stillafool Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 8 hours ago, Mn21 said: He said “I do, I still want to continue seeing you...I don’t know how long you see this relationship but I’m not looking for anything serious right now. You said you’re hurt and I have no intention to hurt you. That’s why I’m not making any promises to you or plans as I may not be able to fulfill them.” This statement pretty much says it all.
lana-banana Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Mn21, why are you staying in this situation if you want a serious relationship? He is not going to be a serious partner for you or propose marriage or a long-term future together. If that's not what you want, what are you doing? 1
stillafool Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 1 minute ago, lana-banana said: what are you doing? Trying to convince him otherwise. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 13 minutes ago, Mn21 said: I don’t know what you’re talking about. We didn’t breakup if you actually read everything. We are a couple as we have discussed this in the early stages and I am also introduced as a gf too to friends/acquittances. This was not that clear in your initial description of events. I also didn't get that you two are already an official couple; usually when someone suggests they don't want anything serious, it means they are not a couple or that they have just forfeited the "boyfriend" role, so to speak. You and he need to have a better discussion of what "causal relationship" means to him. I have a feeling he thinks he's already essentially ended the official relationship with you, and that you two are now operating under the assumption that this is only for fun and good times, with very low expectations. It seems there are a lot of crossed wires between you and him. Only he can define what he meant when he downgraded your relationship like this. Does he want a break? Does he want to just be "friends" (possibly with - ahem - benefits)? You run the risk here of thinking you're still his girlfriend when he maybe now thinks otherwise.
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You run the risk here of thinking you're still his girlfriend when he maybe now thinks otherwise. Exactly. He has given the "I am not looking for anything serious" speech. No-one normal says that lightly. No-one normal says that and doesn't mean it. 1 1
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 You say in your original post that you come from different cultures. Is it possible his father dying and all this family stuff has made him realise he would in reality be unlikely to marry and have kids outwith his own culture? So he is now warning you in advance that this relationship can't go anywhere. Just a thought.
Miss Spider Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) He can act as serious as he wants because you now know the score. He has an escape plan. When someone tells you that, believe them. Edited December 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
FMW Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 I agree with the others that you shouldn't be taking anything for granted. If you can enjoy things as they are without needing to know they're heading for marriage/kids, then great. But if you are absolutely looking for that outcome with someone, you shouldn't count on him. Sure, it's possible, but as things stand right now you should not be thinking that way.
lonelyplanetmoon Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 I am like you, being anxious and over thinking my relationships. But I have been working on myself a lot and do have times of clarity and confidence. It is possible to change! It just takes patience and time. ‘I would say that patience and forgiveness are the greatest gifts you can give your partner. He has had some difficult life events. Give him patience and understanding. But also work on yourself to know what you want in a relationship and be ready to communicate these needs when the time is right. It is important to keep your own identity and not let it meld too much into the relationship. Keeping your own identity will help you to know what you want. Be you (confident). Don’t be a blob (needy). What are the signs of a good relationship? When you can feel free to communicate your needs and feel that you are heard or understood or there is effort to understand even if he does not agree. ‘When you feel that he values you and prioritizes you. When it is easy to talk to him without feeling that you are judged. It sounds like overall you have a good relationship, so just give him space and see where things go. Be patient but don’t be a push over. Set some time limits on when things should progress. When the time is up if you are still struggling then it may be time to walk.
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