NOT dating a CO-WORKER, but someone by proxy or indirectly via work

[QuietRiot]

I work for an entity where, come to find out, people have met and married their current partners through work. Noticed I said THROUGH work, not their actual CO-workers. Granted, MOST cases, it was that they worked in different departments that were connected to each other...but not directly WITH each other (in the same office, sharing the same space together).

Example: Accountant dating an HR clerk...2 different departments.

I worked at a car dealership where a mechanic dated and wound up moving in with the tag/marketing admin. Or me asking out the cute, internal mail courier to lunch. There was a time where I worked in permitting, and these attractive ladies would always show up at the window to pick up ppwk for their builders. Things like that? 

 

[Emilie Jolie]

Yes, it happens all the time. Even to co-workers in the same dept.

Was there a specific question or situation you had in mind that we can help with, or was this more of an observational musing in passing?

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Yes, it happens all the time. Even to co-workers in the same dept.

Was there a specific question or situation you had in mind that we can help with, or was this more of an observational musing in passing?

I am saying, with such opposition to eating where you poop, can you find kind of a loophole in all that? Are some people black and white, or are there still grey areas when coming to pooping where you eat?

[Emilie Jolie]

Cute metaphor.

If you're asking me? I suppose yes to a one of a kind, spectacularly special, magical grey area loophole. 

Nothing less, though.

[Miss Spider]

If they are not closely working together it makes it less messy if they break up. People sometimes advise not to date close coworkers because of that.

Edited December 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Interstellar]

Yes, I listen to this podcast and this host cited the pretty high numbers of people meeting their husbands and wives  through work.

I think it was 17 percent.

It’s actually more ideal because you’re seeing them face to face, seeing their body language, verbal cues, their personality in real life 

and not meeting a complete stranger. But there are downsides of course.  Five coworkers and acquaintances of mine met their wives at my job, beautiful women too.

Edited January 2, 2021 by Interstellar

[QuietRiot]

1 hour ago, Interstellar said:

Yes, I listen to this podcast and this host cited the pretty high numbers of people meeting their husbands and wives  through work.

I think it was 17 percent.

It’s actually more ideal because you’re seeing them face to face, seeing their body language, verbal cues, their personality in real life 

and not meeting a complete stranger. But there are downsides of course.  Five coworkers and acquaintances of mine met their wives at my job, beautiful women too.

Yeah, and I bet some of those that have this "don't poop where you eat" mentality are kicking themselves when they witness this actually can happen in the workplace. I know deputies that married correctional officers. lol

I have a lady co-worker that's always flirting with me, not too bad looking, but she's a heavy smoker.

Edited January 2, 2021 by QuietRiot

[Lotsgoingon]

I've worked at places where people openly dated. Multiple couples. Wasn't looked down upon at all. And didn't result in any toxic energy when things did not work out. This is directly dating another person on the other side of the room. No proxy involved. 

But I've been lucky that the jobs I've had generally attracted kind and balanced people who don't have mean streaks. 

So I've never accepted that it's wrong to date someone at work. You don't want to date a supervisor or an underling. But the jobs I've worked at have explicit rules. If you start to date an underling, you go and tell management and they give the underling a different supervisor. 

Now, if someone who has real trouble forming and sustaining bonds with people--if you're someone prone to explosive outbursts and fits of anger--then don't date at work. So proxy is easy for me. But dating people in the same workspace can work as well. You just have to be mature. And the risk is things don't work and you have to figure out how not to be toxic pain to the work place and to interactions with that person. Can't do that, then stay away from dating at work. 

[5x5]

I’ve had five sexual relationships with co-workers, three of whom I worked closely with. Two of the women I was with, asked me out. While the rest I asked them out.

Of all of them I only had problems with one of them in the workplace. When another one of my workmates, who I shared a place with told everyone I’d spent the night with her on our first date simply because I didn’t come home. So she then dumped me when another of my work colleagues made a remark about my being with her while we were chatting at work.

Otherwise my experience was drama free even when I eventually dumped three of them.

While I am still happily with the fifth one (we worked closely with each other),  and have been with her for close to 25 years so far.

With that said, I think there’s nothing wrong with having sexual relationships with coworkers, whether one works with them closely or not.

[QuietRiot]

7 hours ago, 5x5 said:

I’ve had five sexual relationships with co-workers, three of whom I worked closely with. Two of the women I was with, asked me out. While the rest I asked them out.

Of all of them I only had problems with one of them in the workplace. When another one of my workmates, who I shared a place with told everyone I’d spent the night with her on our first date simply because I didn’t come home. So she then dumped me when another of my work colleagues made a remark about my being with her while we were chatting at work.

Otherwise my experience was drama free even when I eventually dumped three of them.

While I am still happily with the fifth one (we worked closely with each other),  and have been with her for close to 25 years so far.

With that said, I think there’s nothing wrong with having sexual relationships with coworkers, whether one works with them closely or not.

So you had no concern about Human Resources getting involved? There's also that.

[5x5]

4 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

So you had no concern about Human Resources getting involved? There's also that.

No concerns at all.

In fact the workplace where my now wife asked me out on a date. Went on to publish a news article bragging about the number of marriages and children that were generated by office romances. Although our marriage was missed in that article.

As to my other workplace relationships, they happened in the first half of the 1990s when I was in the Army, and Human Resource departments weren't a part of that experience.

That said with my wife and I having worked in or with a number of organisations mostly government and sometimes non-government ever since the late 1980s. In our experience up to now in Australia, office romances have always been a common thing.

So it isn't really a big deal for most of us.

Edited January 3, 2021 by 5x5

[QuietRiot]

8 hours ago, 5x5 said:

No concerns at all.

In fact the workplace where my now wife asked me out on a date. Went on to publish a news article bragging about the number of marriages and children that were generated by office romances. Although our marriage was missed in that article.

As to my other workplace relationships, they happened in the first half of the 1990s when I was in the Army, and Human Resource departments weren't a part of that experience.

That said with my wife and I having worked in or with a number of organisations mostly government and sometimes non-government ever since the late 1980s. In our experience up to now in Australia, office romances have always been a common thing.

So it isn't really a big deal for most of us.

You know what's interesting...for every post in a dating message board, I think there's 1 out of 10 people that actually do what you do. The others are like "Don't do it, it's UN-professional!" and they wind up taking their advice. lol

Maybe the culture is different in Australia, I find a lot of women...most of them, won't date their co-workers. They'd much prefer online dating or just outside of work. In fact,I think ONLINE dating is more preferred than any kind of in-person dating.

Edited January 3, 2021 by QuietRiot

[Lotsgoingon]

Many companies allow dating between coworkers. Usually in these cases, the  HR departments have policies that say two people dating--or sexually involved (they use polite language) should not be working one for the other. 

So if I'm dating my boss, then we both need to go to the boss' supervisor and tell them of what's happening. You have to disclose. 

It's understood in many workplaces that since people spend a good chunk of their life at work and since at work we often meet people with the same demographic traits that we have, that dating will occur. 

The problem is when people act like jerks when things don't work out.

Actually a guy I know really well ended up briefly dating his supervisor. They didn't disclose for whatever reason. But a top supervisor noticed the tension between them (probably figured out they had been dating but didn't say so) and told them to stop the backbiting and tension.

They did. I think they both had a good laugh.They both felt humbled and found a way to keep going.