Please help my decipher my girlfriend's hidden messages..

October 18, 2005

I don't like admitting it, but I am a stubborn person, and I know it. That part of me might have came from dealing with my parents over the years, or it might be myself entirely. I say that because even at a very young age, I had a strong sense of self. By that I meant I'll just agree with others on the surface to avoid arguments, since I know I can't persuade them in any way- namely my parents. It gets more complicated than that though, as I often found myself verbally agreeing with my teachers and sometime friends, when in reality my beliefs are completely opposite to theirs. Primarily, the reasons for that is because few people (especially my parents, teachers, and elders) ever realistically consider me as being right and them as wrongfully accusing me. Together, they shaped me into a person who would agree just enough to get out of arguments that will not be in my favour, which was what you had stated in your post. However, I cannot understand why I have a tendency to want to fix problems with my girlfriend without just dismissing them. Surely I dismiss the problems with her from time to time, but that is because I know that she won't listen, and the argument that occurs because of her unwillingness to talk to me creates further problems.

Looking back, I know my parents only meant to do the best for me in teaching me discipline and strict rules, so I think that 7 out of 10 times they were right. Although i totally dislike the way they have shaped me sometimes, because I can be shy and afraid of failure. If I could turn back time, I would much rather have more freedom when I was a kid. In talking with friends, I have realized how little of a childhood I had because of my parent's pressure for me to do well in school and in life. Essentially, most of my friends and my girlfriend would tell me that I am too mature for my age, and I agree completely. I was afraid of spending time with my friends after school and neglecting work, as I could see the onset of failure easily. I was so devoted to my academics that I never skipped school or classes -even when I was sick with a fever. It also goes to show that no matter how much I disgree with my parents, they end up controlling my actions in life alot. Interesting I also remember a time in elementary school where my friend down the street always wanted me to stop by at his house to play computer games, but my answer was always no. Everytime he asked me to have fun, I would deny solely on the basis of my parents, knowing that something dramatic will happen if I had decided to go. My childhood was anything but.

October 19, 2005

It's now 4am in the morning and I should be sleeping (yes I should be). A couple of hours earlier I got into a fight with my girlfriend over the phone. Everything started out from me wanting to talk to her. She told me to work hard and concentrate on my studies because it's midterm season. Anyways, I had some time to spare, so i said what the heck, I'll just call her up. 8 phone calls later there was still no answer, and then all of a sudden I had gotten a call from her. I discovered that she was "busy" and that she did not in fact care much about me studying and doing well as she had stated earlier. She was "busy" spending time talking to her roomate and best friend and I became extremely outraged by the decision she made to talk to him instead of me. The rest of the night consisted of short, angry phone calls ending up in dramatic hangups. Then finally she stopped as she knew I was serious. She text messaged me to tell me that she wanted to talk to me too, but couldn't deal with the arguments (like always). I wish I could feel closer to her like I did before, but the way she conducts herself and her carefree attitude defniitely takes a toll on the relationship. I cannot feel her commitment to the relationship in her actions. In fact, she does not mind that we don't talk everyday, but it bothers me to a great extent. I poured my heart out and told her how I felt about what she was doing and how the arguments are neccessary for making the future better. However, our arguments do not end with any lessons learnt, and so all the problems pile up because she is not willing to talk about them. So I had asked her to write me a letter about her feelings instead of talking to me over the phone, and I agreed to do the same too. Please let me know what you think of the situation. What a night..I have to be up in two hours

October 19, 2005

Help somebody help me

October 19, 2005

I am sorry about the night that you just went through!

In a nutshell - one of the reasons for my guiding posts

with you is to hopefully show the importance of a strong

sense of Self.

It seems to me that you are in a very important stage

of development. The transition into being an adult is

difficult. Heck, I am in my late 30s and still have to address

things in this regard .

I am here for you to talk and vent to. I am also here to

let you know how I dealt with similar situations in my life.

Think of the phrase “know thyself”

I have employed many tools in an attempt to know myself,

Books, classes, BBS’s such as this one, therapy, and so forth.

I have employed the same tools in an attempt to “heal myself”

as well.

What are your thoughts on what I have just said?

We will come back to the details of last night in proceeding posts.

October 19, 2005

My first thoughts in regards to your fight.

Something that I go through on a regular basis with

my SO is that of balance. She needs more space

then I do. It causes issues when resentment builds

up due to any number of other factors and sometimes

just in and of itself. If I have time, I will look around

for any other topics on this subject or just open a new

topic on it.

For me, resentment breeds irritation and then anger.

When I am irritated, I can usually hold my mind together

in regards to the full spectrum of what is going on.

When I am angry most of my rational thoughts flies

out the window. Additionally, I have found, for myself

personally, my anger never helps me (this is not to

say that anger does not help some people – I have see it

work both ways. I speak only for myself, when I state that

I see my anger as a negative aspect).

That said, in what you have shared thus far, it does not

surprise me that you have been getting angry. You seem

to be sacrificing yourself in this relationship in a way that

is uncomfortable for you. What you have shared in regards

to how you deal with conflict indicates that you tend to

repress things to avoid said conflict (I have this tendency as

well).

Do you see this and what are your thoughts on this?

October 19, 2005

What are your thoughts on what I have just said?

We will come back to the details of last night in proceeding posts.

Bursting out in anger is becoming more uncommon for me the longer I am in this relationship with her. There used to be a time during our first year of dating when we never had fights. She was no easier to deal with before than now, so why did we not fight before? During the intial phase of our relationship I believe the responsibilities were heavily shifted to my side because she exhibited a high degree of carefree attitude towards our relationship - at least in action. Starting out, I was more infatuated with her than in love with her, and I tried extremely hard to repress any feelings of anger towards her to not risk the chance of our relationship failing. It worked, and after some time my patience grew thin and she became ever more intolerable- I had become her ragdoll because she was accustomed to "taking advantage" of me and "walking all over me". Thinking back then, part of her behaviour now is correlated to the manner in which I treated her before, but more importantly, without that initial scenario, we would never have a relationship that is still progressing, and she agrees too.

Hopefully last night marked the beginning of a new direction.. or re-awakening for her, as much as I am skeptical. I told her that the arguments are there because I want us to learn what went wrong everytime and prevent such arguments in the future, but that I needed her help because I cannot do it alone. What I told her spoke volumes of how I felt about her and my desire to be with her, but sadly alot of the times she takes it as nothing more than mere complaints, and then days later similar arguments recur. I want to change that, I want to learn as much as I can about both myself and my current situation with this girl, and also what I can do to head us in the right direction- the precise formula, if you will.

Since you are in much of the same situation as me, you ought to have more experience than me in such problems. It will be a pleasure to hear some examples of problems in your own relationship and solutions or outcomes of said problems. I believe learning by taking in the core essence of examples will do alot for me, especially learning from someone who has "been there and done that". The whole world must think that we're eccentric and the last of our kind to involve ourselves with troubles like this, as no one else is replying to this thread:) , but I have faith that all is not lost for those who try.

p.s.: I appreciate your advice and patience when the rest of the world is on a different wavelength.

October 20, 2005

i think maybe shes insecure. you said she was on anti-depressants, theres a sign that she may have self-esteem issues, which may be one reason she can be distant; because she is scared to let out her true feelings. someone once said to me though, at a time when i seem like i dont care, is when i really need to feel you care the most. if you really love her, be there for her and get her to open up. dont walk away.

October 20, 2005

Not a problem, ics. I also know what you mean in regards to

feeling a bit eccentric J. Then again, I have yet to meet someone

that does not have some form of idiosyncrasy so I tend not to

feel as bad about this aspect of my life anymore.

In regards to your most current post (31) what are your thoughts

in regards to what I posted right be for it (my post 30)?

Also, in my life, therapy has helped me greatly in regards to focusing

on myself since I have a tendency to lose myself in a variety of situations

(in addition to the obvious, I add work, study, friends, family, my cats,

and so forth to the list). What are your thoughts in regards to therapy/counseling in relation to self discovery?

I will address formulas in a later post

October 20, 2005

She needs more space
then I do. It causes issues when resentment builds
up due to any number of other factors and sometimes
just in and of itself.

Resentment builds up for me alot too, and your description of it just perfectly describes my situation as well. My girlfriend also needs more space than me. Whereas I like to involve myself more with her life, she does not seem to want that too much. In particular I am talking about my strong urge to see her, as we see each other much less than before, due to incompatibility in our schedules. The problems come in when I wish to see her /spend more time with her, but she tells me she is indifferent about it because we have very different lifestyles and there are other things she wants to do. Granted, I can see where she is coming from, but her actions do not always match her words. For instance, upon telling me that she is "busy" and could not see me, I called her up- only to find her talking to her best friend and roomate. Today was a disaster too, but more on that later. The physical distancing caused by her need of space has given me the feeling that we are constantly losing our connection. When we see each other now, she does not have much to talk about, and it feels as though she is but a mere friend.

Today she called me up crying and I rushed back right away to see her, as I was worried and wanted to be there for her at times like those. I went from downtown to uptown, and when I got there, she did not say a thing to me about what happened, and became irritated and yelled at me. Anyhow, she wanted to go home (! ) I took her home and she asked me to stay over for the night and that I can study for my exam tomorrow at her place. Of course I wanted to spend the time with her too, but I was not comfortable having to deal with my studying and my desire to spend time with her at the same time. Essentially, I was twiced as stressed, and as much as she offered to not distract me during my studying, I did not think I could handle doing my work in a strange, new environment with the temptation of closing up my textbooks to spend time with her. Being rational, I told her I could not stay, and so she left the room and asked me to pack up- that she'll see me at the door. I could not think properly, the situation itself was too dramatic, yet I felt I was at fault, yet I knew I did the right thing. However, either way, she was dissapointed in me and went straight into her friend's room next door to talk to him instead, closing the door as well. 10 minutes later she came back and asked me to pack up again, but I told her I could compromise, and I wanted to spend time with her, so I would leave in two hours, but she told me she did not have time for me and asked me to leave now. Next she began packing my books and then I became extremely resentful of her. I jumped in and packed my own books myself and showed walked myself out the door. What do you make of this situation? It felt as though she only cared about what she wanted and it was either her way or no way.

I am at a stage in life right now where both my school life and love life is crumbling. For the former, I am struggling with my courses and am begining to wonder if I switched into the right program. (Yes, I have switched program once already). For the latter, I get less and less time to see my girlfriend and everytime I see her, I could feel the distance between us getting greater, and there is absoloutely no room for tolerance. By that I meant she could be very sweet and thoughtful one minute and kicking me out of her house the next. It doesn't help that she is living with her best friend (a guy), and prioritizing him over me (although she denies it). I was so mad on my way home that I did not wish to talk to her or see her again. Am I destructive?

What happened? Was it wrong what I did? My girlfriend requested a psychiatrist half a year ago, and she is still seeing one right now. When I take that into account, the complexity adds up. I do not know if she is in fact healing from her psychological problems; if I am the one who is emotionally unstable. Or perhaps she has not recovered from her problems at all, and that my resentment and quick temper is the direct result of that.

That said, in what you have shared thus far, it does not
surprise me that you have been getting angry. You seem
to be sacrificing yourself in this relationship in a way that
is uncomfortable for you. What you have shared in regards
to how you deal with conflict indicates that you tend to
repress things to avoid said conflict (I have this tendency as
well).

At the first stages of conflict, I do indeed repress my feelings even if I know she is wrong. However, any further problems leading up from the conflict will surely make me explode and lose my rationality. My repression comes from my desire to be understanding and to avoid further conflict, but if she continues doing what she had been doing wrong, my tolerance level quickly falls to 0, and my irritation with her at its peak. I share the same feelings as you completely.

You mentioned the option of counselling and discovering myself, and I partially want to find out what I do not understand about myself as well. On the other hand, I do not want to admit to myself that I am falling apart and need the help of a professional to pull me out. I also believe that is because I do not wish to reveal to others in my close proximity (friends, family) such problems.

October 21, 2005

Speaking with you has helped me in regards to focusing my

thoughts in regards to many things. It acts as one form of

self-discovery for me as I must put into words feelings that

I have. A part of the whole in my journey towards an

attempt to figure myself out.

Please keep in mind, when I mention the potential benefits

of therapy for you, this does not mean that I think you * need *

it. I have just found it very beneficial in my own life.

I have had reservation in regards to therapy throughout my life

due to the reason you point out. I also feel that it would have

done me absolutely no good up to the point I saw that it may

be helpful to me.

Enough said there Now, first any feelings you have on

what I just posted? From there, how are things going for

you today?

October 21, 2005

Therapy may just be the right thing for me, especially with all the overwhelming problems in my life right now.. but at the moment I still haven't been able to make myself go through with it.

As for today, school didn't go very well with midterms. I was unable to focus because of my emotionally-drained night yesterday, as well as my difficulty with the material. Anyhow, I saw her for a few hours prior to now, and at first we were perfectly happy. A few hours passed and she suddenly became upset because I was not able to stay at her place last night. She then told me she wasn't happy with me and wants to spend time with her roomate/friend instead, which bothered me alot. I kept calm until I could not take it any longer, so I decided to talk to her, but she was became extremely irritated and wanted to almost literally jump out from the car. My anger was the result of the poor progression of the relationship and her difficulty in talking about her feelings, after 3 long years. I felt helpless because our future is extremely uncertain, and all my efforts to correct it back on course were in vain. She would rather have the problems build up than to sit through a conversation with "complaints". In the end, i bursted out in anger and told her to get out of the car, which was exactly what she wanted. She is very unstable.. she opened up the door as I was still driving my car and threatened me to stop the car for her to leave. The outcome was just that, but as much as I was angry with her unrationality, I walked back to look for her and found her crying. She was silent for a long time as we walked back to my car. I dropped her off at work and told her I will see her tonight after she is off. Things are getting out of hand.. everything is flying out of control.

October 22, 2005

ICS – The opening of the door while you where still moving

really concerns me. I do not believe that anything good can

come from driving while angry.

A simple suggestion since your level of stress seems very high.

Something I have found in my relationship has to do with

really accepting my partners space issues. To achieve this I

have had to look at myself and realize that I need personal

space myself and her need of space actually helps me have

my own. Due to this reprogramming of my natural imprinting

in regards to upbringing and so forth this has the side affect of

actually bringing us closer – quality vs. quantity so to speak.

I do not believe that anyone can change anyone else. Nor can

we “fix” anyone else. We can support and care for others. We

can help others that are attempting to help themselves, but can

not help those that are not willing to help themselves.

If you decide to move forward in your relationship it will take

a great deal of patients and time. I do not personally see anyway

around this. I think that I have said this before, but for myself,

anger rarely works for me and from what you have posted, your

anger seems very similar to my own. I also naturally repress

things in a way that breeds anger.

I have also found ways that work for me in regards to centering

myself and venting off steam that I will share after I hear back

from you in regards to what I just posted.

October 23, 2005

Augur, the door-opening was very dramatic on her part and it indicated to me how truly extreme her mind was. In the past, I have repressed feelings and venting my anger was not easy, with only two or three close friends willing to listen to my problems but still not being able to help me much. After a while I felt that maybe I brought this onto myself; that maybe the problems are because of me, because maybe I am not as good a boyfriend as I try to be. Upon talking to her, she told me that wasn't the case, and she says: "I love you so much, but I can get so irritated at you too".

Personal space for both my girlfriend and I is likely good, since I have a strenuous university life which must be had along with a family life and a social life. As for her, she has irregular work schedules and a ton of problems to figure out about her own life. Giving her more personal space did not lead to any good outcomes, as I have tried that for a week. After that week when we finally saw each other again, she has began to focus on a new life in which I became a very small part of- she has "forgotten" about me. Much of her time was spent with her roomate/best friend, and she talked to me about how our lifestyles are not as compatible anymore, and does not have to/want to see me all the time. I also noticed that she became more emotionally and physically distant with me after that week of personal space, and had gotten closer with her roomate/best friend- always having something to talk about with him.

You speak of reprogramming your natural imprinting to better suit yourself to your relationship with your girlfriend, which I have done as well to an extent. I am curious as to how this stratgey may affect the relationship? In a way, it is sacrificial and the changes resulting from it may be far and uncertain. I believe this is one such reason that fuels our anger, especially when we have done everything in our power to patch up the wound, but still it isn't good enough. Do you agree with me on this?

I do not believe that anyone can change anyone else. Nor can
we “fix” anyone else. We can support and care for others. We
can help others that are attempting to help themselves, but can
not help those that are not willing to help themselves.

The problem with my girlfriend is that she talks all about how much she wants to help herself get back into school and get her life back to normal, but she does little to work in that direction. I have offered and attempted to help her, but alot of barriers are in place; namely her reluctance to talk about her life or her issues. I wish so badly that I could get her to plan ahead and not let her current situation scare her away, and you are right, anger does not help the relationship progress. Her willingness to change has to be somehow sparked sparked or triggered from events in her life, but the question remains: when, if ever, will that happen?

Since my last post, I saw my girlfriend during the night to pick her up from work and sleepover at her place. Everything was going smoothly until I saw her. Minutes prior to seeing her, she explained to me that her friend just dropped by to pick her up, and told me she would ride home with her. Naturally I was upset, as I have waited the entire day to see her.. only for her to cancel on me? My girlfriend got off the phone and told her friend that she made plans with me ahead of time. Upon hearing that, her friend (which happens to dislike me), stormed off. So, my girlfriend called me up again, irritated this time, and then met up with me in the parking lot. Then confict began.. or rather.. violent behaviour. I tried to talk to her, but the only reactions I got was a beating with her shopping bags and her throwing her phone (which missed me and instead hit against my car's window). Right then she left and asked to be alone for a while because she wanted to take a walk.

After her return, she asked me to drive her home because she did not want to spend the night with me any longer. We got back to her house and she changed her mind and asked me to stay, and I did. I did not get angry at her for the situation and repressed my feelings since I knew nothing good would come out of it. And last night I slept beside her and had a small conversation with her. Now, a few surprises. I asked her if it bothered her that I am angry at her sometimes, and if she might become more distant from me as a result. She told me I have the right to get angry at her, and that she would not become more distant from me with my anger because she understands I have to deal with alot. Next I told her I can be afraid of her at times, and she nodded and told me she understands why. After such a long night with mixed feelings and emotions, I just got more confused with her inconsistent behaviour, but also with some relief from finally having her opening up to me a little.

October 23, 2005

In rereading over our posts to on another, I have

to stress once again the importance of Self.

Now, let me attempt to further define something I

posted earlier that you commented on in your last post..

In compromising with my SO in regards to personal

space, it meant nothing until I did this for myself and

not for her. In fact, in regards to compromise in my

relationship with her, this seems to be the case with

any number of areas of change that the two of us have

made in our lives.

The “giving of space” to an individual has any number

of results, but let us keep them to 3 for starters.

“If I give her space she will disappear from my life?”

Yes, no, perhaps.

“If I give her space will it strengthen our relationship?”

Yes, no, perhaps.

“If I give her space…”

Yes, no, perhaps.

However, I believe that when an individual truly seeks

to work on improving themselves for themselves, and

without worrying about the results in regards to those

that surround them, this tends to make them stronger

and prepare them for any scenario that may result from

this action.

Please let me know your thoughts on what I just posted

and take care of yourself.

October 23, 2005

Your last post really says alot about not just relationships, but life as well. I am beginning to understand how some of the reasons for my anger comes from my expectations of my girlfriend in return for the effort I put in. You are right, I believe a successful relationship is one where you put yourself first-where your happiness is mostly independent of your partner's. Basically, I think that there should always be a base happiness in one's life regardless of how terrible or great their relationship is.

The obstacles that I see, however, comes from the feedback I receive from my girlfriend when something I do is not to her liking as well as my desire to help make her a happier person.

Examples of this include:

1. Her sudden mood changes, which I attempt to understand and perhaps

help her with.

2. Her closeness with her roomate/friend, which bothers me alot because at

times I feel like the friend and her roomate the boyfriend.

3. Her occassional indifference in seeing me/talking to me, accompanied by a

lack of emotions.

4. Her negative reactions when I cannot free up a certain day to see

her/sleep over at her place.

Aside from the above though, I did discover how I can bring out a happier side of her last night. Like usual, she was emotional and sad, and brought to tears. To take her mind off her problems and help her from being too miserable, I got myself to tell her jokes and continued talking to her until she had a smile on her face. This morning I tried the same approach on the phone with her and it seems that she is able to open up certain aspects of her life to me in the conversation. I do not mind doing this to make her happier, but there are times when I can be annoyed because I wish she could be more talkative, especially on the phone. Our phone conversations often have long pauses and moments of silence because we both expect the other person to talk, and perhaps because she cannot easily open up to me. I am seeking to understand the reasons for her being all bottled up, because in general she is very open with her friends, which she admitted to as well. Am I doing something wrong here? I see all the things I am doing for her- I do understand she is going through alot, but I only wish that she would be able to do something for me too. Then again, I have to remember the importance of self. Please point out to me some of the things I am doing wrong, and how should I go about introducing positive changes in my life?

October 24, 2005

Update for today:

My girlfriend almost quit her part-time job yesterday because she "couldn't deal with it". It is becoming more apparent to me that she has trouble dealing with obstacles in life, because her reason for wanting to quit was: "I can't stand working there anymore, everything makes me so miserable". From this and past scenarios, I feel that she has very little patience and a low tolerance for finding solutions to problems.

However, aside from her issues with life, I have realized that she is happier talking to me now. Last night, like the night before, she was very easy to talk to and had alot to tell me about. Overall, the conversation was enjoyable and she told me more about her feelings and was more free to discuss her life than before.

I hope it doesn't go downhill anytime soon.

October 27, 2005

Where's my buddy augur?

October 27, 2005

Still here, ICS. I will try and get back to you

in detail later on today depending upon my

schedule.

How are things going for you today?

October 27, 2005

As odd as it may sound, one thing I would suggest in

regards to instigating positive changes in your life

comes down to not obsessing in regards to what you

feel you are doing wrong. Think about things you are

doing right and try to build upon that foundation. Think

about what you do that helps yourself in regards to

your self esteem.

I have found for myself that working towards balance

in my life seems to help a lot. Attempting not to

obsess in regards to “What am I doing wrong” but

attempting to look at the “good” and the “bad” as

objectively as possible.

On another note, look at what affects you negatively in

regards to your relationship as it pertains to yourself.

For example you mention that she gets upset when you

are unable to free up certain time for her. However,

it seems as though she does the same thing to you and

as such, you have a breeding ground of resentment

(one that I understand from personal experience).

I have my opinions on this but would like to know your

thoughts in regards to the details in regards to how you

have dealt with this in the past, and ideas that you may

have in other ways to address this in the future.

October 27, 2005

Hey, you are back! I am so glad I can talk to you again, alot has happened since I last posted. The most recent conflict was last night's. My girlfriend wanted to see me at night, but I did not have the time. She became dissapointed but did not argue with me. I felt guilty of making her dissapointed because I could not see her, as I wanted the same, but simply could not. Before bedtime I called her up and told her I wanted to talk to her for a bit before I sleep. She displaced her anger/disapointment from earlier on me by telling me that she doesn't want to talk to me. Our conversations ended with her hanging up on me. I text messaged her to tell her that she was developing a habit of hanging up on me, and I was not happy about it. 30 minutes later, she called me again, but had not gotten the text message until we were 5 minutes into the conversation. Then, after reading my text message, she told me she did not want to talk to me and essentially hung up on me again. But this time, she turned off her phone too and I could not call her back. It may seem frivolous, but all of what had happened above made me unable to sleep for 3 hours last night- as much as I tried stop thinking about it. I had mixed emotions.. from feeling inadequate to feeling angry at her for never taking my words seriously and just running away from it all. She wrote me a text message today and seemed concerned that I was up late last night (because I wrote her a message before I slept). I don't know what to say to her.. but I want a resoultion to these problems.

As odd as it may sound, one thing I would suggest in
regards to instigating positive changes in your life
comes down to not obsessing in regards to what you
feel you are doing wrong. Think about things you are
doing right and try to build upon that foundation. Think
about what you do that helps yourself in regards to
your self esteem.

I have been trying much the same as what you had suggested above, but I find that my self esteem and happiness lowers when circumstances like last night's conflict with my girlfriend occurs. How do I get around such problems? I can try repressing all my negative feelings from conflicts, but reprssion is not neccessarily the best way to happiness, right? Repression might just lead to a huge catastrophe when I cannot take it anymore. What do I do?

Also, I could take your advice given to me in response to last night's conflict with my girlfriend. But what is the best thing to do?

1. to repress my feelings and act as though last night didn't bother me

2. go all out and pour my feelings out and tell her how miserable I felt

Option 1 will temporarily give me better self esteem because in the case of option 2, I can feel that the problems will only get worse when she gets angry too. Although realistically, option 2 is a solution that may help with my long term happiness- provided that she takes my words to heart (but I doubt it).

October 27, 2005

Another observation I have noticed is that when my girlfriend is angry with me, she wakes up the following day and talks as though nothing had happened. In reality though, all these problems pile up inside of course. It seems to me that this is her preferred method of "solving" problems. Also, her anger is not always justified or fair, but for her, I always become the one who was wrong in the end. Have I tried sitting down and talking to her patiently about our issues? Yes, but with zero result, and sometimes even negative results because she becomes deeply upset since she deems the discussion as a way of me getting all my "complaints" out. That is not true- I am usually very reasonable with her and prefer to not fight fire with fire, so I talk patiently with her, all the while trying to make the discussion about both me and her and not about me only.

October 27, 2005

While it's still in my head, I am going to write it down here.

She was still upset today, and when I asked her why she replied with: "You wouldn't understand anyways". Ok, so I asked her to give it a try because I might understand. Then she goes: "No, I don't want to talk about it." Wow she's being such a pain. Fine, I ignored her, and an hour later, she called back to tell me that I don't want the same things as her in the relationship-which is not true. She is talking about how I could not find time to see her last night or how I didn't drop by at her house today. I simply do not have the time because I am busy studying for my exam for tomorrow. Now, let's analyze this...

1. She wants more out of our relationship (+)

2. She gets unreasonably mad at me because I cannot see her whenever she wants. (-)

One (+) and one (-),

so the result is just nothing..

I don't understand her mentality of getting mad at me when I seriously could not find the time to see her. Is it so difficult for her to understand my point of view?

October 27, 2005

First, some food for thought in regards to your question in a prev. Post

Also, I could take your advice given to me in response to last night's conflict with my girlfriend. But what is the best thing to do?

1. to repress my feelings and act as though last night didn't bother me

2. go all out and pour my feelings out and tell her how miserable I felt

(end quote)

all and none of the above .

This is one the reasons that in our discussion I keep coming

back to the YOU of your relationship. Yes, you have to take

into account the We and the Her of your relationship but most

of the We and Her are beyond your control.

Think on the following statment:

Hope for the best, expect the worse, search for the center.

Feel free to comment - I will comment upon your most

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Please help my decipher my girlfriend's hidden messages..

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