dramafreezone Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, max3732 said: Seems like we're going to continue as just friends. That's the strong vibe that I'm getting Details please. How did the conversation go? Who did most of the talking? What type of questions did you ask? Early on these situations can go either way strictly on the flow of the conversation. Edited January 25, 2021 by dramafreezone
Author max3732 Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 On 1/25/2021 at 2:38 PM, dramafreezone said: Details please. How did the conversation go? Who did most of the talking? What type of questions did you ask? Early on these situations can go either way strictly on the flow of the conversation. Don't want to get into too many details, but she did mention something about how we're good friends so I took that as a definite sign that she's only interested in being friends. She did probably 75% of the talking and I asked more questions about her background, her goals, other hobbies, etc. She talked a lot about herself, but also did mention really nice attributes about me as she was talking about them.
dramafreezone Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 1 minute ago, max3732 said: Don't want to get into too many details, but she did mention something about how we're good friends so I took that as a definite sign that she's only interested in being friends. She did probably 75% of the talking and I asked more questions about her background, her goals, other hobbies, etc. She talked a lot about herself, but also did mention really nice attributes about me as she was talking about them. Fair enough. Sounds like you can leave it at that for now, but sounds like a good time overall. I think as long as she didn't talk about another guy or anything like that, then there may still be interest, but I would leave alone for now.
Author max3732 Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 42 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Fair enough. Sounds like you can leave it at that for now, but sounds like a good time overall. I think as long as she didn't talk about another guy or anything like that, then there may still be interest, but I would leave alone for now. It was a good time. It just seems like if I'm seeing her on a regular basis and we both know we are looking to date and sharing our goals that at some point we might say... why not start dating each other? I've never had an attractive female friend that's single that I see often. Maybe that's also why I've been awkward with women my whole life, which is that I don't have a lot of experience dealing with them.
SumGuy Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 9 minutes ago, max3732 said: It was a good time. It just seems like if I'm seeing her on a regular basis and we both know we are looking to date and sharing our goals that at some point we might say... why not start dating each other? I've never had an attractive female friend that's single that I see often. As someone who has I can say a female friend is your best wingman, ever. You have a potential win-win situation here. As time goes by it may become more than friends, but if it does not she may well help introduce you to her female friends. In my experience having a good looking female friend, or just a female friend other women feel has it together, by your side immediately makes you more attractive to other women. Even if your friend is not single. Quote Maybe that's also why I've been awkward with women my whole life, which is that I don't have a lot of experience dealing with them. Exactly! Even if no relationship comes of it, with her or by introduction, there is just the fun in hanging out with a friend and you may gain a better understanding of the world beautiful women live in. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, max3732 said: It was a good time. It just seems like if I'm seeing her on a regular basis and we both know we are looking to date and sharing our goals that at some point we might say... why not start dating each other? I've never had an attractive female friend that's single that I see often. Maybe that's also why I've been awkward with women my whole life, which is that I don't have a lot of experience dealing with them. Well, she has to be attracted to you.... romantically, sexually, or what have you ...to want to date you. I think this is where a lot of guys get tripped up. They think ‘if I ask a woman to hang and spend time with her I’d probably date her.’ Women are not like that a lot of times. Women enjoy spending time with and can have fun with guys they have no romantic attraction to. And especially out of a relationship, the right kind of attention from the opposite sex, even if she isn’t attracted to them, is often very welcome. Like Elaine said, she is used to having a bf to go out and do stuff with. She is probably a bit more lonely. So she needs someone to fill the slot of person to hang out with and get stuff to eat. When I have liked guys in the past romantically, it was a lot harder to ask him to hang out one on one and stuff because there was more on the line. ... With guys I just wanted to be friends with I’m like “hey want to go grab a bite?” Easy peasy. It also doesn’t mean that she definitively will never be into you that way or anything. It’s just that being asked to lunch is not conclusive evidence of that and if you want it to go that direction you need to do drive it there and hopefully she’ll feel the same. Edited January 26, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
dramafreezone Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, max3732 said: It was a good time. It just seems like if I'm seeing her on a regular basis and we both know we are looking to date and sharing our goals that at some point we might say... why not start dating each other? I've never had an attractive female friend that's single that I see often. Maybe that's also why I've been awkward with women my whole life, which is that I don't have a lot of experience dealing with them. It takes more than just familiarity. She has to have a good time around you. If she did then I think you're in good shape, but the situation is ambiguous. I think the best right right now is to play it cool, then ask her out in about a week. I would ask her out by saying you're going out and you'd like her to join you, and I'd make it for a weekday. I think that doesn't put too much pressure on her. Also I think that's enough time to show that you're interested but not too soon that you seem desperate. If she suggests that you go out again before then, even better, set the date then. There is also the possibility that she sees you nothing as more than friends. Whether she declines or goes out with you again, I think you'll know if she's really interested in you or you're strictly friends. The caveat is we don't have many details, so I don't know if you've already said something that caused her to disqualify you as a potential romantic interest, such as you haven't dated anyone in a while or you haven't had many girlfriends. Edited January 26, 2021 by dramafreezone
dramafreezone Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Women enjoy spending time with guys they have no romantic attraction to. And especially out of a relationship, the right kind of attention from the opposite sex, even if she isn’t attracted to them, is often very welcome. Like Elaine said, she is used to having a bf to go out and do stuff with. She is probably a bit more lonely. So she needs someone to fill the slot of person to hang out with and get stuff to eat. When I have liked guys in the past romantically, it was a lot harder to ask him to hang out one on one and stuff because there was more on the line. ... With guys I just wanted to be friends with I’m like “hey want to go grab a bite?” Easy peasy. It also doesn’t mean that she definitively will never like you that way or anything. It’s just that being asked to lunch is not conclusive evidence of that and if you want it to go that direction you need to do drive it there and hopefully she’ll feel the same. I started out as platonic with the guy I am dating but it turned into more because we started flirting. I can respect that and acknowledge it. But as a guy, that's not going to have any bearing on how I show up. Caveat; if I am clear beforehand that this is not a date in a potentially romatic capacity, we won't go out. If it's ambiguous and I'M sexually attracted to her, and we're going out for dinner or whatever, I will show up as if it's a date and know for sure at the end of that night where she stands. If she conveys that she just wants to be friends, I will say that's not what I want, so we can't see each other as just friends. I will be cordial and we're cool, but I'm not going to going out to dinner or to the movies with a woman that I'm attracted to if romance is not a possibility. It's because I put a value on my time and the attention that I give to others. Plataonic friends who I'm not attracted to are fine, but I don't go out and do activities with those people unless it's part of a big group. You have to understand that millions of guys have spent a large part of their life being friends with women that they're attracted to, hoping that it turns into to something more. Can it happen, sure but it's not a good strategy, and really not honest. She thinks he's just a good friend and he's deceiving her. Today, I would rather just make my intentions known so that no one is being deceived or wasting their time. Edited January 26, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Miss Spider Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I can respect that and acknowledge it. But as a guy, that's not going to have any bearing on how I show up. If I'M sexually attracted to her, and we're going out for dinner or whatever, I will show up as if it's a date and know for sure at the end of that night where she stands. If she conveys that she just wants to be friends, I will say that's not what I want, so we can't see each other as just friends. I will be cordial and we're cool, but I'm not going to going out to dinner or to the movies with a woman that I'm attracted to if romance is not a possibility. It's because I put a value on my time and the attention that I give to others. Plataonic friends who I'm not attracted to are fine, but I don't go out and do activities with those people unless it's part of a big group. You have to understand that millions of guys have spent a large part of their life being friends with women that they're attracted to, hoping that it turns into to something more. Can it happen, sure but it's not a good strategy, and really not honest. She thinks he's just a good friend and he's deceiving her. Today, I would rather just make my intentions known so that no one is being deceived or wasting their time. Well, likewise, I respect that and to be honest, I wish more men did as you do. Based on my own experience, I know fairly quickly if the possibility of more than friends is on the table. Like with the guy that I am dating now, even though we were “friends” before either of us made a move, I knew there was a possibility within the first 20 min. Of all of my experiences going out with men I’ve only viewed as friends, I have only had one experience where the guy was that guy and I came into a stalemate when it came to dating/friends. After everyone dispersed, he invited me out to dinner. I assumed we were going out as friends, but he told me it was a date. I told him I prefer to just be friends. We pretty much faded out after this and he kept his distance. I respect that. Because every other instance of this happening has been where the guy agrees to be “friends”, yet eventually has to make things uncomfortable. Some lie dormant as “friends“ for years and then it blows up with some awkward confession of undying love or not-so-lowkey jealousy when you talk about men you’re into. Or you get the ones who are way more ‘active’ and flirt and drop references to dating that you constantly have to shut down throughout your “friendship”. A recent example is a guy who ran philosophy circle I was a part of. I had recently got out of a relationship and I was a bit lonely so I hit him up on FB and invited to get lunch and talk about philosophy. This is something that I would probably never do with someone that I was really into romantically, but as friends. He is smart, funny, and very interesting, but I am not attracted to him in any way, shape, or form. He told me at the end that he is into me and we had the most excruciating conversation. I told him just want to be friends. He agreed, but finds found ways to make me feel so cringe when he could, so I just drop the “friendship” altogether. I don’t respect that kind of fake behavior. , Like I said, I’m not really trying to be friends with dudes at this point I just I mean, I will be acquaintances and we can be cool and shoot the sh*t in a group but I’m not being your BFF and going to lunch one on one or anything. It’s just not worth it for the message so many of them of them think you’re sending . Edited January 26, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
SumGuy Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 31 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: ... If she conveys that she just wants to be friends, I will say that's not what I want, so we can't see each other as just friends. I get that if you had just met, say via OLD but don't get it if you have known each other a while. Quote ... It's because I put a value on my time and the attention that I give to others. Plataonic friends who I'm not attracted to are fine, but I don't go out and do activities with those people unless it's part of a big group. These two I really don't get. You have no male friends you never do one-on-one stuff with? Or just two friends you do stuff with? Maybe that is the difference, I have plenty of friends where we just get together. I also don't get the value on your time thing, why is spending time with a friend you find attractive not valuable? Why would the friendship of a person you find physically attractive be less valuable than the friendship of a person you do not? I get that a person can have little free time, but if was looking to meet someone, hanging with a good looking female friend is much more likely to attract women than hanging with the guys. At least in my direct experience. Quote You have to understand that millions of guys have spent a large part of their life being friends with women that they're attracted to, hoping that it turns into to something more. Can it happen, sure but it's not a good strategy, and really not honest. She thinks he's just a good friend and he's deceiving her. Today, I would rather just make my intentions known so that no one is being deceived or wasting their time. I agree it can be deceitful if the only reason you see this person is you hope it becomes more and you will drop them like a hot potato when you think it won't happen. Yuck. Yet there is nothing wrong with enjoying the platonic side for what it is, without expectation. Sure, hope and day dream if you wish, just don't let it override being a friend. If you can honestly say to yourself I'd see her anyway just because she is fun to be around, even if she never wants more (although I would like it), then it's good. That is, enjoying being around each other in a platonic sense is never a waste of time; it's called friendship. How attractive or attracted you are to that other person makes no difference if you are centered. Granted, most men it seems cannot do this. I don't know if it because of thirst or a fear of missing out or confusion that how can she not want more with me when I want more with her or even a bruised ego that seeing her reminds him she said no. Edited January 26, 2021 by SumGuy
poppyfields Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) Just had a chance to catch up with this thread. Max are you even attracted to this girl? I don’t mean do you find her attractive but are you “attracted to” her? Like to you feel any romantic or sexual energy/chemistry with her? I do not get the sense you are, not even a little, you were fine with the friendship. The ONLY reason you are considering dating her now is because (1) she’s female, (2) she has a pulse, and (3) she is now available. These are not valid reasons to pursue dating a woman. Exercise some discretion, and date women you feel a romantic/sexual energy with, it is NOT this girl and never was. And won’t ever be just because she’s suddenly become available, asked you to hang out and gave you a high-five. The last two are things friends do, not someone with a romantic interest. That last one, giving you a high-five is actually quite funny, I have never in my life given a high five to a man I have a romantic interest in. At most, I might give to a good girlfriend OR my brothers but please understand this is not a sign of romantic interest. My advice is forget dating her and enjoy the friendship which is all this is. Continue seeking out other women you have a sexual or romantic interest in. Trust me, based on her behaviour, she is not romantically/sexually interested in you anyway. Try as you might, you cannot force yourself into having a romantic interest in her just because she’s now suddenly become available, asked to hang out and gave you a high five; it’s either there or it’s not. Good luck. Edited January 26, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1
Miss Spider Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) I also want to add that to me there are a few things worse in romantic context, than a guy who you thought you were long-term friend with hitting on you when you’ve made it clear you were friends and he said he was cool with it. It’s like a brother hitting on you. High level skin crawl. I’m sorry but that’s just how I feel. I get that there are women knowing that their male “friends” would like to see them naked, but I am really not in that category. I’m not that hard up on male attention that I enjoy that sort of thing I guess.... Edited January 26, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 1
SumGuy Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: .... Because every other instance of this happening has been where the guy agrees to be “friends”, yet eventually has to make things uncomfortable. ... Sad, but seems to be the way of things. Personally when she just wants to be friends I just consider that a no. I can take no for an answer. As in really, no worries, no attempts at arguing for her to like me, you never know if you don't ask, OK let's move on, get another drink and talk about theoretical physics . For me liking and being enamored with someone means I respect them, I will respect their no. No matter how much I imagined we would be good together, I know it only could possibly work if she imagined the same. It's not like I pine away though for the lost chance. The best thing to do is meet someone who does want a romantic relationship..."problem" solved. Edited January 26, 2021 by SumGuy 1
dramafreezone Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 39 minutes ago, SumGuy said: These two I really don't get. You have no male friends you never do one-on-one stuff with? Or just two friends you do stuff with? Maybe that is the difference, I have plenty of friends where we just get together. I also don't get the value on your time thing, why is spending time with a friend you find attractive not valuable? Why would the friendship of a person you find physically attractive be less valuable than the friendship of a person you do not? I get that a person can have little free time, but if was looking to meet someone, hanging with a good looking female friend is much more likely to attract women than hanging with the guys. At least in my direct experience. I agree it can be deceitful if the only reason you see this person is you hope it becomes more and you will drop them like a hot potato when you think it won't happen. Yuck. Yet there is nothing wrong with enjoying the platonic side for what it is, without expectation. Sure, hope and day dream if you wish, just don't let it override being a friend. If you can honestly say to yourself I'd see her anyway just because she is fun to be around, even if she never wants more (although I would like it), then it's good. That is, enjoying being around each other in a platonic sense is never a waste of time; it's called friendship. How attractive or attracted you are to that other person makes no difference if you are centered. Granted, most men it seems cannot do this. I don't know if it because of thirst or a fear of missing out or confusion that how can she not want more with me when I want more with her or even a bruised ego that seeing her reminds him she said no. I meant platonic female friends. Of couse I have male friends and that's who I would normally hang out with to watch basketball, just grab drinks and shoot the s***e. I spend my time one of three ways, either working, spending time with my boys, or spending time with women I'm romantically interested in. I guess theoretically there would be an instance where I would set aside to see a female friend who has no romantic interest in me. I just don't see how it could happen as Im usually trying to fill my time with one of the other three options I mentioned. I always have work to do so I would priortize that over spending time with a woman that has no romantic interest in me. That's just how I feel and I'm happy with it. That's not to say I don't have platonic female friends. I work with like 95% women actually so I have several. It's just that we see each other at work, we talk and that's enough. I never felt that I need to go to dinner with them or anything like that. Edited January 26, 2021 by dramafreezone
poppyfields Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) On 12/27/2020 at 1:33 PM, max3732 said: When we were talking about dating it seems like we have a lot more in common than I thought. I always thought of her as a friend and kind of wrote her off for dating before, but may consider her as more after some of our recent discussions since I found we have so much in common. I'd also be fine just being friends. max, to add to my previous, re the bolded, I rest my case. You are not romantically/sexually interested in this girl and that's fine, leave it be. Enjoy the friendship. As I said, you cannot talk yourself or force yourself into have a romantic interest in her. Having things in common is a bonus but it does not determine romantic or sexual attraction. I have things in common with my friends, but I do not become romantically attracted to men because we have things in common. I become attracted to them based on a certain energy/chemistry which it does not appear you have with this girl. Edited January 26, 2021 by poppyfields 1
SumGuy Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I spend my time one of three ways, either working, spending time with my boys, or spending time with women I'm romantically interested in. .... Cool. Just for me it would be working, spending time with my friends (which include single women, as well as single men, and married etc., versions of each)) boys, or spending time with women I'm romantically interested in (for me my girlfriend). I've always had female friends who are just friends in my life, some I would have readily been romantic with, others not. I take people at their word that in general it doesn't work out from their experience. Mine, and the social circles I'm in it is just not that. They are not even odd social circles or even a specific kind, from my fairly basic professional ones, to more creative ones, even the more wild ones of my youth. Guess just saying for most of the people I've called friends over my life, having attractive just friends of the opposite gender (or gender you are attracted to, because would include gay friends in their as well) works. Those friendships, for me, have also provided much more insight to women than my male friendships ever could.
CollinW Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: I can respect that and acknowledge it. But as a guy, that's not going to have any bearing on how I show up. Caveat; if I am clear beforehand that this is not a date in a potentially romatic capacity, we won't go out. If it's ambiguous and I'M sexually attracted to her, and we're going out for dinner or whatever, I will show up as if it's a date and know for sure at the end of that night where she stands. If she conveys that she just wants to be friends, I will say that's not what I want, so we can't see each other as just friends. I will be cordial and we're cool, but I'm not going to going out to dinner or to the movies with a woman that I'm attracted to if romance is not a possibility. It's because I put a value on my time and the attention that I give to others. Plataonic friends who I'm not attracted to are fine, but I don't go out and do activities with those people unless it's part of a big group. You have to understand that millions of guys have spent a large part of their life being friends with women that they're attracted to, hoping that it turns into to something more. Can it happen, sure but it's not a good strategy, and really not honest. She thinks he's just a good friend and he's deceiving her. Today, I would rather just make my intentions known so that no one is being deceived or wasting their time. I really appreciate this position and I wish more men were mature enough to come to this conclusion. There are a lot of harsh realities around being "friends" with women in late ages when there is an attraction. For one, often it's not so much of a friendship as much as it's the woman taking advantage of the man's desire to please. He ends up doing favors in order to prove his value, but her feelings don't advance and he ends up feeling used. Two the man ends up looking stupid and simpish in the end from years of orbiting. And three, sooner or later the intentions come out and leads to awkward conversations and situations. Like you said it's best to interact with her in group settings. No need to make it awkward or cut off the friendship, but definitely calibrate your expectations. 1 1
stillafool Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 On 12/27/2020 at 4:33 PM, max3732 said: I'm still looking but have told her about some of my recent dates. Honestly for me, if a man starting telling me about his recent dates I would immediately think he sees me as only a friend. I would then treat him as one. I like to grab a bite to eat with my friends. 2
SumGuy Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, CollinW said: ... For one, often it's not so much of a friendship as much as it's the woman taking advantage of the man's desire to please. He ends up doing favors in order to prove his value, but her feelings don't advance and he ends up feeling used. Yikes! That sounds so transactional. It is not a "favor" if you expect something in return. Male or female, romantic interest or not, they are not your friend if they take advantage of you for favors. Quote Two the man ends up looking stupid and simpish in the end from years of orbiting. And three, sooner or later the intentions come out and leads to awkward conversations and situations. It doesn't have to be that way. Not that I'd call being a friend stupid or simpish, anymore than I feel stupid or simpish for the favors I do my male friends. Edited January 26, 2021 by SumGuy
dramafreezone Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 (edited) 52 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Cool. Just for me it would be working, spending time with my friends (which include single women, as well as single men, and married etc., versions of each)) boys, or spending time with women I'm romantically interested in (for me my girlfriend). I've always had female friends who are just friends in my life, some I would have readily been romantic with, others not. I take people at their word that in general it doesn't work out from their experience. Mine, and the social circles I'm in it is just not that. They are not even odd social circles or even a specific kind, from my fairly basic professional ones, to more creative ones, even the more wild ones of my youth. Guess just saying for most of the people I've called friends over my life, having attractive just friends of the opposite gender (or gender you are attracted to, because would include gay friends in their as well) works. Those friendships, for me, have also provided much more insight to women than my male friendships ever could. Hmmm, how old are you? I'm 41 so in my age bracket (30-40) I don't have a great deal of single female friends. For the few that are they're busy trying to make it so they're not single. So hanging out with female friends is almost always highly inappropriate as they're also married. If I even know a female under 30, it's because I'm dating her. I can't see how I would have a female platonic friend under 30. Also it sounds as if you're more extroverted. If that's a correct assumption, then you are gaining something just by being around people in general, so it matters less if they're men or women. So even if you think it isn't transactional it is. You gain vitality, a good feeling. I'm introverted, so social interactions drain me and at a certain point I need to be by myself to recharge. So this limits the amount of time I spend with people. I prefer to really make it count. Edited January 27, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
dramafreezone Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: My advice is forget dating her and enjoy the friendship which is all this is. Continue seeking out other women you have a sexual or romantic interest in. Trust me, based on her behaviour, she is not romantically/sexually interested in you anyway. Try as you might, you cannot force yourself into having a romantic interest in her just because she’s now suddenly become available, asked to hang out and gave you a high five; it’s either there or it’s not. Good luck. I respect your perspective. It wouldn't matter to me though. Whether or not I thought she was interested, if she asked me out and I was attracted, I would at least give it a shot and confirm that it was not a romantic vibe from her. It's better than wondering what if.
SumGuy Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Hmmm, how old are you? I'm 41 so in my age bracket (30-40) I don't have a great deal of single female friends. For the few that are they're busy trying to make it so they're not single. So hanging out with female friends is almost always highly inappropriate as they're also married. If I even know a female under 30, it's because I'm dating her. I can't see how I would have a female platonic friend under 30. I'm mid 50's. So my female platonic friends are all about the same age, youngest is mid 40s. They are all married or have someone at the moment. I know some get nervous about such things, but we'd meet after work from time to time, have a drink and food and catch up. In general though, me and those I know never got too nervous or suspicious about such things; guess we trusted. It never seemed to be proven wrong, of the affairs I know of, the meetings were always hidden and not with friends. Usually a secretary or personal trainer. My youngest friend is a male in his late 30s. Not counting the children of friends, girlfriend, etc. who are mid 20's, although get along great with them and talk with at length and have done things with them as a group (much less so these days obviously), not really friends in would generally do things with them separately. The 20 something's all seem to have friends of many genders, even exes that are now just friends, etc.
dramafreezone Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 1 minute ago, SumGuy said: I'm mid 50's. So my female platonic friends are all about the same age, youngest is mid 40s. They are all married or have someone at the moment. I know some get nervous about such things, but we'd meet after work from time to time, have a drink and food and catch up. In general though, me and those I know never got too nervous or suspicious about such things; guess we trusted. It never seemed to be proven wrong, of the affairs I know of, the meetings were always hidden and not with friends. Usually a secretary or personal trainer. My youngest friend is a male in his late 30s. Not counting the children of friends, girlfriend, etc. who are mid 20's, although get along great with them and talk with at length and have done things with them as a group (much less so these days obviously), not really friends in would generally do things with them separately. The 20 something's all seem to have friends of many genders, even exes that are now just friends, etc. Thanks for responding. So you're in a different age bracket than I am. I think it's highly inappropriate at my age to hang out with married female friends. I wouldn't even suggest it, but I could see it not being a big deal in my mid-50s.
SumGuy Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Thanks for responding. So you're in a different age bracket than I am. I think it's highly inappropriate at my age to hang out with married female friends. I wouldn't even suggest it, but I could see it not being a big deal in my mid-50s. Are you suggesting we are not, you know....active at our age ? Just joking. Trust me we are all very active, to the extent it comes up. Not a topic we really bring up, but don't shy from it if it does for some reason come up, not that anyone is getting detailed or graphic. Thing is, this is not new behavior on our parts, most of my female friends have known for over 20 years. Some for near 40 years, although they live far away now. It guess it does depend on what the hanging out entails, lunch, or drinks and appetizers probably about it. Anything more and believe the spouse or a group was always involved. It's not like any of the hanging out is exclusionary, spouses always welcome, heck friends with them too. We're all very monogamous type people, no open relationships, just trusting I guess. Edited January 27, 2021 by SumGuy 1
dramafreezone Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 1 minute ago, SumGuy said: Are you suggesting we are not, you know....active at our age ? Just joking. Trust me we are all very active, to the extent it comes up. Not a topic we really bring up, but don't shy from it if it does for some reason come up, not that anyone is getting detailed or graphic. Thing is, this is not new behavior on our parts, most of my female friends have known for over 20 years. Some for near 40 years, although they live far away now. It guess it does depend on what the hanging out entails, lunch, or drinks and appetizers probably about it. Anything more and believe the spouse or a group was always involved. It's not like any of the hanging out is exclusionary, spouses always welcome, heck friends with them too. We're all very monogamous type people, no open relationships, just trusting I guess. You know, my initial thought was that I figured I'd have all of my issues worked out at that age, but apparently according to statistics men are more likely to cheat in their 50s-70s than at any other point in their lives. Learn something new every day. Anyway, that does sound like your circle is very healthy and built on trust. I don't want to sidetrack this thread anymore.
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