lillyxoxo Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 I had an abortion 6 weeks ago it was MMs. He was very supportive I went on vacation to have some time and space MM was a little distant but still messaging me asking how I was. 2 days ago he messaged me asking me how I was he confessed he felt guilty and said it was the time of year. I then said a break is fine as my mental health has taken a beating he put thanks babe xxx. The following morning I checked and he had blocked me without even saying goodbye. I'm heartbroken I know it's for the best and karma but he really was a horrible man.
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 I'm so sorry. Having him gone is for the best. Hang on to that small silver lining. 5
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 Yeah at least now you can start the New Year off fresh and with a new start. Forgive yourself. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 I'm sorry, OP. Maybe this will be the proverbial shove to close the door forever on this man. He doesn't care about you the way you want him to.
elaine567 Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 56 minutes ago, lillyxoxo said: I then said a break is fine as my mental health has taken a beating he put thanks babe xxx. The following morning I checked and he had blocked me without even saying goodbye. You let him off the hook and he couldn't even wait for a decent time to make his escape, in case you changed your mind...SMH 1
Narie Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 Tell his wife. But if you don't want to then just think if new year as a new beginning. Please don't ever get involve with him ever again 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 21 hours ago, lillyxoxo said: . He was very supportive Did he go with you and pay for it? Cheaters are snakes. Unfortunately it took this sad event to realize this. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. In the meantime take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Talk to a therapist about all this and start to sort out and unpack the nightmare of allowing yourself to be involved with a cheating snake. Snakes like this are out for themselves. When you become "inconvenient", they discard you like a candy wrapper. 2
Author lillyxoxo Posted December 27, 2020 Author Posted December 27, 2020 Today is 4 days no contact I've been sad but haven't looked at his social media and haven't checked to see if he has unblocked me on messenger. Small steps but in a way I feel relief. Relieved to be off the rollercoaster life feels much calmer. 3
sandylee1 Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 Maybe it's for the best and you can focus on yourself, without all the hassle. He was probably relieved about it. Take care
mark clemson Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 Suggest you don't check his social media - it's just likely to keep re-triggering your feelings and keep you stuck longer. 2
Bonifidelifelover Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 12 hours ago, mark clemson said: Suggest you don't check his social media - it's just likely to keep re-triggering your feelings and keep you stuck longer. I agree with mark. & Try ur hardest to move on. Abortions r incredibly difficult, I’m so sorry. 1
Author lillyxoxo Posted January 1, 2021 Author Posted January 1, 2021 The new year has just begun and ironically my first period since my termination has arrived. I miss him but I don't miss the pain 2 weeks NC I can do this!! 1
Author lillyxoxo Posted January 1, 2021 Author Posted January 1, 2021 On 12/25/2020 at 12:26 PM, Wiseman2 said: Did he go with you and pay for it? Cheaters are snakes. Unfortunately it took this sad event to realize this. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. In the meantime take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Talk to a therapist about all this and start to sort out and unpack the nightmare of allowing yourself to be involved with a cheating snake. Snakes like this are out for themselves. When you become "inconvenient", they discard you like a candy wrapper. No he didn't pay for it we have universal healthcare where I live. You're right the A was just fake and I'm ready to get off the rollercoaster. 1
Bonifidelifelover Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 On 1/1/2021 at 10:31 AM, lillyxoxo said: The new year has just begun and ironically my first period since my termination has arrived. I miss him but I don't miss the pain 2 weeks NC I can do this!! Yes u can do this!
Author lillyxoxo Posted January 5, 2021 Author Posted January 5, 2021 Today I'm struggling thinking about him non stop it's so painful. Why don't they say goodbye properly? I know it's for the best but it hurts I loved him.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 4 hours ago, lillyxoxo said: Why don't they say goodbye properly? Two reasons: 1) It's not a real relationship to them, so to speak. 2) They want to be able to reel you back in once the wife is off their case and they want more sex and attention. 1
BaileyB Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 11 hours ago, lillyxoxo said: Why don't they say goodbye properly? He had a scare. He saw his marriage and his life flash before his eyes and it scared him. He is now wanting to pull back, hoping that you will quietly disappear from his life and the threat you pose will pass. It will be interesting to see if, once the dust settles and his feeling of security returns, if he comes around again... Be prepared, it is a possibility. 4
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 Maybe he realized the free sex was actually costing him--peace of mind, his relationship with his WIFE, his decency as a human being, etc... 1
lifeoflies Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: his decency as a human being, etc... So, he’s not a decent human being because he did not pass up a woman who was willing. That’s a pretty tough test. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 Well, apparently he's having unprotected sex behind his wife's back. He's exposing her to diseases.
PassionatelyCurious Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 On 12/24/2020 at 9:36 AM, lillyxoxo said: I had an abortion 6 weeks ago it was MMs. He was very supportive I went on vacation to have some time and space MM was a little distant but still messaging me asking how I was. 2 days ago he messaged me asking me how I was he confessed he felt guilty and said it was the time of year. I then said a break is fine as my mental health has taken a beating he put thanks babe xxx. The following morning I checked and he had blocked me without even saying goodbye. I'm heartbroken I know it's for the best and karma but he really was a horrible man. Maybe there is some context here that I'm missing about the situation, but you seem to casually throw out there that you just had an abortion from a married man??? So, not only were you sleeping with someone you knew was married, but got pregnant from him, then point the finger at him for being a "horrible man"??? This might be a good time for some self reflection. Not trying to be rude, but honestly, do you think his WIFE that you let him cheat on with you would see you as any less than "horrible" as well? My suggestion would be to take this time to focus on yourself and reflect on what you can learn from the experience. 1 1
PassionatelyCurious Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 On 1/5/2021 at 2:28 AM, lillyxoxo said: Today I'm struggling thinking about him non stop it's so painful. Why don't they say goodbye properly? I know it's for the best but it hurts I loved him. I know all too well what this is like. I had a MW feed me tons of lies, telling me the marriage was over, nothing was going on there anymore, she wanted a future with me, loved me, etc. It sucks when you realize it was all just lies to get what they want out of you. And yes, ghosting is absolutely horrible. It sucks, but ExpatInItaly explained some of the reasons very well. When you are an affair, they really don't care about you. The lies they feed you are to both manipulate you and live out a fantasy for themselves. It is selfish and inconsiderate, so it should be no surprise when they just cut you off with no consideration for your feelings whatsoever. It sucks, but it at least shows you where you stand and why you SHOULD move on emotionally. You never actually "loved him." You loved who he pretended to be to you. The sooner you realize that and realize you never loved a real human being, the easier it will be for you to fully move on. And DO NOT let him back into your life again. He has already shown you how little regard he has for your feelings, that he is willing to cheat, and that he has no moral compass. You will only set yourself up for more heartbreak if you do speak to him. Also, as someone else suggested, I would advise you reach out to his wife and let her know what has gone on. She deserves to know the real him and what he has done to her. I mean just put yourself in her shoes and think - he is around her far more and as such, has probably fed her far more lies and manipulation.
Author lillyxoxo Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 18 hours ago, Search4twinflame said: I know all too well what this is like. I had a MW feed me tons of lies, telling me the marriage was over, nothing was going on there anymore, she wanted a future with me, loved me, etc. It sucks when you realize it was all just lies to get what they want out of you. And yes, ghosting is absolutely horrible. It sucks, but ExpatInItaly explained some of the reasons very well. When you are an affair, they really don't care about you. The lies they feed you are to both manipulate you and live out a fantasy for themselves. It is selfish and inconsiderate, so it should be no surprise when they just cut you off with no consideration for your feelings whatsoever. It sucks, but it at least shows you where you stand and why you SHOULD move on emotionally. You never actually "loved him." You loved who he pretended to be to you. The sooner you realize that and realize you never loved a real human being, the easier it will be for you to fully move on. And DO NOT let him back into your life again. He has already shown you how little regard he has for your feelings, that he is willing to cheat, and that he has no moral compass. You will only set yourself up for more heartbreak if you do speak to him. Also, as someone else suggested, I would advise you reach out to his wife and let her know what has gone on. She deserves to know the real him and what he has done to her. I mean just put yourself in her shoes and think - he is around her far more and as such, has probably fed her far more lies and manipulation. Yeah I guess he never cared, I'm not going to tell his wife because I don't want to be bitter he has 2 kids with her I don't want to hurt them believe it or not. Yeah I always knew deep down he didn't care about me and I was horrible too. I don't know what I was thinking to be honest. it was madness, i just have to get used to him not being in my life.
PassionatelyCurious Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 On 1/8/2021 at 6:24 AM, lillyxoxo said: Yeah I guess he never cared, I'm not going to tell his wife because I don't want to be bitter he has 2 kids with her I don't want to hurt them believe it or not. Yeah I always knew deep down he didn't care about me and I was horrible too. I don't know what I was thinking to be honest. it was madness, i just have to get used to him not being in my life. We all make stupid mistakes at times. The best you can do afterwards is learn from it, which it seems you have. Just take it as a learning experience, give yourself time to grieve over it, then move on knowing more than you did before it started. But yes, I do hate to tell you that he never really cared, at least not in the way you did. As far as telling his wife, that's certainly up to you. Keep in mind though, his current situation is most assuredly already hurting his kids. Kids can see when the parents are dysfunctional. I'm sure they are already well aware they have problems there. Letting him do this to her and get away with it will only encourage him to continue doing it to others. So, that not only means he is dragging his kids and wife through it, but he will drag other women into it (and hurt them like he did you) as well. Just something to think about, as telling her would most likely help both her and the kids more than it would do harm, at least in the long run. Regardless, I know it sucks, but you have to stay strong. My advice is write down a list of all the things he did, why you shouldn't be with him, etc. When you are missing him really bad, or if he tries to reach out again, keep that list handy and run through it. In time, it can be easy to forget a lot of the details about how a person wronged us. When you have a list like that, it really helps refresh your memory on why that person doesn't deserve another chance. You're not alone in this. Many of us have been through it as well, which is why we're here. Good luck to you
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