snowboy91 Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 On 1/18/2021 at 7:25 AM, max3732 said: Just wanted to follow up and get some additional advice. We are all set to go to a restaurant this week. Let's say we have a nice meal, enjoy each other's company, and make plans for another meal or an activity. At that point are we still "just friends" until one of us says or does something to change it? Yep, basically! But see what happens - If something more is going to happen, you'll know. Either you'll feel it really strongly or she will make it obvious (most likely both). If there is any doubt, err on the side of caution and assume it's just friends.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 Dude, just show up. If there is chemistry, that will usually take care of itself. You won't have to consciously do anything. Just show up! 3
Author max3732 Posted January 19, 2021 Author Posted January 19, 2021 3 hours ago, basil67 said: Do you want to try and establish a relationship with her? Honestly, I'd ask her out again and use the word "date". If she knows it's a date and accepts, then any physical contact is unlikely to be rejected. I'm honestly not sure what I want with her. Since she was in a relationship when I met her I never considered dating her and put her in the friend zone (as much as that's possible for a guy). There were also some things about her personality that I didn't care for before. As we've been talking though I see more things in common than I realized at first. I also haven't felt a crazy spark or anything though. 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: Problem with just getting out of a relationship is that there is suddenly no-one to go out to eat with one on one, especially if all your friends are coupled up or it is a pandemic. I guess she feels you are "safe" from a pandemic point of view and "safe" in that you are unlikely to try anything. So this request to go for something to eat may be nothing to do with romantic attraction, more a need to go for a nice sit down meal and dress up. As for the high five, that to me is a very buddy buddy thing to do, I would not see that as physical contact or a sign she is interested in anything more than friendship. I agree with Basil, unless the word "date" is involved and she knows that and accepts, then this is no more than two long term friends going out for a meal together. The only thing is she was the one who suggested it and we've been talking for years and she's never done a high 5 or any kind of physical contact with me other than a hug. So it's not the act itself but that it's a change. She tells me that she has a lot of friends that she does things with. How does just getting out of a relationship change that? Not trying to be argumentative, but just understand. If you were me would you use the word "date" or if I wanted to escalate things what would you do? Should I invite her to another kind of activity besides a meal?
basil67 Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 23 minutes ago, max3732 said: I'm honestly not sure what I want with her. Since she was in a relationship when I met her I never considered dating her and put her in the friend zone (as much as that's possible for a guy). There were also some things about her personality that I didn't care for before. As we've been talking though I see more things in common than I realized at first. I also haven't felt a crazy spark or anything though. So forget about the dating and enjoy having a companion.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 Dude, just show up. You do not know her well enough to have an interest. You have no idea if she's a serial killer. Just show up and be yourself. Some things you cannot know until you start interacting. Quit all this worrying and just show up. Think of it this way, did you have to do all this pre-planning and worrying to make the friends you have in your life? I doubt it. Friends are people we gradually build trust with. If there is flirty energy here, you will know it. You don't have to think about it. Just relax. You should sense how much she likes you and in what way she likes you if you just relax and pay attention. But you don't know if you want her to like you yet. So relax. Just show up. And to answer your questions directly, no, it's ridiculous to plan out a strategy with someone you don't even know. If I have a connection with a woman I do not have to force it or strategize it. Usually when I've strategized, that was (I know now) a sign that things were not romantically clicking. 1
dramafreezone Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 Yes, no strategy needed. Just be calm, confident, sit back and ask her questions that you would ask anyone else. That's just natural conversation. If she likes you she will talk your ear off. If you're getting short answers, no bueno. If she talks about anything sexual, that's usually a very good sign. Tease her a bit. See how things progress, but most of all just be in the moment and get out of your head. You're already putting too much into this by trying to overthink kissing or touching. You're nowhere near any of that. 3
Author max3732 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Posted January 20, 2021 2 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Yes, no strategy needed. Just be calm, confident, sit back and ask her questions that you would ask anyone else. That's just natural conversation. If she likes you she will talk your ear off. If you're getting short answers, no bueno. If she talks about anything sexual, that's usually a very good sign. Tease her a bit. See how things progress, but most of all just be in the moment and get out of your head. You're already putting too much into this by trying to overthink kissing or touching. You're nowhere near any of that. We've been talking for years and we usually talk about the same topics. Work, common sport, dating, and food. I think my teasing/flirting skills aren't what they should be. Any tips on other topics or how to tease her?
dramafreezone Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 Has to be organic man, natural. Just ask her about herself. Where she's from, favorite vacation spots, favorite TV shows. Some people will talk for 15-20 minutes just about their TV shows.
basil67 Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 @max3732 given the way you write about her, it doesn't sound like you want to date her, so I'm wondering why you're seeking advice on how to do so. Only attempt to date her if you find her desirable an see her as someone who you'd like a relationship with (assuming you want a relationship and not just casual sex) As for the teasing, what kind of teasing are you talking about? I love being flirted with, but being teased would be a deal breaker. I know some guys who like to wind their wives/girlfriends up and laugh and say "gotcha" when she reacts. Horrible. 1
Pumaza Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 looks like just freinds.she wanted to chill get to know you. i think date is more when you invite her clearly for a date. Or if she said so. if you like her,just ask her what she think about you,and you like her,if she wants to go on a date with you. or just get to know her a bit more first.
dramafreezone Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: @max3732 given the way you write about her, it doesn't sound like you want to date her, so I'm wondering why you're seeking advice on how to do so. Only attempt to date her if you find her desirable an see her as someone who you'd like a relationship with (assuming you want a relationship and not just casual sex) As for the teasing, what kind of teasing are you talking about? I love being flirted with, but being teased would be a deal breaker. I know some guys who like to wind their wives/girlfriends up and laugh and say "gotcha" when she reacts. Horrible. Just light hearted joking. What you're describing in that last sentence is not what I would call teasing, that's just mean spirited I dunno, you ask her favorite singers, she says Mariah Carey and you say "Oh that's it, date over we can't see each other anymore." Just light hearted ribbing. 2
basil67 Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 Thanks @dramafreezone that's a good example. Jokes and teasing often go flying over my head and I don't realise it's said in jest. @max3732 if you're going to joke, you must do it with a big grin on your face so she knows you're joking. 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 8 hours ago, max3732 said: We've been talking for years and we usually talk about the same topics. Work, common sport, dating, and food. I think my teasing/flirting skills aren't what they should be. Any tips on other topics or how to tease her? Don't tease. It's way too open to misunderstanding, since in her mind this is the friend zone but in your mind you wish for more. The more weird or indirect you are the more nebulous this will become. Act like it's a date. Don't talk about the same boring stuff. Talk about more personal topics. Pick up the tab. Stop acting like a pal, but don't use weird PUA techniques.
Saracena Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 On 1/19/2021 at 2:02 AM, Lotsgoingon said: Dude, just show up. If there is chemistry, that will usually take care of itself. You won't have to consciously do anything. Just show up! Exactly. OP was in a similar situation once when I asked a guy I'd previously had a few dates with in the past to an accompany me to an event. At that time I never thought beyond this point, but because we were still attracted to each other, everything just fell naturally into place. At the end of the evening he asked for a date and we're still together today. Don't overthink this (I certainly didn't) and go along just to enjoy yourself! 1
Author max3732 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Posted January 20, 2021 11 hours ago, basil67 said: @max3732 given the way you write about her, it doesn't sound like you want to date her, so I'm wondering why you're seeking advice on how to do so. Only attempt to date her if you find her desirable an see her as someone who you'd like a relationship with (assuming you want a relationship and not just casual sex) As for the teasing, what kind of teasing are you talking about? I love being flirted with, but being teased would be a deal breaker. I know some guys who like to wind their wives/girlfriends up and laugh and say "gotcha" when she reacts. Horrible. When I first met her and before I knew anything about her I wanted to date her, but she told me she had a boyfriend so I haven't thought her of like that in a while. Now that she's single and invited me to do more things I'm starting to look at her differently. On paper we have a lot in common and the same overall goals, but like me she can be a bit more on the serious side. There are also some other personality traits I wasn't sure about but I'm thinking maybe I could compromise on it. I guess the question is whether chemistry can grow over time. 3 hours ago, Saracena said: Exactly. OP was in a similar situation once when I asked a guy I'd previously had a few dates with in the past to an accompany me to an event. At that time I never thought beyond this point, but because we were still attracted to each other, everything just fell naturally into place. At the end of the evening he asked for a date and we're still together today. Don't overthink this (I certainly didn't) and go along just to enjoy yourself! Would you suggest I invite her to something else at the end of it? We've been doing the same activity for years and talking about the same kinds of things. So this is a huge change in the routine. I think just being my best self and relaxing/having confidence is the way to go. She's the one that's initiated the change, so maybe if she wants to escalate she'll give me more a sign. Would you say her accepting a different kind of activity would be a sign?
Author max3732 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Posted January 20, 2021 28 minutes ago, smackie9 said: When's this date thingy gonna happen? Later this week
dramafreezone Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't tease. It's way too open to misunderstanding, since in her mind this is the friend zone but in your mind you wish for more. The more weird or indirect you are the more nebulous this will become. Act like it's a date. Don't talk about the same boring stuff. Talk about more personal topics. Pick up the tab. Stop acting like a pal, but don't use weird PUA techniques. I mean I think teasing is a way to keep the date lighthearted and fun. That said it shouldn't be planned, it should be organic. If it doens't come natural to him he shouldn't do it. The overall message is be fun, not serious. She will associate him with whatever the vibe is on the date. I wouldn't base whether or not I do it on if she might get the wrong idea. Most fun women won't. Those few with a stick up their butts will, good to know that information at that point. 3
princessaurora Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 Just try to relax and not overthink things. At this point it's not clear if she's looking for friendship or more with you. But the fact she initiated a one on one activity puts that possibility at at least 50%. So just join her for dinner and be yourself. Look nice, smell nice and carry yourself with confidence. If she likes you she'll throw signals at you to let you know ( playfully touching you, complimenting you, making lots of eye contact) If that happens, then set another outing with her. If you get the friend vibe, then just go with it as you don't want things to be awkward with someone you see all the time. And there's nothing wrong with having a new friend, so if you look at it that way, it can be a win- win regardless of which way things go. Good luck. Looking forward to hearing back afterwards:) 2
Fletch Lives Posted January 24, 2021 Posted January 24, 2021 If you like her and you want to find out if she likes you, go for the kiss.
Author max3732 Posted January 25, 2021 Author Posted January 25, 2021 7 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Updates please Seems like we're going to continue as just friends. That's the strong vibe that I'm getting 1
Saracena Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 38 minutes ago, max3732 said: Seems like we're going to continue as just friends. That's the strong vibe that I'm getting So what happened when you went out, then? 1
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