that will offer to remain friends so he doesn't make you cry again. Sure he can have feelings like respect and care, but he doesn't have feelings like a bf has toward his gf. I red somewhere that in any relationship, the love and the excitement of the beginning do not last forever; I just think that in our relationship, we quickly jumped to this phase when things start to be normal...
Author inuss2020 Posted January 1, 2021 Author Posted January 1, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Agree with this I did the same once just cause I didn't wanna hurt the girl but I really only wanted to be friends eventually I stopped seeing her completely and stopped all comms cause that was making it worse.definatley he is not into you he told me this : " since I easly get bored of people , whatever they are , and that this would happen to me with any other gril, I prefer to stay with you in our relationship and appreciate the state we are in " We still very close to each other and he doesn't love another girl, he is not a type of guy who is into chasing girls... I will control my emotions ( and I can do that ) to not be obsessed about him anymore . Edited January 1, 2021 by inuss2020
ExpatInItaly Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 This guy does not want and is not ready for a long-term relationship, OP. You're going to get even more hurt if you continue dating him, because it won't end well for you.
Gaeta Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 3 hours ago, inuss2020 said: I red somewhere that in any relationship, the love and the excitement of the beginning do not last forever; I just think that in our relationship, we quickly jumped to this phase when things start to be normal... Is this your first relationship? The end of the honeymoon phase has nothing to do with becoming bored and going 5 days without contacting our loved one. After the honeymoon phase we become more comfortable with each other, trust settles and it makes place for a better relationship. We still think all the time of our SO, we still have the desire to hear them each day, to see them as often as possible, we still day dream of our life ahead together. This guy does not want to be alone for now that's why he's not breaking up. You are settling for the crumbs he'll be willing to throw at you sometimes left, sometimes right. And no, we cannot control our feelings. That's why it's called 'falling in love' because it happens without our control.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 He's an out of sight out of mind kind of guy. He likes having a GF who is right there. It's about proximity not the person. But his statement that he gets bored of people easily also says that he's a college boy who wants to play the field. Even without Covid & the lock downs this was always destined to be a short term fling because he prefers that kind of relationship 2
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 I'm gonna say you two are not compatible with your "love languages". He's more casual, and not into making an effort too much, and you are more intense, want what most want, constancy. I find everyone is conveniently using the covid as as an excuse for issues that are there regardless. He's giving you a temporary patch to band aid over the truth, that he ain't that into you anymore, but is a coward, so he makes it go away with telling you what you want to hear. You can't fix this. He feels the way he feels. 1
ThereSheGoes Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 I had the same thing happen to me. Covid didn't break you up, he was just already emotionally gone. He's over you. I'm sorry. Don't allow him to demote you to just a FwB, and chop off the contact. He doesn't want you, and he's being a little nit about it. Even now, he's not being completely honest with you. Cut his butt loose.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 20 hours ago, inuss2020 said: But last week, I argued with him for not texting me for 5 days, I insisted to tell me why so here is his answer . Someone goes missing 5 days, you don't need the other person to tell you the answer. The answer is ... they have lost interest. This is almost as certain a rule as gravity. Trying to convince someone to spend more time with you is 99 percent of the time a completely futile endeavor. It's actually a self-demeaning task in many ways. Dump this guy. He has lost interest. Period. I know it hurts. I know it's shocking. I know it's baffling, confusing. You had a connection. How can this be? The answer is that this happens, randomly. People don't forget to contact us for five days. And you are making yourself a target for further hurt by not heeding the stop sign here. 4
poppyfields Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 9 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Trying to convince someone to spend more time with you is 99 percent of the time a completely futile endeavor. It's actually a self-demeaning task in many ways. Dump this guy. He has lost interest. Period. I know it hurts. I know it's shocking. I know it's baffling, confusing. You had a connection. How can this be? The answer is that this happens, randomly. People don't forget to contact us for five days. And you are making yourself a target for further hurt by not heeding the stop sign here. This^. Five days NC when in an almost 1-year relationship is not acceptable. Big mistake arguing with him about it, not sure what your thought process was there. You no doubt pushed him further away. Sorry innus2020 this one's done and gone. 1
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