Mixed signals from girl

[Miss Spider]

3 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

I was talking to a few women, but then since she started talking about wanting to see me and that I'm her love and all that crap, I focused mostly on her because I thought its getting more serious and I'm not the kind of guy to talk to other women if its getting serious with someone, but I guess I should have In this case.

I feel that OP, but it doesn’t sound like she is that serious by her actions. Talk is cheap and lovebombing someone through text is pretty easy. Keep us update. Hope it works out for you. 

[d0nnivain]

6 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

Gotcha.

And I assume I shouldn't bring up the fact that she talks such sweet things to me yet is online sometimes but ignores my text for hours?

And if so, what about if she asks me if something is wrong because I'm acting distant or different?

Absolutely do not bring it up.  You will come across as needy, clingy & unattractive. 

She won't ask because she won't notice.

 

 

5 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

I was talking to a few women, but then since she started talking about wanting to see me and that I'm her love and all that crap, I focused mostly on her because I thought its getting more serious and I'm not the kind of guy to talk to other women if its getting serious with someone, but I guess I should have In this case.

While lock downs keep you apart it's not getting more serious.  Continue to interact with other women. 

[FiReFTW]

She barely wrote to me for 2 days and now that I didn't write for like 15 hours after I did, her reply was "Wow I thought you died or something lol"

[Miss Spider]

I promise that when it’s right, you don’t have to play these games. This ish is wrong. However, since you insist, just say no you’re good. Don’t fall for any bait in which she calls you out for slow replies. Deny and keep mirroring and some.

Edited December 22, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[FMW]

Sounds like she knows how to talk a good game, but her actions don't prove out those words.  Like everyone else has said - don't be drawn in by what she says.  Her disappearing for a few days at a time shouts a very loud message - you're not a priority for her.  The rest is just noise that she uses to entertain herself from time to time and keep you on the hook.  That very strongly indicates her primary motivation is attention, and so she's not going to just limit her talking skills to one person, no matter how much she may be interested in you.

I agree with the others who say you should put your attention on other things, and better yet, other women.  This one's given you no reason to limit yourself to just her at this point.

[smackie9]

17 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

Some very good replies so far im impressed, it makes it much more clear when seeing it from other people's perspective, plus very similar views from you guys.

It seems like a very good possibility yes that shes talking to more people and im just an option, smackie9 you mean she loves gathering attention because of the things shes been telling me that are quite strong?

Yes it's quite possible....if they were true she would be consistent in her conversations, and availability with you would it not? logical thinking is needed here, and keep your emotions out of it.

Edited December 22, 2020 by smackie9

[smackie9]

Remember these days with the internet, she can have quite the flurry of orbiters as big as the Kuiper belt.

[FiReFTW]

Just now, smackie9 said:

Remember these days with the internet, she can have quite the flurry of orbiters as big as the Kuiper belt.

True, I think I just might see all this so weird because me personally I would never say these things to someone if my intentions were not pure and focused solely on them, but there are a ton of different people out there that are not like that, including people with bad intentions or whatever, and since im not like that I can't think in that way so its hard for me to imagine that.

[smackie9]

It's girls....they LOVE LOVE attention, and know how to use their looks, sweet talk to lure lonely guys like yourself. Ego boosting for sure. This is why I gave you that advice...if it's not consistent, they are getting it from someone else too. Kinda like a player situation. So don't emotionally invest in a girl like this. If it's too good to be true, that's because it is.

Edited December 22, 2020 by smackie9

[FiReFTW]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's girls....they LOVE LOVE attention, and know how to use their looks, sweet talk to lure lonely guys like yourself. Ego boosting for sure. This is why I gave you that advice...if it's not consistent, they are getting it from someone else too. Kinda like a player situation. So don't emotionally invest in a girl like this. If it's too good to be true, that's because it is.

Noted for next time, this time however its sadly a bit late for that, sucks for me

[FiReFTW]

So far its been like this, the chat has been pretty normal like usually.

I wrote to her after yesterday, then she replied, and we exchanged like 3 or 4 texts back in fort, I replied at around the same time as her plus longer, like people here sugested... so if she replied in 15 mins I might have replied in 20.

They were all around 5-20mins from her part, now the last thing I wrote she didn't reply to for like 4 hours or so, but I saw she went online a few times for a minute or so in this time.

[Lotsgoingon]

There is no such thing as mixed messages.  Mixed message equals danger zone, means the person isn't into you. People who are into us can send a consistent message of interest. 

You should call her on her flirting if you want. Hey what's up with these pics two days after I last talked to you?

You can write that if you want, but really you should dump her. You're wasting time. She likes to flirt. Nothing weird about that.

[poppyfields]

On 12/21/2020 at 2:08 PM, FiReFTW said:

But why for example is she telling me so many strong things if she is multidating like you say? For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are and YET as I said, how she acts at times, like is away when we tallk about doing something, and sometimes rarely replies for a day or two and yet I see she was online at times and didn't reply to me for hours.

It just boggles my mind why anyone would do the first things and second things together because it makes so little sense to me..

She's doing the ever-so-popular "push/pull" on you and it seems to be working beautifully!  lol  She may not be aware she's doing it, or she might be, who knows.  Google it, you'll learn all about.

But essentially, push/pull is when she says or does things to "pull" you in, towards her, but then suddenly gives you a gentle "push" away from her, like taking longer to respond to messages, or doesn't read a message, for example.  It's a bit crazymaking, isn't it?

That's the idea, it gets you thinking about her, what's she thinking?, does she like me?, not like me?, she becomes intriguing and more desirable to you.  

Men do it too.  They teach this at the PUA websites for men and I think many women are catching on to it.

Anyway, what's all this pushing and pulling doing for you?  I know it's frustrating, but is it making her more desirable to you?  How do you respond to it?

The good news is I think she likes you!   Why don't you suggest taking her up on these things she says and escalate? 

I will say, she's a bit over the top with the pulling, it's quite bold and aggressive, she may realize this too, so balances it out by giving you the gentle push by taking longer to respond to messages, etc.

Do you like this girl?  If so, up the ante, escalate! Show her who's running the show -- you!   Don't allow all her pushing and pulling to rattle you.  Be the stronger person, the smarter person.  Do NOT allow it to affect you.

On the other hand, she might be totally playing you, but that's not what I'm sensing.   I could be wrong.

 

 

Edited December 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

On 12/21/2020 at 2:08 PM, FiReFTW said:

For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are and YET as I said, how she acts at times, like is away when we tallk about doing something, and sometimes rarely replies for a day or two and yet I see she was online at times and didn't reply to me for hours.

How do you respond to all her INSANITY?  Serious question.  I mean like I said, this is really over the top, way WAY over the top, beyond merely flirting.

So I am curious what your messages say in response.

Edited December 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[FiReFTW]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

How do you respond to all her INSANITY?  Serious question.  I mean like I said, this is really over the top, way WAY over the top, beyond merely flirting.

So I am curious what your messages say in response.

Well I try to equal it and do the same things to her.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

, I replied at around the same time as her plus longer, like people here sugested... so if she replied in 15 mins I might have replied in 20.

What people suggested this nonsense? Some pick-up artist site?

Unfortunately this seems like games. What's your end goal with that?

If you want her interest you'll have to step up and ask her out.

The stopwatch text games indicates that you live and breathe by her texts so much so that you sit around and time your replies.

Put the phone down. If she's interested, you'll know. If she's not you'll know.

Text response games are not going to help you.

[smackie9]

On 12/21/2020 at 2:08 PM, FiReFTW said:

But why for example is she telling me so many strong things if she is multidating like you say? For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are and YET as I said, how she acts at times, like is away when we tallk about doing something, and sometimes rarely replies for a day or two and yet I see she was online at times and didn't reply to me for hours.

It just boggles my mind why anyone would do the first things and second things together because it makes so little sense to me..

Have you ever have heard the term "love bombing"? Look it up. It's a form of manipulation players use. make you feel special, important, desired, ego boosting...am I right? You are being manipulated. It's a game to her, and you are being duped/bamboozled.

[Miss Spider]

It’s not strange at all. I used to do this to guys all the time when I was younger, but I only found out the term for this was “lovebombing”. I was thinking ‘this easy and it  is working’.  It had a whole ‘lotta guys thinking that they meant a lot to me therefore I meant a lot them. Profit.
I can see it can be hard to understand if you if you are someone who wouldn’t do something like this. IAll of us have our own bias lens we look through based what we believe and therefore how we behave.  I am super skept of certain behaviors from people because I see  my own past sketch behaviors in a lot of it.

37 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Have you ever have heard the term "love bombing"? Look it up. It's a form of manipulation players use. make you feel special, important, desired, ego boosting...am I right? You are being manipulated. It's a game to her, and you are being duped/bamboozled.

 

[FiReFTW]

I guess you guys were right, before when I was super available she at least wrote a bit and all the stuff I told u about.

Now that I was a bit busy for 2 or 3 days and not so available she doesnt seem to be so sweet anymore and now she doesnt even reply to me at all and shes online almost constantly for the whole day.

[ExpatInItaly]

She seems to like your attention, but isn't actually that interested in you as a person. 

 

[FiReFTW]

I just trust people too much and what they say, and think everyone is 100% honest.

Any advice how to be more careful the next time?

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

I just trust people too much and what they say, and think everyone is 100% honest.

Any advice how to be more careful the next time?

Don't play games. Be honest, forthcoming and confident.

If you are interested, ask someone out in a timely fashion.

Texting is Not dating. Social media reactions is Not dating. Dating is dating.

Do not patrol and monitor anyone's online activity. It's kinda like cyberstalking.

Get off your phone and stop tracking women and Ask them out.

[ExpatInItaly]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Texting is Not dating. Social media reactions is Not dating. Dating is dating.

Remember all of this, OP. 

Don't get so attached to digital communication. Anyone can type just about anything so it's wise not to attach too much significance to frilly words, particularly this early in the game.  You need to be wary of people who make grand gestures of "love" online but are also simultaneously inconsistent in their contact. 

 

 

[FiReFTW]

Thats great advice from both, alltho now in quarantine times its a bit difficult without digital communication and all live, but yeah, lets hope it goes away soon.

[ExpatInItaly]

35 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

Thats great advice from both, alltho now in quarantine times its a bit difficult without digital communication and all live, but yeah, lets hope it goes away soon.

It's not that you need to forget about digital communication. 

The key here is not to put too much stock into what someone you haven't dated very long is typing/posting for you. That is particularly true when this person drops off the radar for days at a time.