I slept with a family friend who is 20+ years my senior and now he wants a relationship…

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Kai_Kai said:

I definitely heard  what my mom was saying, I am not jumping into a long term relationship. I am going to play this out to see if that is something that I want all things considered.

I wish you well. You are an adult, thus entitled to make your own decisions. You will also learn your own lessons, particularly if you fail to heed to advice of others who have gone before you... like your beautiful mother. 

Be very careful here. It is not normal for a grown man to go after a younger woman in this way. What he has done is not not socially acceptable in any way, and there is good reason for that. There is a significant imbalance in maturity and experience in this relationship and that has the potential to put you and your son at risk. 

[Kai_Kai]

[Redacted]

Thanks for bringing a different perspective on my complicated life lol. And thats really what it comes down to is the future/long term. That's a huge commitment I'm not ready to make yet. But, I am really liking this dating experience with him. He is very special to me. And I am getting what I want, the whole purpose of coming here was to see if I should jump into being exclusive or not . And it was great to have difference of opinions. But, I made my choice and I'm sticking with it until I feel otherwise or he demands more commitment from me too soon. Thus far, there's no pressure from him on that front. And we are truly enjoying each other and getting to know each other on a different level. 

Edited December 22, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed Reference to Deleted Comments

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Kai_Kai said:

But, I made my choice and I'm sticking with it until I feel otherwise or he demands more commitment from me too soon. Thus far, there's no pressure from him on that front. And we are truly enjoying each other and getting to know each other on a different level. 

Well you're a grown woman with a child so I guess you know what you want.  If you entertain him, embrace it and don't hide him from your friends.  It is what it is.

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree there's a lot of judgment from some women about much older men dating younger women. But there's just as much judgment from some men about women dating men even slightly younger. I'm traditional in romance, so generally don't consider younger men. But there are couples on this forum, married couples even, where the man is younger and it works for them.

[balletomane]

At 33 I'm pretty sure I'm not in the "older woman" category yet, and I'm also engaged (to a man my own age), so I'm not trying to scare off the competition either.  The idea that jealousy and desire for older men is the only reason posters are disturbed by this situation is no dount a flattering fantasy for certain older men, but that doesn't make it fact.

A 54 year old man hitting on a woman who wasn't even born when he was her age, a woman he saw when she was a toddler in diapers and he was old enough to be voting and driving and getting married, is going to raise eyebrows among people of all ages and both sexes. There are legitimate concerns here. It doesn't mean the situation is inherently bad or that he's predatory, but it does mean that some caution would be prudent.

[Lance Mannion]

8 hours ago, Kai_Kai said:

Where were you a few days ago???!!! lol 

[redacted]

If I were in your shoes I'd be doing a lot of thinking about the future and make my decisions about the present based on that future. You could have a wonderful life with this man, truly wonderful, his age actually being a big VALUE ADDED that other women do not get, but that will eventually turn into a sad negative burden for you. The issue is can the benefits of this early love carry you through the sadder years when he is declining. Maybe you live for the moment, you two stay together only so long as its positive for both of you. This means that you're going to be a single woman again come your 40s and he'll be left to die alone. If you cut him loose now, both you and he can find others who can stick together for life. That's the hard path to follow because it means turning your back on love and walking because of reasons which only come into play in the distant future.

Edited December 22, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree that @Kai_Kai has greater power in this situation. That's obvious by the fact that he tried to lock her down immediately but she just wants to see how it goes. It's also pretty clear he's likely to be a lot more upset if things don't work out than she is. Usually when an older man's much younger girlfriend leaves him, he's devastated - while she tends to move on to the next guy pretty easily. 

[Kai_Kai]

8 hours ago, Lance Mannion said:

[redacted]

If I were in your shoes I'd be doing a lot of thinking about the future and make my decisions about the present based on that future. You could have a wonderful life with this man, truly wonderful, his age actually being a big VALUE ADDED that other women do not get, but that will eventually turn into a sad negative burden for you. The issue is can the benefits of this early love carry you through the sadder years when he is declining. Maybe you live for the moment, you two stay together only so long as its positive for both of you. This means that you're going to be a single woman again come your 40s and he'll be left to die alone. If you cut him loose now, both you and he can find others who can stick together for life. That's the hard path to follow because it means turning your back on love and walking because of reasons which only come into play in the distant future.

That's sweet and I have to admit I definitely had to google them lol. The topic of being a caregiver is something I don't want to think about unless I am going for a long term relationship where I am in love with this person. I would think that if you are in love with someone the potential  "burden" of taking care of them wouldn't be a deal breaker. Because I could be with a younger guy and he could get in a serious car accident and become paralyze....life is too unexpected to go with the pseudo sure thing of being with someone younger and spending our lives with each other. Because life and quality of life is not guaranteed because you are young. I am going to take this opportunity to either fall in love, have fun, or learn from this experience. I am completely open, but I am not in any rush. 

 

Edited December 22, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lance Mannion]

9 minutes ago, Kai_Kai said:

That's sweet and I have to admit I definitely had to google them lol. The topic of being a caregiver is something I don't want to think about unless I am going for a long term relationship where I am in love with this person. I would think that if you are in love with someone the potential  "burden" of taking care of them wouldn't be a deal breaker. Because I could be with a younger guy and he could get in a serious car accident and become paralyze....life is too unexpected to go with the pseudo sure thing of being with someone younger and spending our lives with each other. Because life and quality of life is not guaranteed because you are young. I am going to take this opportunity to either fall in love, have fun, or learn from this experience. I am completely open, but I am not in any rush.

Then I think you're set, good to go. Keep some of these arguments in mind if, in real life, you run into rude people who are badgering you about the age difference.

[Kai_Kai]

1 minute ago, Lance Mannion said:

Then I think you're set, good to go. Keep some of these arguments in mind if, in real life, you run into rude people who are badgering you about the age difference.

Thanks! This experience here has really help me. And yeah, I am totally equipped now to handle people who have something to say about who I am dating. But, I feel like people will not be as vocal in real life unless its my family. But, I will take it as it comes lol. 

[Lisa]

This thread seems to have derailed from being helpful, interactive discussion with the OP into bickering between various posters.  It has been closed pending review and clean up.

Thank you for your understanding.