Versacehottie Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, introverted1 said: I'm a little confused by the answer above. If he shares household expenses 50/50, then why do you feel it's your house and not equally his? Have you talked to him about the car situation and either asked him to contribute half to the car payments or let him know that he needs to make his own arrangements? Yeah I agree. If his son lives with you, you can't kick him out because your brother is coming over. that's disrespectful to your boyfriend and not in the right spirit of being a couple. If the son is lazy and hogging the couch, as a couple, you need to work out what is ok and how things are going to work in your household. Are you the type to split things 50/50 and then in addition keep score of every little thing that you don't think is "fair"? That is not in the right spirit of being a couple IMO. Maybe that is what your boyfriend is rebelling against. It's not nice to be flip-flopping all over the place and not taking responsibility yourself for your thoughts and actions. Such as, if you took the son to his gf's place far away and being that you've had a long-standing problem with the use of your car and their irresponsibility for it, my first question would have been, how is your son getting home? Otherwise you don't agree to take him there, knowing the inevitable will happen and cause an argument when he needs a ride back. Maybe there are some parenting style major disagreements that are coming to the surface because the son is living with you guys. You need to work those out. Personally I think there are too many things to repair with this relationship so you should move on. But if you are staying for now, you need to address these things directly and work out compromises that work for both of you. Edited January 3, 2021 by Versacehottie 3
dramafreezone Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 (edited) On 12/30/2020 at 9:21 PM, Pinkbird741 said: Hi Please read this entire post before judging me. I don’t consider myself a materialistic woman. I’m in my early 30s and I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 47 years old who doesn’t have a car. We’ve been living together for 2 years and I met him riding a bicycle. He said he would get a car someday, but he has not saved one penny and seems to not have any motivation to get his own car. I have my own car and I’ve let him use it and I drive him to work since we work close by. I pay for my own car every month, for insurance and gas. Here’s my issue: my boyfriend has a son from a previous relationship who’s almost 18. His son doesn’t work and doesn’t have a car either. My boyfriend is against him working because he says he needs to focus on school. A while ago his son started dating a girl long distance. She lives about an hour away and my boyfriend used my car to take his son to see this girl. And now the son wants to get picked up and I feel like my boyfriend should figure it out and not use my car. I don’t want him spending my mileage. His son’s problems shouldn’t be my problems. Not only does he agree on his son going all the way there without transportation but he also hands him money to take the girlfriend out. Since he doesn’t want his son working he pays for their dates. Is this normal to you? I don’t think he’s teaching his son the value of money and how to be an adult. Anyway, he’s mad at me right now because I didn’t want him to pick up his son all the way there in my car. He called me heartless and said: “I’m starting to know with what type of woman I’m with”He wants me to feel bad but why is it my problem that his son wants to be in a long distance relationship? I know this is not a reason to dump a man but I’m sick of him not taking responsibility and not doing anything to get himself a car. He always says he’ll do it and he never does. He doesn’t know how to manage money and has no savings. What do you think? Hmmm, what redeeming qualities does this guy have? If he doesn't have a car, doesn't have the savings to get a car, and keeps saying he'll get one but he clearly has no intentions to do so, that paints a picture of a man that's pretty irresponsible in general or doesn't have a good plan for the future. And if he wants his son to be able to see his GF, *he* should scrape up some pennies and buy him a bucket so that he can get around. I agree that it's not your responsibility for getting his son where he wants to go. I think the car is symptomatic of the larger issue. No offense but this guy sounds like a loser. Dumping him for being a loser is completely understanable and I don't think you'd be in the wrong at all for doing so. A partner should add value to your life. Edited January 3, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
Acacia98 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 13 hours ago, Gaeta said: OP and her bf don't appear to be living in a big metropole with public transport at their disposal. There is also where you are located. Using public transport in beautiful sunny California is one thing. Using public transport in Canada at -25 with 80km wind blowing and clear ice under your feet is a totally different experience. He seems to have managed without a car somehow before he met her...
Acacia98 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 12 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: What??? You're basing your R with him on whether or not he'll break up with you over the son's transportation with your car issue? What do YOU want? And why? Methinks OP has genuine grievances but is also getting something out of the power play. 3
CollinW Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 A boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn't be a burden on your life. If not having a car is presenting problems, you either need to tell him to get one or it's time to end the relationship. I understand it's the way to do things nowadays, but regardless of what happens you two should probably get your own apartments. 1
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