how to live with narc sister?

[ella5]

Hello, I would really like some advice on how to deal with my seemingly narcissistic sister. I don't like to put labels like that but she sort of displays the symptoms. I am a legal adult, but can't move out because I need to stay with my elderly parents, and in the culture I grew up in it is not approved of for girls to move out unless they are married. She is not married either, so we live in the same house.

There are periods where we get along, and then over something seemingly small, such as me not reacting to something she says or does the way she expected, she will get very offended and begin to insult my weight, my intelligence, and so on. The main things I have done to set her off was my facial expression when she startled me and questioning decisions she makes. It turns into her getting really upset, insulting me, and then me also getting worked up and insulting her back, either by stating that she is stuck up, that I don't want to go places with her, or that she is immature and can't take responsibility. I am usually the one to let it go earlier and make peace, but often when I go to apologize she lectures me on how hurt she is or how wrong I was, disregarding the fact that I came to make peace and causing me to get upset again and the fight continues.

Even other people who deal with her say that she cannot take criticism, she lectures people too much, she's too arrogant, and everything is an insult. She has also admitted to having a rivalry with me and thinks I am the reason that our parents get upset with her, rather than her having done anything wrong. I don't feel the same rivalry with her so I really don't understand. She claims that I treat her like she's weird and a reject because she doesn't have many friends. I have tried bringing her around my friends but she has insulted me in front of them and gotten into fights in front of them, which caused me much embarrassment. I have never said that she is weird, but I have said she is arrogant and that is why I like to keep my distance. I feel like she only is nice to me when she need something or doesn't have anyone else.

I am clearly not handling the relationship with her in a helpful way, and I don't plan on moving out, so if you can give me some advice on how to deal with someone like this I'd be so grateful. Thank you.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, ella5 said:

. I am a legal adult, but can't move out because I need to stay with my elderly parents, and in the culture I grew up in it is not approved of for girls to move out unless they are married. 

Unfortunately you'll have to find a way to get along as long as you live in the same household.

Stay very busy.  Be out as much as possible. Work, take classes online, join groups, clubs, sports, volunteer... anything that keeps you busy.

Interact with your friends more. Avoid your sister when possible and walk away from unnecessary bickering.

Since you can't leave until you're married, start dating. 

 

[ShyViolet]

If I were you I would just try to spend as little time around her as possible.  Do you work?  Live your life.  Focus on your hobbies and your friends.  Don't bring her around your friends anymore.  Think of her more as a roommate.