Shattered Soul

[Soul_Of_Emptyness]

Ok I’m Having a Really Hard Time getting over this and im beginning to hate my life and everything around me more as the days go by, it started out like this at the Age 15 I got together with this girl, and we were together for nearly 7 years, We were 1 week away from our 7th year anniversary and 2 weeks away from being married, 1 night out of nowhere She ups and disappears, this had never happened before. me and my best friend were driving throughout the city all night looking for her, i called in to work the next day and went with her parents and my mother down to the police dept that afternoon to file a missing report.

 

When we got home my mother called her cell phone (we had been doing this all night and morning it had been off) but this time it was on and she answered come to find out she was at the coast. She came home a couple hours later and broke it off with me I had a feeling she had cheated on me but wasn’t positive and she flat out denied it, she grabbed all of her stuff and moved back in with her parents that evening she wouldn’t tell me what it was and why she was breaking up with me at all I couldn’t get any straight answers from her neither could her parents, later to find out she had cheated on me with some 49 year old guy (mind you were 22 at the time) who had been hanging out at her work hitting on her all day, this guy at the time was living in a boarding room on a minimum wage part time job, 2 car repoed, 2 divorces and a 3 yr old child, filed and thousands of dollars in judgments from a few local banks, he was nothing.

 

I couldn’t understand why she had done this to me, At the Time I was working as a Personal Banker Junior at the Local University just as she, was Had a wonderful house we were renting and everything was going perfect but why shouldn’t it we worked our asses off to get there with only each others help. At that point is where my life completely came crashing down, I did everything in my power to try and get her back i would send roses bring her dinner anything i could to try and get her to talk after all this was 1/3 of my life going down the drain. but after the 2nd week she had planned to go to dinner with me she came over and immediately broke it off and told me she was going to the movies with the other guy and that we would never be together again and that was it,

 

from there she had left most of the stuff with me and i gave her back all of her personal belongings but she tried to get into my house and take a bunch of my stuff with the help of one of my really good friends at the time, who have since lost as my closest others in the situation who tried nothing but to stab me in the back during this horror. I then came to find out she hadn’t been paying the bills for the past 3 months though I had been giving her the money every month, I was on a lease and couldn’t afford rent & bills not to mention the past dies amounts and eventually went into dept trying to get rid of it and ride out the lease.

 

Now I have lost allot of my friends who were once rally close, I’m in debt having to file bankruptcy, Work for T-Mobile and live at home with my parents wishing I could go back to school but I cant focus because she’s always on my mind. I went from having a good start at life to having nothing. I now have a girlfriend who I’ve been with for 7 months but I don’t let her get to close and she knows it I don’t want any serious relationship, I know I’m better off without her, and that at least it happened before i got married and so on but I miss her and wonder why my life is in shambles. Its so hard to get her off my mind and the only way that seems to work is taking my medication that makes me almost a zombie that doesn’t care about anything or anyone and just floats through the world day by day with no utter care as where i feel i float through the world day by day with nothing but pain and hate without them.

 

What the **** should i do? I feel stuck, Suicide becomes more clearer of an understanding by the day and I just don’t want anymore pain. Any suggestions as to what I should be doing, I don’t think I necessarily need a girlfriend she’s knows I’m still hung up on my ex and it seems im always judging her on her appearance and attitude all the time so i know this isn’t going to work out in the end but for the meanwhile Id rather distance myself further so she will make the decision to break it off with me rather than me hurting her she would make an awesome best friend and the way she talks we would be best friends if we weren’t together or if it doesn’t work out. I just want my ex off my mind, I gave her back everything she ever gave me, all of her pictures and letters have been stored away for a long time I try to think of all the bad things but the good times always follow and its already been more than a year since this happened.

[Outcast]

You need to get professional help because you can't unstick yourself. There's no shame in this; it happens to lots and lots of people. Talk to your doctor about this first; you may need meds to 'unstick' you but you may also need some counseling. You don't have to live like this - call your doc today.

[slubberdegullion]

Outcast is exactly right. Living like this is destructive and useless, but help is available.