How should I interpret this situation?

[Pumaza]

When a man and a woman are into eachother they will make time.Even if its after work , in their bed tired, and few minutes atleast.

She dont seem much interested.

You can call her,ask her how she doing and what you just told us.Ask if she still interested. And make your disicion.

But if she is not honest you will waste more time on this.

Maybe so you can have a closure, text her, or call, see where her mind at.ask if she still into tou and let her know if you like her and still wanna know her, and if you see she not into you,tell her  how you feel and that you are moving on.Wish her the best. Since you dont want LD either....its best to seek someone closer to your city or in it.

Edited December 29, 2020 by Pumaza

[Mrin]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

It's got a question mark at least, something she can respond too.  

Good point!

[cleverusername]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Here's what I wouid like (note I AM a bit weird and a bit of a nonconformist, lol)

"Hey whattup!  You okay?  Hope all is well.  HNY."

It's got a question mark at least, something she can respond too.  

It's a feeler text.

 

14 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Another suggestion if sending on midnight new years eve:

"We made it [her name]! We actually f***ing made it to 2021! Slam me on the ass and call me Judy! Totally buying a lottery ticket. Ha! Throwing a big high five at ya!"

I was thinking; 

“Happy New Year! The ball in Times Square isn’t the only one I’m looking forward to busting....”

JK. Really, 

Happy New Year and cheers to 2021 being a little bit better than ‘20 (I don’t think that’s too hard!?!) 

Did X city put on a good fireworks show for you?

Edited December 29, 2020 by cleverusername

[dramafreezone]

26 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

 

I feel like this would be really great advice had I not been made aware some people interpret it as me ending it. 
 

If it was read as intended, she might have contacted me after a week and not waited this long. Or she may be taking the same advice you’re giving, I.e, he seems uninterested. If he was, he would contact me. Ya know? 
 

I feel the fact some people read that as me ending things make it a little less about maintaining self worth and more about remedying a possible miscommunication. 

You said reach back to me when you have time, or whatever, and she said ok.  Doesn't sound like you were a jackass about it.  It's pretty self explanatory and to the point.

If you're a man and you stick to your priciples, then you stick to what you implied when you last talked to her.  She will contact you when she has time.

If she's someone that found that innocuous statement offensive or felt that you were blowing her off, then that's a red flag anyway.  Why do you care if she misintepreted it?  You know what you meant.

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, cleverusername said:

 

I was thinking; 

“Happy New Year! The ball in Times Square isn’t the only one I’m looking forward to busting....”

JK. Really, 

Happy New Year and cheers to 2021 being a little bit better than ‘20 (I don’t think that’s too hard!?!) 

Did X city put on a good fireworks show for you?

Jmo but too serious.  Be playful, funny, get her laughing!  

Something off the cuff.  Stand out from other guys, be different. 

What you wrote is a bit of a yawn, sorry!   

[cleverusername]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Jmo but too serious.  Be playful, funny, get her laughing!  

Something off the cuff.  Stand out from other guys, be different. 

What you wrote is a bit of a yawn, sorry!   

“Happy New Year and cheers to 2021 

It’s crazy how time flies, it seems like just yesterday it was 2020! You didn’t forget to make your New Years wish, did you?”
 

Any better?

[lana-banana]

It still sounds a little impersonal. Can you add a detail or question that indicates it's about HER, and not just a generic message you may as well be sending to a dozen other girls?

[cleverusername]

1 hour ago, lana-banana said:

It still sounds a little impersonal. Can you add a detail or question that indicates it's about HER, and not just a generic message you may as well be sending to a dozen other girls?

Got it! Thanks for the input. I’ll make the question more personal. 

[Miss Spider]

I don’t think you should mention it to her. I don’t see the point of that? That’s like the person that was ghosted needing to hear from someone that they’re not interested. She’s not reaching out to you. That is really all the proof that you need. Your question has already been answered. If you can get her interest back again and you guys are compatible, then she’ll be happy to communicate with you and go on the date. The past blip will be water under the bridge. 

Edited December 30, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[cleverusername]

1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t think you should mention it to her. I don’t see the point of that? That’s like the person that was ghosted needing to hear from someone that they’re not interested. She’s not reaching out to you. That is really all the proof that you need. Your question has already been answered. If you can get her interest back again and you guys are compatible, then she’ll be happy to communicate with you and go on the date. The past blip will be water under the bridge. 

Yeah, thanks. I wrote that before I came to the conclusion I’ll just send out a feeler text to be sure.

 

ill come back and update afterwards.  thanks for the advice guys!

[Versacehottie]

22 hours ago, cleverusername said:

Yeah I really have no Idea what to call it lol. In hind sight I should have waited to make a move but whatever. I'm not really trying to build the relationship over distance, just trying to keep things interesting enough for now. We both go to the same school and had a date planned for when we return to being in the same city. Had something I thought might work, took the shot, and COVID ruined it.... story of 2020 right?

Who knows, maybe things will pop back up in the future. 

Yeah well I think if you are long distance and college age on top of that, just think of it as planting seeds.  A lot of that stuff comes to fruition later and people pop in and out of each others lives based on distance and what is going on in the rest of their dating life.  The only thing that is a big problem IMO is that you never have met/are from an app so IMO that is less so the type of person that there is a real connection with like other guys from college or from your home town.  If you had met by this point, then you could be on that level but if you were only texting from meeting via an app, meh it's not real in a way to her.  Especially if she is pretty and gets a lot of attention or is flighty & flirtatious.

No harm in popping back up but I think you should & should have taken it with a grain of salt and not seriously at all. You either needed to have seized on the momentum you had or plant seeds that you may or may not be able to harvest.  From the way you worded your original post it's like you somewhat built up a texting relationship (or messaging one) via an app meet and believe that it was a realistic thing where you each would wait for a dating relationship to begin.  It's like you each negotiated "let's do this" when we are in same place based on NEVER HAVING EVEN MET.  Sound crazy?  Well, yeah.  Which is why you should take it very unseriously!  Long distance relationships, especially among college aged social people--even with a long history and deep love--are fragile at best and you were kind of banking on one that was fraught with a lot of what ifs.  It was a bad risk or one that you should have placed very little hope in/complete long shot and treat it that way.

What I think you can do is pop into her life her and there.  See if she reciprocates with texting like she did before.  That will give you an idea if she is still single or still interested.  Regardless of how that goes, when you do get back to the same place and she is there, just hit her up.  In the meantime, live life where you are and don't place a lot of hope on this one.  Good luck

[cleverusername]

47 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Yeah well I think if you are long distance and college age on top of that, just think of it as planting seeds.  A lot of that stuff comes to fruition later and people pop in and out of each others lives based on distance and what is going on in the rest of their dating life.  The only thing that is a big problem IMO is that you never have met/are from an app so IMO that is less so the type of person that there is a real connection with like other guys from college or from your home town.  If you had met by this point, then you could be on that level but if you were only texting from meeting via an app, meh it's not real in a way to her.  Especially if she is pretty and gets a lot of attention or is flighty & flirtatious.

No harm in popping back up but I think you should & should have taken it with a grain of salt and not seriously at all. You either needed to have seized on the momentum you had or plant seeds that you may or may not be able to harvest.  From the way you worded your original post it's like you somewhat built up a texting relationship (or messaging one) via an app meet and believe that it was a realistic thing where you each would wait for a dating relationship to begin.  It's like you each negotiated "let's do this" when we are in same place based on NEVER HAVING EVEN MET.  Sound crazy?  Well, yeah.  Which is why you should take it very unseriously!  Long distance relationships, especially among college aged social people--even with a long history and deep love--are fragile at best and you were kind of banking on one that was fraught with a lot of what ifs.  It was a bad risk or one that you should have placed very little hope in/complete long shot and treat it that way.

What I think you can do is pop into her life her and there.  See if she reciprocates with texting like she did before.  That will give you an idea if she is still single or still interested.  Regardless of how that goes, when you do get back to the same place and she is there, just hit her up.  In the meantime, live life where you are and don't place a lot of hope on this one.  Good luck

Thanks! Solid advice.
 

Just to clarify though we didn’t meet in an app, we actually shared a class together where we met so we had face to face interaction outside of just text weekly, just not in physical presence of one another. We go to the same school, same year, and same major but thanks to COVID everyone is back home until campus opens up again so everything has been through zoom. (Better than the 1800’s through letters or telegraph lol). 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2020 by cleverusername

[dramafreezone]

18 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t think you should mention it to her. I don’t see the point of that? That’s like the person that was ghosted needing to hear from someone that they’re not interested. She’s not reaching out to you. That is really all the proof that you need. Your question has already been answered. If you can get her interest back again and you guys are compatible, then she’ll be happy to communicate with you and go on the date. The past blip will be water under the bridge. 

I think he just needs to learn this lesson for himself.  I know how he feels and at his age I wouldn't have listened to people telling me not to contact her.  I think as guys when we feel a woman has lost interest we have an urge to do something try to fix it, and it rarely works.

I just think it's an issue of another guy has caught her interest and she has to see that situation through.  In my expereince, when a woman's really interested she gives all of her attention to you and just doesn't have time for other guys.  When he fricks up (and he probably will) then she may come back around to the OP.  But he said for her to contact him when she gets the time, she said ok.  If she's interested again she will.  It's only been a few weeks.  I've had women contact me years later.

Edited December 30, 2020 by dramafreezone

[Versacehottie]

3 hours ago, cleverusername said:

Thanks! Solid advice.
 

Just to clarify though we didn’t meet in an app, we actually shared a class together where we met so we had face to face interaction outside of just text weekly, just not in physical presence of one another. We go to the same school, same year, and same major but thanks to COVID everyone is back home until campus opens up again so everything has been through zoom. (Better than the 1800’s through letters or telegraph lol). 

 

 

oh good to know! Makes sense and helps your case a bit in terms of she would more likely remain interested if she knows you in more of a real way, which this is more real IMO.  Class interaction and seeing you interact with others beside herself.

So IMO she is probably interested in someone close by to her OR didn't really like your wishy-washy thing of "contact me when you want to"/the passive thing.  Or a little of both and some other guy swooped in.  Is the class over?  Guessing it was fall semester and now you don't have one in the upcoming spring semester together?  Anyway, there's more to resurrect from this IMO than meeting through an app.  Also the holiday can have people busy with other stuff and perhaps she is passive herself or doesn't believe in chasing after a guy.  Are you sure she knows you want to date/like her romantically?

[cleverusername]

39 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

oh good to know! Makes sense and helps your case a bit in terms of she would more likely remain interested if she knows you in more of a real way, which this is more real IMO.  Class interaction and seeing you interact with others beside herself.

So IMO she is probably interested in someone close by to her OR didn't really like your wishy-washy thing of "contact me when you want to"/the passive thing.  Or a little of both and some other guy swooped in.  Is the class over?  Guessing it was fall semester and now you don't have one in the upcoming spring semester together?  Anyway, there's more to resurrect from this IMO than meeting through an app.  Also the holiday can have people busy with other stuff and perhaps she is passive herself or doesn't believe in chasing after a guy.  Are you sure she knows you want to date/like her romantically?

Hahaha, I would hope she picked up on the fact I'm into her! I literally told her, "I would love to take you out when we are back in X city" and she said "I'd love that". This in addition to the normal flirting type stuff of me dropping some compliments, her coming to me asking her for help with stuff she is more than capable of taking care of on her own playing the "damsel in destress" card, etc. She is also the one who kinda/sorta made the first move outside of class by adding me on social media.

I'm really not worried at all about "some other guy" type situation. I'm confident i'm a pretty good catch and her meeting anyone else would put her in the exact same situation as right now, i.e. LDR type deal either now or in the future moving back to school. My only concerns are either A) I did something and she lost interest. B) She is still interested just taking advantage of the gap. or C) she trying to flip it and wants me to "chase". She's initiated in the past so I don't think she is too afraid to take any steps. 
 

I know she's been spending a lot of time with her family, (we follow each other on social media) and she has been viewing my posts as recent as yesterday, so she isn't dead or anything. No classes next semester that I know of so far, but we haven't talked since choosing classes so I'm not 100%. Even if it is B I hardly think that wishing someone a happy new year would be too intrusive for me to reach back out?

Edited December 30, 2020 by cleverusername

[Versacehottie]

Not intrusive at all. I surely wouldn't mind.  I would do that. Also when you wish someone a Happy New Year a lot of the time, it seems to say "you are in my thoughts for the year ahead."  So it's a low-key way to indicate that.  I would reach out to say it if in your shoes. 

I'm also thinking she might want you to chase a bit.  Even girls that are capable of initiating want that.  Especially if your last words were basically you telling her to get in touch when she feels like it, which could be viewed as a brush off or you not wanting to put in the effort without an immediate payoff.    Her response will give you an idea of where you stand. Good luck

[JSmith123]

It really doesn't matter what you send, when you send it, how you send it, she's not interested.

If you need confirmation of that by reaching out then sure go ahead.

Better option would be to move on and focus on women who are actually interested in you. You are wasting your time with this one.

[Dash23]

The younger we are, the more we analyze these sorts of smaller details. I skimmed through the details and am not entirely sure if you guys actually managed to meet up yet or what have you, regardless though, if it has been like 6 weeks than who cares if you reach out to her in that case regardless if you told her to hit you up when she isn't busy.  If you don't message her then you're left here wondering. If you do and she responds, great and you get to carry on. It's been six weeks, it doesn't mean you're "needy" if you send the first text. And if it makes you feel better, the next time you are in a similar situation you can just as easily instead say "alright we'll keep in touch for when you're not as busy" that way you don't feel so off about putting the ball in her court to be left waiting.

With that being said, as people have pointed out, interest levels are either non existent at this point or low and that's always going to happen the longer you don't meet up.  I've had matches and such on dating apps that I was really excited to meet, but we let so much time pass that I end up completely forgetting about them and vice versa. It's what happens in the dating world with so many options at our finger tips and chances are she's probably talking to other guys too.

I'd simply keep your expectations low, try to reignite the convo but I would set up the meet up quick. If it's a no go altogether, then you got your answer and you move on.

Edited December 30, 2020 by Dash23

[guest569]

The "you're busy, I'll leave you alone. text me when you're not busy". I've had these before and my interpretation - it seems needy, defeated, passive even a jab about me not being responsive enough (not saying that's you but this is how these texts make me react). Anyway, I don't like when someone tries to manage me like this. If you want to text, text. I'll reply when I am free. Since you're still interested 6 weeks on, I reckon give it a go. Be prepared for any outcome though. The new year text you mentioned seems fine. I wouldn't worry too much about making it personal or trying too hard. But do include a question for her to hopefully respond to. Good luck! 

[poppyfields]

OP, new day, new advice.  Lol

Stop overthinking.  Stop stressing about it and how SHE is going to react.  Who the f cares, if you want to reach out, just reach out.  Do it for you, not her.  You like her, you’re thinking of her.  It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. 

As long as it’s not nasty or harassing, it’s fine.  Wish her a happy new year and be done with it, it’s a nice thing to do!  If she doesn’t respond, so be, perhaps you can build something once you return to school.

OP, no disrespect but you sound WAY too invested in this girl.  Please try to lighten up.  Let go of the outcome and do what you want, again as long as it’s not harassing, vicious or nasty.

If you’re able to let go of the outcome and lighten up about it, you're able to take more risks, in dating and in life.  Experiment a bit.   If she doesn’t reply, it should be no big deal and you can feel good knowing you did what YOU wanted, that you’re not governed by silly “rules” dictating what you should or should not do.  Play by your OWN rules, knowing you will be OK no matter what.  Have that confidence.  

I certainly do, and if I can, you can!

It doesn't mean you want to marry her lol, it doesn't even mean you want to date her!  It means you were thinking of her and that's it.  Again, nothing to be embarrassed about.

If she wants to be a bytch about it and ignore, that’s her problem.

Edited December 30, 2020 by poppyfields

[cleverusername]

36 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OP, new day, new advice.  Lol

Stop overthinking.  Stop stressing about it and how SHE is going to react.  Who the f cares, if you want to reach out, just reach out.  Do it for you, not her.  You like her, you’re thinking of her.  It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. 

As long as it’s not nasty or harassing, it’s fine.  Wish her a happy new year and be done with it, it’s a nice thing to do!  If she doesn’t respond, so be, perhaps you can build something once you return to school.

OP, no disrespect but you sound WAY too invested in this girl.  Please try to lighten up.  Let go of the outcome and do what you want, again as long as it’s not harassing, vicious or nasty.

If you’re able to let go of the outcome and lighten up about it, you're able to take more risks, in dating and in life.  Experiment a bit.   If she doesn’t reply, it should be no big deal and you can feel good knowing you did what YOU wanted, that you’re not governed by silly “rules” dictating what you should or should not do.  Play by your OWN rules, knowing you will be OK no matter what.  Have that confidence.  

I certainly do, and if I can, you can!

It doesn't mean you want to marry her lol, it doesn't even mean you want to date her!  It means you were thinking of her and that's it.  Again, nothing to be embarrassed about.

If she wants to be a bytch about it and ignore, that’s her problem.

No, you’re 100% correct lol. This is like the perfect combination of good and bad for me. I’m a pretty good looking dude who normally  gets hit on enough that I never really have to try too hard, so getting a few dates in (or in this case one lol) has never really been a challenge.

 

But adding in COVID and the distance/non-physical factor it’s something I’ve never dealt with before. I’m a competitive person so the ambiguity of the situation makes me want it more lol. Plus in the looks department she has this unique combination of cute and sexy going on. 

But you’re absolutely right, I’ve gotta shift to that headspace for this one. Don’t worry I’m not someone who won’t take “no” for an answer or will beat myself up if it doesn’t happen. So far this has just been one giant cliff hanger And I’m ready for the next “scene” to start whatever that might be  

Edited December 30, 2020 by cleverusername

[cleverusername]

1 hour ago, Dash23 said:

The younger we are, the more we analyze these sorts of smaller details. I skimmed through the details and am not entirely sure if you guys actually managed to meet up yet or what have you, regardless though, if it has been like 6 weeks than who cares if you reach out to her in that case regardless if you told her to hit you up when she isn't busy.  If you don't message her then you're left here wondering. If you do and she responds, great and you get to carry on. It's been six weeks, it doesn't mean you're "needy" if you send the first text. And if it makes you feel better, the next time you are in a similar situation you can just as easily instead say "alright we'll keep in touch for when you're not as busy" that way you don't feel so off about putting the ball in her court to be left waiting.

With that being said, as people have pointed out, interest levels are either non existent at this point or low and that's always going to happen the longer you don't meet up.  I've had matches and such on dating apps that I was really excited to meet, but we let so much time pass that I end up completely forgetting about them and vice versa. It's what happens in the dating world with so many options at our finger tips and chances are she's probably talking to other guys too.

I'd simply keep your expectations low, try to reignite the convo but I would set up the meet up quick. If it's a no go altogether, then you got your answer and you move on.

 

1 hour ago, smiley1 said:

The "you're busy, I'll leave you alone. text me when you're not busy". I've had these before and my interpretation - it seems needy, defeated, passive even a jab about me not being responsive enough (not saying that's you but this is how these texts make me react). Anyway, I don't like when someone tries to manage me like this. If you want to text, text. I'll reply when I am free. Since you're still interested 6 weeks on, I reckon give it a go. Be prepared for any outcome though. The new year text you mentioned seems fine. I wouldn't worry too much about making it personal or trying too hard. But do include a question for her to hopefully respond to. Good luck! 

Great input and advice, thanks! I’ll be sure to let you know how it works out. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, but that’s pretty much the story of 2020 right?

thankfully it’s the start of 2021 so hopefully we’ve seen the last of that. 

[poppyfields]

25 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

No, you’re 100% correct lol. This is like the perfect combination of good and bad for me. I’m a pretty good looking dude who normally  gets hit on enough that I never really have to try too hard, so getting a few dates in (or in this case one lol) has never really been a challenge.

But adding in COVID and the distance/non-physical factor it’s something I’ve never dealt with before. I’m a competitive person so the ambiguity of the situation makes me want it more lol. Plus in the looks department she has this unique combination of cute and sexy going on. 

But you’re absolutely right, I’ve gotta shift to that headspace for this one. Don’t worry I’m not someone who won’t take “no” for an answer or will beat myself up if it doesn’t happen. So far this has just been one giant cliff hanger And I’m ready for the next “scene” to start  

What might help is not focusing on just her, around here that's called "oneitis."   Google it if you don't know what it is.   Have other girls in your orbit, messaging, whatever.  I know you like her, but imo you're too focused on her and what the outcome will be.  Relax, enjoy the journey.

With that attitude, you won't be wracking your brain wondering what the "right" message is.  Instead, you will be fun, lighthearted, playful, and any message you send will reflect that.

Trust me you will pull way more women with that type of attitude than your current.  With your current attitude, your message will come across contrived and rehearsed.  I mean here you are, sending us drafts of the message!    They all have anxiety written all over them.

What helps me with my anxiety is yoga and sometimes taking a brisk walk or run.  Deep breaths.

Anyway, good luck and keep us posted!

 

 

Edited December 30, 2020 by poppyfields

[cleverusername]

Well guys..... 

 

 

 

We did it! ‘ole cleverusername here lives to flirt another day!

Thanks for all the advice and input edging me in the right direction! Starting off the year with a small victory! Happy new year to all my new friends here! 

[poppyfields]

14 hours ago, cleverusername said:

We did it! ‘ole cleverusername here lives to flirt another day!

Thanks for all the advice and input edging me in the right direction! Starting off the year with a small victory! Happy new year to all my new friends here! 

Well you sound happy, are you gonna tell us what happened?  Did you message her?  

What's the small victory?  

HNY to you too!