girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 It seems there are a lot of dating coaches nowadays (especially focused on spiritual relationships), and I decided to give it a try with one coach that is super well known but it just made me feel worse! A few things they said: - If you haven't yet manifested your true match, it's because you have blockages or limiting beliefs around it (like you feel undeserving of love or don't believe the guy exist, etc). What if I have no blockages and this is simply not yet the right time to meet him, because at the moment I need to be single to have certain life experiences? - If you want a serious relationship and meet "the one" you cannot have Casual Sex. So that means I have to ignore my sexual urges and not engage in any sexual activity with anyone even if I want to, because that conflicts with finding "the one"? What if I only find "the one" in 5 years time? Will I have to be sexless for 5 years, even if I want to explore my sexuality with someone? Just ignore my sexual urges and shove it down the carpet? And isn't that that totally disempowering? To give my sexual desires away for someone I haven't met yet? Also, I do not postpone other things such as going out with friends or myself, going on holidays, eat at a restaurant, go to the cinema, etc. Should I not do any of that either until I meet "the one"? Makes no sense. There are more, but these two just make me cringe. What do you think about it? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 46 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: - If you want a serious relationship and meet "the one" you cannot have Casual Sex. I agree with you, the above is a dumb rule. You might not meet "the one" for years. So they are suggesting that you should go without sex for years then. Don't follow other people's rules. Do what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Author Share Posted December 27, 2020 5 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I agree with you, the above is a dumb rule. You might not meet "the one" for years. So they are suggesting that you should go without sex for years then. Don't follow other people's rules. Do what you want. Yes exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Millennial Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 "Spiritual relationships" is immediately a red flag imo. Not my cup of tea. However, we really do all have different life experiences based on our birth sex, our cultural background, and all sorts of different things. If you are going to try anything new and difficult, there tends to always be an initial period where things get worse as you adjust. I'm playing devils advocate, but it's also true. What were the guy's reasons for suggesting not having casual sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 I agree with you. Dating coaches are just people with opinions, often there to make a buck. Her ‘rules’ are based on how she sees the world and what might have worked through her limited framework. I don’t think there is only one right away to date. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 Just because someone calls themselves a "dating coach" doesn't mean they know anything. They are human and they could give you bad advice just like anyone else can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Author Share Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Millennial said: "Spiritual relationships" is immediately a red flag imo. Not my cup of tea. However, we really do all have different life experiences based on our birth sex, our cultural background, and all sorts of different things. If you are going to try anything new and difficult, there tends to always be an initial period where things get worse as you adjust. I'm playing devils advocate, but it's also true. What were the guy's reasons for suggesting not having casual sex? It was a woman. She believes in the Law of Attraction and says that Casual Sex and a spiritual loving relationship are mutually exclusive and of completely different energies. So if you want to manifest your soulmate (one type of energy), you cannot engage in things that have a completely different energy (Casual Sex). Because then you will be sending conflicting signals to the Universe. But my view is that they are not conflicting or mutually exclusive. You can have Casual Sex as a way of loving yourself by honouring your desires and that does not conflict with manifesting a loving partner, because having a loving partner is also a way of loving yourself by honouring your desires. I guess that also explains why sometimes happens that some people meet their loving partner through a casual experience. It's like, life is a balance, not black and white like she is trying to make believe. Edited December 27, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 Your spiritual beliefs don't agree with hers. I agree with her that casual sex and true love are on different wavelengths, and one is very unlikely to find true love while in the lower mindset of casual sex. This is one of the main reasons I don't have casual sex. But given that her beliefs don't agree with yours, I think you'd do better with a more secular type of coach. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilyinroses Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 11 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Your spiritual beliefs don't agree with hers. I agree with her that casual sex and true love are on different wavelengths, and one is very unlikely to find true love while in the lower mindset of casual sex. This is one of the main reasons I don't have casual sex. But given that her beliefs don't agree with yours, I think you'd do better with a more secular type of coach. Interesting. So how do you explain certain people that meet their true love in a casual sex experience? And have you found your true love by abstaining from casual sex? What if you only find him in 10 years? Will it be 10 years without sex? Just trying to understand this too. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: - If you haven't yet manifested your true match, it's because you have blockages or limiting beliefs around it (like you feel undeserving of love or don't believe the guy exist, etc). This is real convenient for her. If you find love, she did a great job. If you don’t, it’s because of your “blockages” and not because her sucks as a dating coach. Even if you don’t feel it consciously, you’re vibrating on the wrong wavelength or whatever Win/win Edited December 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 I don't personally know anyone who found true love through casual sex. I know that for me, I wouldn't be in the right mindset if I were settling for that. I think my search is probably complicated by after effects of a pretty bad upbringing. I'm beginning to accept I may be better off single. But every time I have attempted to form a spiritual union, I've come very close to what I feel true love is, and that's been mirrored back to me. I'm ok sacrificing lower level pleasure for higher fulfillment. I do it in many ways beyond this. I aspire in all ways to my higher nature. It's not easy, but most things worth having are not. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 What qualifies this woman as a dating coach, OP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 This exist?I thought they just give you lessons on how to flirt and so on. I agree with the first a bit. Best is ask feedback of people that really know you.I think you would get a better feedback on what the issues is if there is any. Sex is powerful, it mix your emotions when its done in the wrong situation.Like you may think u inlove after having sex,while its just sexual exitement. Thats why they advice sex should not be first,but last.And for marriage. Focus on getting to know the person first, will help you focus with clear mind and see it for what it is. You can socialize just,go activitys and get to know people.Without presure of it got to be a date. Who knows you meet your partner suddenly. As same here,your coach just give you tips. Advice. You chose at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 What is this spiritual thing?Watchout for those stuff. Dating got nothing to do with spiritual ..... Unless you christian or so and want same faith partner then you seek her in that direction.But joining spiritual meetings/meditions got nothing to do with that.And shouldnt be use to trick people in. Link to post Share on other sites
deepthinking Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) there can be several "ones" over the course of a life; at 25 you are not the same as you are at 50, which is okay, Some couples stay together for life, but some couples dissolve, no longer finding whatnot in their shared life and needing to move on. Edited December 28, 2020 by deepthinking 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Bottom line you are not coachable lol simple looks like you should be your own coach 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 A lot of this boils down to knowing your own worth. If you are all about casual sex fine, have casual sex but by definition that is not monogamous exclusive sex. Making an empowered decision about having early sex because lots of other factors are telling you this person has great long term potential is different animal. Learn to tell the difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 You picked a bad dating coach. The whole "blockage" thing was red flag. Wouldn't have gone past that. There are some really good coaches out there. A friend of mine runs a informal meetup during Covid. A couple of weeks ago, he invited a dating coach to speak to the group. I almost didn't attend--because I feel like I've already heard the spiel of various coaches. Well, this woman was amazing. None of the nonsense you got here. A lot of her advice was along the lines of go out there and live a great life right now--without dating. She argued that living a rich life with good activities is important for people as individuals and important for dating successfully and attracting others. Instead of finding someone like this woman, you sabotaged yourself by picking someone who is narrow-minded in a way that doesn't fit what you want or need. It's your job to get to someone who is brilliant and inspiring and helpful and not narrow minded. Hopefully you cut things off with this woman. Let me guess: you likely have a pattern of not voicing your opinions or standing up for yourself among friends and coworkers and dating partners. You probably felt awkward upon the first meeting with this woman--and yet you pushed on. Fix that issue and you won't need a dating coach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Unfortunately, there's a lot of smooth talking charlatans out there. Quacks and charlatans ply their trade by targeting people who are searching for something, so they simply fill that void with their mumbo-jumbo. Try to forget this experience. If you do want to do some soul-searching, a licensed therapist may be able to help you unpack and sort out some stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 7 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Because then you will be sending conflicting signals to the Universe. No, it's because then you will be sending conflicting signals to potential mates, not the "universe". I think your dating coach was just trying to say it in a way that wouldn't offend you. Think of it from a guy's perspective. It makes no sense to a guy's brain if you say you want commitment on the one hand while you are doing lots of hook-ups on the other hand. That's begging the question of how will you ever be satisfied with just one man and be a loyal and faithful wife or LT girlfriend? Besides, when a good and decent guy who has exercised self control himself is looking for a wife, he is going to want to find a virtuous woman. The kind of men that aren't looking for virtuous women will be the guys wanting to do hookups, but they are generally not looking for a committed relationship. Can you see the conflict here that she is referring to? She is right IMO, but she did a crappy job of explaining it. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Share Posted December 28, 2020 9 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: This is real convenient for her. If you find love, she did a great job. If you don’t, it’s because of your “blockages” and not because her sucks as a dating coach. Even if you don’t feel it consciously, you’re vibrating on the wrong wavelength or whatever Win/win Not really, because it is her job as a coach to point our your blockages and help you remove them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Share Posted December 28, 2020 9 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: I don't personally know anyone who found true love through casual sex. I know that for me, I wouldn't be in the right mindset if I were settling for that. I think my search is probably complicated by after effects of a pretty bad upbringing. I'm beginning to accept I may be better off single. But every time I have attempted to form a spiritual union, I've come very close to what I feel true love is, and that's been mirrored back to me. I'm ok sacrificing lower level pleasure for higher fulfillment. I do it in many ways beyond this. I aspire in all ways to my higher nature. It's not easy, but most things worth having are not. Why do you say Casual Sex is lower level pleasure? Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Share Posted December 28, 2020 8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: What qualifies this woman as a dating coach, OP? Well the fact she decided to become a dating coach I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Share Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Pumaza said: What is this spiritual thing?Watchout for those stuff. Dating got nothing to do with spiritual ..... Unless you christian or so and want same faith partner then you seek her in that direction.But joining spiritual meetings/meditions got nothing to do with that.And shouldnt be use to trick people in. What she means I guess is people who are on a spiritual path, who seek the truth, to evolve, etc. So they want a "higher love", a spiritual soul connection. Edited December 28, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well the fact she decided to become a dating coach I guess. That's my point - anyone can slap the title "dating coach" next to their name, without really having any tangible credentials to back it up. Be careful when you offer money to folks like this. They're generally no more qualified to give advice than anyone here would be. Link to post Share on other sites
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