ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 I ran into a woman I went out with for a short time right after high school, and I was just saying hi really, but she was all wanting to go out again and catch up, and seems really excited about it. The thing is, I am 36 now, and feel I don't really have much to show. I still live with my parents, and I just lost my job on lay offs recently. My previous job before that lost because of covid back when covid started. This new job was just a seasonal one, which was expected to end by Christmas anyway, and I'm looking for a new one of course. But I guess I just feel I don't have a lot to show to make an impression on her after all these years now. She is really goodlooking for her age still for example, and I feel like I am in over my head and she is out of my league. Really goodlooking for age also because she is 11 years older than me but that also adds to me feeling pressured to make a big impression on her. So I was just wondering, how should I approach this do you think? Thank you for any advice! I really appreciate it.
Maldives Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) Just be honest and be yourself and don't pretend or make up stories about your circumstances. U want her to accept you for where and who U r. No pressure haha you can't win em all and that is to hard too much work pretending to be something your not If she accepts you for you great. She's more likely too I think if you show and don't make a big deal about where your at. It's all about confidence. Look at me best position I've been in yrs have a nice apartment overlooking the river wth nice views good job doesn't mean s*** to woman I've dated just be yourself and don't feel you need to impress her Edited December 16, 2020 by Goodguy05 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 2 hours ago, ironpony said: So I was just wondering, how should I approach this do you think? Firstly, do you have some way of getting in touch with her?
notbroken Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Agreed - don't try to be someone you are not. That always backfires. Tell her you had a good job but covid changed all that but you obviously plan for a better future. Leave it at that. She is either interested or she is not. Don't be ashamed of who you are nor afraid to tell her. That said, consider finding a way to better yourself so that you are 'proud of who you are' - one way or another somehow in the future (school, a new job, etc, etc). 4
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 She’s old and you are a young buck. She’s got her own financial stability so that won’t be on her check list....fun and good sex is her agenda. Dress up, put on some nice aftershave and go for it.
Miss Spider Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) Get your life together more before you start dating would be my suggestion. If you really feel like you have “nothing to show” that is going to be apparent to the other person Edited December 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 5 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Just be honest and be yourself and don't pretend or make up stories about your circumstances. U want her to accept you for where and who U r. No pressure haha you can't win em all and that is to hard too much work pretending to be something your not If she accepts you for you great. She's more likely too I think if you show and don't make a big deal about where your at. It's all about confidence. Look at me best position I've been in yrs have a nice apartment overlooking the river wth nice views good job doesn't mean s*** to woman I've dated just be yourself and don't feel you need to impress her Oh okay thanks. I thought that it would likely be the opposite and she would want a guy to make a big deal of something like that, or not just brush it off maybe. 3 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: Firstly, do you have some way of getting in touch with her? Yeah I have her email now, and was going to either give her my number or ask for hers, when it closer to meeting up. Why? 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: She’s old and you are a young buck. She’s got her own financial stability so that won’t be on her check list....fun and good sex is her agenda. Dress up, put on some nice aftershave and go for it. Are you sure she is looking for sex? It's just that I also saw her on a dating site a not long ago, and I mentioned to her as well that I saw her there, but on the site she said that she was looking for a relationship. So I thought that's what she wanted. Also before, the reason why it didn't work over 15 years ago now, is because back then she felt I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. So wouldn't she likely be looking for the same thing from me now possibly?
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 Also she didn't seem to like that I didn't make a big deal out of a relationship back then, so I wonder, would she feel the same way, if I acted like my life isn't a big deal now the way it is?
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Yeah I have her email now, and was going to either give her my number or ask for hers, when it closer to meeting up. Why? Logistics . There's no much point over-thinking this and wondering what her intentions are - you don't know, at this point. If you really want to get to know her, just send her an email and hope for best. What else is there to do? 1
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) Well I guess I just feel like I will strike out again, and I think she is really cool from what I remember before as well. Perhaps I should put off meeting up with her for a bit and try to find a house, and a job that they will allow me to put down a down payment for, and just go for it? But then again, I was told to wait till covid has gotten better, because the housing market will be better, if that's true. Edited December 16, 2020 by ironpony
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) The way you have presented things here, your choices are: 1. You're not feeling confident enough at the moment because you feel the timing isn't right, which is fine. If so, save her email address somewhere handy and work your way to a better position. Or 2. Contact her, see how it goes and let her decide whether she wants to pursue things with you. Which is also fine. What do you think is the best course of action for you, under the circumstances? Edited December 16, 2020 by Emilie Jolie
basil67 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 35 minutes ago, ironpony said: But then again, I was told to wait till covid has gotten better, because the housing market will be better, if that's true. What impact has covid had on your housing market? And what do you mean by "better"?
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 Oh they said that it will be cheaper to buy a house later on, is what they mean by better. They said that because of covid, theoretically housing will go down in the future now and I should wait for that to happen first.
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 18 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: The way you have presented things here, your choices are: 1. You're not feeling confident enough at the moment because you feel the timing isn't right, which is fine. If so, save her email address somewhere handy and work your way to a better position. Or 2. Contact her, see how it goes and let her decide whether she wants to pursue things with you. Which is also fine. What do you think is the best course of action for you, under the circumstances? They both have a pro and a con. I feel that maybe option one is more ideal, but option 2 is more practical since she is single now, and asked me out, thus giving me an opportunity.
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 11 minutes ago, ironpony said: They both have a pro and a con. I feel that maybe option one is more ideal, but option 2 is more practical since she is single now, and asked me out, thus giving me an opportunity. Fair enough. In which case, maybe you could do both at the same time? You can go out with her just to test the waters, if you are interested, and think of ways to improve your situation all in one go. What do you think?
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 Maybe but that would mean I would have to buy a house or something of such an equivalent in the next four weeks, or less unless that's a bad idea, and too much of a rush?
Miss Spider Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) Are you buying a house specifically to get the interest of this woman. If so, I dunno if that’s the wisest decision. Make smart choices to better your situation, in general. Edited December 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) Well I guess I just get tired of striking out when someone you like comes along and wonder if that might help. Edited December 16, 2020 by ironpony 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 6 minutes ago, ironpony said: Maybe but that would mean I would have to buy a house or something of such an equivalent in the next four weeks, or less unless that's a bad idea, and too much of a rush? I personally think buying a house in 4 weeks is too much of a rush, yes. I wouldn't do it. Is buying a house necessary because you don't want to take her to your parents'? If so, I understand your dilemma. I don't know what you think, but if it were me, I would not want to put too much pressure on myself in terms of making a big purchase like this on such a tight deadline. Agreeing to meeting her is not a commitment, btw. It's just one meet-up . 1
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 Oh okay. No it's not about taking her to my place more so, it's just that I want to make a good impression and feel if I stil live with my parents, then it's a bad impression of course.
Miss Spider Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 16 minutes ago, ironpony said: Well I guess I just get tired of striking out when someone you like comes along and wonder if that might help. She asked you out.You haven’t struck out yet. Talk to her. Tell her that you’re looking at buying a home. Meanwhile, look. Just don’t put all your eggs in this one girl’s basket. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 8 minutes ago, ironpony said: Oh okay. No it's not about taking her to my place more so, it's just that I want to make a good impression and feel if I stil live with my parents, then it's a bad impression of course. I hear you. All you can do at this point is put your best foot forward and hope she doesn't mind. As SSLL says, you could just tell her you are currently looking for a house to buy (true) and this is why you are temporarily staying at your parents' (also true). How does that sound?
Author ironpony Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 Yeah that doesn't sound too bad I guess but the part about having lived their the whole time since we last saw each other I thought would sound bad.
Emilie Jolie Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 4 minutes ago, ironpony said: Yeah that doesn't sound too bad I guess but the part about having lived their the whole time since we last saw each other I thought would sound bad. Well, you need to present it in a positive light. You can say that you now finally are in a healthy financial position that allows you to put a deposit on a house in the near future. That's all you need to disclose at this point. This first meet, I would imagine, is all about reconnecting and having a fun, chill time. I understand why this might be playing on your mind, but don't let it hold you back
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