deepthinking Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) A man and wife. They could have money by advertising for work on-line. They are on welfare, but could get extra income. I have offered to write a reference for him so he can get maintenance work, yard work, kind of thing, and she could do dog-walking. But it is almost taboo to say so. Almost. Their family won't pay for them, and I am supposed to conjure up money. She grumbled about her family {blue-collar} not paying for her, and I did gently {no arguing} say that she can't expect other people to pay for her/him. She screwed up her face a lil. But she knows I am right. But now I dread tomorrow as she is bound to ask me for help, anyway, though now Christmas is over - and i did warn her - I am not supplementing her or her husband indefinitely. I do not want to have spend my money on her, she is not my kid, she is in her fifties. I am just nervous of what she expects. Nervous of her entitled side. Edited December 26, 2020 by deepthinking
Acacia98 Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you paying for and why?
Author deepthinking Posted December 26, 2020 Author Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: If you don't mind my asking, what exactly are you paying for and why? Christmas drinks, because It is festive season. But the poor-me syndrome has been going on for a while. They borrow and do pay people back, but she uses other people's emergency money for gambling scratch cards. And loses more than she wins. Always begging family and me - and my problem here - is how she does not take what i say about getting work seriously. Edited December 26, 2020 by deepthinking
ShyViolet Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Setting boundaries with people and saying NO is a very important skill in life. And this is one of those situations where you have to say NO.
Author deepthinking Posted December 27, 2020 Author Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Setting boundaries with people and saying NO is a very important skill in life. And this is one of those situations where you have to say NO. Yes. Boundaries. Was pretty candid yesterday, said "I can't afford to pay for you" . But I know that she will call me, it is easy to do, so I will not phone back quickly. Edited December 27, 2020 by deepthinking
Author deepthinking Posted December 27, 2020 Author Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, S2B said: No reason to ever say yes. explain to her she can work and earn money as easily as you can. let her know the answer will always be no. you earn the money - she can earn HER own money... and she will when people stop making it easy for her to not work. no is the answer. Ask HER why you need to give away money you earn when she doesn’t work. I am a pensioner but thanks. i think i will just be busy as she knows I write for a hobby. I just wish she was more of a go-getter, meh. She'll have to be. Edited December 27, 2020 by deepthinking
Wiseman2 Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Are there social services where you live? They can apply for assistance with food, housing, physical and mental healthcare, employment assistance, career training assistance, etc. They can also look into community or faith-based charities for clothing, food or other help. Many are struggling these days and need assistance from appropriate sources. Don't write references unless you can stand behind them.
Millennial Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Depends. If it's buying rounds then it's a "we are all in it together" vibe. If they are just mooching drinks off of people, then obviously the answer is no. 1
Author deepthinking Posted December 27, 2020 Author Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Are there social services where you live? They can apply for assistance with food, housing, physical and mental healthcare, employment assistance, career training assistance, etc. They can also look into community or faith-based charities for clothing, food or other help. Many are struggling these days and need assistance from appropriate sources. Don't write references unless you can stand behind them. she' gone to them all; thing is they do give to the needy, but just some, not great deal, but decent enough, though she likes a great deal. Thanks but his reference would be honest, he is good at yard-work and polite. I am not paying her bills-to-come; central heating in every room is more luxe than I can afford. I just have in on in my lounge. So this is an experiment to see what she does. Edited December 27, 2020 by deepthinking
Ruby Slippers Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 I'm a generous person, but I'm firmly against giving handouts to people who aren't doing anything to lift themselves up, too lazy to get a job, etc. I think in the big picture it only harms them, enables and cripples them from learning to take care of themselves.
Author deepthinking Posted December 27, 2020 Author Posted December 27, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'm a generous person, but I'm firmly against giving handouts to people who aren't doing anything to lift themselves up, too lazy to get a job, etc. I think in the big picture it only harms them, enables and cripples them from learning to take care of themselves. I know, She was saying how her family won't help and I asked why should they and then I realized that I was to be tasked with making sure she has money, which used to be a favour but was about to be her due as she saw it, so then I asked Loveshack Edited December 27, 2020 by deepthinking
Author deepthinking Posted December 28, 2020 Author Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) So today and yesterday, she invited me over, but I am stressed with physical symptoms {bad back] over her, do not want arguing, so I just said I will see her NYE {delaying seeing her} and will point out her gambling and smoking addictions create large expenses um and they amount to more than my expenses Edited December 28, 2020 by deepthinking
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