CkMarmite Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 So basically I have decided to file for a divorce with my wife who lives 6k miles away (I've made a post about that sometime in October.) I told my parents and brothers about this, Mum and my brothers are supportive although did try to talk me out of it like most family would but my dad is very furious about this. my wife on the other hand is trying to talk me out of it which didn't work. She suggested that I should apply for a spouse visa and once it comes, she will see me and try for 6 month, afterwards if us didn't work, she would leave and go back to China. (YEA RIGHT!) I closed the VISA application so hopefully this will stop her from trying to come for good. 1 month later, dad is still mad and very angry about his as he adores her and threatened me saying he will sell the house and will give her the money instead me even if I have children later on in life. Still to this day, my wife and my dad talks constantly about how to get her over to the UK. I believe she is applying a Tourist VISA to come to UK and live here at home with me. My dad gave me a 5 digit figure to help me process the application but since I don't need it he wants the money back which I will but he will give the money to her as well as the money from the house which has pissed me off and i refuse to give the money back. I'm planning on moving out and trying to find somewhere to rent so I can avoid both my dad and my wife if she does come over. Ever since I told my parents about the divorce, my dad blames my mum for telling me to divorce her. He blames everything on her and tried to scare her saying the house is haunted so she would sell the house. I know my dad would rage as soon as I tell him I'm moving out and would use that rage and blame it on mum again (probably kill her. YES, he is that crazy) Dad will try everything he can to try get me to stay in the marriage as he has the mindset of "A wife should cook, clean, laundry and look after the kids". that's why dad always treats mum like trash for 30 or years. I don't know why my dad likes her so much but my guess is that 30 years ago, her mum and my dad had a fling but that didn't work out because my mum gave birth to my older brother and me. I think he's trying to pass what he couldn't do down to me so that's why he is so infatuated with her. I KNOW that they are still messaging and trying to find the caseworker to try complete the VISA. What would you do in my situation? I don't want him to sell the house as my mum lives here and my brothers are renting at the moment.
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Was this an arranged marriage? Did your father put up money for this or will he lose money or lose face because of it? Anyway good you shut it down and filed for divorce.
Author CkMarmite Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Was this an arranged marriage? Did your father put up money for this or will he lose money or lose face because of it? Anyway good you shut it down and filed for divorce. He did introduce me to her and invited her to stay at home with us. He won't lose money, he's going to give the money to her because he cherishes her more and probably feel sorry for her as well. He will lose face and apparently so will she. China's marriage culture is weird. She thinks because of the divorce that her family members will look down on her and thinks she won't marry again. Thank you, I think I did the right thing to file for divorce but it's not over yet! Apparently dad told her to come to UK and live here so I can "grow" to love her. 1
ShyViolet Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 Your parents are WAY too involved in your life. You need to move out of your parent's house. Get out and get your own apartment. After that, you cannot worry about what your father does. Just live your own life separate from them. You can't control whether your father decides to sell a house that he owns and that you don't legally own. So don't even try. 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 Ok, if this brought shame to her or your father in this culture, let them deal with it in their own way. Perhaps being divorced is a stigma your father understands and feels the need to make reparations. That's ok, you still don't have to be with her. Follow through on your divorce and let the chips fall wherever they may. Perhaps the best thing you can do is start dating so when this sham marriage is dissolved you can be free of the whole mess. As long as you are honest about a technical marriage, you might be ok to date. 1
Author CkMarmite Posted December 17, 2020 Author Posted December 17, 2020 8 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Your parents are WAY too involved in your life. You need to move out of your parent's house. Get out and get your own apartment. After that, you cannot worry about what your father does. Just live your own life separate from them. You can't control whether your father decides to sell a house that he owns and that you don't legally own. So don't even try. I'm starting to look for apartments. Once I'm out, I can relax a bit and this way, it will be between me and her without my dad constantly blaming me for everything. 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, if this brought shame to her or your father in this culture, let them deal with it in their own way. Perhaps being divorced is a stigma your father understands and feels the need to make reparations. That's ok, you still don't have to be with her. Follow through on your divorce and let the chips fall wherever they may. Perhaps the best thing you can do is start dating so when this sham marriage is dissolved you can be free of the whole mess. As long as you are honest about a technical marriage, you might be ok to date. I'm following through with this divorce but need to find the right ground for the divorce.
Wiseman2 Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 1 minute ago, CkMarmite said: I'm following through with this divorce but need to find the right ground for the divorce. An attorney will find that when you explain your situation.
spiderowl Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 It sounds an awful situation, OP. If you do not want to be with your wife, then a divorce is best. What is really weird is the way your father has become infatuated with your wife. I think you should go ahead and do what you need to do. Can your father sell the house without your mother's permission? If she is married to him, then she should get half of the assets of the marriage if they divorce. It certainly sounds like they could be heading towards divorce with your father's unhealthy interest in your wife. I agree with the other poster that you are best getting out of this situation. If you think your mother might need help, then please point her in the direction of a women's shelter and they could offer guidance over the phone. It sounds like your father is very dominating and she might need help to deal with him and protect herself and her interests. It is not your fault they are in this situation though. The real questions you need to ask yourself are: do you love your wife; do you want to be with your wife? If you do not love her or want to be with her, then there is no point persisting with this marriage. Is your father from China? I am wondering where he got his ideas from about how women should be treated? I am not suggesting he got them from China, just wondering if there are cultural issues involved here too.
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