First date, just need to vent

[Hpchic]

Ok, so I'm a bit confused....went on a first date and I thought it was lovely. I ran into road work on the way there which caused a good bit of traffic, so I texted my date apologizing and saying I was running about 15-20 minutes late due to road work, he seemed pretty understanding about it. When I got to the restaurant, he seemed happy to see me, I apologized for being late again, and he said not to and thanked me for driving out there and said under normal circumstances he would've drove out to me. Anyway we sat down ordered drinks and then dinner, conversation was great, he seemed like such a gentleman. He kept telling me how gorgeous I was, and how refreshing it was to be on a date with someone "authentic" like me. Anyway when the place was closing we finally got up to leave (he's a bit shorter than me), and he said "oh are you wearing heels to emasculate me, how high are they?" (I took this as a joke, because he was a bit of a sarcastic guy) and I said "these are my shortest heels" they were 2.5 inches and then he said "how tall did I say I was on the app?" and I said "I think 5'10" but he was actually 5'8 at best, however that didn't bother me. We proceeded to walk out and he put his arm around my waist as we were walking out of the place (which I did feel was a bit presumptuous, but I didn't show it). My car was parked right in front of the place so we said our goodbyes, he thanked me for coming out, and I thanked him for the dinner, he then said "lets keep in touch" which kind of shocked me because throughout the date he seemed so into me, and I liked him as well. Nevertheless I smiled and said "yes" we exchanged a brief hug and went our separate ways. I got home, and thought it was a bit odd that he didn't text to see if I got home ok (it was a 45 minute drive for me after all), so I went on the app and noticed that he unmatched with me! I was stunned only because he didn't strike me as the kind of guy who would do that even if he wasn't interested me. I just can't help but feel like it was either my height or something I said that may have put him off. If it was my height, that would be odd because I clearly stated my height on the app and he actually lied about his!

This guy literally unmatched with me before I even got home, I feel like that's such deliberate thing to do. I've had dates where I felt like I didn't click with the guy, but never did I rush home to go on the app to unmatch with them. The only time I have unmatched with someone was if they were harassing me or were offensive. But I certainly wouldn't unmatch with someone I had a pleasant time with even if I didn't feel the chemistry on my end.

I get the impression it was my height that put him off, which really frustrates me because I was honest about it and I'm not even that tall! I'm 5'8 and with heels maybe 5'10.5, yet he's the one who wasn't honest about his height. I encountered this very same situation years ago with a guy. We had a great date and when we got up to leave he got all weird about me being taller than him, and was like "how tall are you actually?", meanwhile he was about an inch shorter than me and it didn't bother me. Needless to say I didn't hear from him after the date, and then about 4 months later he randomly texted me saying he thought he saw me at some place. If you're a guy and have a problem dating women your height or taller, then make sure to pay attention to the woman's height indicated on the profile, and don't lie about yours.

[Miss Spider]

Sorry. You’re assuming it’s about height. It could be, but the truth is it could be  anything...He was being polite/nice on the date, but ultimately he wasn’t feeling it. He unmatched because you weren’t a match. Sometimes people don’t know how to tell people it’s not a match so they do stuff like this. Sucks but it happens.

[Hpchic]

10 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Sorry. You’re assuming it’s about height. It could be, but the truth is it could be  anything...He was being polite/nice on the date, but ultimately he wasn’t feeling it. He unmatched because you weren’t a match. Sometimes people don’t know how to tell people it’s not a match so they do stuff like this. Sucks but it happens.

I’ve been on dates where the guy was just being polite, I don’t think this was it.  He was way too complimentary.  

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

He kept telling me how gorgeous I was.

Anyway when the place was closing we finally got up to leave (he's a bit shorter than me), and he said "oh are you wearing heels to emasculate me, how high are they?" ....and I said "these are my shortest heels" they were 2.5 inches and then he said "how tall did I say I was on the app?" 

We had a great date and when we got up to leave he got all weird about me being taller than him, and was like "how tall are you actually?", 

Hpchic, he felt insecure and intimidated in your presence, your height mostly.  No man who did not have a bug up his arse about your height would make such asinine comments (bolded).

You weren't a match for this and perhaps other reasons. 

Try to not give this or him a second thought.   Seriously, so not worth the energy. 

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hpchic, he felt insecure and intimidated in your presence, your height mostly.  No man who did not have a bug up his arse about your height would make such asinine comments (bolded).

You weren't a match for this and perhaps other reasons. 

Try to not give this or him a second thought.   Seriously, so not worth the energy. 

To add, knowing your height on line, he had no idea how he was gonna feel in your presence. 

It made him uncomfortable, plus with you wearing heels, added to his discomfort.

Just let it go, height is a real issue for some men; his comments were a reflection of his insecurity.

Edited December 30, 2020 by poppyfields

[Hpchic]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To add, knowing your height on line, he had no idea how he was gonna feel in your presence. 

It made him uncomfortable, plus with you wearing heels, added to his discomfort.

Just let it go, height is a real issue for some men; his comments were a reflection of his insecurity.

Plus throughout the date he was telling me not to be put off that he looks so much shorter than me, he said it was because I was sitting on a chair and he was sitting on the booth side so it was lower.  Meanwhile seems it bothered him more than it bothered me lol

[FMW]

24 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

oh are you wearing heels to emasculate me

No matter how complimentary he was during your dinner, that's not a cool comment to make.  It doesn't seem sarcastic to me, just insecure and defensive.  Surely he's come across plenty of women that were taller than him, he should be able to anticipate that issue - including the possibility that a woman might wear heels - and just give it a pass if it's that important to him.    

Who knows why he unmatched you, but I honestly don't think you should give it a second thought.  Next.    

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Hpchic said:

Plus throughout the date he was telling me not to be put off that he looks so much shorter than me, he said it was because I was sitting on a chair and he was sitting on the booth side so it was lower.  Meanwhile seems it bothered him more than it bothered me lol

Lol is right, can you let it go now?  Just have a laugh about it?

 

[Miss Spider]

Well if you have your height on dating profile he would probably know that he was shorter or at least roughly the same height.... A lot of ladies wear heels. 
 

You obviously know how the day went better than any of us, but some people are nice and complimentary on dates even if they aren’t feeling it. I used to be and I had the same kind of mentality, be super nice on date , then avoid confrontation by just going home and unmatched cut/act like it never happened. You will meet all kinds of people on online dating who deal all kinds of ways . Probably need a thick skin for it 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[FudgeSwirl]

While it really could have been your height and/or other factors, as I was reading the details of your date I got this impression that something was off with him.  He sounds a bit insecure and that high heel comment was stupid on his part even if it really were a joke.  

While I totally understand how baffling it was you discovered he unmatched you right away, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.   Insecure men and women make for a difficult relationship anyway.

[poppyfields]

Agree with fudge, bullet successfully dodged! 

Say you clicked and began dating, can you imagine wearing flats on all your dates or when out together?  Oh the horror.  Lol

I'm joking but in all seriousness, that is most likely what he would require to feel less "emasculated." His word. 

As far as being polite, his silly comments were far from polite imo, other than that, he was simply going through the motions of a first meet, realized it wasn't a match and when got home unmatched.  

Edited December 30, 2020 by poppyfields

[LynneVicious]

I would say he was intimidated by your height - to a degree. Being he lied about his height, I think that lie hit him right in the d acc e and maybe made him feel stupid. Clearly, he’s insecure about it. 
 

as far as u matching you right away, that is his right and he doesn’t owe you anything after one date. Cowardly? Yes. But sometimes people do this because they don’t want the fallout from telling their date that they’re not a match. 

[poppyfields]

hpchic, reading his ridiculous comments again, he almost sounds angry at you.  Why?  I know it sounds crazy but for wearing heels!  Lol

I mean asking you if you were trying to emasculate him?  Like it was intentional on your part.

Then commenting about your heels, asking "how tall did I say I was on the app"?  Has an angry undertone to it.

Yeah he was peeved not so much about your height but that you wore heels.

As crazy as it sounds, he might have felt you were disrespecting him or something since he told you his height on the app.

$.02.

 

Edited December 30, 2020 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

It’s possible that he felt insecure about it or he just wasn’t attracted . But I read it as not insulting, but like a bad, self-deprecating joke...probably prompted by feeling very awkward... ending the date.. I think that if he were really unattracted or insecure because of your height it would be a lot less likely for him to point it out and then put his arm around you and such.... Unmatching instantly when you get home is  conflict avoidant behavior. It’s a little effort to make sure the other person can’t communicate w you there again 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Hpchic]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

hpchic, reading his ridiculous comments again, he almost sounds angry at you?  Why?  I know it sounds crazy but for wearing heels!  Lol

I mean asking you if you were trying to emasculate him?  Like it was intentional on your part.

Then commenting about your heels, asking "how tall did I say I was on the app"?  Has an angry undertone to it.

Yeah he was peeved not so much about your height but that you wore heels.

As crazy as it sounds, he might have felt you were disrespecting him or something since he told you his height on the app.

$.02.

 

Maybe so, but he lied about his height in the app.  The app said he was 5’10 when in actuality he was around 5’8, and I’m being generous! 

[Ruby_Red]

Whatever it was, I do not get the unmatching thing without any additional communication. Not that he “owes” you an explanation, but if there wasn’t any obvious argument or uncomfortable disconnect during the date, it is just rude to unmatch you without a word. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just the height, but still. 

[Hpchic]

1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

It’s possible that he felt insecure about it or he just wasn’t attracted to it. But I read it as not insulting, but like a bad, self-deprecating joke...probably prompted by feeling very awkward... ending the date.. I think that if he were really unattracted or insecure to you because of your height it would be a lot less likely for him to point it out and then put his arm around you and such.... Unmatching instantly when you get home is very conflict avoidant behavior. 

I feel like this was done to see how comfortable he would feel with it.  It did feel awkward when he did that.  I feel the only time that’s acceptable and natural is when the chemistry is super strong.

[introverted1]

Unmatching is just an easy out. Yeah, it's not the smoothest way to signal no interest, but it also avoids the type of conversation that most people would rather not have.  And I'm guessing that the kind of people who come on a message board to analyse a date's behavior are exactly the type of people who would be likely to want "reasons" for lack of attraction.

It was one meeting. No big deal. Onto the next one.

[Hpchic]

16 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

I would say he was intimidated by your height - to a degree. Being he lied about his height, I think that lie hit him right in the d acc e and maybe made him feel stupid. Clearly, he’s insecure about it. 
 

as far as u matching you right away, that is his right and he doesn’t owe you anything after one date. Cowardly? Yes. But sometimes people do this because they don’t want the fallout from telling their date that they’re not a match. 

Why say anything? After a first date I don’t feel like either one of us owes an explanation as long as neither contacts the other.  I wouldn’t initiate contact to a guy after a first date anyway, so there would be no explanation needed

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, Hpchic said:

I feel like this was done to see how comfortable he would feel with it.  It did feel awkward when he did that.  I feel the only time that’s acceptable and natural is when the chemistry is super strong.

Yes, it is quite possible that when he considered the height difference, it didn’t feel right to him. But it could’ve been any number of things in between too. He saw you when you came in late, and I assumed that he got up and you guys were standing together? Then he still complimented you and still seemed very into it. Anyway, oh well his loss and he needs to quit lying on his dating profile

[Hpchic]

1 minute ago, introverted1 said:

Unmatching is just an easy out. Yeah, it's not the smoothest way to signal no interest, but it also avoids the type of conversation that most people would rather not have.  And I'm guessing that the kind of people who come on a message board to analyse a date's behavior are exactly the type of people who would be likely to want "reasons" for lack of attraction.

It was one meeting. No big deal. Onto the next one.

I can only speak for myself, but that’s totally untrue in my case.  I would NEVER nor have I ever asked a guy for an explanation as to why he’s not attracted or interested in me.  If I don’t hear from them then it’s on to the next, I just felt the unmatching was harsh.  Besides we exchanged numbers so if he really thought I wanted an explanation I could always text or call.

[Hpchic]

5 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yes, it is quite possible that when he considered the height difference, it didn’t feel right to him. But it could’ve been any number of things in between too. He saw you when you came in late, and I assumed that he got up and you guys were standing together? Then he still complimented you and still seemed very into it. Anyway, oh well his loss and he needs to quit lying on his dating profile

He actually didn’t get up.  The only time we stood up together was at the end of the date 

 

haha yes being honest about his height would save him and his potential future dates a lot of wasted time!

Edited December 30, 2020 by Hpchic

[Miss Spider]

9 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

He actually didn’t get up.  The only time we stood up together was at the end of the date 

 

haha yes being honest about his height would save him and his potential future dates a lot of wasted time!

 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[introverted1]

8 minutes ago, Hpchic said:

I can only speak for myself, but that’s totally untrue in my case.  I would NEVER nor have I ever asked a guy for an explanation as to why he’s not attracted or interested in me.

If that's the case, then why do you care? 

Most first meetings go nowhere.  It's the exception rather than the rule that you hit it off and want a real first date (possible exception for those who have a highly refined prescreening process).  Yeah, this guy made some weird comments about height, but the date could have just as easily flopped without the comments.  I think you need a thick skin if you are going to OLD.

Edited December 30, 2020 by introverted1

[mark clemson]

I agree with several others that this probably had a lot more to do with his insecurities than with anything else. I suspect he felt there was no future in this (apparently wrongly) and probably has some resentment issues towards women so decided to unmatch quickly as a (minor) way to lash out at you a bit. Good riddance...