Mixed signals from girl

[FiReFTW]

This girl is really confusing me..

Meet her some months ago, we clicked alot, was like lots of sparks, really good connection, sexual attraction, did sexual stuff all that, went out on dates.

The thing is at the moment in my country we have this weird prohibition because of covid19 that we can't leave our region, its prohibited, so I can only move around my region, and she lives in the region next to mine, its like 40 miles away in another city.

So for the past month or a bit more we have been only stuck with over the phone not in real person, and the thing that is confusing with me is how shes acting.

She tells me all this sweet stuff how im the most amazing guy shes ever meet and shes super into me, sends me "xxx" pics of her, talk sexual stuff, sexting, tells me cute nicknames like my love etc... sends me love songs that remind me of her, and is basically the most sweetest person and acts like someone who is really INTO me based on all these texts and actions and sometimes phone calls.

But the thing thats weird is that many times she takes a lot of time to reply to me, sometimes could be a day or two where she barely says something 2 or 3 times in those 2 days which is extremely little conversation, and she says shes busy with going to x place or doing x thing or whatever, but yet I noticed that she comes online on the apps many times between or posts a story or something and yet she doesn't reply to me or even read my message.

So its a bit weird to me since she seems to be so into me with all those other things, and yet this just doesn't make sense to me.

Any idea or advice?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

But the thing thats weird is that many times she takes a lot of time to reply to me, sometimes could be a day or two where she barely says something 2 or 3 times in those 2 days which is extremely little conversation, and she says shes busy with going to x place or doing x thing or whatever, but yet I noticed that she comes online on the apps many times between or posts a story or something and yet she doesn't reply to me or even read my message.

Sounds like she's interested. Don't text-tether or use a stopwatch on response times. Of course both of you have outside lives, including other friends you chat with online.

[Miss Spider]

My guess is she is multi dating and you are one of the many guys she is talking to. Doesn’t mean she’s not into you. Just that you’re not the only guy she’s into.

[smackie9]

being less available makes you more desirable. Don't be an eager shelp. You will burn out your welcome. Be distant and a little aloof, have some mystery.

I agree with the others you are probably not the only one she is flirting with....she loves gathering attention from others. 

Edited December 21, 2020 by smackie9

[d0nnivain]

She's signaling that she only sees you as an option right now while factors out of your control preclude you from meeting up or regularly seeing each other. 

She likes you well enough when you do connect but she's not willing to put her life on hold for you, someone she can't see right now.  

Keep chatting with her & then when the restrictions are eased, go see her.  Meanwhile understand you two are not exclusive & she won't be tied down while the restrictions are in place.  

[FiReFTW]

Some very good replies so far im impressed, it makes it much more clear when seeing it from other people's perspective, plus very similar views from you guys.

It seems like a very good possibility yes that shes talking to more people and im just an option, smackie9 you mean she loves gathering attention because of the things shes been telling me that are quite strong?

[Miss Spider]

8 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

Some very good replies so far im impressed, it makes it much more clear when seeing it from other people's perspective, plus very similar views from you guys.

It seems like a very good possibility yes that shes talking to more people and im just an option, smackie9 you mean she loves gathering attention because of the things shes been telling me that are quite strong?

Hard to say. She could love the attention and/or she could just not be sure about you or anyone else yet so she’s playing the field. I am guessing liking the attention because I know very few people who do not like attention from people that they are romantically or sexually interested in.

Edited December 21, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[FiReFTW]

2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Hard to say. She could love the attention and/or she could just not be sure about you or anyone else yet so she’s playing the field. I am guessing liking the attention because I know very few people who do not like attention from people that they are romantically or sexually interested in.

But why for example is she telling me so many strong things if she is multidating like you say? For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are and YET as I said, how she acts at times, like is away when we tallk about doing something, and sometimes rarely replies for a day or two and yet I see she was online at times and didn't reply to me for hours.

It just boggles my mind why anyone would do the first things and second things together because it makes so little sense to me..

[amygirl908]

My gut feeling is that this is attention seeking behavior since she's coming online and going on apps without replying to you and she is dedicating her time talking to the person who she is getting the most attention from that moment. 

There could be a lot of things going on, but given the restrictions in your country and that you can't see each other it's going to be really difficult to continue exploring the connection. If you feel strongly for her and want to wait it out I would just check your feelings, know that she's talking with others and proceed with caution.

2 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

But why for example is she telling me so many strong things if she is multidating like you say? For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are and YET as I said, how she acts at times, like is away when we tallk about doing something, and sometimes rarely replies for a day or two and yet I see she was online at times and didn't reply to me for hours.

It just boggles my mind why anyone would do the first things and second things together because it makes so little sense to me..

Welcome to the world of modern dating. It is so much easier to just say something to someone without having to back it up in the real world. If she is attention seeking, like my gut feeling says, she will say whatever she needs to keep getting the attention that she wants.

[alphamale]

Actions speak much louder than words...

[Miss Spider]

11 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

But why for example is she telling me so many strong things if she is multidating like you say? For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are and YET as I said, how she acts at times, like is away when we tallk about doing something, and sometimes rarely replies for a day or two and yet I see she was online at times and didn't reply to me for hours.

It just boggles my mind why anyone would do the first things and second things together because it makes so little sense to me..

I am multi- date and I have said/done the same thing. Maybe it is true or maybe she just likes showing you affection. It’s because you are not a priority for, her but when she does talk to you she does make time for you she is being sweet.  I don’t think what she said or did is anything unusual at all. 

[kismetkismet]

It seems like she likes you, but doesn't want to enter into a committed relationship yet. Which honestly is fair because it's not practical for you two to start seriously dating yet. Maybe she doesn't want to get too invested in the relationship while you're in this situation where you can't really move the relationship forward. 

Give it time until you can start dating again, but don't let yourself get overly invested in the situation yet either. 

[FiReFTW]

Do you guys advise me to back off a bit? Also be a bit less responsive and not so available anymore? I feel like that could be a good movie instead if beeing too available.

Or what would you personally do in my situation? (Bare in mind you like the person alot)

Edited December 21, 2020 by FiReFTW
change

[Miss Spider]

Put her on the back burner and date others that live closer is my advice 

[kismetkismet]

I wouldn't back off in a game-playing kind of way, but try to match her level of involvement. Show that you're interested when you do chat, but don't necessarily reach out every day or always be the first one reaching out every time. 

It's not just about maintaining her interest, you also don't want to get ahead of yourselves emotionally by becoming entangled/invested in your text-life when you can't actually see whether you're compatible in real life. It can be a bit both awkward and disappointing when you realize the connection doesn't work beyond the screen. Try to stay busy in your real life (don't fixate on the girl) and feel free to stay on dating apps, so you don't pin all your hopes on her, 

[FiReFTW]

Just now, kismetkismet said:

I wouldn't back off in a game-playing kind of way, but try to match her level of involvement. Show that you're interested when you do chat, but don't necessarily reach out every day or always be the first one reaching out every time. 

It's not just about maintaining her interest, you also don't want to get ahead of yourselves emotionally by becoming entangled/invested in your text-life when you can't actually see whether you're compatible in real life. It can be a bit both awkward and disappointing when you realize the connection doesn't work beyond the screen. Try to stay busy in your real life (don't fixate on the girl) and feel free to stay on dating apps, so you don't pin all your hopes on her, 

I like your advice, alltho the part about being busy is a bit hard in quarantine -_-

[d0nnivain]

21 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

Do you guys advise me to back off a bit? Also be a bit less responsive and not so available anymore? I feel like that could be a good movie instead if beeing too available.

Or what would you personally do in my situation? (Bare in mind you like the person alot)

Yes, you should back off.  Apply a concept called mirroring:  you match her.  If she takes 2-3 days to respond, then you need not respond immediately when she reaches out.   

Do find things to keep yourself busy.  That way you are not staring at your phone waiting for her.  When you do engage with her you can tell her about all the fun, interesting things you are doing. Even if that's limited by Covid you can still read a good book, take a nice hike, take an online class, perfect your cooking, watch a movie. . . just have something going on that doesn't revolve around her.  

[FiReFTW]

Gotcha.

And I assume I shouldn't bring up the fact that she talks such sweet things to me yet is online sometimes but ignores my text for hours?

And if so, what about if she asks me if something is wrong because I'm acting distant or different?

[Miss Spider]

No way, don’t say that.

You’re already in too deep. She’s got you...

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

For example she tells me my love, my darling, my sweetheart, that she can't wait to see me, that im making her fall more and more for me, sends me love songs, sexting, love poems... i mean its INSANE when I think about it how strong these things are

They're not as insanely strong as you think, man. 

It takes very little effort to type out some sweet words and copy and paste a love song. You need to remember not to assign as much meaning words as you do to actions. Her actions suggest that yes, she likes you, but you feel more strongly than she does at this point. She is more casual about this but knows what sounds good - and it's working. 

I would not be so quick to respond when she drops off the radar for a 2 or 3 days. And no, don't confront her about that. Simply mirror her and see what happens. Remember that her behaviour says more than any random love poem she yoinked from somewhere else could. 

[Lance Mannion]

11 hours ago, FiReFTW said:

This girl is really confusing me..

Any idea or advice?

How many other women are you engaging with? Don't put all of your eggs in this basket. Use your time more wisely, develop other women.

[FiReFTW]

27 minutes ago, Lance Mannion said:

How many other women are you engaging with? Don't put all of your eggs in this basket. Use your time more wisely, develop other women.

I was talking to a few women, but then since she started talking about wanting to see me and that I'm her love and all that crap, I focused mostly on her because I thought its getting more serious and I'm not the kind of guy to talk to other women if its getting serious with someone, but I guess I should have In this case.

[Lance Mannion]

10 minutes ago, FiReFTW said:

I was talking to a few women, but then since she started talking about wanting to see me and that I'm her love and all that crap, I focused mostly on her because I thought its getting more serious and I'm not the kind of guy to talk to other women if its getting serious with someone, but I guess I should have In this case.

There's your mistake, in bold, you're assigning way too much significance to what she is saying, and too little to what she is doing.

Hedge your bets, Start up the chats with other women. Look, you say that you notice that your girl is online but not engaging with you, well two can play that game, let her notice that you're online and not engaging with her.

[FiReFTW]

2 hours ago, Lance Mannion said:

There's your mistake, in bold, you're assigning way too much significance to what she is saying, and too little to what she is doing.

Hedge your bets, Start up the chats with other women. Look, you say that you notice that your girl is online but not engaging with you, well two can play that game, let her notice that you're online and not engaging with her.

Yeah you are right.. I will do that.

[FiReFTW]

I will keep this thread updated on how things are going, but it's been extremely helpful so far hearing all the advice it really made me realize some things more clearly.