Starting to struggle again

[schlumpy]

1 hour ago, Brokendad said:

The trouble is, I'm not even allowed to change the locks! I've asked my solicitor and the lettings agency and they've both said that I can't change the locks until she comes off the tenancy, and I can't make her leave the tenancy.

That doesn't mean you can't install a deadbolt or lean a chair up against a door handle.

Take her stuff and put it in plastic bags. Go down to a storage facility and pay for two months storage. Tell it's all there if she wants it.

Quit focusing on her and worrying about if she gets mad.

You have to fight back. Have you looked into the 180 yet?

 

[BaileyB]

If not moving, can you file a protection order? 

Seriously, there must be some way you can restrict her access to your home and get shared custody of your children WHILE settling your divorce.

Perhaps, it’s time to call legal aid or get a second opinion from another lawyer. Something seem off here.

[stillafool]

No she will not magically change back into the woman she was when you married her.  She is acting this way because she's happy.  I'm sorry if it hurts but she feels younger and is acting younger because she's free.  It's time to move forward with what you're going to do for the future because the only way she'll return is out of desperation and I'm sure you don't want that.  You want to be wanted the way she wants the other man.

[endlessabyss]

Man, that OP was absolutely brutal to read.  It brought back a lot of memories for me.

So, I had been in a serious relationship for eight years - never married.  My ex and I had our daughter four years into the relationship.  There were a ton of ups and downs, and we eventually grew apart.  She wanted to to remain a partier/runner, and I was turning into a "square" (being more introverted and finding satisfaction with solo activities.).  She pretty much said I was a hermit crab, and wasn't interesting.

I really didn't want the relationship to end, because I knew that would ruin my relationship with my daughter forever.  Well, she ended up finding someone else.  That person was the absolute mirror reflection of her, but male.  At the time we were staying apart from one another, and  I found out through an acquaintance while I was out with some friends.  My ex was out of state for work, and she let her new boyfriend (now husband) hold her car while she was away.

One morning I decided to go to her place to talk, and when I arrived she was laying in bed nude with her boyfriend (now husband) with my daughter all in the same bed.  I tried to take my daughter, but the courts demanded I give her back in an emergency hearing.  Furthermore, during all of this my ex was posting all of her sex life, with her new boyfriend, (now husband) on social media for everyone to read about.

I cannot even describe how devastating all this was.  I was also recovering from a major nervous breakdown and benzo addiction.  

My ex ended up moving out with this guy a month later, and wouldn't tell me where she was moving.  Things got so bad for me, health wise, I ended up just letting my ex have sole custody of my daughter.  Eventually, when my daughter turned six we tried to arrange times for me to see my daughter.  It was supposed to be every weekend, but then my ex started play games with my time.  She  eventually ending up telling me she would make the calls on when I could see my daughter, and when she wanted to pick up the money we agreed upon for child support.

I got extremely frustrated, and ended up walking away again.  I think it's been six years since I've seen my daughter.  The first three years of her life we were inseparable.  It took me a good five years to mourn our relationship.

My ex ended up moving out of state, and my daughter lives with her.  She got the kid; I got a second chance at life.  We text each other every so often on how our daughter is doing, but that is really as far as it goes.  

I'm only posting this to let you know you're not alone.  Other people have been through similar things.  You'll grow stronger, and you will get through it.  I promise.

Just take it day by day.

Edited September 21, 2020 by endlessabyss

[LivingWaterPlease]

Brokendad, I have lived a long time and seen a lot of separations and divorces take place.

First off, since you have engaged an attorney you've taken the right steps.

Unfortunately, in many cases the parent who was left suffers tremendously over not only the loss of a spouse they love but also over the children they're separated from. The children also suffer. 

Take heart, though. Over time if you're the balanced, kind, stable person you seem to be in your posts your children will gravitate toward you and you will end up with them. Because from the way you describe your wife it sounds as if she's mentally ill which could very well cause your children to gravitate toward you in the long run.

It sounds as if it's possible that she has a borderline personality disorder or bipolar personality. I'm not a therapist and can't diagnose her but there are some red flags in what you post that could indicate this. All that to say, the bloke she's now with probably won't be a lasting relationship for her so don't envy what they're doing together. You'll most likely see the relationship crash and burn.

For you, it's a waiting game. The legalities need to be addressed and then you should be able to spend time with your children. Judges don't take too kindly to an ex keeping the children away from a spouse they just left.

In the meantime, you need plenty of support. A counselor, a pastor, friends, family. Find as many as you can to support and encourage you. If you don't belong to a church, consider doing so even if just to get through this time. The pastor can guide you toward friends there who will support you. Church people are often very supportive to a person who is going through rough times.

I am so sorry you are suffering through this. There are many of us who can relate. Just know that time is on your side. You will get through this and you will come out better for it. Things will get easier over time. Just get as much emotional support as possible now. I will pray for you here in my home now.

[TestyTestospherson]

@Brokendad sorry to hear you're going through this. With what you're describing, and the concerns about your ex's mental health in the past, be sure to educate yourself on the term "parental alienation" and find a solicitor that is familiar with this in your area.

[Emilie Jolie]

19 hours ago, Brokendad said:

I do feel that the laws are very much aimed towards the mother of children

They're not; they're usually on the side of the children's welfare.

A solicitor once told me that very, very few of these situations actually end up in court comparatively, partly because the costs are prohibitive, and partly because most couples seem to be able to hash things out before getting to that point (via their lawyers or by themselves) once the emotional rollercoaster has slowed down for both parties.

Brokendad, I'll be straightforward: I feel like something is missing from your posts. It's not quite clear, for instance, why you were ok sleeping on the couch for 2 years, or what happened in your couple between her telling you she didn't love you anymore less than 10 months ago to her actually leaving you 2 months ago. There also seems to have been a huge communication breakdown that made you go from her leaving you to you contacting a solicitor within a week. Your part in getting to that point has been somewhat glossed over (you do have a part to play, regardless of her suspected 'mental health' issues, sorry to say), and you seem to be steamrolling this thing at full speed without taking the time to process things, after what looks like a long period of inaction. 

You can't speed this up anymore than you already have. You want reasonable access to your girls, which is absolutely fine of course, but that doesn't give you the right to stalk her every move online, or lash out at her / her potential partner, or not allowing her to her own stuff back. 

Brokendad, it's been 2 months. I think you need to take a breath. Your solicitor has it under control. You have a handful of months to wait until your court date - not ideal I know. Keep comfort in the fact that it's very unlikely your bond with your girls will have been affected in any way. Until then, if you can't figure out a constructive way to reach out to your ex and iron things out to the benefit of all (but mostly your kids), keep positive for your girls, make the time you have with them fun and lighthearted to minimise the psychological impact on them, as they are so little still. 

[Brokendad]

2 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

They're not; they're usually on the side of the children's welfare.

A solicitor once told me that very, very few of these situations actually end up in court comparatively, partly because the costs are prohibitive, and partly because most couples seem to be able to hash things out before getting to that point (via their lawyers or by themselves) once the emotional rollercoaster has slowed down for both parties.

Brokendad, I'll be straightforward: I feel like something is missing from your posts. It's not quite clear, for instance, why you were ok sleeping on the couch for 2 years, or what happened in your couple between her telling you she didn't love you anymore less than 10 months ago to her actually leaving you 2 months ago. There also seems to have been a huge communication breakdown that made you go from her leaving you to you contacting a solicitor within a week. Your part in getting to that point has been somewhat glossed over (you do have a part to play, regardless of her suspected 'mental health' issues, sorry to say), and you seem to be steamrolling this thing at full speed without taking the time to process things, after what looks like a long period of inaction. 

You can't speed this up anymore than you already have. You want reasonable access to your girls, which is absolutely fine of course, but that doesn't give you the right to stalk her every move online, or lash out at her / her potential partner, or not allowing her to her own stuff back. 

Brokendad, it's been 2 months. I think you need to take a breath. Your solicitor has it under control. You have a handful of months to wait until your court date - not ideal I know. Keep comfort in the fact that it's very unlikely your bond with your girls will have been affected in any way. Until then, if you can't figure out a constructive way to reach out to your ex and iron things out to the benefit of all (but mostly your kids), keep positive for your girls, make the time you have with them fun and lighthearted to minimise the psychological impact on them, as they are so little still. 

I look at it from this standpoint. If I decided I no longer loved my wife and left her, took our children with me, denied her access to them, didn't let her have phone calls with them, introduced countless different women to them, went out most days and left them with my parents and not even let her know where they were living, I would imagine I'd get in quite a bit of trouble. But because it's the mother who has done this, it's almost seem as acceptable by society.

On the point about cases like this not going to court, I think this definitely will. My ex has refused to get a solicitor and has told me that I can only contact her now via my solicitor. She is not willing to speak to me about anything and so the courts are the only option I have.

I was never happy sleeping on the sofa, but quite frankly it was either that or more arguments, and I know which I'd prefer. I never wanted to leave as I didn't want to walk away from my children. 

The reason why I contacted a solicitor within a week was because she told me that I couldn't ever see the girls by myself as she didn't trust me to take them home (I have no idea why she said this) and that the only way I could possibly ever see them again, would be to go round hers and have to sit with her and her mother. That's not a relationship I or my children want. They need both parents and when they are with either parent, they need to be able to have their full attention, which I couldn't give them when I had my wife and mother in law not leaving us alone for a minute!

[Emilie Jolie]

39 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

But because it's the mother who has done this, it's almost seem as acceptable by society.

It's not acceptable by anyone's standards! 

39 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

I was never happy sleeping on the sofa, but quite frankly it was either that or more arguments, and I know which I'd prefer. I never wanted to leave as I didn't want to walk away from my children. 

I see where you are coming from; I also see that putting up with this kind of shyt one year post marriage is a really, really big sign of dysfunction on both your parts, in the sense that the conflict resolution skills that would have taken you out of the sofa without the arguments part did not work. It just feels like there has always been a communication disconnect between the 2 of you as a couple, perhaps because ultimately, you 2 are not compatible as a couple.

 Look, I'm not judging you. You are 100% entitled to have reasonable access to your kids; that's actually laudable. It's just that your thread title also says you are struggling to move away from your wife, and your first couple of posts reflect that too (again, not judging! Just trying to get a more rounded picture).

Have you also ironed out maintenance issues?

39 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

They need both parents and when they are with either parent, they need to be able to have their full attention, which I couldn't give them when I had my wife and mother in law not leaving us alone for a minute!

Of course. Being honest with yourself, can you think of any reason why she doesn't trust you? Because from this outsider's perspective, it sounds like this may be at the heart of your issue here.

 

Edited September 21, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[mark clemson]

On 9/20/2020 at 5:40 AM, Brokendad said:

She doesn't even let me talk to them on the phone and she gives their family friend who has only been out of prison for four years following 21 years behind bars for murder and child sex offences more rights to the girls than I get. She lets him game them out whenever he wants, how is that right?I've tried stopping it and even spoke to the police about it, but they won't do anything.

If this is actually true, it's something to let your lawyer know about. Considering figuring out a way to get court-admissible evidence that this is occurring so the judge can take it into account (if he/she chooses to) during any decision-making.

 

Speaking more generally there are people who turn corners in life. Sometimes that's relatively normal, but sometimes SOME people suddenly change very drastically. I've read some posts on here that fit this description, e.g. a wife suddenly taking up with a meth dealer who lives in a garage (and bringing the kid along). And in my own life a relative's wife suddenly "turned into a different person". He was in denial until the divorce hit (and was served at work and unfortunately a new upper manager took it as an opportunity to get rid of him, "cleaning house" etc).

It sounds like unfortunately your story is one of these cases. Some situations are "no win" and sometimes the best one can do is make the best of a very negative situation. My thought would be to not cling to the past (if you are doing that) as much as it may hurt. Your eventual future is likely to be brighter than today IMO.

[LivingWaterPlease]

BrokenDad, no matter what has happened between you and your wife the courts will see to it that you get visitation with your girls.  Your attorney has probably told you that it's very important to document all of her bad behaviors as far as difficulties with you see your girls. I would also document their emotional reactions each time you separate from them.

I totally get why you would sleep on the couch in order to keep your marriage together even if just so you can see your girls each day. Getting divorced from a nut case is a whole lot harder than divorcing a fairly normal person, especially when children are involved. 

This is not a "forever life sentence" for you. Just get through this tough time with support from friends, family, pastor, counselor. Someone, I believe Mark Clemson, suggested there are better times for you ahead. I agree. 

[Emilie Jolie]

6 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Getting divorced from a nut case

Respectfully, I think you need to be careful with this kind of labelling. We only have one side of the events (no disrespect to Brokendad).

When you strip away all the emotive language and stick to the facts, you are left with very little accountability from the OP in the breakdown of this marriage (an issue in itself, regardless of anything), and many concerning signs of his mishandling of the situation post-separation, ie verbal abuse, illegally attempting to stop her from taking her personal stuff out of their place, online hypervigilanting, kind of slut shaming, escalating the situation with a lawyer straight away, etc. It's perfectly sensible of her, under the circumstances, that she should ask communication be via lawyers only (not sure why she doesn't have one, but that's interesting in itself).

No matter how 'nuts' she may or may not be, it is not doing Brokendad any favours than to brush his behaviour under the carpet. In the end, we can only control our own behaviour anyway. 

She is giving him  (supervised and limited yes, but still) access to their daughters, which he should make the best of for the time being, until the law does its thing.

Brokendad, you can do what you want of course, though my final advice to you would be to try to de-escalate as much as you can, and let your ex know you are a trustworthy, dependable, drama-free co-parent - for the sake of your kids if nothing else. Voluntarily contribute financially to your kids' welfare without being prompted for instance, be chill and relaxed when you see them, always get there on time, etc. At the moment, your anger and frustration are getting the best of you, it seems. While understandable to a degree, it's not helpful to the situation. You weren't blindsided, she gave you plenty of clues in the last 2 years, and now the chickens have come to roost. 

As others have said, you're in the eye of the storm right now but things will get better as time goes. Looking at the situation with some level of self-awareness will certainly help in that regard. 

Take it easy!

 

Edited September 22, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[Brokendad]

4 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Respectfully, I think you need to be careful with this kind of labelling. We only have one side of the events (no disrespect to Brokendad).

When you strip away all the emotive language and stick to the facts, you are left with very little accountability from the OP in the breakdown of this marriage (an issue in itself, regardless of anything), and many concerning signs of his mishandling of the situation post-separation, ie verbal abuse, illegally attempting to stop her from taking her personal stuff out of their place, online hypervigilanting, kind of slut shaming, escalating the situation with a lawyer straight away, etc. It's perfectly sensible of her, under the circumstances, that she should ask communication be via lawyers only (not sure why she doesn't have one, but that's interesting in itself).

No matter how 'nuts' she may or may not be, it is not doing Brokendad any favours than to brush his behaviour under the carpet. In the end, we can only control our own behaviour anyway. 

She is giving him  (supervised and limited yes, but still) access to their daughters, which he should make the best of for the time being, until the law does its thing.

Brokendad, you can do what you want of course, though my final advice to you would be to try to de-escalate as much as you can, and let your ex know you are a trustworthy, dependable, drama-free co-parent - for the sake of your kids if nothing else. Voluntarily contribute financially to your kids' welfare without being prompted for instance, be chill and relaxed when you see them, always get there on time, etc. At the moment, your anger and frustration are getting the best of you, it seems. While understandable to a degree, it's not helpful to the situation. You weren't blindsided, she gave you plenty of clues in the last 2 years, and now the chickens have come to roost. 

As others have said, you're in the eye of the storm right now but things will get better as time goes. Looking at the situation with some level of self-awareness will certainly help in that regard. 

Take it easy!

 

First of all, I have never attempted to stop her taking anything! She's been to the flat on several occasions and has taken the bed, washing machine, TV, units, kitchenware, drawers, dining table and chairs plus many small items, even my wedding ring! I've never tried stopping her illegally, so I'm not sure where you got that from? She has left me with basically nothing!

I had to get a solicitor as she told me that because she is the mother and the fact I have diabetes mean she is going to have the girls all to herself and not ever let me see them without her or her mum's supervision. If I just accepted that and did nothing about it, then how would I have had any kind of relationship with the girls? Her mother has even told me in the past that people with "freakish illnesses like diabetes aren't normal and should never be trusted to have children"! 

I don't see how me having to pay £100 for my solicitor to write her a letter asking how my own children are and if I can talk to them on the phone whenever I want too is acceptable! 

 

[schlumpy]

47 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

I don't see how me having to pay £100 for my solicitor to write her a letter asking how my own children are and if I can talk to them on the phone whenever I want too is acceptable! 

 

I agree. It is not acceptable. It's too bad you accepting it.

Start fighting back!!!!!!

Seek out a support group that is experiencing the same thing you are and use their ideas if they apply to your situation. Research the threads on this forum. Start with the 180.

Do not allow her to use the children to manipulate you. They will only pick up on how weak you are compared to their mother. They won't recognize your motives until they are much older.

Consider DNA testing the children. It will send a message.

[Emilie Jolie]

43 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

I don't see how me having to pay £100 for my solicitor to write her a letter asking how my own children are and if I can talk to them on the phone whenever I want too is acceptable! 

You are totally within your rights to do that - she shouldn't be stopping you from seeing your girls; that's 100% on her.  

Please understand that my playing Devil's advocate doesn't mean I'm judging the situation one way or the other - I'm really not, I'm just trying to look at it from another perspective.

It's a very volatile situation, tempers are frayed and you are handling it as best you can, and that's fine.

All I'm saying is, one way to de-escalate the situation is for you to take the high road (super difficult, I really get that). You have a solicitor, which is great - agree to sort out maintenance also (in my observations from the couples I know around me, generally mothers' battleground is access and fathers' battleground is maintenance), try not responding to her perceived provocations with anger, make her understand that you accept the breakdown of the marriage and try and be there for your girls as best you can. If she can see goodwill, she may want to reciprocate. If not, the law is there to help you get more access.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Brokendad said:

she is going to have the girls all to herself and not ever let me see them without her or her mum's supervision

Your lawyer is a lazy fool.  But you know this already. You very well know that court papers need to be filed and that the courts, not your wife or  mother or the kids will decide on the terms of custody and the terms of visitation (supervised, etc). 

Your wife can laugh at any letter your attorney sends because it's nonsense and not enforceable.  And you already know this. In fact when she gets it she will probably have her attorney file papers for you to start paying  child support. But you already know all this.

Edited September 22, 2020 by Wiseman2

[LivingWaterPlease]

14 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Respectfully, I think you need to be careful with this kind of labelling. We only have one side of the events (no disrespect to Brokendad).

When you strip away all the emotive language and stick to the facts, you are left with very little accountability from the OP in the breakdown of this marriage (an issue in itself, regardless of anything), and many concerning signs of his mishandling of the situation post-separation, ie verbal abuse, illegally attempting to stop her from taking her personal stuff out of their place, online hypervigilanting, kind of slut shaming, escalating the situation with a lawyer straight away, etc. It's perfectly sensible of her, under the circumstances, that she should ask communication be via lawyers only (not sure why she doesn't have one, but that's interesting in itself).

No matter how 'nuts' she may or may not be, it is not doing Brokendad any favours than to brush his behaviour under the carpet. In the end, we can only control our own behaviour anyway. 

She is giving him  (supervised and limited yes, but still) access to their daughters, which he should make the best of for the time being, until the law does its thing.

Brokendad, you can do what you want of course, though my final advice to you would be to try to de-escalate as much as you can, and let your ex know you are a trustworthy, dependable, drama-free co-parent - for the sake of your kids if nothing else. Voluntarily contribute financially to your kids' welfare without being prompted for instance, be chill and relaxed when you see them, always get there on time, etc. At the moment, your anger and frustration are getting the best of you, it seems. While understandable to a degree, it's not helpful to the situation. You weren't blindsided, she gave you plenty of clues in the last 2 years, and now the chickens have come to roost. 

As others have said, you're in the eye of the storm right now but things will get better as time goes. Looking at the situation with some level of self-awareness will certainly help in that regard. 

Take it easy!

 

Thank you for the respect you offered me in your post, Emilie Jolie. But having read several of his posts prior to mine and his answer to you, I maintain she is probably a nut case. Just my opinion and of course, you're welcome to yours. 

I don't find your description of OP's behavior to be accurate. 

One of the aspects many appreciate about Loveshack forum is that it's here to support those who are in difficult and stressful situations of many sorts.

I stand by my posts to Brokendad. I've seen this type thing happen and his posts resonate with me as authentic. Granted, we have only a small snippet of any situation presented here on the forum. We do our best to provide advice and support based on what is written.

If Brokendad's wife wants support she also can find it on Loveshack but I'm here for Brokendad until such happens. I doubt it will because it seems to me Brokendad's wife has found what she believes is support.

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, schlumpy said:

 

Consider DNA testing the children. It will send a message.

Wow. Do not torment and abuse your kids as pawns and messengers in your war.

Get a decent attorney and stop playing games.

[BaileyB]

On 9/22/2020 at 7:11 AM, Brokendad said:

I had to get a solicitor as she told me that because she is the mother and the fact I have diabetes mean she is going to have the girls all to herself and not ever let me see them without her or her mum's supervision. If I just accepted that and did nothing about it, then how would I have had any kind of relationship with the girls? Her mother has even told me in the past that people with "freakish illnesses like diabetes aren't normal and should never be trusted to have children"! 

Diabetes is not a freakish illness. Millions of people have diabetes. It’s a chronic illness, something people manage through treatment. In much the same way that asthma is a common, chronic illness that is managed by your family doctor with medication. 

I’m sorry, but if your lawyer told you that your wife would get full custody of your children because you have diabetes - you need to find yourself another lawyer. There is no way that the fact that you have diabetes should limit your ability to have shared custody of your children- or require supervised visits. Not unless you are a totally uncontrolled diabetic, who has a problem with alcohol, and lives in a very unstable environment... do you hear what I’m saying. This advice is preposterous unless there is more you are not telling us. 

[vla1120]

Brokendad, your wife can think all she wants that she'll get full custody because you have diabetes. It's not true.  I know courts are backed up, but it seems unreasonable that you have to wait until after the end of the year to see your children. I get the feeling you are in the UK, do they have emergency custody orders they can push through (in the best interest of the children?) I would ask for a second opinion from another attorney. I looked it up and I see that the UK does have an emergency custody order. If she's keeping you from seeing your children, an attorney should be able to argue that it is in the best interest of your children not to be alienated from you!

I would also move out of that apartment (though it seems like she's pretty much taken everything that she can already.) I know you've already gotten this advice, but you need to go no contact. Do not have anything to do with her (including looking at her social media - why torture yourself? Unless, of course, you see behavior unbecoming of a mother that might help a judge give you shared custody so you can spend time with your children more quickly than January!) Focus all of your energy on getting to see your children and taking care of yourself. 

[Brokendad]

So I have found out today, that the court case will take place over a 45 minute telephone call on the 25th January. I and my wife will both put our points and arguments across and the judge will then send us away and request other information from us both, depending on what is said during the call. We will then have to answer these and have a second hearing, possibly up to 4 months later to get the final verdict and outcome. It’s going to be a very long and lonely winter I feel!

[vla1120]

16 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

So I have found out today, that the court case will take place over a 45 minute telephone call on the 25th January. I and my wife will both put our points and arguments across and the judge will then send us away and request other information from us both, depending on what is said during the call. We will then have to answer these and have a second hearing, possibly up to 4 months later to get the final verdict and outcome. It’s going to be a very long and lonely winter I feel!

This seems SO unfair if she's not allowing you to see your children regularly!! Can you please get a second opinion from another solicitor? Surely they don't expect the non-custodial parent to go almost a YEAR without seeing their children if the custodial parent is blocking visitation!! Stuff like this makes my blood boil!!!

[Ruby Slippers]

She's really messing up the kids by not allowing them reasonable visitation with you. How sad.

Hopefully this will eventually be resolved and you'll be able to see them more often.

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, Brokendad said:

So I have found out today, that the court case will take place over a 45 minute telephone call on the 25th January. I and my wife will both put our points and arguments across and the judge will then send us away and request other information from us both, depending on what is said during the call. We will then have to answer these and have a second hearing, possibly up to 4 months later to get the final verdict and outcome. It’s going to be a very long and lonely winter I feel!

Are you divorced yet? Or is this considered separated?  She lets you come see the kids but with herself present, so you'll have to work with that until your lawyer starts acting on things.

[Brokendad]

My friend has sent me screenshots of my wife on THREE different apps/sites all designed for "hookups, one nighters and friends with benefits"! She has NEVER been like this and in the past has moaned like hell about "those sl*gs who just sleep around and sh*g any tom, dick and Harry" (her words!). And now she seems to be one of them. I know this should push her even further from her, but it's just making me wonder "why didn't she want any intimacy with me for two years but she's now getting it on with loads of strangers". It hurts to be honest!!