Moderators Curt Posted October 14, 2005 Moderators Posted October 14, 2005 I know I haven't spoken about myself in a dog's age. I just haven't had the time nor the inclination to "spill my guts" to the world. Well, perhaps it's just the right thing to do now ... maybe not, but I'm doing it anyways... I had a most interesting experience this past weekend. After meeting on the net in July, and having lost contact with her to a point until September, we chatted for some time, and finally, as of late, met face to face. She really wanted us to meet up (as did I), and on her invitation, I decided that I just had to see this intelligent, sexy woman. It was probably one of the most comfortable times I've ever been. The moment we caught sight of each other, she held out her arms, and I went straight over and gave her a big squeeze. We really seemed to click straight away. She later explained it as being like we knew each other forever. We met on the deck of a club in the city, and because it was chilly up there (and the action was indoors anyway) we went indoors. When we got downstairs, we held hands and stared at each other ... it was just amazing to see our connection. When we started talking, even the way I leaned in to talk to her above the music (she's shortstuff compared to my 6' 5 inches) and the way she turned to hear me ... it all felt like we could almost anticipate each other's movements. As we stood there with friends, talking, she was so close to me ... she was comfortable, as was I. The whole room seemed to have an electric air to it. One of my friends said that it seemed as if that night, anything that could happen was possible. I put my hand on her lower back and we stood there talking, etc. I am sure we looked like we had come there together. We clearly liked each other. We both talked for about 15 minutes when she said that she was going to get a friend of hers that was on an upper level of the bar, and come back down to the lower bar where we were. As I had spoken to that friend before, I felt that I would get a chance to meet her, and have a laugh with her about a phonecall that she had taken from me for my internet friend a few days previously. She left to go upstairs to get her friend, and after 15-20 min of waiting near the bar, I realized that she was not coming back. I later found out that when she got upstairs her friend had gotten into a scuff with a guy who was seeing another girl at the same time. It was near closing time, and we left. I felt very diappointed, as I "felt" this girl so much. I would like to consider myself a fairly good judge of character, and I thought she was spectacular. Well, a couple of days later, she messaged me and told me about the fight, and how she felt bad that things had turned out so badly. She was apologetic. I let her know how it was nothing to fret about ... that that kind of thing happens. Since that, we talked a couple of times on the phone, but she has sorta lost touch over the last couple days. She's busy, and I know that, but it seems that she has mixed feelings. I seemed to be making the calls, and I didn't feel she was into it in the way I was. Perhaps I'm wrong, but... I trust my instincts on these things. I don't understand how someone can be so in tune with us, and yet still not. How do I interpret this all? Any comments welcomed.
d'Arthez Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Very tough Curt. Basically the whole situation is out of control. And you cannot build something with someone, when the other person is constantly not around. You seem to have made an enormous emotional investment already. You cannot live without hearing her voice right now - and you are not even dating, let alone married for a large number of years. Of course, the sparks were there on the first meeting. But that is just that. Even when it is present, nothing is guaranteed. And even social customs may play a part in her stated appreciation of you. I don't think that is the case here, though . You don't know her completely. She might be busy with work, and she might have something else on her mind (sick relative, for instance). That can make people think of other things than romance, so her reaction would not be about you, but about the situation she may be in then. Who knows. But you being obsessed with the phone is not going to change anything. Best thing you can do, is to reduce your number of calls substantially. She has your phonenumber, she can contact you. Without doubt she has a grasp of your interest for her. No need to worry whether she knows that.
JS17 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Of course I agree with D'Arthez. I find her actions at the end of the night confusing but things happen right. I think it's rude that she left without telling your or at least even calling you on her way out since it was an emergency. She just disappeared and didn't call you until days later? That kind of disrespect would be a dealbreaker for me. I would not behave the same way that she did with someone that I really made a connection with. You see posts here over and over again that no matter how busy a man is he can still make time for a relationship with the right person. There's always time for a 10-15 minute phone call for the right person. I think the same applies to women even though we don't discuss it as much here. I think you should trust your instincts and back off. Start disconnecting yourself with the fledgling relationship in the event that it doesn't work out the way you had hoped. Sorry if that wasn't the response you were looking for
westernxer Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I just went through something similar... hung out, got her number, called her a couple days later, left a message (she didn't answer), and haven't heard back. Until she returns my call, she doesn't exist.
loony Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Ok, so I did get it right... She stood you up and left without telling you what happened and did not bother to tell you what happened till a couple of days later? I'm afraid you're suffering from a really strong infatuation which is not reciprocated. That's when people start to believe that everything is perfect and in tune while they have this funny gut feeling. The funny gut feeling is your rational mind that has been observing everything in a neutral way and knows that the signs your lovesick heart has picked up are not for real. My opinion...
Outcast Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I have to agree, Curt, about the rudeness of her actions. Unless she and her friend had to leave in an ambulance, there's no good reason for her to not at least come back and tell you she had to leave. And what's with not bringing the friend to see you? See, if it were me and I'd just met up with someone from online, my friend would have known about it and I'd bring my friend to meet this new person even if we both had to leave right after. I'd have come down with my friend, introduced you both, and then apologized for having to leave. That she left it for several days to email you is also a bad sign. Unfortunately, sometimes what we think are our instincts are really our hopes overtaking our common sense.
loony Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 What she did was simply crappy. Standing someone up and not even bother to call back as soon as possible is just plain rude. Did you mean with "messaged me" that she talked to you on the messenger or did she send you a text message? If you had talked with her on the phone before I'd at least expect a phone call. My take is that this lady is not even worth it to be kept as a friend. I can't tell if she is just very immature and inexperienced when it comes to dealing with dates that she doesn't like that much or if she is not really mean and rude, but I'd suggest that you try to cool down a bit. She may be hot, but trust me, if she is not able to maintain some basic politeness, then you will only end up with more trouble and hurt feelings.
Neptune Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 Hey, that really sucks! But you found out what you wanted to know. There is no doubt that she was not feeling that same connection as you. There is a strong possiblility that you came on way too strong and have scared her off, most likely for good. But, her method of operation suggests that she is someone you are lucky to NOT have around.
Someone Out There Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 Hi Curt, I loved the advice you give out on this board. In fact, one of your advice helped me tremendously while I was pining for a guy some time ago (I am still, but I'm also moving on). Regarding your situation: It sounds like you're already emotionally invested, so the "chemistry" might be one-sided even if it "felt" otherwise. (I have this problem myself and I swear we have incredible chemistry that others even picked up on), but he made no damn moves. I have to write him off because his lack of action - over a year now - indicates a lack of interest on his part) Like a couple of folks have mentioned, her skipping out early without at least telling you is rude, and personally, it would be a dealbreaker for me. If she's shy, your pursuit would work. Given what you had posted, it doesn't sound like she's putting in too much effort to keep in touch even though you're initiating. People ALWAYS make time for people they like, no matter how busy they are (barring any emergency) Since you two met online, I think you should just ask her directly and see what she thinks. Don't push for anything. Keep it light and ask her if she wants to meet up again (one on one) and her response would tell you lots. It'll save you a lot of time and heartache, trust me on this. Good luck!
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