We might be kids but WE STILL HURT

[Sheba]

I am suddenly EXTREMELY grateful that my partner and I carefully hid our "affair" from EVERYONE, until after we had each left our spouses, then waited for several months to go by before we introduced each other to our children and waited three full years until we joined households. I don't think anyone connects our relationship with our divorces.

 

I know that our respective divorces were painful for our children - and for us - but thank God and who ever else is watching out for us and them that they were spared the utter agony that Betrayed, Art Critic and others have endured.

 

Thank you to everyone who had the courage to post their stories on this thread.

[tinktronik]

My siblings and I watched our parents' miserable marriage unfold over a 33-year span of time;

 

They fought, they were cold to each other, they had difficulty communicating

 

My father cheated numerous times

 

My father told my mother, "It's sophisticated to be able to sustain more than one 'love' relationship..."

 

My mother, in an effort to be 'sophisticated' started an affair of her own.

 

Surprise, my dad didn't like it.

 

She ended her relationship.

 

Not suprisingly, he continued to carry on a clandestine affair (I didn't know about it until I was an adult but my younger sister figured it out)

 

My mother started having a mysterious drinking problem

 

Finally my dad walked out on my mom, very suddenly, without warning, and in a very cold manner

 

 

 

As children, we realized that the emotional climate in our house was exceedingly tense; I didn't realize until I was older that I had no clue as to how to trust anyone. I also could not form close bonds with anyone and often sabotaged friendships and perfectly healthy relationships.

 

I was attracted to 'bad' boys, emotionally distant and disaffected men.

 

As a teenager, I was smart-mouthed, sarcastic, under-achieving, promiscuous and jaded.

 

Odd, I knew nothing about my parents' affairs yet, but was acting just like them.

 

The main lesson life seemed to deliver was; Attach Yourself to Nothing. Trust No One. Be the Pursued. Never Be the Pursuer.

Whenever I did fall 'in love' it was disasterous, as ultimately I was cheated on, lied to or betrayed.

Men who fell in love with me were ridiculous. I cheated on them willfully. I lied freely. I felt no shame. I felt incredibly smart and sophisticated.

 

Children absorb more than you think.

 

 

 

 

 

Wow , I agree but the thing you left out is that the fallout goes even farther.My grand father had affairs ,his wife also attained a mysterious drinking problem.My mother also grew into an untrusting adult believing if she couldent trust her father then who?And chased the bad boys, resulting in myself and my siblings ,being raised by a single mom who would never be able to trust a man.This led to myself growing up without a father ,my subsequent marrige to a man who cheated ,and then my divorce ,you may not want to see it but yeah in some strange way its all been long term fallout from something that happened 45 years ago.Not that there werent other contributing factors but this was one of the biggies.Interesting isent it?

[glittergurl]

Whow, Betrayed Child, those were awesome posts. Your writing style is excellent by the way ...