Mz. Pixie

[Tristram]

I am going to look into one. Unfortunatly, it may have to wait a little while until funds are available and some things are settled. I dont know if there may be any free ones in my area, as I cant seem to find any.

[Mz. Pixie]

If you have health insurance perhaps it may cover part of the costs.

 

I'm of the opinion that do whatever is necessary to save your marriage- even if it means borrowing money for counseling if you can't afford it. It's cheaper than a divorce for sure.

 

If you have a large church in your area- they may have some outreach areas as well that would offer counseling for things like this. One near where I am has a divorce recovery group, etc.

[jonesgirly]

I think your wife is being sincere abou the phone call, but I know what you mean about the feeling that there's "missing pieces" from the story. Its a really hard thing to feel like they are telling the whole truth, and not holding out for fear of "hurting your feelings" or whatever. I've tried very hard to become a non-reactive type person when conversing about issues with my husband. I've tried so hard to convey my feelings of needing the "truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth."

 

I hate it when I have to accept the "I don't remember anything" reply to a question. It seems like something as important to them as this "person" was would at least be vaguely remembered.

 

Good luck with your move and new house, new phone number, etc. I'll watch for future installments on your saga.

[tristram'swife]

I thought that it might help him some if I posted some of my thoughts on here as well. I want this marrage to work more then life itself. I love him with all my heart!!

 

I am VERY sorry and shameful for what has happened. I intend never to let it happen again. I understand alot of you on here say 'once a cheat, always a cheat'. Well I in a way believe that too, but I never intended on cheating. Yes it was something that 'just happened'. It was not planned nor did I really want it to happen, but if you knew me and the way I was treated all my life, when someone shows the least bit of interest in you, it is hard to turn that away. I was not the popular girl in school, I more or less hung with the geeks or just kept to myself. When this OM would sit and talk with me and do things with me, it was nice. All 'tristram' would want to do was sit at this PC and play games. I had asked him several times to come outside and play baseball (or whatever we were doing at the time) but he would say..."No it is too hot out there." or "I want to finish this level first." I dont like just sitting in the house. I enjoy being outside doing something. So I hung with the OM. The OM's wife was the same way, 'stay in the house and clean' type of women, so me and him would play with the kids ourselves. But in the back of my head I think the OM knew that my hubby was not wanting to spend time with me and he was slowly playing off that. I see it that way now but I dont know.

So then one day me and the OM was talking about getting some alcohol and getting drunk and staying up till the sun came up. That sounded like a blast to me as seeing that was the 4th and last time I ever got drunk. (my mom kept a close eye on me so I never got to do the sneaking out and drinking as a teen) I went and bought the drinks and we got hammered. I dont remember much about that night. What I do remember is that I did something I will regret for the rest of my life. (not going to go into details of what I remember b/c I dont wont to hurt my hubby all over again even though him just reading this will bring back those memories) I can honestly say I never got drunk to the point where I didnt remember anything again. Yes I still cont. to talk to the OM out of fear that if I suddenly stoped, hubby would wonder why and I would have to tell him. There was times that hubby would ask me if there was anything going on between us. I would tell him b/c I never wanted to hurt him in any way. I thought that it was one time big mistake. I was not in my right mind. If I just dont say a thing and play it cool I will not have to hurt him and everything will be ok. Then stupid me gets caught talking to this OM on yahoo messanger. TRUTHFULLY that was all just harmless fun. YES it seems that what we typed is all true, but I can HONESTLY say it was all talk and no action. What hubby didnt see was the other messages I typed to other guys. I did the same thing with others too. What I was doing was 'role playing'. I enjoy talking to others and sometimes it is fun to use your imagination a bit. Yeah I should have done that with my hubby but it was easier for me to type it rather than say it out load. When I say it out and hear it, I get all giggly and then it just ruins the moment. So it was all talk no action but I can see where hubby would think other wise. I know it hurt him to read that but I never knew that he knew that much about computers and that everything you type is saved somewhere. I was just having some (what I thought was) harmless fun. I know now that was not a good thing to do. We no longer have YM on our computer so he need no to worry about that. I have however written him little 'love stories' that he seemed to like very much.

Then the other day when the OM tryed to call me, really pissed me off. Here I am trying my hardest and going through all this stress (enough stress that I have not had my period since june (and no I am not pregnant b/c my tubes are tied and it has been since june so I think I would know by now)) and he calls me!!! My hubby has a gun and I took it and came real close to going over to the OM house and telling him a thing or two, but then I thought about my babies. What would they do without me? So I backed down. Hubby of course was pissed off as well and I called the OM house but he did not answer so I left a message and told him that I am working on my marrage and him trying to call is not helping and please dont call me again or I will have to call the police. Hubby and I waited up to see if the police was going to show up but they didnt. We thought maybe OM wife called them b/c she is know for doing that around here. I dont want to have anything to do with the OM every again!!!! I want out of this place just like hubby does. I cant even go outside and sit on my swing for the fear that the OM will be out there or come out there and try to talk to me. Our kids dont even play together anymore. It is not fair for my little ones to be stuck in the house all day. We need to get out of here so they can play outside. I hate to tell them "no you cant go out there today."

I am trying real hard to make this thing work. I know that times are going to be tough, but I am willing to stick it out for as long as I live. I am willing to do that b/c I love him. You have not seen or heard some of the things he says around here. Any other person probably would have thrown in the towel already but I am not going to give up that fast. Yeah I am going to have to earn his trust again but I am willing to do what ever I can to do that.

But let me ask guestions now. Why does he feel there is more going on? I have told him what has happened and I guess that is not good enough for him. I dont know what else to do with that. I just keep telling him over and over again in hopes that one day it will sink in and he can except it. THERE IS NOTHING MORE NOR WILL THERE EVER BE!! How can I get him to believe some of the things I say to him? I know it is going to take some time, but it is frustrating when I try and try and try and then it seems that I am waisting my time. I just want to bang my head on the wall or sometimes even think of killing myself so I dont have to think of the pain that I have caused him. It hurts me so bad knowing what I have done to him hurts him. I dont know how I can live with myself.

We got ourselves a house in a different town away from this place. We will be out of here by the end of this month. I am so happy and I do hope he will be too. I think getting out of here will help with this some b/c we wont have to see the OM ever again. We are going to start out fresh and new (I hope). I know it will always be in our minds, but I do hope it is in the way back. I will have to say this one last thing.....this whole thing I think has made me be more open with him like it should have been all along. I can tell him what is on my mind without feeling stupid. Some of the things I say dont make sence at times, but I have explained to him that my brain is no perfect and I am alittle on the stupid side. He is just going to have to deal with that. Somethings I do, I dont think before I do them. I am trying to work on that but it is hard.

I want to thank everyone on here that has been talking to my hubby through all this mess. Some things I dont agree on but hey that is your opinion not mine. I am glad to see that you are telling him that it seems that I am truely sorry and LORD knows I am! I will be sorry till the day I die, hubby is just going to have to stay and let me prove it to him. I told him that one day he will see. It is going to slap him on the face....yeah she really is sorry and yeah she is never going to do it again and I was a butt for thinking of leaving her. I am out to PROVE HIM WRONG!!!!

[Art_Critic]

WTF ??? .. This is going to be interesting..

 

Speaking from experience from what I have seen on LS in the last year when the other side starts posting it is never a good thing.

 

The OP has lost the ability to post his/her feelings without reprisal..

 

My suggestion at this point would be counseling.. Not LS..

 

my 2 cents..

[tristram'swife]

I think it will be ok. He has told me one time that it would be ok if I posted on here. I have been reading what he has wrote about me and have told him I have and that I wanted to write something but was unsure if he would want me to. He told me to go ahead and write what I wanted to that he would not mind.

 

I am going to tell him that I have posted on here and let him read it, but I feel I have not done anything wrong. If he can post on here, then why cant I!

[Art_Critic]

I understand that you think it is a good thing.. I don't.. You are now putting LS posters right smack in the middle of your issues.

 

Now how are we supposed to post to his issues ? even though sometimes it would be nice to hear the other side..

 

We are not your therapists

 

I personally don't want to be in the MIDDLE of anybody problems..

 

I think now is the time for relationship therapy .. Go to marriage counseling

[jonesgirly]

Interesting indeed.

 

Mrs.Tristram - you appear to not understand why your husband feels there is "more to the story." I can tell you that because your husband didn't know what was "going on" WHILE it was "going on", he wonders what ta he!! else he doesn't know! I know this feeling first hand.

 

The best thing you can do is to continue what you're doing. Remember that you've made a promise to "mend" things and never lose your patience. You seem genuine in your remorsefulness, and adament in your willingness to save your marriage. Continue to understand that you betrayed your husbands' trust, and the repair of that broken trust takes MUCH LONGER than the act of breaking it. I understand your "role-playing" fantasy, but you should realize that it is NOT "harmless fun" in your husbands eyes.

 

If you find yourself feeling like you're "wasting your time", realize you may be ACTING like that! There is nothing worse than promising patience, understanding, etc., and then ACTING the complete opposite. Sometimes you pay the price for "fun" and its a big one.

[whichwayisup]

For T's wife:

 

This is a long thread, but I think it will help you understand the pain you inflicted on your husband.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40398/

 

Written by DazednConfused. His wife cheated on him. I think you reading his posts and the replies might really help you, both.

 

Another one, Thumbingmyway.

 

Recent update and his thoughts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t73996/

 

His story of his wife cheating on him: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t57894/

 

There are more threads by him too about his situation, just do a search on his name.

 

Anyway, I just wanted you to have a look at those threads. Dazed's situation I think will open your eyes to what your actions have done to your husband. Maybe then you'll understand what's inside his head...

 

Wish you both the best, work together to make it right. Be an open book to him, tell him you love him and want ONLY him. Don't give up. Thumbingmyway is truely inspirational, he has a way with words and thoughts so reading his thread will hopefully help you in a sense of not ever giving up on the one you love...

 

Hope this helps.

[Art_Critic]

Wish you both the best, work together to make it right. Be an open book to him, tell him you love him and want ONLY him. Don't give up. Thumbingmyway is truely inspirational, he has a way with words and thoughts so reading his thread will hopefully help you in a sense of not ever giving up on the one you love...

 

Killer post WWIU .. Excellent

[whichwayisup]

Hey, as long as you both understand and respect eachother's feelings/thoughts by posting on LS, sharing this way could work well. Noone here wants to start fights or piss you two off, so remember you may read replies from some posters who are passionate and say what they feel. Could be good or could be harsh - Either way, you and your husband need to read it and keep an open mind. I think MR T knows this already.

 

With that being said, post away. Maybe you should start your own thread that way it's easier for others to follow. (copy and paste your original post here and start a fresh thread)

 

PS Thanks A_C ... (You like my sig?)

[tristram'swife]

Ok I will do just that. I am up for anything that will help this marrage in anyway!

[Mz. Pixie]

Tristam's wife-

 

Marriage counseling. Seriously. No matter what it costs you. If you have to sell something, sell it. If it takes another job- do it.

 

Best wishes to you.