trao992 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 I have been talking to a guy I met on a dating app. We started exchanging texts like 2-3 messages per day. He asked me for a video call one week back, but I declined since I am on a trip with friends and don't want to spend time on the phone. He understood that I am going to be busy and was checking up on me through texts. I extended my trip until new year's eve, and I really couldn't video call him or text him promptly, so I ended up sending short and late replies. But he tried to keep the conversation going, and I did my best to reply to him. A couple of days back, I got swamped and ended up texting him after 12 hours. He asked what my life story was. I replied to that and asked him the same question back. Now he kept me on read. He came online several times and hadn’t replied back to me. I don’t understand if I have done something wrong or something? I really like this guy, and it seems like he is interested too, but I would never put anyone on read and expect the same back, it's really hurting. How should I handle this situation? Should I unfriend him or send him a follow-up text?
stillafool Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 How long were you texting back and forth before this happened and why couldn't you video chat? Maybe he thought you didn't look as described and that is why he wanted a video chat. When you didn't respond with that he moved on and lost interest. 1
Author trao992 Posted December 18, 2020 Author Posted December 18, 2020 Its been two weeks we were texting. I wanted some space, don't feel like talking to anyone on phone when I am surrounded with my friends, not that I don't like video calling. Should I delete him and move on?
ccas93 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 maybe he just got bored and possibly met someone else that is showing more availability. after two weeks of texting, I doubt he's that invested and probably doesn't think you are either. I wouldn't care, either leave the door open in hopes he comes back and/or move on. 1
Gaeta Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 He felt mislead. I don't beleive you could not find 5 minutes to videochat with him. He got suspicious, I would too. 6 2
caputo77 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 I'm sure he read it as disinterest. Short and unengaged answers, taking forever to text back, and lack of interest in video chat are enough for me to assume the person just isn't into it and start messaging other people. That being said, if you REALLY like him and feel like sending him another text to see what happens, I don't think there's any harm in that. But I wouldn't have any expectations. Also if he answers, I'd try a bit harder to communicate your interest. 1
stillafool Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 1 hour ago, trao992 said: Its been two weeks we were texting. I wanted some space, don't feel like talking to anyone on phone when I am surrounded with my friends, not that I don't like video calling. Should I delete him and move on? Oh definitely if you've only texted 2 weeks just move on. He's probably found someone else. You should video chat faster if you're interested in a guy. 1 1
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 2 hours ago, trao992 said: How should I handle this situation? Should I unfriend him or send him a follow-up text? What do you want? At this point, he's a guy on an app who thinks you run hot / cold. he doesn't know or care that you are away & not easily able to be in touch with him. All he knows is that you aren't consistent. He didn't ghost you. He gave up in frustration. If you have any desire to meet him / get to know him, do nothing until you are home & can devote time & energy to him, instead of having him as an afterthought while you are on your trip. Once home, send another message apologizing profusely for jerking him around, explaining that you couldn't focus on him while you were away & asking for a 2nd chance. In that communication, specify a time & venue through which you are willing to initiate a video call to him. Then keep your commitment & reach out at the specified time on the appointed platform. 2 1
elaine567 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 What did you tell him regarding your life story?
Author trao992 Posted December 18, 2020 Author Posted December 18, 2020 @elaine567I told him that I studied and worked in Chicago. I miss the fun there including night life. And, that I wanted to move to New York in a year, but not certain at this point. And asked him back 'whats your story'?
Miss Spider Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 (edited) If he didn’t respond back after you asked that, he lost interest for some reason. I don’t know. Could be anything. Could be because you didn’t want to video chat. Anyway, don’t double text. He got your message. If he wants to reply, he knows how Edited December 18, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
elaine567 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 Maybe the moving to New York in a year did not fit in with his plans. Not everyone wants to embark on a relationship that could end up long distance. Also maybe he is not looking for someone who loves the night life... I don't think you said anything wrong, but he may have just realised you were incompatible, add in the lacklustre texting and no video call, he may have decided it was just not worth it. i get you did not want to prioritise him over your friends, but if you are dating then you have to leave room for dating, few will put up with being bottom of the pile for very long.. 2 1
Author trao992 Posted December 18, 2020 Author Posted December 18, 2020 @elaine567 Should I text him back? If so, what should I say?
elaine567 Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, trao992 said: @elaine567 Should I text him back? If so, what should I say? I wouldn't bother. If he wanted to hear from you he would have replied to your life story text. It is quite rude for him to ask an in depth question like that and then ignore your reply. Edited December 18, 2020 by elaine567
stillafool Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: If he wanted to hear from you he would have replied to your life story text. This is such a personal question and answer it must have taken some time. Couldn't you have done this through video chat? It seems odd that you would write a lengthy text about your life's story when it would have been more intimate by video chat. This is why he probably thinks there is something you probably don't want him to see. So many people are lying about their looks on line these days it may have been on his mind. If you really liked this guy as much as you said it seemed you would have jumped at this opportunity. I'm sure your friends can let you go missing for an hour to talk to a potential boyfriend.
Fletch Lives Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 (edited) It's the holidays and you are on vacation. It's a hard time to date - he expects more attention and probably wants to set a date, understandable. So contact him after the trip and explain you were on vacation/it was the holidays. If he hasn't lost interest, maybe you can pick things up again when you are not so busy. Women often get busy with family and friends around the holidays. This is normal and not anyone's fault. Dating isn't always easy. Edited December 18, 2020 by Fletch Lives
Miss Spider Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) “What’s your life story?” Is a very low effort question. I think there was a sign he was losing interest when he asked that. If you guys have been talking for two weeks and really clicked , you should have been past these broad, cliche questions Edited December 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Lotsgoingon Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 Sounds like this was dead as soon as you said you didn't want to talk on vacation. Not blaming you. Texting daily, texting multiple times daily--I don't care how fun it is--is usually a waste of time. You don't know the person. Text once or twice and then meet the person. Texting a lot before meeting is a distraction. People work really hard to be funny and witty---texting is its own thing. Doesn't sound like you clicked with him. Also sounds like you didn't like the way ne failed to respond to your last message. Hello! ... that's your system saying this is NOT going to work. So why text him now? 1
ShyViolet Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 I wouldn't say he ghosted you. More like, he got tired of your lack of communication and came to the conclusion that you weren't interested. If you really want to let him know you're interested, then try texting him again. But only do that if you are ready to put more effort into this and be better at communication. Don't waste his time if you're going to continue being flaky about answering texts.
Maldives Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 Unfortunately your late replies has possibly made him think your not interested
Wiseman2 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 11 hours ago, trao992 said: I declined since I am on a trip with friends and don't want to spend time on the phone. I ended up sending short and late replies. ended up texting him after 12 hours. I really like this guy, You seem completely dismissive and uninterested. Why bother? Just have fun on your holiday and move forward
Blind-Sided Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) It's really all been said. 1) You are running hot and cold with your replies. 2) You are obviously too busy with your friends to find time to date 3) You don't even want to facetime/video chat to get a look at each other. 4) You enjoy city night life... he may not 5) You want to move... me may not You put up a bunch of red flags to the guy... he didn't ghost you... he just moved on. You can put out a txt of interest if you want... but I'm guessing he won't respond. To be honest... I probably wouldn't if I was in his position. I take that back... I don't think ignoring people is right... I would respond with... "I don't think it's going to work out." After that... I wouldn't respond. And... as a final note... get off of OLD until you are ready to date someone, and don't waste people's time who may actually want to date. Edited December 19, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 Nah, don't text him again. You asked a question that he hasn't responded to. He will follow up if he's interesting in keeping communication open, but he's likely talking to someone else. I'd just leave it.
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 14 hours ago, trao992 said: Should I text him back? If so, what should I say? You should reach out when you get home & have time for him. At that point you say something like Hey my holiday schedule was a bit crazy. Sorry if I came off as flaky or uninterested. I'm back & would love to video chat if you are around. See if that gets a response & go from there. 1
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) I think you should clean the slate, and put the dating on hold until you have yourself finished with your vacation and know if for sure you are going to move. Anyone you talk to isn't going to want to chit chat for weeks. The want to meet and maybe get started with dating someone. You missed the boat on this guy...he's moved on. Just remember you are just a small fish in a sea of opportunity and options. Guys don't want it difficult, the want it easy as possible. Edited December 19, 2020 by smackie9 1
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