Alpacalia Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 1 hour ago, cleverusername said: Thanks, I think the problem is that I didn't shift my expectations. It shifted from a few weeks at most to a few months, at that point I should have shifted my frame of mind but I didn't. That led to this disappointment. I guess there's really no way to recover from this huh? She'll be moving closer to you in July? If you're still interested at that point, try to arrange a meet-up after she's settled from her transfer and simply speak with her less often for the time being. Gently let go of any expectations by allowing yourself to take small steps away from them in an organic, yet optimistic, direction. If she's not keen on meeting in July you can decide if you want to keep her as an acquaintance or stop communicating with her altogether. 2
Author cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Alpaca said: She'll be moving closer to you in July? If you're still interested at that point, try to arrange a meet-up after she's settled from her transfer and simply speak with her less often for the time being. Gently let go of any expectations by allowing yourself to take small steps away from them in an organic, yet optimistic, direction. If she's not keen on meeting in July you can decide if you want to keep her as an acquaintance or stop communicating with her altogether. Thanks I will lower my expectations. You still think I should speak with her in the interim though? Or just wait for her to reach out to me? Edited May 3, 2021 by cleverusername
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 So it is true. Men are interested in women who aren't interested in them .
Alpacalia Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 12 minutes ago, cleverusername said: Thanks I will lower my expectations. You still think I should speak with her in the interim though? Or just wait for her to reach out to me? You previously shared your dissatisfaction with her poor contact, so this is your cue to take a step back. If you and she are compatible and like each other, you will most likely hear from her again. At some point in time. If not, is she really worth pursuing? 1
Author cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Alpaca said: You previously shared your dissatisfaction with her poor contact, so this is your cue to take a step back. If you and she are compatible and like each other, you will most likely hear from her again. At some point in time. If not, is she really worth pursuing? Ok I just wasn't sure. Some other posters were telling me to be less passive. I guess that means just taking a step back and just not care so much like you're saying? Strength through silence or something? Edited May 3, 2021 by cleverusername 1
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 19 minutes ago, cleverusername said: Thanks I will lower my expectations. You still think I should speak with her in the interim though? Or just wait for her to reach out to me? Instead of waiting and wondering. Just do what you want to do. Women are attracted to men who can be confident in themselves and show it. If she knew how much thought was going into this..and whether you should reach out or not etc etc. It would most certainly put her off. Maybe its because i prefer the very masculine alpha type of guy. Obviously if she pulls the disappearing act again Then leave it alone and move on to the next one. Edited May 3, 2021 by peach302 1
Author cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, peach302 said: Instead of waiting and wondering. Just do what you want to do. Women are attracted to men who can be confident in themselves and show it. If she knew how much thought was going into this..and whether you should reach out or not etc etc. It would most certainly put her off. Maybe its because i prefer the very masculine alpha type of guy. Obviously if she pulls the disappearing act again Then leave it alone and move on to the next one. I think that's where a lot of the doubt stems from, the first disappearing act. I don't know if it's an act or not. The first time I wrote it off and moved on only for her to reappear and then do it again. Maybe I just should have never let it slide the first time....
poppyfields Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) clever, my advice is stop over-thinking this. You're trying too hard, trying to force something, mentally. Gathering opinions from others, it reflects a lack of confidence in who you are, as a man, as a leader. Step back, learn to let go. Detach from the outcome. Once you do that, there will be no need to ask others what they think. You will know what do to, what feels right for you, in this or any situation. Edited May 3, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, cleverusername said: I think that's where a lot of the doubt stems from, the first disappearing act. I don't know if it's an act or not. The first time I wrote it off and moved on only for her to reappear and then do it again. Maybe I just should have never let it slide the first time.... Thats why you ask questions. And find out why that occurred. You were less than forgiving on my personal threads when i like this girl did disappear a lot. I think it was you lol Edited May 3, 2021 by peach302
Author cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 8 minutes ago, poppyfields said: clever, my advice is stop over-thinking this. You're trying too hard, trying to force something, mentally. Gathering opinions from others, it reflects a lack of confidence in who you are, as a man, as a leader. Step back, learn to let go. Detach from the outcome. Once you do that, there will be no need to ask others what they think. You will know what do to, what feels right for you, in this or any situation. For some reason this stuck home. I now know what I need to do. Thanks. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 3 hours ago, cleverusername said: Or just wait for her to reach out to me? Yes, use a wait and see approach in this case. 1
Author cleverusername Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes, use a wait and see approach in this case. Got it. I have 100+ pending matches I need to sort through anyway. Should keep me busy Edited May 3, 2021 by cleverusername 1
Sun Seeker Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 I have no idea what the situation has been with domestic flights in the USA due to Covid, but if they were still flying, what stopped you catching one to the other coast to meet her at some point in the last 5 months? Instead of just waiting until July... Anyway now that July is nearly here, I don't understand why you would even want to be communicating daily. That's too much for someone you have not even met yet. Personally I would tell her (not ask) that when she is back in your city you are taking her on a proper date. I would then not contact her again until one or two weeks before she is scheduled to arrive. All this texting stuff is a big waste of time right now as she is most likely meeting up with other guys (as she should be) and you should be meeting other women. 2
dramafreezone Posted May 4, 2021 Posted May 4, 2021 23 hours ago, cleverusername said: Alright guys, I need some sense talked into me or a pep talk or advice or something She ended up reaching back out after about 7 weeks and said she "didn't see the message" and apologized (this was a few months ago). I gave the benefit of the doubt even though I don't really believe it (it may have been some family issues I think) so now we've been talking off and on for about 8 months. I've hinted at and she has hinted at our date as recently as this week and it's been received enthusiastically by both of us. The problem is sometimes she's distant. Today we were having a great conversation and randomly she just liked the message and didn't reply. She also really doesn't ask questions, I'll give her the opportunity to but she won't really capitalize. I she'll respond but most of the questions and subjects have to come from me. Maybe I'm just reading too much into the whole "liked message" thing and I know I'm not owed anything, but given the previous hot/cold I'm a little weary and would love to hear some objective opinions as I've never done anything long-distance/ pre-date stuff like this. I feel like she's interested, she says she's interested, and we've had deeper conversations and she has opened up to me some. But the actions (how I read it) tell me it's meh. Maybe she's just putting in the bare minimum? I don't understand why you would reference a date and spend 8 months talking to someone if you were just leading them on? It's just frustrating because of the ambiguity. Quote She ended up reaching back out after about 7 weeks and said she "didn't see the message" and apologized (this was a few months ago) This is a lie, I've had the exact same thing said to me after a long pause in communication. It's like some of these girls share a playbook. What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that this woman craves attention. She was probably lonely in the moment and looking for some attention, validation, so she remembered you. You gave her what she wanted, she feels good about herself again. She'll be "hot" when she needs attention and then "cold" when you've given her enough to satiate her. It's also why she doesn't ask you questions. She doesn't care, it's about what you provide to her. Reading your other comments it sounds like you get interest from other women, so pick one that actually wants to date you. I get that you really like this one but she doesn't feel the same way. I think she's just one that has to feel like the guy is a challenge to catch. Leaving her alone actually raises her attraction, and paying attention to her satiates her, which is backwards. She is not someone that's well adjusted and a relationship with her would be full of manipulation and drama IMO. 1
Author cleverusername Posted May 4, 2021 Author Posted May 4, 2021 45 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: This is a lie, I've had the exact same thing said to me after a long pause in communication. It's like some of these girls share a playbook. What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that this woman craves attention. She was probably lonely in the moment and looking for some attention, validation, so she remembered you. You gave her what she wanted, she feels good about herself again. She'll be "hot" when she needs attention and then "cold" when you've given her enough to satiate her. It's also why she doesn't ask you questions. She doesn't care, it's about what you provide to her. Reading your other comments it sounds like you get interest from other women, so pick one that actually wants to date you. I get that you really like this one but she doesn't feel the same way. I think she's just one that has to feel like the guy is a challenge to catch. Leaving her alone actually raises her attraction, and paying attention to her satiates her, which is backwards. She is not someone that's well adjusted and a relationship with her would be full of manipulation and drama IMO. Thanks buddy. I can always count on you to talk some sense into me 1
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