Author Lovesoul Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 18 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I don’t see what he did is wrong at all or disrespectful. If you didn’t like the tone he was setting with sex, you shouldn’t have engaged in it. I see two consenting adults here setting the tone. He’s not disrespectful or wrong for not wanting to invest anything, even dinner or a movie, into this. Especially if he just wants sex. If I were ever to do casual sex, I wouldn’t want to do all that either. To think someone owes that for sex only is a little twisted. I’m sorry if I missed something untoward that he did. I say he was disrespectful because he was telling lies not to meet me, when I tried to talk about things other than sex he would deflect, when I told him I would want to know him better than just sex he said he wants that too, but then goes back to the sex talk, on our first date he said he wanted to invite me to a dinner date next and never planned anything. 2
Author Lovesoul Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I’m sorry, I didn’t read every post in the thread. But I don’t think this question was answered. Why did you give him a BJ in the car on the first date? This was for your own pleasure? Whether right or wrong, people often see a person giving another person oral sex for the other person’s pleasure. It is actually more of a sign of “I really like you” to the other person than just sex on a first date. Sex could be just all about you. Oral seems more giving. Therefore, I think it is even more common for men to lose “respect“ for someone who does oral sex right away than even sex. Even though sex may you to use seem like a more intimate act, to a lot of people sticking someone’s genitals in their mouth is just as intimate if not more. I gave him a BJ because I wanted to. Because I love to do it, because things were steamy between us and I felt like it. I think that’s enough of a reason. I wanted to. To me a BJ is not more intimate than a man entering me, and that’s why I didn’t want that on that first date.
Author Lovesoul Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Oh I see. You were looking for casual sex(because in your main thread you said that you were not), but you are saying that it is this guy‘s behavior that made you realize that that you’re not. I am glad to hear that. Upwards and onwards I am not a casual sex type of person. I never did a BJ on a first date in my life ever, and I haven’t had sex in 2 years. So when I met this guy I thought what the hell I want to move on completely from my ex and want to go crazy with him. So I did, and it felt great. The issue was I was having fun with it and never thought he was going to treat me poorly afterwards or judge me or whatever. I just wanted to have a good sexual experience and to me what happened in that car is all it was with him. If I wanted relationship issues I would still be with my ex now. But this experience also made me realise that I am ready for a serious relationship again and I am not made for this BS.
Miss Spider Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Lovesoul said: I say he was disrespectful because he was telling lies not to meet me, when I tried to talk about things other than sex he would deflect, when I told him I would want to know him better than just sex he said he wants that too, but then goes back to the sex talk, on our first date he said he wanted to invite me to a dinner date next and never planned anything. I see. So you feel that he was being misleading about his intentions... 16 minutes ago, Lovesoul said: I gave him a BJ because I wanted to. Because I love to do it, because things were steamy between us and I felt like it. I think that’s enough of a reason. I wanted to. To me a BJ is not more intimate than a man entering me, and that’s why I didn’t want that on that first date. I see. I am not trying to shame you or anything. If you enjoy doing it , that’s great t. I was just offering another perspective because there’s so many people that are different in this world and see things differently. .. and to them a bj in a car on first date is seen differently. I don’t condone lying either. But you must see that if he continue to take you out and build a relationship with you, that would be a lie too. Ideally, people are really sensitive other people and he would not have taken a BJ if he knew that he wasn’t sure he wanted to keep courting/dating you. But people are not perfect and it is a tall order for some men to turn that down. You cannot control other peoples actions or emotions, only yours. I hope that your experience has elucidated things for you and you will be more conscious of what is going on in the future Edited December 23, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author Lovesoul Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I see. So you feel that he was being misleading about his intentoons I see. I am not trying to shame you for any of your actions or anything like that. I was just offering another perspective because there’s so many people that are different in this world and see things differently. I don’t condone lying either. But you must see that if he continue to take you out and build a relationship with you, that would be a lie too. Ideally, people are really sensitive other people and he would not have taken a BJ if he knew that he wasn’t sure he wanted to keep courting/dating you. But people are not perfect and it is a tall order for some men to turn that down. You cannot control other peoples actions or emotions, only yours. I hope that your experience has elucidated things for you and you will be more conscious of what is going on in the future Yes thank you. I haven’t been involved with anyone for a long time and I guess I was going into this with some kind of naive enthusiasm. Then reality set in. All this with him ended up being all around sex, it’s a shame because we had so much sexual chemistry I would have liked to explore if we also have chemistry at other levels, by having conversations, going out, etc. I see it like that, sexual chemistry is good let’s meet more of each other in other ways too, not a reason to judge, lose respect, play games, etc. Well, his loss since I do have a lot to give in a relationship, not just a BJ. I’m moving on. Edited December 23, 2020 by Lovesoul 1
Acacia98 Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 9 hours ago, Lovesoul said: Yes I totally understand that and it's something to consider. How would I feel if it was the other way around? So I get it that he might have felt we are not on the same page, as I didn't even mentioned my house. But, the truth is, I never went to his place either. Yes he invited me, but I didn't go. And I have no obligation to invite him. He also mentioned inviting me for a proper dinner on our next date and he didn't invite me at all. Should I also feel entitled and hurt that he didn't do it, especially after he mentioning it and I said yes I would love to go? What I feel with this guy is that he is always changing plans and doing what is convenient to him. First he invited me to his place, then is not possible and I cannot go. Then he said for us to go to a proper dinner date next time in a restaurant he likes, and then didn't plan or mentioning anything. And after all this, I have to open the door of my house to him just because he wants to?? I see no problem in telling him now that I was going to invite him to mine, because it is true. But at this point I feel is not worth it. And yes, if it's just for casual sex, then a hotel would be the best option. Truthfully, you're allowed to feel any way you want. So if you felt offended or hurt or whatever, that would be perfectly understandable. It would be human. Sounds like he was flaky and insecure and he basically just wanted sex and nothing more. I think the most important part of this whole experience is that it confirmed to you how long you should wait before having sex with a guy: basically, as long as it takes to figure out whether you want to have sex at all and whether you want to have sex with him specifically. The problem with you telling him you were going to invite him to your place after everything that's happened is that it will look like you're trying to teach him a lesson. That's why I say it would be petty. It would also be a waste of your energy. Considering that this was supposed to be something casual and nothing came of it, you shouldn't be so emotionally invested that you would want to "show him." You should be able to shrug your shoulders and move on to someone you'll actually enjoy interacting with who wants the same kind of relationship as you.
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 TBH OP, after getting the blow job in the car this guy probably thought you are as horny as him and can't wait to get to intercourse too so that is why he keeps talking about sex. Dinner and conversation is not on his mind at this point.
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 14 hours ago, Acacia98 said: Truthfully, you're allowed to feel any way you want. So if you felt offended or hurt or whatever, that would be perfectly understandable. It would be human. Sounds like he was flaky and insecure and he basically just wanted sex and nothing more. I think the most important part of this whole experience is that it confirmed to you how long you should wait before having sex with a guy: basically, as long as it takes to figure out whether you want to have sex at all and whether you want to have sex with him specifically. The problem with you telling him you were going to invite him to your place after everything that's happened is that it will look like you're trying to teach him a lesson. That's why I say it would be petty. It would also be a waste of your energy. Considering that this was supposed to be something casual and nothing came of it, you shouldn't be so emotionally invested that you would want to "show him." You should be able to shrug your shoulders and move on to someone you'll actually enjoy interacting with who wants the same kind of relationship as you. I figured out I wanted sex and wanted sex with him immediately on our first date, and I decided to act on it. Simple.
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, stillafool said: TBH OP, after getting the blow job in the car this guy probably thought you are as horny as him and can't wait to get to intercourse too so that is why he keeps talking about sex. Dinner and conversation is not on his mind at this point. But I was as horny as him and wanted to get to intercourse too. We actually talked about it and we were pretty open about it. No questions about that. What I wasn’t horny about was to be all just sex talk all the time and acting flaky. That was the turn off to me. Edited December 24, 2020 by Lovesoul
Wiseman2 Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 There's better guys and better ways to "get horny with".
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: There's better guys and better ways to "get horny with". Please tell me where because since I started dating again only met players, flaky and emotionally unavailable guys. Edited December 24, 2020 by Lovesoul
Acacia98 Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 40 minutes ago, Lovesoul said: I figured out I wanted sex and wanted sex with him immediately on our first date, and I decided to act on it. Simple. If it were really that simple, we wouldn't be having this discussion.
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 There are FWB setups where a couple only gets together to have sex. They don't go out and date to keep it purely a sexual relationship. Maybe this guy is only interested in being a FWB. I think you are looking for a relationship OP which is a lot harder to find. 2
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, stillafool said: There are FWB setups where a couple only gets together to have sex. They don't go out and date to keep it purely a sexual relationship. Maybe this guy is only interested in being a FWB. I think you are looking for a relationship OP which is a lot harder to find. Oh ok I see what you mean now. Yes probably that was the issue between us. I wanted the sex but also wanted to see if we have chemistry on other levels beyond sexual, whilst he was not interested in that and just wanted to keep things physical only. Maybe I was a bit naive, but I was convinced that because we have such a huge sexual chemistry that would be enough reason to get to know each other more and explore this connection on other levels. But I guess not everyone thinks like me. That explains all this push/pull between us. Well I don’t want a fwb thing, so we’re done. Edited December 24, 2020 by Lovesoul 1
Laura1998 Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 29 minutes ago, Lovesoul said: Oh ok I see what you mean now. Yes probably that was the issue between us. I wanted the sex but also wanted to see if we have chemistry on other levels beyond sexual, whilst he was not interested in that and just wanted to keep things physical only. Maybe I was a bit naive, but I was convinced that because we have such a huge sexual chemistry that would be enough reason to get to know each other more and explore this connection on other levels. But I guess not everyone thinks like me. That explains all this push/pull between us. Well I don’t want a fwb thing, so we’re done. how old are you and were are you from?
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 19 minutes ago, Laura1998 said: how old are you and were are you from? I’m 35, from Florida. Why?
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 I swear as long as this thread is growing you could have had the sex and been back here to give us the outcome by now. LOL!!!! 2
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 18 minutes ago, stillafool said: I swear as long as this thread is growing you could have had the sex and been back here to give us the outcome by now. LOL!!!! Not gonna happen now.
Watercolors Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Lovesoul said: I’m 35, from Florida. Why? Your thread is so confusing. You aren’t into casual sex, but you gave this guy a blow job on your first date. Did you have penetration sex too? Since you’re 35 years old, you aren’t some naive school girl. Why don’t you want a FWB with this guy when clearly you participated in his sexting with him for as long as you did. That implies to him that you were up for casual sex all along. Had you not participated in his sexting, or, give him a blow job b/c you were horny after two years of not having sex (ever hear of masturbation - dildos are a woman’s best friend), then you wouldn’t have participated in this farce from the start with this online dating guy. When you online date, you have to set limits for yourself to weed out the wrong guys. Are you not even doing that part? If you are looking for something serious, then how exactly is a horny guy who sexts women he doesn’t even know, come across to you like a normal, long-term relationship guy? This is why so many people fail with online dating. Texting - esp. sexting - is not true dating. Dating actually happens offline. Texting is just exchanging words on a screen with a complete stranger. It’s not real intimacy. Texting is just a one dimensional representation of a person.
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 Just now, Lovesoul said: Not gonna happen now. "Damn those LoveShack people" = from the guy. LMAO
Watercolors Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 18 hours ago, Lovesoul said: I gave him a BJ because I wanted to. Because I love to do it, because things were steamy between us and I felt like it. I think that’s enough of a reason. I wanted to. To me a BJ is not more intimate than a man entering me, and that’s why I didn’t want that on that first date. Then that’s on you. It’s not a reflection of the guy at all. This whole thing could have been prevented if you’d just stopped texting him when his texts to you turned sexual. But you allowed it to continue because in your own words, you were horny and lonely. And, if a BJ is more intimate to you than penetrative sex, how could you stoop so low (in a car no less) to give some random dude a blow job who has no interest in dating you after that?
Watercolors Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, Lovesoul said: Not gonna happen now. Buy a dildo and stop online dating. Save that monthly fee money for a vacation instead. Or a hobby. 1
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 25 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Save that monthly fee money for a vacation instead. Or a hobby. This is always a better idea.
Watercolors Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 11 minutes ago, stillafool said: This is always a better idea. Thank you. I wasted 5 years of money online dating. When I think of that 5 years of monthly fees, I think of trips to Greece, or South Africa or funding hobbies that could have led to real life romances too. Online dating is such a waste of money. It’s like spending money on cigarettes. You know its a bad habit, but you’re so addicted, you waste the money anyway, ignoring the long term bad health effects it has on you. 2
Author Lovesoul Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 15 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Thank you. I wasted 5 years of money online dating. When I think of that 5 years of monthly fees, I think of trips to Greece, or South Africa or funding hobbies that could have led to real life romances too. Online dating is such a waste of money. It’s like spending money on cigarettes. You know its a bad habit, but you’re so addicted, you waste the money anyway, ignoring the long term bad health effects it has on you. It is addictive. But I am not on paying dating apps, only free ones. I tried Match.com (paid) and didn’t like it. The free ones are not any better. So I am not wasting money but am wasting my time and mental health.
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