Casual relationship turned serious

[seany25]

**I placed this in the wrong section earlier**

Hi people,

I've been seeing this girl on and off for about the last 18 months. The relationship has always been casual, and there have even been a couple of times I thought we had ran our course and we would never see each other again, and there would be up to three months of a break. We always somehow ended up meeting again to spend the night together.

We started hooking up again a few months ago. In that time we've only spent perhaps four or five nights together. However, after one of the last nights, something changed. The sex between us has always been absolute fire, which is why I believe we always came back to each other, but after that night the intimacy level between us skyrocketed. Something switched and solidified our connection to more than just casual.

We spoke about this feeling, and discovered it was mutual, and left it at "let's see how it goes" rather than rush into any decision making. The thing is, I now know I really want her to be my girlfriend.

But now what it feels like, is that she seems to be doing push-pull on me lately. She'll send me a snap or text, I'll respond, she won't respond, sometimes she'll respond, sometimes she won't, and so on and so forth. It feels like I've ended up in the situation where I'm the chaser. Which is extremely interesting to me because..

With me being a student of psychology, I know exactly what is going on in my head. However, whilst I'm fully conscious of why I feel the way I do, it's not something I can just turn off, because I fancy her like crazy. It's good to know the how and why of the situation though, so I can self-analyse.

The funny part is, this is a chick who didn't show up to see me one night earlier in the year and I was like "ok then madam, I won't be bothering with you again" and yet here I am on the polar opposite side of that idea.

I could also be overthinking it. I mean it's Christmas and she's a single mum with 3 kids and was/is obviously busy, but if she's trying to make me want her more, it's really working. I'm starting to get concerned about the possibility of another guy having got her attention and it's making me feel jealous. Of course, it would be none of my business, but it would hurt, because the less attention she gives me (which is becoming less) the more I want her. She posted a snap last night of her having boxing night drinks, I think (hope) at her sisters house and I felt butterflies and my heart beating faster at how beautiful she looked, and the worry of someone else getting her attention.

For full disclosure, I am actively seeing another girl too. Neither know of the other, but no-one is being deceived, since everything is casual. However, I'm willing to be a one woman man to my main lady.

At the minute I'm just trying my best not to turn into something ugly; a little needy whiney b***h. I don't want to text anything stupid like "you seem so distant lately" or any of that nonsense. Instead I think I'm going to do the opposite and go radio silence. Perhaps she's just getting Christmas over with and she'll get back to me, or perhaps not. At least either way I'll know.

Anyone got any happy thoughts or ideas for me please?

[ccas93]

whatever you do, don't show weakness and be needy. 

[seany25]

40 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

whatever you do, don't show weakness and be needy. 

Yeah I know, that's why I'm going to withdraw a bit and let her come to me.

It feels like I already have looked weak or needy already, at least a tiny bit. However, I'm sure most of this belief stems from the dejecting feeling you get when messages don't get responded to, and you think you're being ignored.

[Miss Spider]

I agree that the exclusive talk is overdue. Unfortunately, when it’s the right for that talk, the people already know and have no doubts about it anyway. Problem happens when one person has this talk to try to get someone to agree to be more or keep them around.  Usually in these casual arrangements,  one person develops feelings or had them all along while the other really just wanted casual. Tbh it sounds like she’s in the latter group 

[seany25]

22 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I agree that the exclusive talk is overdue. Unfortunately, when it’s the right for that talk, the people already know and have no doubts about it anyway. Problem happens when one person has this talk to try to get someone to agree to be more or keep them around.  Usually in these casual arrangements,  one person develops feelings or had them all along while the other really just wanted casual. Tbh it sounds like she’s in the latter group 

You see, when she left my apartment one Sunday last month, we were then texting later on that day and we acknowledged the invisible intimacy switch that clicked in bed the night before. I raised the point, and she said she felt it too. Later that night I was drunk and text her saying I think I loved her, she joked back that she thought I needed sleep. It was light hearted on both our parts, it wasn't my undying declaration of love.

I think I recall at the very start she was looking for more and when I confirmed I wasn't, she back off (this would have been one of the 3 month breaks) but then as mentioned above, the sex brought us back. It's up there with the best sex we've ever had and there would undoubtedly be even more experiences to come.

I think I've simply become somewhat attached to her, both for our incredible sex life, and how increasingly attractive she's becoming in my eyes. There isn't a lot I can do but hope she's just doing the family thing with her kids over Christmas, and she'll get back to me. I do however, believe I need to go radio silence, in fact I know I do.

[ccas93]

1 hour ago, seany25 said:

Yeah I know, that's why I'm going to withdraw a bit and let her come to me.

It feels like I already have looked weak or needy already, at least a tiny bit. However, I'm sure most of this belief stems from the dejecting feeling you get when messages don't get responded to, and you think you're being ignored.

I think that's all you can do at this point. I'd say give the impression that you don't care she ignored you because you have options other than her. Offering her something more than casual was a gift and if she doesn't want it, then you can move on. 

[seany25]

2 hours ago, ccas93 said:

I think that's all you can do at this point. I'd say give the impression that you don't care she ignored you because you have options other than her. Offering her something more than casual was a gift and if she doesn't want it, then you can move on. 

I know she's busy and I hope that I've just been overthinking it and she's just been busy with the kids at Christmas.

I also don't even mind if she's doing this on purpose, knowing that her absence will make me want her more, so that if we do have that chat and make it exclusive, she'll know I'm very much invested in the relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you ever asked her on a proper date?

[Miss Spider]

On 12/28/2020 at 2:38 PM, seany25 said:

You see, when she left my apartment one Sunday last month, we were then texting later on that day and we acknowledged the invisible intimacy switch that clicked in bed the night before. I raised the point, and she said she felt it too. Later that night I was drunk and text her saying I think I loved her, she joked back that she thought I needed sleep. It was light hearted on both our parts, it wasn't my undying declaration of love.

I think I recall at the very start she was looking for more and when I confirmed I wasn't, she back off (this would have been one of the 3 month breaks) but then as mentioned above, the sex brought us back. It's up there with the best sex we've ever had and there would undoubtedly be even more experiences to come.

I think I've simply become somewhat attached to her, both for our incredible sex life, and how increasingly attractive she's becoming in my eyes. There isn't a lot I can do but hope she's just doing the family thing with her kids over Christmas, and she'll get back to me. I do however, believe I need to go radio silence, in fact I know I do.

I don’t agree that you should... If you are the one that shut down the idea of a romantic relationship, or the onus is more on you to bring it back up. Maybe she will think it looks desperate if she does. I don’t know how much I can read into your first paragraph... people say things in the moment. A lot of time has gone by and people change how they feel (obviously) I think there’s a lot of gameplaying going on here. It’s often the case in these casual relationships where feelings are I’m not solidified and everything is up in the air. A lot of people play games to protect their egos  and aren’t true themselves... and you both probably have . You  need to stop and be real if you want something real... or otherwise you will be sad they’re years from now with all your pride but a bunch of regrets

Edited December 30, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[seany25]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Have you ever asked her on a proper date?

I believe we've talked about dates on occasion, but it never really happened. Closest to a date would be drinks at a bar close to mine then back to my place for sex.

However, I would intend to bring her on lots of proper dates if we were to become an item. Or even if we don't.

[seany25]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I don’t agree that you should... If you are the one that shut down the idea of a romantic relationship, or the onus is more on you to bring it back up. Maybe she will think it looks desperate if she does. I don’t know how much I can read into your first paragraph... people say things in the moment. A lot of time has gone by and people change how they feel (obviously) I think there’s a lot of gameplaying going on here. It’s often the case in these casual relationships where feelings are I’m not solidified and everything is up in the air. A lot of people play games to protect their egos  and aren’t true themselves... and you both probably have . You  need to stop and be real if you want something real... or otherwise you will be sad they’re years from now with all your pride but a bunch of regrets

I've made the mistake before multiple times of letting a good girl go, and living to regret it. That's why I don't want to do it again with this one.

Earlier today she put some snap videos on her story of her out walking by the sea and the coast with her kids. I commented to her that it looked nice. Then I followed that message up with "I hope everything is ok with you babe but if it's not, tell me if there's anything I can do to help xxx" ... The reason I said this was because she put up a quote on her story the other night, something like "My face may show happiness but inside I don't know what's going on".. She removed it by the next morning, so she doesn't think I saw it, but I was able to read it without having actually clicked into the story.

I didn't like being in limbo not knowing what was going to happen with us or where her head is at. So I decided to let her know I'm here for her, and left the ball well and truly in her court. I want to discuss things with her so bad, but it's not something I want to do digitally. It's gotta be face to face.

Edited December 30, 2020 by seany25

[JSmith123]

1 hour ago, seany25 said:

I didn't like being in limbo not knowing what was going to happen with us or where her head is at. So I decided to let her know I'm here for her, and left the ball well and truly in her court. I want to discuss things with her so bad, but it's not something I want to do digitally. It's gotta be face to face.

Leaving the ball in her court? Are you the man or the woman in this relationship?

You are the man so start taking the lead instead of pussy footing around and leaving it for her.

Tell her you want to meet as you want to discuss something important. Then tell her how you feel and you want her to be your girlfriend. Her response will be all you need to know about what is going to happen between you both.

If she has other issues then that's not your problem to fix. If she's unavailable for a relationship for whatever reason then you move on to someone else.

Edited December 30, 2020 by JSmith123

[seany25]

My girl got in contact with me last night. I was right about her having some personal things going on. She sent me a picture of her glass of champagne and I sent back a picture of mine with that caption "Same to you beautiful xxx" then a little later she text me and literally said "Thanks babe.. I've had some things going on lately, that's why I haven't been in contact, sorry xx"

This has alleviated some of my concerns. I still haven't seen her yet obviously, but I will. And then when we do meet up, we can have that chat about relationship exclusivity. I'd be very surprised if she doesn't expect this conversation to arise.

[d0nnivain]

I'm really glad you  have decided to talk face to face.  Your previous idea to go radio silent was a dreadful one, guaranteed to cause this women to march right out of your life, with good reason.

This is a limbo of your own making.  You have never made this poor woman feel safe or secure around you.  She does not trust you with her heart, with good reasons:

1. you initially said no to serious
2. you have never taken her on a date
3. you text too much & talk too little
4. you are actively dating other women & she knows it
5. you only touched on becoming more after sex & while drunk (every sane woman knows never to trust words said by a man in either context)
6. you still think this is a power struggle not a partnership

Yikes

If you want this woman to take you seriously you need to break things off with all other women & schedule a proper date with her soon.  Given the UK's lock downs dinner at your flat will probably be your best option.  Make it nice (get take-away if you can't cook).  Have flowers for her & candlelight & soft music.  You have to be brave & put it all on the table.  Tell her you have dropped the other women, you really like her & you want her to be your exclusive GF.  That doesn't make you a "whiny little b***h" as you put it.  It makes you strong & brave because it shows you are willing to risk getting hurt.  If you can't or won't be honest & vulnerable with her, you have no hope of winning her over. 

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

[smackie9]

I agree...man up!

[seany25]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm really glad you  have decided to talk face to face.  Your previous idea to go radio silent was a dreadful one, guaranteed to cause this women to march right out of your life, with good reason.

This is a limbo of your own making.  You have never made this poor woman feel safe or secure around you.  She does not trust you with her heart, with good reasons:

1. you initially said no to serious
2. you have never taken her on a date
3. you text too much & talk too little
4. you are actively dating other women & she knows it
5. you only touched on becoming more after sex & while drunk (every sane woman knows never to trust words said by a man in either context)
6. you still think this is a power struggle not a partnership

Yikes

If you want this woman to take you seriously you need to break things off with all other women & schedule a proper date with her soon.  Given the UK's lock downs dinner at your flat will probably be your best option.  Make it nice (get take-away if you can't cook).  Have flowers for her & candlelight & soft music.  You have to be brave & put it all on the table.  Tell her you have dropped the other women, you really like her & you want her to be your exclusive GF.  That doesn't make you a "whiny little b***h" as you put it.  It makes you strong & brave because it shows you are willing to risk getting hurt.  If you can't or won't be honest & vulnerable with her, you have no hope of winning her over. 

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

Thank you for this. I feel like I needed this kick up the backside.

The points you highlighted are are actually going to help when I'm asking her for relationship exclusivity. I can apologize for not being totally with it at the start.

I miss not being with her, and have even had butterflies on occasion when thinking about her (something I didn’t think you could get after 25 years old haha). I’m quite confident that the next time we meet, aside from any potential conversation, how we feel upon meeting and embracing, will tell all.

[Calmandfocused]

Sean, you’re 25 yes? 
 

I’m just curious if you understand what being in a relationship with a woman with 3 young children is actually like? Are you ready for that and have you thought this through properly? 
 

Having casual sex with a mother is very different to being in a committed relationship with one. I say this as a mother of 2 young children myself. 
 

Relationships with single mums are not impossible and can be very rewarding for everyone concerned, but you need to be realistic about what to expect, if this is the road you wish to go down. 

 

[seany25]

On 1/2/2021 at 12:02 AM, Calmandfocused said:

Sean, you’re 25 yes? 
 

I’m just curious if you understand what being in a relationship with a woman with 3 young children is actually like? Are you ready for that and have you thought this through properly? 
 

Having casual sex with a mother is very different to being in a committed relationship with one. I say this as a mother of 2 young children myself. 
 

Relationships with single mums are not impossible and can be very rewarding for everyone concerned, but you need to be realistic about what to expect, if this is the road you wish to go down. 

 

I'm 35.

I do understand it's a big commitment, and I'm sure it wouldn't be totally easy, but I have a son of my own (lives with his mum) and lots of nephews and nieces, so I'm no stranger to being a fatherly figure. Although I can't deny that her having three kids has concerned me slightly, it's not nothing. But there's also no denying my lust for her.

I feel like I'm losing her a bit. We aren't friends on Facebook but her profile went from displaying "single" to this status being removed. And she hasn't spoken to me since that message on NYE. I suspect there may be someone else.

Worst case scenario I'll just have to continue seeing my other girl, and meet more new ones.

[seany25]

I still haven't seen her face to face, unfortunately.

I told told her yesterday over text that I want her more than I want anyone else, and asked her if she'd met someone else.

She said she hasn't met anyone else, but that she didn't want to be serious with anyone at the minute.

So that's where I'm at. I do have bigger problems in my life but this still does hurt a bit.

However, I've laid my cards on the table. That might not be a good thing, because when one person has the upper hand, it can affect the dynamic going forward, but there's no taking it back now.

[d0nnivain]

Schedule the date already.  Until you see her face to face she assumes you are still playing games.  

Never have emotional discussions over text.  

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, seany25 said:

She said she hasn't met anyone else, but that she didn't want to be serious with anyone at the minute. I do have bigger problems in my life but this still does hurt a bit.

Sorry that happened. Just let go.

[dramafreezone]

On 1/18/2021 at 1:27 PM, seany25 said:

I still haven't seen her face to face, unfortunately.

I told told her yesterday over text that I want her more than I want anyone else, and asked her if she'd met someone else.

She said she hasn't met anyone else, but that she didn't want to be serious with anyone at the minute.

So that's where I'm at. I do have bigger problems in my life but this still does hurt a bit.

However, I've laid my cards on the table. That might not be a good thing, because when one person has the upper hand, it can affect the dynamic going forward, but there's no taking it back now.

That was a mistake dude.  Laying your cards out on the table is one of the worst things you can do.  You compounded the mistake with asking her if she's seeing anyone else.  That's insecurity.

One thing a girlfriend a long time ago told me, she used to say this over and over, "I think I like you more than you like me."  I never knew what motivated her to say that.

Now I listen to a lot of dating gurus and I know exactly why she said that.  She was unsure of where she stood with me, which was attractive to her (weird, but it was).  And I never reassured her, so I unknowingly kept her attraction high.  This was not done purposefully by the way, I was just dumbfounded.  To myself I'm like we're having sex, and I'm spending a lot of time with you, how can you be uncertain? Still, I never actually confirmed my desire for her until much later.

Can you guess what happened once I started telling her more about how I feel?  She lost interest, slowly but surely.  In my experience, women don't ever want to think that they have you 100%.  On the other hand, if you're just never make her a priority then she moves on.  It's a balance, you want to make her feel special, but never to the point to where she's 100% assured of your feelings for her.  They don't want it to be too easy.

I don't agree with people that said you have to tell her you want to be her boyfriend.  You don't worry about that.  You just worry about being a fun guy and providing an experience.  In my experience women want a catch.  What does that mean?  When you're hunting the deer doesn't just come up to you and shoot itself does it?  You have to go get it.  Women want to have to get you.  Before you've built an attachment, men have to do the pursuing.  Once you guys are involved, the roles naturally flip.  This isn't a strategy, it's just how it naturally goes.   She wants more and more of your time the more and more she gets to know you.  Let the relationship be their idea.  Then, they got a catch.  If you just offer it up, they don't want it.  It sounds counterintuitive but so is dealing with women a lot of the time.

If she doesn't ask about the relationship, then she just doesn't feel that way about you.  Maybe she will in the future but she doesn't at that moment.

This is over for now with her.  She has completely lost interest, and would rather be by herself than be with you.  That is cruel to say, but it's the truth, she basically said that.  Best you can do is just completely withdraw, focus on yourself, get back to dating.  I do think her interest can grow again, but it will take time and it will be in your absence.  Never be this open again though.  You think it would work, but it just works against you.

Edited January 20, 2021 by dramafreezone

[seany25]

On 1/20/2021 at 12:42 AM, dramafreezone said:

That was a mistake dude.  Laying your cards out on the table is one of the worst things you can do.  You compounded the mistake with asking her if she's seeing anyone else.  That's insecurity.

One thing a girlfriend a long time ago told me, she used to say this over and over, "I think I like you more than you like me."  I never knew what motivated her to say that.

Now I listen to a lot of dating gurus and I know exactly why she said that.  She was unsure of where she stood with me, which was attractive to her (weird, but it was).  And I never reassured her, so I unknowingly kept her attraction high.  This was not done purposefully by the way, I was just dumbfounded.  To myself I'm like we're having sex, and I'm spending a lot of time with you, how can you be uncertain? Still, I never actually confirmed my desire for her until much later.

Can you guess what happened once I started telling her more about how I feel?  She lost interest, slowly but surely.  In my experience, women don't ever want to think that they have you 100%.  On the other hand, if you're just never make her a priority then she moves on.  It's a balance, you want to make her feel special, but never to the point to where she's 100% assured of your feelings for her.  They don't want it to be too easy.

I don't agree with people that said you have to tell her you want to be her boyfriend.  You don't worry about that.  You just worry about being a fun guy and providing an experience.  In my experience women want a catch.  What does that mean?  When you're hunting the deer doesn't just come up to you and shoot itself does it?  You have to go get it.  Women want to have to get you.  Before you've built an attachment, men have to do the pursuing.  Once you guys are involved, the roles naturally flip.  This isn't a strategy, it's just how it naturally goes.   She wants more and more of your time the more and more she gets to know you.  Let the relationship be their idea.  Then, they got a catch.  If you just offer it up, they don't want it.  It sounds counterintuitive but so is dealing with women a lot of the time.

If she doesn't ask about the relationship, then she just doesn't feel that way about you.  Maybe she will in the future but she doesn't at that moment.

This is over for now with her.  She has completely lost interest, and would rather be by herself than be with you.  That is cruel to say, but it's the truth, she basically said that.  Best you can do is just completely withdraw, focus on yourself, get back to dating.  I do think her interest can grow again, but it will take time and it will be in your absence.  Never be this open again though.  You think it would work, but it just works against you.

It's almost comical that I'm a qualified student of human behaviour yet I went and lead myself down the path of no return with this girl, despite me knowing better. My attraction and increasingly strengthening feelings for her came to the point where I made the mistakes I should not have made. My heart overruled my head.

Generally when people say they just don't want to be serious with anyone right now, what they really mean is not with you. Harsh, but 99% of the time it's true. I've even been the one saying this many times to various girls I was seeing, whilst the truth was that I'm always open if the right girl came along, but no-one is ever that honest in those circumstances now, are they.

I believe she's almost certainly getting attention elsewhere. She's a very attractive blonde so there's no doubt about that. The last time we text was last Thursday when I asked if she was free on Friday night. She said she actually might be free that evening for a few hours. I told her cool let me know and I'll come and collect you. She never got back to me. She was also free all weekend as her kids go to the father once a month. Meaning she was doing whatever with whoever, and it wasn't me. It's almost like she's making it clear without saying anything.

Although we aren't friends on Facebook, her relationship status has went from "single" to "no relationship info to show".

I realised the other day that I haven't actually seen her in 2 months. So I've obviously decided that as much as it hurts and I hate having to let go and move on from a girl when I feel so strongly about them, it needs to  be done. I will not contact her again. If she contacts me on Snapchat (our usual method) I won't reciprocate, whereas I'd normally compliment her or whatever.

I decided at the turn of the month it's gotta be total radio silence... Not to try and get a response or anything, just that there's no point chasing anymore. Like you said it may make her come back some day, it may not, but I'm just gunna proceed with life regardless.

Just trying not to get spiritually angry with her at the minute. I sort of feel like "You little b*tch!".. although that could maybe help get over her

[Miss Spider]

On 1/19/2021 at 7:42 PM, dramafreezone said:

That was a mistake dude.  Laying your cards out on the table is one of the worst things you can do.  You compounded the mistake with asking her if she's seeing anyone else.  That's insecurity.

One thing a girlfriend a long time ago told me, she used to say this over and over, "I think I like you more than you like me."  I never knew what motivated her to say that.

Now I listen to a lot of dating gurus and I know exactly why she said that.  She was unsure of where she stood with me, which was attractive to her (weird, but it was).  And I never reassured her, so I unknowingly kept her attraction high.  This was not done purposefully by the way, I was just dumbfounded.  To myself I'm like we're having sex, and I'm spending a lot of time with you, how can you be uncertain? Still, I never actually confirmed my desire for her until much later.

Can you guess what happened once I started telling her more about how I feel?  She lost interest, slowly but surely.  In my experience, women don't ever want to think that they have you 100%.  On the other hand, if you're just never make her a priority then she moves on.  It's a balance, you want to make her feel special, but never to the point to where she's 100% assured of your feelings for her.  They don't want it to be too easy.

I don't agree with people that said you have to tell her you want to be her boyfriend.  You don't worry about that.  You just worry about being a fun guy and providing an experience.  In my experience women want a catch.  What does that mean?  When you're hunting the deer doesn't just come up to you and shoot itself does it?  You have to go get it.  Women want to have to get you.  Before you've built an attachment, men have to do the pursuing.  Once you guys are involved, the roles naturally flip.  This isn't a strategy, it's just how it naturally goes.   She wants more and more of your time the more and more she gets to know you.  Let the relationship be their idea.  Then, they got a catch.  If you just offer it up, they don't want it.  It sounds counterintuitive but so is dealing with women a lot of the time.

If she doesn't ask about the relationship, then she just doesn't feel that way about you.  Maybe she will in the future but she doesn't at that moment.

This is over for now with her.  She has completely lost interest, and would rather be by herself than be with you.  That is cruel to say, but it's the truth, she basically said that.  Best you can do is just completely withdraw, focus on yourself, get back to dating.  I do think her interest can grow again, but it will take time and it will be in your absence.  Never be this open again though.  You think it would work, but it just works against you.

I agree with you that what she said is what a lot of people say when they are just not interested in the person. ‘Not looking/ready for something serious right now’ could be followed with a “with you”. I have been in the scenario where I was not really looking for anything or thought I wasn’t looking for anything. But when I found it i.e. I found the right guy, you best believe that I was ready. Same works for men who say it. And I’m not saying that eventually if you hang around these people will not come around to you. But will it be that passion, over the moon type of thing? No Now I.. And most likely will dissolve.
 

I don’t agree though that the problem really was you telling your feelings to her. The problem with that belief, one that a lot of dating gurus seem to operate on,  is that ityou can have any girl that you want if you do play x , y, z card. You you can inflate your self-worth by not showing your true self in someway.But what it seems to miss  is that maybe you’ve never had a chance at all with this particular person. So instead of looking at that as the problem, it says you can hack it by gaming someone. This works with a particular sub group of people that enjoy a lot of dysfunction and uncertainty. I don’t like in certainty to an extent, that’s why this game is so popular. However, when both people are relatively interested in each other the same amount, it’s ok to lay your cards out, but it actually doesn’t happen because people don’t need to as they are met halfway or more. 

Edited February 6, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[seany25]

Here's a little background as to why I'm in this predicament..

One Sunday towards the end October after she'd left my place, we were texting later that day and I brought up what we'd got up to in bed the previous night. I told her I'd felt the connection between us skyrocketing, and she reciprocated in the positive, affirming that she'd felt that s*** too.

I know now that that was the moment when I started seeing things through the eyes of a lad who was beginning to fall for a girl. I did attempt to "play it cool" by not jumping all over it like OK SINCE YOU FEEL IT TOO LETS BE MY GIRLFRIEND, because I'm wise enough to know this could potentially repel someone, and we agreed to chill and see how it goes.

The next time we were together a couple of weeks later, I texted later that Sunday "I think I love you babe x". It was half jokingly and I was pissed, but I was of course half serious too. She joked back " I think you need sleep babe x"... However, I believe this is where I begun to make mistakes.

Many of my following communications with her were coming from a place where I had an ulterior motive. Whilst in my head I was still trying to "play it cool", what I really wanted was to maybe make this girl my girlfriend. This, alongside it being the Christmas season, elevated my emotions and I started visualising and playing s*** out in my head as I wished it to be (asking her for exclusivity at Christmas face to face). We never met, but I'm sure that as much as I was still trying to maintain the 'play it cool' s***, there were subtleties giving me away.

A couple of weeks ago I text and told her I wanted her more than I wanted anyone else. Call me a pussy or a chode or whatever, I accept that, but I decided I'd rather say it than not say it. Again, I'm wise enough to know this was probably unwise. She told me she doesn't want to be serious at the minute... Yes, I know this probably means that what she really means is not with me, and most likely because of me putting her on a pedestal. Generally when people say they just don't want to be serious with anyone right now, what they really mean is not with you. Harsh, but 99% of the time it's true. I've even been the one saying this many times to various girls I was seeing, whilst the truth was that I'm always open if the right girl came along, but no-one is ever that honest in those circumstances now, are they.

Anyways, by telling her I want her more than I want anyone else, I've most likely contributed to my current situation in showing this hand. It will probably have had the reverse effect than what my intentions were. Yes I could have (and evidently should have) played it differently, but either way, I'd still have been enamoured with her.

My attraction and increasingly strengthening feelings for her made me make mistakes I should not have made. It's important that I acknowledge these personal failings.