Renben Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 Hello.. I really feel I need to vent a bit here. I will try to be as honest as I can. My girlfriend of about 1 year has started to really annoy me with her behaviour. I thought me and my girlfriend was more slike than we are. The most annoying thing is that I feel she dont 'really' care about me. I feel Im investing a lot more than her. I always initate intimacy or kissing, I always ask her questions about her. She rarely ask me anything. She does have two Kids, and I knooow that is a lot to deal with, but anyway, Like just a few weeks ago I went for a seminar thing for work for there days with ending test before I got my certificate for a promotion at work. On the 3th day after the test I visited her, and she even ask or seem to care about how it went. She also have problems on dealing with issues. When something bad like in her family happens, she completely shuts down and wont talk for hours. I try to talk and help her, but she wont talk. And just like yesterday we put up some shelves and she had problems with mounting them, she lost it and just didnt care about anything any more and wouldnt talk for 2 hours. Just small answer like yes, no, mhmm, idunno etc. Im very tired of behaviour like this. I am not at all like this. I try mostly to stay positive, playful and energetic. Og course I am far from perfect with my own issues. But I feel Im getting suffocated and brough down. I really believe I want to break up, but I am not sure how. She also have two Kids who have grown fond of me so that makes it harder. I light sound like an idiot, but to be honest I have issues that she have Kids, I thought I would be up to it, but now it scares the s*** of out me, also i feel she is pressuring me more and more to move into my house. I start to miss being single, even though I also really desire having a relationship. I think there has to be someone else who is a better fit for her than me, but I dont know how to break up. I dont want to make her sad, but I am really not happy right now with her Not sure if I even have a question, just needed to vent
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 Have you told her you have a problem with her way to handle conflicts and her lack of attention and it's killing the love? 1
FMW Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Renben said: I really believe I want to break up, but I am not sure how. If you haven't yet, try to talk to her and see if there's a way to make things better. Unless you came to the conclusion that you want to break up some time ago, give it some thought and make sure that's what you want. If you're sure, then have a conversation with her face to face and keep it simple. Just tell her you don't feel like the two of you are compatible and you need to end the relationship. It won't be easy, but it's best to end things when you know it's over. It only gets more difficult with more more time.
DKT3 Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 The purpose of dating is to find someone who a match for you, she is not. The pervious posts suggest talking to her, but really, what could possibly come from that? She can't get rid of her children, its very unlikely she will change how she handles stress, disappointment and her personality will not have sustainable change. You two are fundamentally opposed on several issues that can't change. Its simply time to move on. If you stay and continue these things won't go away. 1
ThereSheGoes Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 She sounds like she does not know how to handle conflict. And to be honest, she doesn't sound like she's going to be changing any time soon. Coupled with that, and the responsibility of being a mother.....is this really what you want? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 One year in is the make-or-break stage. She wants things to move forward and you're feeling trapped at the idea of living with her and raising kids who aren't yours. I've read lots of posts on this forum by people with no kids who got involved with someone with kids and eventually figured out it was more than they bargained for. It seems hard enough when the relationship between the two adults is very solid - but when it's not, that's a very shaky foundation for becoming a step-parent. I think single parents should date other single parents. A person without kids can't really relate to a single parent's situation and raising and investing in kids who aren't yours is a huge responsibility to take on. How to break up? Kindly but firmly. You really shouldn't drag this out any longer than necessary. It's hard enough for single parents to find people to date. I'm guessing the older they get, the harder it gets. 3 1
FudgeSwirl Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 Normally I would say bring up your concerns regarding her lack of care and the way she cannot handle things but you definitely have a lot of doubts especially pertaining to the kids. You seem to know exactly what you want in a relationship and it doesn't seem like she will be capable of fulfilling your needs. Break-ups are tough no matter how you do them but tell her exactly what you're telling us and that you therefore are not really compatible in the long term. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 Sounds to me as if you're not compatible. It's not just one thing, but many. Especially the kid situation. Just tell her, as someone mentioned, that you're incompatible and the reasons why. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 Yes, cut your losses and break up. You're completely incompatible. Don't try to force-fit anything. A year is enough time to know it's not working. Set both yourselves free.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 I also don't think having a conversation to work on things is going to help. She might improve the way she handles stress, yes, but that changes nothing about the fact that she has children and you admit you're probably not up for being a step-parent. It's not fair to the kids to keep this going if you know your heart isn't in it and you can't be there for them the way a step-parent should (ideally) be. The kind thing to do is to let her go, so you can both find partners who are better-suited for each of you. 1
Maldives Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 9 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: One year in is the make-or-break stage. She wants things to move forward and you're feeling trapped at the idea of living with her and raising kids who aren't yours. I've read lots of posts on this forum by people with no kids who got involved with someone with kids and eventually figured out it was more than they bargained for. It seems hard enough when the relationship between the two adults is very solid - but when it's not, that's a very shaky foundation for becoming a step-parent. I think single parents should date other single parents. A person without kids can't really relate to a single parent's situation and raising and investing in kids who aren't yours is a huge responsibility to take on. How to break up? Kindly but firmly. You really shouldn't drag this out any longer than necessary. It's hard enough for single parents to find people to date. I'm guessing the older they get, the harder it gets. This. I was involved with a woman with three kids two who lived wth her we lasted six yrs I tried and wish I'd made more of a go at it because I did truly love her. Now I have regrets but I don't think I would do it again taking on someone else's kids it is more than what I bargained for. They were great kids and I miss them but that perspective is now cause I'm alone when we were all together it was challenging and I always had one foot out the door because I knew deep down i wouldnt be able to handle it as much as I tried. I like travel and being free so that didn't help. Now I wouldn't date a woman with kids not even if there grown adults and moved out because they will always orbit the mums life and be there in some capacity. Not for me despite my regrets losing her. 1
deepthinking Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 (edited) "move into your house"? with her kids, so she is looking for a sweet deal, and as you put up with her obnoxious ways {like yes, no, mhmm, idunno etc] so she sees an easy-going man, but you must slow down her kids will not be kids forever, not so cute but adult - And where is their father that you have been targeted to replace him? Are you to pay for them? college too? Why did she and the dad break up? Edited December 31, 2020 by deepthinking 1 1
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 You certainly can't move in together until you resolve these issues. Sit her down & talk to her. Tell her that you feel unloved when she doesn't initiate intimacy or conversation. Tell her that you want to respect her need for quiet, solitary reflection in the face of difficulties but while that may be OK in response to a family conflict it's not OK for her to sulk in silence for 2 hours after problems putting up shelves. Ask her how she sees your relationship. Ask how she thinks you two could possibly live together when she makes you feel so unloved. Ask her how she would like to work on fixing that. If she doesn't engage in a meaningful discussion with you over these things, you have you answer about breaking up. You can't continue to date her just because you like her kids. 1 1
kendahke Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 On 12/30/2020 at 3:42 PM, Renben said: m very tired of behaviour like this. if that's the case, then break up. What's the problem? 1
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