Starting to struggle again

[Ruby Slippers]

I tend to agree it's not a good idea to be her "friend." Date others and get on with your life. 

[Blind-Sided]

12 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I tend to agree it's not a good idea to be her "friend." Date others and get on with your life. 

Haven't read most of this thread.... but that is exactly right.  You can't really be "Friends" with an ex. Since there was kids... just be civil. 

[Brokendad]

1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said:

Haven't read most of this thread.... but that is exactly right.  You can't really be "Friends" with an ex. Since there was kids... just be civil. 

The children aren't with this girl haha. Basically, to give you a little idea, my wife left me and at first I could t bare being away from her. She also took our children with h her. But I now feel "over" her and am doing all I can to have my children some of the time. My issue now, is I started dating a new girl a few weeks back, and sh seemed pretty much perfect. But because I was being too much for her and treating it more serious than she wanted me too, it's gone belly up. But I really like her and keep thinking about her. I wish I could have another chance with her, but I can't. She told me we can remain friends, but I wanted more than that! So I feel down about blowing my chances with such an amazing girl so quickly! That's my story in a nutshell!

[emprosnet7]

52 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

The children aren't with this girl haha. Basically, to give you a little idea, my wife left me and at first I could t bare being away from her. She also took our children with h her. But I now feel "over" her and am doing all I can to have my children some of the time. My issue now, is I started dating a new girl a few weeks back, and sh seemed pretty much perfect. But because I was being too much for her and treating it more serious than she wanted me too, it's gone belly up. But I really like her and keep thinking about her. I wish I could have another chance with her, but I can't. She told me we can remain friends, but I wanted more than that! So I feel down about blowing my chances with such an amazing girl so quickly! That's my story in a nutshell!

Just hang out with her as friends

[Brokendad]

1 hour ago, emprosnet7 said:

Just hang out with her as friends

I'd love to be able too, but I know I'd constantly want more than just friendship. I can't even look at an ambulance without thinking about her (she's an ambulance driver and paramedic). It's pathetic that I can't just forget about someone that I've only known a few weeks and that it's bringing me down all the time. I wish I could just shrug it off, move on and forget her, but I can't!!

[schlumpy]

5 hours ago, Brokendad said:

I'd love to be able too, but I know I'd constantly want more than just friendship. I can't even look at an ambulance without thinking about her (she's an ambulance driver and paramedic). It's pathetic that I can't just forget about someone that I've only known a few weeks and that it's bringing me down all the time. I wish I could just shrug it off, move on and forget her, but I can't!!

Type into your browser "cheating 180."

The 180 program is designed to help you detach from your feelings and allow the rational part of your mind to once again take control. 

There are no quick solutions to what ails you.

[Harry Korsnes]

Hi broken!

You've got som good advice here, but i think you should slow down on the dating thoughts. Consentrale on your kids first. Get things in orders with your life then the dating will come.

Best of.

 

[Harry Korsnes]

And another thing try getting an opinion from another laster.

[Harry Korsnes]

Sorry i ment lawyer.

[Brokendad]

So it's been a couple of weeks or so since my last post. Things have slightly changed in terms of my girls recently. I've been seeing them once a week after I leave work and the last two weekends I've actually been able to have them round mine for a whole day by myself, which is a positive step. My ex (their mum) doesn't live with them (she's living at her new house with her new bloke, while the girls are still at her mum's) and she only sees them occasionally, which is horrible really. So all contact I have with the girls is via my ex mother in law, it's such a ridiculous situation!

I'm still really cut up on that girl that I was seeing though. It's now been three weeks plus, since I last saw her, but I still think of her everyday and regretting my actions of being "over eager" and too much for her, as I really did catch strong feelings for her very quickly and wish I could just date her again! There's no chance of it happening, she's made that pretty clear, and she wants to just remain friends (literally just the odd text here and there asking how her week has been etc is as far as it goes with her now). 

Feelings for the mother of my children have long gone, but I do feel jealous at times at how happy she is in a new relationship etc. After everything she's done (walked out on me, taken the children, refused me any contact with them for so long, refusing to get off the tenancy to the flat, chatting (sexually) to blokes while still living with me, threatening me etc) and yet she is on top of the world, the happiest she has ever been, and here I am lonely, fed up and nothing seems to be going for me in my life!!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Indeed a ridiculous situation having to deal  with the mother in law to see your kids. Sadly your ex seems to be acting like a 16 y/o.

I always wished they would develop a brain scan for this type of behavior, but alas, all the technology in the world can cannot pick up "stupid" on a scan.

Edited October 28, 2020 by Wiseman2

[LynneVicious]

BrokenDad,

I read your thread and gather you’re in the uk?

im in the us, but I do have some advice

1. Contact another solicitor and ask for an emergency hearing. There is no way it’s okay for your kids to be living with their grandmother as guardian and you need ‘permission’ to see them. Somethings not right. Either we are missing a big chunk of the story here, or you’re being taken for a ride. No WAY would I allow my children to live with their grandparent when it hasn’t been through the courts. 
 

there is absolutely NOTHING stopping you from picking up your girls right now or ANYTIME and taking them. Nothing! You don’t need permission from your wife’s mom and you don’t need permission from your wife. Go get your girls! And call a solicitor - a different one and request an emergency custody meeting. In the meantime, you can take your girls with you, since your wife basically gave up custody to her mother and SHE can work our visitation with you. 
 

2. Do not date right now. You’re not healed from your marriage. Not even close. And you’ll be bringing your motions from your marriage into any new relatiinship right now. Which sounds like what happened with the last girl you mentioned. 

have fun, go on dates, see friends and spend as much time as possible with your girls. No serious relationships right now. Good luck!

[Brokendad]

Hello, yet another update! So over the last few weeks, my ex's mum (who the children are living with currently) has been inviting me round once a week when I leave work to go and see the girls, have tea with them, bath them and put them to bed etc, and I've actually been having them at my flat one day over the weekend for the last 3/4 weeks aswell, which is much better than it had been. But on Tuesday this week, my ex rang me, demanding that I agree to her childcare arrangements that she has set out, but they weren't fair at all, and so I told her I dont agree and that she will be hearing from my solicitor soon with my wishes. We were on the phone for over 90 minutes, and then suddenly her new partner came on the phone. He started threatening me, telling me how he knows where I live and how he's going to kick me in and I'll never be able to walk again etc! All the time he was saying this, I could head my ex laughing. So I've told my solicitor that I'm worried he's a violent character and do t feel comfortable with him being anywhere near the girls. 

So aswell as this lovely interaction with my ex X and her new bloke, I'm still feeling lonely and fed up! I'm still missing the girl that I was seeing a few weeks back, I really do think she was just the kind of girl I want in my life to be honest. I've tried online dating, and have messaged so many people, but not a single person will ever even answer me, which is getting pretty annoying! If anyone has any tips on this kind of thing, then that'd be great!!

 

[mark clemson]

Consider if you can figure out how to get this recorded in some way that is LEGAL and court-admissible. Possibly you can call and ask to speak with HIM from the solicitor's office and the solicitor can be a witness or similar. You'd need to check out a way to make it court admissible or so that he/they inadvertently get it recorded and documented. Another conversation with the solicitor to figure out if there's a way to do this. 🙄

[Brokendad]

5 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Consider if you can figure out how to get this recorded in some way that is LEGAL and court-admissible. Possibly you can call and ask to speak with HIM from the solicitor's office and the solicitor can be a witness or similar. You'd need to check out a way to make it court admissible or so that he/they inadvertently get it recorded and documented. Another conversation with the solicitor to figure out if there's a way to do this. 🙄

My solicitor has written to my ex explaining how I have made her aware of his actions and about his threatening behaviour, and that if this happens again, then I will be forced to make it a police matter. She has told me that she has also included it in the statement to court, so the courts can decide if any action needs to be taken (even if it meant that when my ex is with the girls, that he can't be present with them. I don't care about him threatening me, I'm just worried about him ever being aggressive etc Infront of the children. I don't understand how a mother (my ex) can take a guy like him into her life and move into a new house with him after being together for a month, and yet a decent bloke like me, who just wants a bit of happiness and love and just a peaceful life with his children and a loving partner can't even get a girl to talk to him! What is wrong with this world?!

[mark clemson]

Yes, I agree people's actions don't always make a lot of sense. Sorry that you have found yourself in this type of situation.

[Wiseman2]

Get a restraining order for yourself and your girls against him.

[princessaurora]

3 hours ago, Brokendad said:

He started threatening me, telling me how he knows where I live and how he's going to kick me in and I'll never be able to walk again etc! All the time he was saying this, I could head my ex laughing.

She really sounds like an awful heartless person to let him talk to the father of her children that way, and then laughing about it. This woman is not right and you're definitely better off without her. Just keep moving in the right direction, allow yourself to heal, and in time you will find an amazing woman that will love you and your daughters. The timing just isn't right yet, but it will come. Just be patient.  

[Brokendad]

11 hours ago, princessaurora said:

She really sounds like an awful heartless person to let him talk to the father of her children that way, and then laughing about it. This woman is not right and you're definitely better off without her. Just keep moving in the right direction, allow yourself to heal, and in time you will find an amazing woman that will love you and your daughters. The timing just isn't right yet, but it will come. Just be patient.  

What makes it even worse, is when I told her mum about the threats he made and the way both he and my ex were acting, she just shrugged her shoulders and said "so what? There's nothing you can do about it. He's even shouted at me, but it's up to (my ex) to see who she wants. The courts won't care what he's like and they can't stop her seeing him"! So literally none of their family seems to care that he's potentially a danger to the children.

I hope you're right about me meeting someone at some point, but I really can't see it! As I said, I've tried messaging so many people on a couple of dating apps, even just to find people to just chat too etc, but I literally have only ever had one person reply, which was the girl I dated a few weeks back! It's actually pretty disheartening to be honest!

[Harry Korsnes]

3 hours ago, Brokendad said:

What makes it even worse, is when I told her mum about the threats he made and the way both he and my ex were acting, she just shrugged her shoulders and said "so what? There's nothing you can do about it. He's even shouted at me, but it's up to (my ex) to see who she wants. The courts won't care what he's like and they can't stop her seeing him"! So literally none of their family seems to care that he's potentially a danger to the children.

I hope you're right about me meeting someone at some point, but I really can't see it! As I said, I've tried messaging so many people on a couple of dating apps, even just to find people to just chat too etc, but I literally have only ever had one person reply, which was the girl I dated a few weeks back! It's actually pretty disheartening to be honest!

I think you should relax on the dating right now. Be done with the ex and make stable life for you and your daughters before you eaven consider dating.

If you bring a new woman in theyre life before stability wont look good.

[gamon]

19 hours ago, Brokendad said:

 suddenly her new partner came on the phone. He started threatening me, telling me how he knows where I live and how he's going to kick me in and I'll never be able to walk again etc! All the time he was saying this, I could head my ex laughing.

 

 

Next time he comes on the phone hang up immediately.

 

[Harry Korsnes]

1 hour ago, gamon said:

Next time he comes on the phone hang up immediately.

 

She dose not eaven have the kids living with her! Why on earth should he answer the phone when she calls? Nc and the 180's what he needs to do. 

[Harry Korsnes]

How are things going with you?

[mark clemson]

One thought to consider would be figuring out a way to document court-admissibly how much time your STBX is leaving your kids with her parents. The courts MAY care about that and/or increase your custody time.

I am sort of rooting for their thing to eventually implode and her to come crawling back to you. Would not be shocked if that happens, although there's certainly no guarantees. This happened to a guy I know in RL and we see it once in a while here as well IIRC. Guess time will tell.

[Brokendad]

On 11/14/2020 at 12:21 AM, mark clemson said:

One thought to consider would be figuring out a way to document court-admissibly how much time your STBX is leaving your kids with her parents. The courts MAY care about that and/or increase your custody time.

I am sort of rooting for their thing to eventually implode and her to come crawling back to you. Would not be shocked if that happens, although there's certainly no guarantees. This happened to a guy I know in RL and we see it once in a while here as well IIRC. Guess time will tell.

On the "her crawling back to me" point, I have actually wondered recently if she'd try this IF I'm granted more custody to the girls than she is expecting me to get, but if she does try it, I would t take her back anyway. 

I've actually been seeing the girls a bit more in recent weeks, I've been going to my ex's parents to have tea with the girls and get them ready for bed etc atleast once a week and been having them for one day every weekend by myself (they stayed at mine Friday night for the first time since this all kicked off and stayed all day with me yesterday, which was really nice). Their mum (my ex obviously!) Is literally spending a couple of hours a week with them, and spend the rest of her week with her new man at their new house. 

I do want her new relationship to break down, not because I'm jealous or want her back, but because I think he is potentially a danger to my girls (he's threatened me, shouted at my ex's mum, and there's things about him that my ex's family know about him but refuse to tell me as it's "not in their place to say anything".). All I know is he's a bit of a mouthy, gym obsessed bloke who likes to think he can literally fight his way out of any situation. For all I know, he could be a violent drug abuser! 

My ex has dramatically changed over the last couple of months that she's been with him. She isn't getting on with her family, she hardly ever wants to see the girls, she used to hate violent people but I could even hear her laughing when her new bloke was threatening to come and break my legs etc. I really don't know what's happening with her, but surely in the long run, it makes things better for me as the courts will not want the children being with someone who doesn't seem to have their best interest at heart?!