Art.at.Heart Posted December 22, 2020 Posted December 22, 2020 The question that I always have with this is what does waiting it out actually change? I ask this question genuinely as I have recently heard more and more from the women I have dated that they feel pressured to wait before having sex in a dating situation.
princessaurora Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 This is a very debateable subject, but some men will lose interest in a girl who has sex with him too soon. It may be because he likes a challenge, it may be due to the fact that they don't know where to go from there, it may be because of his views on easy women, that's just a few. If a girl has sex with a guy early and then he ghosts her, she may feel used or rejected. So, some women decide to wait so they don't get caught up in those type of situations. For some women, they view sex as an intimate experience and don't want to share their body with someone they barely know. Now on the other side of the coin, some guys won't be turned off at all by early sex, and I've known a few who had an LTR or married the guy they had sex with on the first or second date,, but there are far more stories about women having sex right away and then being dumped, especially in the digital age. And of course there are women who will have sex right away because they choose to do so. Maybe they're not looking for something serious, maybe they're just so hot for the guy they can't hold off, maybe they don't believe that particular guy will lose interest from it. This is just a brief explanation. There are many other reasons that can be argued from either side. 2 1
Acacia98 Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 12 hours ago, introverted1 said: This thread makes it seem that sex is exclusively transactional and that there is a strategy to be applied regarding whether/when to have sex. Some people, myself among them, just aren't comfortable having sex quickly. It has nothing to do with a lack of attraction or prudishness and more to do with the fact that I consider sex to be an intimate act that I prefer to share only with those with whom I've formed an emotional bond. I guess this rules out guys who need sex before they can bond, but that's ok. Others can (and do!) have other views and there is nothing wrong with those views. To each his/her own. But the notion that anyone who waits is doing so because of some game or manipulation is flat out wrong, imo. 12 hours ago, LeoLady888 said: "It has nothing to do with a lack of attraction or prudishness and more to do with the fact that I consider sex to be an intimate act that I prefer to share only with those with whom I've formed an emotional bond." I would agree with this. I would also be looking for a relationship based on mutual care, trust and respect, plus good communication. I believe that it isn't possible to discover if these criteria exist after only a few dates. Others can please themselves. I agree with you both. Some of the ideas being presented in this discussion are troubling. For instance, 1. People are objects. 2. All actions are informed by the intention to manipulate. 3. Women don't experience emotional growth, so they should make the exact same choices about sex when dating John today that they did when dating Peter 10 years ago. To do otherwise would be disrespectful to John. 5
Acacia98 Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 12 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Seriously? Whatever a woman has done with other men in her past, before we met, has nothing to do with me. Why would I care if she's had ONS's. I've had them. Those days are in my past and I'm interested women who are not currently exploring ONS's, but if she's had them in her life? I hope she enjoyed them. Certainly her previous sexual experiences are not a sign of disrespect towards me. How she treats me is what matters. If you want to date virgins, go for it, but the fact that a woman hasn't enjoyed sex with others before you (unless she is 16 years old) doesn't mean that she has an iota of respect for you, and vice versa. Frankly, this attitude you're preaching seems alarmingly insecure. Insecure and tremendously self-centered. 1
princessaurora Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 A person has a right to change their mind/ lifestyle anytime they choose. As I said in the other thread women can go through phases where they might want to have some fun for a bit, so they will engage in ONS or early sex. But that doesn't mean they are always going to feel that way and that any guy they date is entitled to get the same experience with her, and that doesn't just go for just sex timing, it goes for sex styles as well. I did things with my now husband I never did with anyone else I dated , (swallowed his semen, anal,let him ejaculate in me) We had a break up pre- engagement and during that time I dated others. Were they entitled to get those same very private experiences from me? No, and they didn't. That was something for him and him only and if I didn't ever want to do that with anyone else, that's my right. One month a woman can be into wham bams, the next she might want to find a partner she can make love with on a regular basis rather than just bang away. And alot of times it just depends on the individual person. You can be the biggest floozie around, but if you fall in love that can change in an instant. The same goes for guys. The bottom line is noone is entitled to anyone else's body in a way they are not wanting to share it and any guy who whines because she did Dan on the first date but not him needs to go back to kindergarden. 1
Shining One Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 It's natural to feel some level of disappointment when one finds out they receive "worse" treatment than previous partners. There are (non-sexual) things I've done for women in the past that I no longer do. When women I'm with found out about it, they voiced their disappointment, and in rare cases, left.
Author poppyfields Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 14 hours ago, Acacia98 said: Iome of the ideas being presented in this discussion are troubling. For instance, 1. People are objects. 2. All actions are informed by the intention to manipulate. 3. Women don't experience emotional growth, so they should make the exact same choices about sex when dating John today that they did when dating Peter 10 years ago. To do otherwise would be disrespectful to John. The bolded is particularly troubling and suggests that women should not learn from past mistakes (assuming one deems having quick sex as a mistake which I personally do not), or otherwise grow and evolve from their previous experiences, good or bad. That mindset is truly sad, and I would suggest to women that when encountering such a Neanderthal, you get rid asap. 1
Ami1uwant Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 On 12/22/2020 at 3:29 PM, Gaeta said: This should not exist. Who makes women feel ashamed for being normal sexual beings with desires? No one makes men feel ashamed for ONS or early sex, they actually celebrate it among themselves. People threw away religions but kept that stupid notion that women are not sexual beings with their own needs but simply virgin maries acting as baby incubators. I never said women can’t be sexual beings. For some having sex=relationship . They don’t want one.
LeoLady888 Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 On 12/22/2020 at 5:30 PM, Ami1uwant said: I can see this happening where peop,e have quirks during sex thst is equivalent to chalk streaks. They could be nasty down there What's a 'chalk streak' ? (I'm from UK ! )
Ami1uwant Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 3 hours ago, LeoLady888 said: What's a 'chalk streak' ? (I'm from UK ! ) 3 hours ago, LeoLady888 said: What's a 'chalk streak' ? (I'm from UK ! ) I misspelled it... it’s the noise of chalk on chalkboard in school that makes a screeching sound nobody likes to hear. equivalent to that might be in sex where people might have fetuses or lime when they are enjoying it they make unusual noises that might weird someone out.
Lorenza Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 For some women (and maybe men too), sex means nothing without emotional connection. So it makes sense to wait. I'm pretty sure that I would not feel any pleasure from sex with a literal stranger, although I have many times tried to reconsider it, but thankfully, never acted upon that urge. So I always wait until I actually care about the person and know them on the deeper level.
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 Unfortunately you can be "used"by anyone at anytime for anything. The key is to avoid manipulators. This means living in real time and avoiding future time. Anyone who tells you how the honey is going to flow...in the future...is someone to be wary of. Sex, dating,etc. is not a credit agency. If anyone wants no strings sex, great. But it needs to be in and of itself, not a transaction for a future together. 1
SummerDreams Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 On 12/22/2020 at 3:30 AM, poppyfields said: Many men will feel manipulated when a woman intentionally waits. And women will feel way more manipulated when they have sex early and get dumped shortly after. 1
SummerDreams Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 On 12/22/2020 at 3:33 AM, Lance Mannion said: The best strategy for women is to never have ONS and to always make their men wait for it, but for those who've already had a history of ONS, don't ever make guys you like wait for it because it has a chance of blowing up everything months/years later when he learns of the disrespect towards him So a woman can never learn from her mistakes and try to fix them right? If she was always immature, sleeping with anyone, she should always remain like that. Omg... 1
Author poppyfields Posted December 25, 2020 Author Posted December 25, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, SummerDreams said: And women will feel way more manipulated when they have sex early and get dumped shortly after. Not sure about "way more," that would be for the men to answer. And I have heard them say they feel quite manipulated when there is an obvious mutual sexual attraction and the woman very strategically (in men's eyes) makes him wait. But what you wrote is very true too, absolutely. It goes both ways. It's a risk for both no matter how we slice it, no guarantees. Edited December 25, 2020 by poppyfields
Author poppyfields Posted December 25, 2020 Author Posted December 25, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, SummerDreams said: So a woman can never learn from her mistakes and try to fix them right? If she was always immature, sleeping with anyone, she should always remain like that. Omg... Omg is right, you got it sista, which was my argument with Lance Mannion all along. Edited December 25, 2020 by poppyfields 1
central Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 Waiting can reduce the proportion of negative outcomes, but will never eliminate them - unless you are lucky in finding a long term partner early on. As long as you understand that you can do everything right and still fail, then waiting a reasonable period will help. Even if you form an emotional connection, the sex can still be unsatisfying when you get to it, or some other flaw/red flag appears sometime later, and you still get dumped (or dump him). That isn't being used, that's just the process of dating to determine compatibility. 4
TooManyDates Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 On 12/22/2020 at 6:00 AM, elaine567 said: OK but that is not her fault that is yours. YOU knew you placed a lot of importance on great sex so it is your responsibility to date women who show you the sex is good before you spend loads of time with them. Or you go in with a mentality that sex good = great, sex not so good= I move on, nothing lost. Here you are bitterly blaming the woman for wasting your time... BUT you wasted your own time. By respecting her wishes to not get naked within a few dates, is my fault?? Lol Until her, every girlfriend I'd had was great in bed, we were sexually compatible and all was well. She (I assume) intentionally held off as she knew I'd bail had I known. She lied about other things I had also found out about by then too (said couldnt drive because was in a bad accident, turned out it was because she was slowly going blind and couldn't even get a license). Deceptive and hated sex - I put her back where I found her. That is dating!
QuietRiot Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) On 12/21/2020 at 8:46 PM, Lance Mannion said: Women did this to themselves. It's sad. Back in the day when shaming was practiced and loose women were ostracized and women tried to hold on to their virtue, a boyfriend who pushed too much was shut down, the woman had the power to control the pacing. What was the guy going to do? Leave her? And go where, and to whom? Another woman who also controlled the pacing. That all changed when more women were up for the fun, now the pressure is on the women who want to take it slow, either they let the boyfriend control the pacing or the boyfriend finds a woman who is up for fun. This mainly due in part to the invention of the birth control pill. To the OP, her/his was just an anecdotal situation, so you can't go off that. Edited December 26, 2020 by QuietRiot
Miss Spider Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 On 12/22/2020 at 6:43 PM, Art.at.Heart said: The question that I always have with this is what does waiting it out actually change? I ask this question genuinely as I have recently heard more and more from the women I have dated that they feel pressured to wait before having sex in a dating situation. I doubt it changes anything much, but getting to know someone before you let them inside your body has never really hurt anyone. 2
Dash23 Posted December 30, 2020 Posted December 30, 2020 (edited) On 12/22/2020 at 10:21 PM, princessaurora said: This is a very debateable subject, but some men will lose interest in a girl who has sex with him too soon. It may be because he likes a challenge, it may be due to the fact that they don't know where to go from there, it may be because of his views on easy women, that's just a few. If a girl has sex with a guy early and then he ghosts her, she may feel used or rejected. So, some women decide to wait so they don't get caught up in those type of situations. For some women, they view sex as an intimate experience and don't want to share their body with someone they barely know. Now on the other side of the coin, some guys won't be turned off at all by early sex, and I've known a few who had an LTR or married the guy they had sex with on the first or second date,, but there are far more stories about women having sex right away and then being dumped, especially in the digital age. And of course there are women who will have sex right away because they choose to do so. Maybe they're not looking for something serious, maybe they're just so hot for the guy they can't hold off, maybe they don't believe that particular guy will lose interest from it. This is just a brief explanation. There are many other reasons that can be argued from either side. ^This At the end of the day, different strokes for different folks. One of the best LTR's I ever had was with someone I slept with on the first night. If the overall chemistry is there, and the physical chemistry is there resulting in great sex on the first date, as long as neither person is insecure about it (ie. the girl feeling ashamed, the guy feeling she's too easy) than there's absolutely no reason it can't work just as well as the often debated "conventional" route. Edited December 30, 2020 by Dash23
Shining One Posted December 31, 2020 Posted December 31, 2020 On 12/27/2020 at 3:24 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I doubt it changes anything much, but getting to know someone before you let them inside your body has never really hurt anyone. I would imagine some women were hurt when the men they were falling for chose another woman over them because the new woman didn't wait. After all, I felt hurt when I delayed making a sexual move on a woman and she chose another man who made a move within a shorter time frame.
SummerDreams Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 15 hours ago, Shining One said: I would imagine some women were hurt when the men they were falling for chose another woman over them because the new woman didn't wait. Hurt? I'd be relieved. Phew. Dodged a bullet. He showed his true colors early. 2
cleverusername Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 (edited) As a man (and I may be in the minority here), but it’s less about the “when” On the time scale and more about “Is the time right” based on the level of connection. Being on the same level in both mind and body makes it so much better and I’d rather wait for both. Sex without the mental stimulation/connection is just assisted masturbation. Edited January 1, 2021 by cleverusername 1 2
Shining One Posted January 1, 2021 Posted January 1, 2021 6 hours ago, SummerDreams said: Hurt? I'd be relieved. Phew. Dodged a bullet. He showed his true colors early. I said some, not 100% of all women in this situation. 5 hours ago, cleverusername said: As a man (and I may be in the minority here), but it’s less about the “when” On the time scale and more about “Is the time right” based on the level of connection. To clarify on my specific situation, there were a few moments that felt "right", but I delayed because she had declared a 2 month waiting period from the beginning and I was obeying that.
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