max3732 Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 There's a woman I've been playing sports with on and off for a while. While playing in addition to a lot of other topics we've discussed dating and she got out of a long term relationship recently. I'm still looking but have told her about some of my recent dates. We always just play and then go our separate ways. Recently she asked me about good places to eat and I told her about somewhere nearby. After that she asked if the food is good and I told her yes. Then she said that maybe we could go there after playing and I could show her around and I agreed. When we were talking about dating it seems like we have a lot more in common than I thought. I always thought of her as a friend and kind of wrote her off for dating before, but may consider her as more after some of our recent discussions since I found we have so much in common. I'd also be fine just being friends. Not sure how she feels. Is this a date? I've never had a single woman near my own age invite me out to do something other than sports and I don't know how to interpret it. 1
DarrenB Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) Considering your vast history with women or at least that of which you share on here, it wouldn't be wise for you to over-analyse the situation or else you'll find yourself asking the same questions you have had answered multiple times in relation to the dozens of other threads you've made following on from your experiences with women So no, I wouldn't think of it as a 'date' because dates are typically scheduled based on a romantical interest for the other person. So with that in mind if you do proceed, think with the approach that this is a friend but diminish the prospect that it will develop into anything more than that Good luck, have fun - stay safe (covid-relating of course) Edited December 28, 2020 by DarrenB
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 When you meet up, see how it goes. If you're interested, suggest another date. 1
Author max3732 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Posted December 28, 2020 13 hours ago, DarrenB said: Considering your vast history with women or at least that of which you share on here, it wouldn't be wise for you to over-analyse the situation or else you'll find yourself asking the same questions you have had answered multiple times in relation to the dozens of other threads you've made following on from your experiences with women So no, I wouldn't think of it as a 'date' because dates are typically scheduled based on a romantical interest for the other person. So with that in mind if you do proceed, think with the approach that this is a friend but diminish the prospect that it will develop into anything more than that Good luck, have fun - stay safe (covid-relating of course) I've always just thought of her as a friend until recently I was thinking we have more in common than I realized at first. I'm definitely going to go with her. We're 2 single people roughly the same age that are interested in dating going to get a meal together. If I suggest something else and she agrees are we still just hanging out with no romantic element?
smackie9 Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Treat it as friends. She just got out of a relationship and is probably lonely, looking for someone to hang out with. You haven't hit on her or anything so she thinks it's safe to assume it's just friendly between you two. Maybe over time you two will consider dating but for now try not to over think things. Just go with the flow, and don't emotionally invest. It's just grabbing something to eat. My recommendation is to talk about more fun things, rather than sour dating experiences, or deep convos about relationships/struggles. keep it light. Don't reveal too much about yourself. 3
dramafreezone Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) Just my opinion, but I think she has a high level of interest. She basically asked you out. She doesn't know good places to eat? Come on.. This hasn't happened to me often, but every time it did it turned out the woman liked me. That said, just go out and see if you like her, if you have good conversation and it's easy to be with her. I think it's clear that she likes you but don't lead her on if you're not interested. Edited December 28, 2020 by dramafreezone 2 1
Miss Spider Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 Yeah, I’ve asked guys I just wanted to be friends with out lots of times. Take it as a compliment. She enjoys your company. But the stakes are much lower to ask someone out as a friend, so it’s more she’s more likely to do if she just wanna be friends. you won’t know until either one of you escalates it to a romantic level, If you want to go there, escalate. I double dog dare you. 1
dramafreezone Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 5 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yeah, I’ve asked guys I just wanted to be friends with out lots of times. Take it as a compliment. She enjoys your company. But the stakes are much lower to ask someone out as a friend, so it’s more she’s more likely to do if she just wanna be friends. you won’t know until either one of you escalates it to a romantic level, If you want to go there, escalate. I double dog dare you. Well sure, but how did you ask these guys out? Did you preface asking them out by saying you just got out of a relationship? I'm guessing no. In my opinion, she wanted to make it clear that she's single and available, whether it was done consciously or not. The entire sequence of events is what's leading me to believe that she has some level of romantic interest in him, not just the fact that she asked him out. That said, it's not a big deal and doesn't really change much at this point. He should just see how it goes. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Well sure, but how did you ask these guys out? Did you preface asking them out by saying you just got out of a relationship? I'm guessing no. In my opinion, she wanted to make it clear that she's single and available, whether it was done consciously or not. The entire sequence of events is what's leading me to believe that she has some level of romantic interest in him, not just the fact that she asked him out. That said, it's not a big deal and doesn't really change much at this point. He should just see how it goes. Could be. I didn’t read it as she intentionally prefaced asking him out with that. The way I interpreted it was they been “friends” for a while and she had mentioned in passing that she had gotten out of a relationship. You know, typical stuff that you discuss with friends. But yea, who knows Edited December 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
lurker74 Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 It's not friends. She is asking you out. Play it slow, but not too slow. 2
dramafreezone Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Could be. I didn’t read it as she intentionally prefaced asking him out with that. The way I interpreted it was they been friends for a while and she had mentioned in passing that she had gotten out of a relationship. You know, typical stuff that you discuss with friends. But yea, who knows Like I said, the few times that this did happen the woman was at least moderately interested in me. One I knew liked me and the other I had no idea (even at the time she asked me), because we'd be friends for a while, and quite frankly thought was out of my league back then. One thing that's never happened to me is a woman saying "I'm really interested in you, we should go out" or anything that direct. This is as close to that as most men will get. 2
Miss Spider Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) I see. Moderately. You knew for sure that they were interested in you or did you just come to the conclusion? I’ve sort of stopped doing this, at least with guys I want to be friends only with. I actually stopped keeping male friends for the large part because they tend to assume that if I asked them to hang out or I agree to hang out or something like that, I am interested in something romantic. Or I have to tiptoeing around what I say because I don’t want to give the wrong impression to their impressionable mind, when normally to a real friend I wouldn’t have to. And it is very awkward when I have to tell them that I just want to be friends. And for some reason have to keep telling them that because apparently they think I have changed my mind or my answered changed Edited December 29, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
dramafreezone Posted December 29, 2020 Posted December 29, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I see. Moderately. You knew for sure that they were interested in you or did you just sort of came to the conclusion? I’ve sort of stopped doing this, at least with guys I want to be friends only with. I actually stopped keeping male friends for the large part because they tend to assume that if I asked them to hang out or I agree to hang out or something like that, I am interested in something romantic. And it is very awkward when I have to tell them that I just want to be friends. And for some reason have to keep telling them that because they think I might change my mind down the road. I initially agreed to go out with the first one, but canceled and she later told me that she'd told all of her friends that I'd be coming, and she continued to pursue opportunities to see me after that. I've had platonic female friends and they don't behave like that. Was not attracted to her. The second one I mentioned used to work with me came back to the job and stopped by my office. She did pretty much ask me out, but I didn't really take the lead because I didn't really know what was happening at the time. This was several years ago. Back then I couldn't imagine that someone that looked like her would want to see me in a romatic capacity. A mutual friend told me years later that she used to like me. She's married now, very beautiful and had lots of suitors so I imagine she lost interest pretty quickly when I didn't pick up on her interest or if she thought I rejected her (which I didn't). I don't think this is quite what you're describing with your friends. I never once asked any of these women out or pursued any of these women. They pursued me, but it was in this same indirect approach that the OP is describing. Odds are no woman is ever going to come up to him and say "I like you, let's go out." Either way, not that big of a deal. She could like him now and then 5 minutes into the date be turned off. That's why I said he should just take it easy and see if he likes spending time with her. Edited December 29, 2020 by dramafreezone 1
Lotsgoingon Posted December 29, 2020 Posted December 29, 2020 You don't know until you show up for the dinner. You'll know by your own nervousness and butterflies and by the energy of the conversation. This gets very tricky and I admit I messed this up many times. But there is a difference between butterflies I feel because the energy between me and the other person is kinda flirty and unbounded and butterflies I feel because I have pre-committed to trying to get an official date with the person. You have to just show up and see. Which is really cool because that way there is no pressure. You can relax and see how you two interact. She definitely likes you or else you wouldn't have asked you out. And she also likes you as evidenced by her suggestion that you show her around. I don't think it's obvious at all that her interest stops at friendship. A few years ago, a woman I had been having very "friendshippy" lunches with told me she wanted to meet me at a bar, on a Friday night. I was like, Oh s! ... this feels different, and it was. It was a date. Energy was very different. But I couldn't totally tell until I was there. See this as a win either way. You get to know her better to see if she's worth asking out on a date and there's no pressure. Relax and have fun. And oh, definitely look good. 4 1
Author max3732 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Posted January 17, 2021 Just wanted to follow up and get some additional advice. We are all set to go to a restaurant this week. Let's say we have a nice meal, enjoy each other's company, and make plans for another meal or an activity. At that point are we still "just friends" until one of us says or does something to change it?
basil67 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 Consider the two of you 'just friends' until there's an onslaught of chemistry and you kiss. No chemistry and no kiss = just friends. 5
Wiseman2 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 35 minutes ago, max3732 said: We are all set to go to a restaurant this week. Let's say we have a nice meal, enjoy each other's company, and make plans for another meal or an activity. Yes, ask her out for another date at the end of this one. Enjoy the date! 1
SumGuy Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 1 hour ago, max3732 said: Just wanted to follow up and get some additional advice. We are all set to go to a restaurant this week. Let's say we have a nice meal, enjoy each other's company, and make plans for another meal or an activity. At that point are we still "just friends" until one of us says or does something to change it? You could be regularly meeting every week for months, years, and still be just friends. However, I get the idea you would like to be more than just friends, or at least have that in mind. If me, at some point (maybe after 4-6 meetings, after all don't want to seem pushy) I'd let her know do enjoy going out as friends, happy to do so just want to make sure she is thinking just friends means to her: not seeing me another way or more let's take it slow and become friends first. If it is just taking it slow, that is OK, but if not seeing me as anything more will get back onto OLD because ultimately looking to find that special person can connect with as more than just friends. If she asks you what happens if you meet someone, will you let her know, etc.....tough territory...maybe better to say you'll cross that bridge when you come to it but what would she think is a good idea to do? Those questions are often a sure sign she had at least an inkling she may want more....why they can be tricky questions to answer. Short answer, if she really wants to keep it just friends don't let this stop you from dating. However, she may be using just friends to keep you from pressuring her for physical intimacy too soon, good to find that out (after you give the friend thing some time) if you are really in to her.
Author max3732 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Posted January 18, 2021 19 hours ago, basil67 said: Consider the two of you 'just friends' until there's an onslaught of chemistry and you kiss. No chemistry and no kiss = just friends. What about other physical contact? For example she did a "high 5" for the 1st time the other day. Should I start trying to do other physical contact before a kiss just like with someone I met online? It's a bit tricky with her because I've known her for years and she knows I have trouble initiating physical contact since I get nervous and feel awkward.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 Worry about that stuff after you ask her out again after the date or whatever this is. One way to know is how she looks when she shows up. A little extra makeup, dressing a little sexy, etc. Body language, shy looks and smiles, etc. Come on man you got this. 4
dramafreezone Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, max3732 said: Just wanted to follow up and get some additional advice. We are all set to go to a restaurant this week. Let's say we have a nice meal, enjoy each other's company, and make plans for another meal or an activity. At that point are we still "just friends" until one of us says or does something to change it? What do you want? Do you want to be "just friends?" If so and you can tell she's attracted, tell her that you just want to be friends. Don't lead her on. If you want a romatic connection, then treat her like a date. You don't have to say I want you in a romantic capacity, but don't pretend that you want friendship if you want more than that. That's how men end up in the friendzone. If you treat her like a friend but you want to progress to a romatic connection and think that being her friend is a way in, she'll either think you don't have the confidence to go for what you want, or she'll just simply think you don't have interest and she'll lose interest. If she's growing more attracted to you she will initiate contact or make it clear that it's ok for you to initiate contact. She'll bump knees under the table, she'll touch you on the arm. If she's attracted to you she'll orient herself towards you (crossing legs towards you) she'll keep fixed eye contact, she'll twirl her hair, she'll laugh at your jokes, she'll talk a lot. If you're walking down the sidewalk she'll bump into you. Any one of these is not necessarily interest by itself, but the more of these you see, the better. If you don't see any of this, then she's probably not attracted. I certainly won't initiate contact if she's showing no signs of interest. You don't have to declare anything. If everything goes well, you date a few more times and she's interested in being your girlfriend, let her bring it up. Just be a fun guy to hang with right now. Edited January 18, 2021 by dramafreezone
basil67 Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, max3732 said: What about other physical contact? For example she did a "high 5" for the 1st time the other day. Should I start trying to do other physical contact before a kiss just like with someone I met online? It's a bit tricky with her because I've known her for years and she knows I have trouble initiating physical contact since I get nervous and feel awkward. Considering that a High 5 can be done between an adult and child and isn't creepy, I would say it does not count as any kind of romantic physical contact - especially if it's congratulatory. Do you want to try and establish a relationship with her? Honestly, I'd ask her out again and use the word "date". If she knows it's a date and accepts, then any physical contact is unlikely to be rejected. Edited January 18, 2021 by basil67
elaine567 Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 Problem with just getting out of a relationship is that there is suddenly no-one to go out to eat with one on one, especially if all your friends are coupled up or it is a pandemic. I guess she feels you are "safe" from a pandemic point of view and "safe" in that you are unlikely to try anything. So this request to go for something to eat may be nothing to do with romantic attraction, more a need to go for a nice sit down meal and dress up. As for the high five, that to me is a very buddy buddy thing to do, I would not see that as physical contact or a sign she is interested in anything more than friendship. I agree with Basil, unless the word "date" is involved and she knows that and accepts, then this is no more than two long term friends going out for a meal together. 2
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