I missed her today christmas eve, and our damn ego didnt let each other tell us merry christmas

[bigheart30]

Hello Guys,

Just signed up to the forum because on this Xmas eve I felt really effin sad. I broke up with my girlfriend exactly today but three months ago, after being together for almost 6 years of trying and not working out I decided to tell her it was time for us to break up. She was no longer engaging with me anymore considering me, or I really didnt feel her support at much anymore for the past 8 months or so before we broke up. I am not 100% sure why it didnt work out sometimes I think it was because of me someones because of both of us, sometimes I think it was because of her. I have a big heart and this really hurt me today that it turned 12am and our pride did not let us reach out to each other and say merry christmas. She pretty much has always been super prideful, throughout the whole relationship I had to be the one to step up most of the time and apologize, this would get me so frustrated that when I would reach out to talk to her I would do it in not so of a happy way. I always felt that I was the one chasing her I thought as a guy I would only chase at the beginning and then we would both be in love and would be a 50/50 but didnt seem that way. Not sure if its because of her being a single child that she expected for me to always be after her or maybe because she was raised by a single mom, or because of her family it seems like her aunts dominate the men more. I really had big plans in my head with her, it hurt me so bad the first 2 years when she would hang up on me when we were frustrated at each other and I would call her and she woudnt answer, she waited for me to reach out first, when she tried to reach out to me I would not really engage and listen and she would stop trying after the first try. Then would get me mad that it seemed like she didnt care, but she would say that she tried talking to me but she only tried once. It was very toxic relationship, and like I said honestly I am not sure whos fault it was. 

 

I just wanted to express myself and hear some opinions on whos fault you guys thought it was, not sure if you guys ever been in a relationship like this. Where you feel like you chase your partner more than he/she does to you. I am not saying I am perfect I also had a lot of insecurities when we started dating I was in my mid 20's, I would get so jealous because she liked attention and did things on social media to get likes and to me it seemed like she was fueled by people telling her "You are beautiful" I am so confused because everytime we brought our differences up with her family they gave her their side they would see me as a super jealous guy, but to me it was about respect. Thats how it felt

 

Today I sent her a meme on IG just playing around about a toxic meme and she said "understand, the toxic stuff is over lol" for whatever reason it got me mad and replied yeah I know I you have always done this pushed me away and she replied "I dont want to hurt your feelings.... etc" I didnt even open the message and erased it. It just really hurts me deep inside that I cant believe she no longer loves me after being together for almost 6 years. Not saying that I want her back but for her to at least be a little nicer, I am so f***en confused I know its over but what hurts me most is she has not called me or texted me that she misses me, she has said she wishes me the best and that we will both find someone that we can get along with.

 

Idk guys this s*** f***en sucks it just feels like it was always a struggle since I started dating her of me trying to please her all the time, I could be wrong idk unless I really wouldn't consider her either. She did come from a relationship of living with someone already so she had eperience, I didn't I always felt so little next to her and she felt the same way next to me. We both felt we didnt consider each other. This s*** just confusing, she uploaded a picture today and when I see pictures of her or her having fun I get so many mixed feelings. First I feel mad, I feel anger of because I feel she seems so happy without me and feel she does it on purpose to get attention but then I calm down and I realize how beautiful she is and that I think I still love her and then I ask myself and start wondering maybe we can work out. We already have history its just a matter of working on my relationship more putting 100% effort, but when we would try and she would get frustrated or we would get mad at each other my mind automatically f***en plays games with me and tells me "Yeah leave her its not going to work out, she will always be the same and you will always be the same" 

 

Right now I focusing on myself person development because I do know that I am very similar to dad, he is very old school and my mom does what he says. I think thats how I want to be with her and she is not like that she comes from a different environment.  I would tell her " You need someone who is going to do everything youu want, and I need someone that will be a little less of a leader" I would say this because she is an alpha female. 

 

We do work together, we are in sales industry real estate we have a team. Not sure if this is good. Again I just get so frustrated that every-time we would break up in a couple of days if not the following she would sometimes upload a video or pic here and there and seemed "happy" I lost myself so much in the relationship, I became very unhappy and unmotivated. We been broken up and I am not happy I really dont know if its a personal thing, I lack a lot of motivation right now I know I am not like this I like outdoor act-ivies, I like adventures, I like working out. Not sure whats going on with me or how to get this joy back sometimes I feel worthless.

 

Something I forgot to mention is that she wanted to get engaged very fast, she wouldn't tell me directly but she did because all her cousins would put pressure on us that when where we going to have kids and where was the ring. I took this lightly because I was building my business, she is ready to get married and have a family.  Sometimes I just want to erase her from my social media for my on mental health. 

 

 

What are your guys honest opinion am I being a little b&(#@ or has anyone been this effin confused?

Edited December 25, 2020 by bigheart30

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, bigheart30 said:

Today sent her a meme on IG just playing around about a toxic meme and she said "understand, the toxic stuff is over lol"

I took this lightly because I was building my business, she is ready to get married and have a family.  

Sorry to hear that. You need to delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.

Stop sending poisonous nonsense.

It's nobody's fault. You're extremely incompatible. You wanted different things out of life.

After 6 YEARS of coasting along in limbo, it was time to pull the plug.

Relax. Enjoy the freedom from commitment you wanted and enjoy the holidays with family and friends.

Leave her alone and give yourself the gift of peaceful reflection.

[Gaeta]

Why do you want to attention of a girlfriend that has brought you pretty much only pain sorrow. It sounds both of you had some growing up to do, you both participated in this toxic relationship. Nothing good will come out at trying to figure it out at this point. You'll see that in love we RARELY get answers to why it didn't work out. The good news is it's now over and you learn from this and move on to someone better suited to you. 

Over means over: No Merry X'mas, no happy b'day, no congrats on anything. You delete her from all of your social media and you do your best to forget her. 

 

[Ruby_Red]

You weren’t a good match apparently. You didn’t like her being too dominant and driven, and she wanted different things as well. After 6 years, you’ve had plenty of time to come to that conclusion, and she seems to be agreeing with you here. While you are not taking the breakup too well (even though you were the one breaking up), she seems to be moving on just fine; maybe she’s just pretending (fake it till you make it), but she seems determined to leave this R behind. You should try to do the same. As far as working together, that might lead to some setbacks, but I’m sure you’ll keep it professional. Good luck!