DrasticMeasurements Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 What I mean is stuff like weight and muscle tone that you can change through exercise. Even face symmetry can be affected by how you treat yourself. Even the people who say “looks don’t matter” said that they wouldn’t date someone who bites their nails and they find it gross. I guess being 40 lbs overweight is the same story, except it’s your whole body. This is probably because it hints you lack of self control and have no direction. It shows on the outside. I don’t think people consciously say “that person isn’t hot so no”. It’s more like a recoil reaction when you first meet somebody. Personality also counts equally. If you’re a rude pr/ck, you get turned down on the spot. If you’re respectful and decent, looks mark the difference between friend and lover. I’ve noticed when I was skinnier I’d get more attention even if girls didn’t know me.
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) Of course looks matter to a certain degree, that's where attraction starts when you are strangers BUT how you carry yourself matters most. Confidence....the vibe of confidence, demeanor, body language is very key, especially with women. So an over weigh guy comes into a room with lots of charm, good smiles, has everyone feeling good, has good hygiene, women are going to notice and be drawn to him. And if you are well liked by both men and women, making instant friends everywhere you go, that kind of personality is so powerful. First impressions do count yes of course, and if you present yourself as a outgoing, happy confident spirit it will always be a win than losing a couple of pounds. True story: I know someone that lost weight. She thought she would have guys knocking down her door...she left her relationship, moved to another city, spend all kinds of money on her new place to set herself up. To her disappointment, nothing happened. I saw it, not sure if she understood what she was going through, but you could see her low self esteem. So you can have it looking like you have it all going on, on the outside, but when they take a closer look, it can turn ones impression of that person. That's why OLD is tough because everyone is going by a photo and not getting a real feel for that person like you would meeting irl. Edited December 15, 2020 by smackie9
Gaeta Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 I have been smaller and I've been bigger and I always got lots of men's attention no matter my weight. It's all about how I carry myself, about being feminine, having confident eye contact, wittiness, kindness, being articulate, e Men don't all like the same type of woman, women don't all like the same type of men. thank god. 1
FMW Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Gaeta said: women don't all like the same type of men. I don't even have a type as far as physical attributes go. The guys I've been interested in run the gamut on weight (and height, hair color or even baldness). Sure, I'll notice a really nice looking guy, but the looks aren't going to have anything to do with my interest in getting to know them better. On the other hand, I have a friend that's very particular about looks and can't get beyond them to see anything else. I was more more hung up on looks when I was younger, as probably most women are. So if you're fishing in the under 30 pool, looks will definitely affect your success. Edited December 15, 2020 by FMW
Author DrasticMeasurements Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 22 hours ago, FMW said: So if you're fishing in the under 30 pool, looks will definitely affect your success. Especially for that group. I’m 26 and dating around my age is a lot like a resume check. You can be very qualified but if your resume isn’t pretty or what it needs to be: no chance. Personality comes in later and anybody with half a brain wants to be with someone who treats them right. See job interview analogy. However, the first conversation should tell you a lot about whether that guy or girl you talked to thinks you’re their type. If she’s not asking questions back when you start get to know her, it’s not going to work. I’m currently overweight and I usually get one word answers or “that’s cool” to stuff I find interesting. Good news is that any decent guy can spend a few months in the gym to become more attractive. Plus, you break a stereotype of the handsome jerk as long as you keep your kind personality you had while chubby. 1
ShyViolet Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 There are aspects to one's looks which kind of reveal a lot about the type of person they are. If a person looks really sloppy and like they don't take care of themselves, that is a huge turn-off. It's not only about your genetic bone structure and features that are completely out of your control. You can control the way you dress, your personal hygiene, how you present yourself, your "style". Not to mention your health and your physical fitness. That can make or break someone's looks.
Trail Blazer Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 All parts of your looks matter. However, the "controllable parts" are the things which tell the most about the kind of person you are. If you have a moderately attractive face, then the things you can control are going to play a huge part in whether or not you succeed. Unless you have a metabolic disorder, being overweight is something that you can control just by the choices you make. Sure, some people can eat what they like and won't really put on weight, while others just need to look at a bowl of jello and they'll stack on the lbs. At the end of the day, look after your physical health and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Looking after your physical health is looking after your mental health, too. They're intrinsically linked. Healthy diet and exercise for healthy body and mind. Trust me, bro, woman love that $h!t. Dress well, maintain good hygene... that's all the stuff you CAN control and it DOES make a difference in the eyes of the ladies! 1
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Basic grooming absolutely matters. You should always be neat & clean. Dental hygiene is a must. Wear clothes that fit at least even if they aren't the most current high fashion. Especially if you are overweight, ill fitting clothes just emphasize the issue. For some women muscles are an attraction but not every woman wants to date a muscle bound body builder. 1
Alvi Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 27 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Basic grooming absolutely matters. You should always be neat & clean. Dental hygiene is a must. Oh, yes, that's a must! But I am also curious OP, do you find every single woman you meet attractive? Probably not, how many times did you look at the girl or at the picture of the girl and thought that she is not your type? Would you date any woman who wants to date you a chance even if you don't find her good looking enough? What is she is also 40lb overweight and not pretty enough, would her personality be enough for you? Good news: There must be a woman or two or three who find you attractive and would love to date you. But hey, You probably wind them invisible. Most men would rather whine and complain about women who don't want them rather than focus on the women who are really interested in them. They think more about the ones who rejected them rather than try to build something with the ones that do find them attractive indeed. 2
Author DrasticMeasurements Posted December 16, 2020 Author Posted December 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Alvi said: Oh, yes, that's a must! But I am also curious OP, do you find every single woman you meet attractive? Probably not, how many times did you look at the girl or at the picture of the girl and thought that she is not your type? Would you date any woman who wants to date you a chance even if you don't find her good looking enough? What is she is also 40lb overweight and not pretty enough, would her personality be enough for you? Good news: There must be a woman or two or three who find you attractive and would love to date you. But hey, You probably wind them invisible. Most men would rather whine and complain about women who don't want them rather than focus on the women who are really interested in them. They think more about the ones who rejected them rather than try to build something with the ones that do find them attractive indeed. Not complaining at all. I’m making clear that both looks and personality matter and how they both work in conjunction throughout getting a to know someone, especially the former in the first conversation. I’m also trying to smash the PUA “theory” about how they think looks don’t matter because only “spitting game” is what counts. They create a flawed psychology about women not being visual when in reality: both genders are human and can think visually. It’s my responsibility and I’m currently slimming down to meet my goal (20 out of 40 lbs lost, thank God!). But it’s amazing how brazen PUA fans spout their “logic” on dating sites. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) I appreciate your efforts, but I think everyone with half a brain knows the PUA bull is just that. It’s just the Hail Mary ideology of an undesirable, bitter guy who doesn’t want to improve himself in positive ways because it takes more effort. Edited December 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
flitzanu Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 everything matters superficially, and people who say otherwise aren't being 100% honest about it. be hot, and if you can't be hot, just pretend you are, and convince others that you are. that's my method, at least. i just tell people i'm beautiful and eventually they agree.
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 34 minutes ago, DrasticMeasurements said: But it’s amazing how brazen PUA fans spout their “logic” on dating sites. PUA as written is garbage. There is a one fundamental underlying valid takeaway that is true however: self confidence matters. If you have enough backbone to smile & say hi, to be the one who breaks the ice, & to some what play the #s game by being friendly to lots of people, you will have more luck finding a date than someone who sits home alone & complains. Years ago there was a book called The Rules which advocated things like women should not accept a date if the man extended the invitation on any day but Wednesday because if the offer was extended earlier the man was too anxious & therefore undesirable; if the invitation was extended on Thursday or worse, Friday, then the woman was an afterthought & the man assumed she was waiting by the (corded landline) telephone waiting for his call. Obviously that is ridiculous, but the corollary take away to the above advice was that woman should have some self esteem & not jump at every man no matter how shabbily he treats her.
basil67 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 On 12/16/2020 at 3:48 AM, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yes. Even what you wear matters. Watching my 21yo daughter dating.....his 'aesthetic' as she calls it, is HUGE in her criteria. A 'man bun' and a piercing or tattoo will get you half way there. Or who look 'indie' in appearance. Guys who don't dress like that will still be considered, but he's still got to put effort into his styling. I've seen her date guys who are shorter than her and guys who are well over 6", muscled guys, soft guys.....so for her at least, she's flexible there. Have you got any female friends who would give you an opinion on your styling? (lots of girls love to help their mates with a makeover) Ask the hairdresser/barber if your hair is still current. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) She got good taste, basil haha 3/5 of my ex boyfriends fit the description. I’d say that a lot people have a type in terms of their style and what is expresses about them and their personality.... something to consider. Edited December 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Shining One Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 3 hours ago, Alvi said: There must be a woman or two or three who find you attractive and would love to date you. But hey, You probably wind them invisible. Most men would rather whine and complain about women who don't want them rather than focus on the women who are really interested in them. They think more about the ones who rejected them rather than try to build something with the ones that do find them attractive indeed. In this scenario of yours, are the women in question expressing their interest and being ignored? I can't speak for others' experiences, but during the years of my constant rejections, I didn't have a woman or two or three expressing interest in me.
Miss Spider Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shining One said: In this scenario of yours, are the women in question expressing their interest and being ignored? I can't speak for others' experiences, but during the years of my constant rejections, I didn't have a woman or two or three expressing interest in me. Jw shiny are you saying that there are no women at all that were interested in (on dating apps or anything) that you just were not interested in Edited December 16, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
basil67 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Shining One said: but during the years of my constant rejections, I didn't have a woman or two or three expressing interest in me. Not even women who didn't appeal to you?
Shining One Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Jw shiny are you saying that there are no women at all that were interested in (on dating apps or anything) that you just were not interested in 1 minute ago, basil67 said: Not even women who didn't appeal to you? Correct, no women at all, not even unappealing ones. Heck, I approached plenty of women I found unappealing at the time. I gave up on that when I came to the conclusion: If I'm going to get rejected, I might as well get rejected by women I find attractive. 1
basil67 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 5 minutes ago, Shining One said: Correct, no women at all, not even unappealing ones. Heck, I approached plenty of women I found unappealing at the time. I gave up on that when I came to the conclusion: If I'm going to get rejected, I might as well get rejected by women I find attractive. A quick look at your dating history shows you've been out on dates and have even rejected at least one woman before she got the chance to reject you. I would respectfully suggest that things weren't as dire as you're remembering.
Shining One Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 12 minutes ago, basil67 said: A quick look at your dating history shows you've been out on dates and have even rejected at least one woman before she got the chance to reject you. I would respectfully suggest that things weren't as dire as you're remembering. I specified during the years of constant rejections, my late teens through most of my twenties. I'm not referring to late twenties and beyond.
basil67 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 1 minute ago, Shining One said: I specified during the years of constant rejections, my late teens through most of my twenties. I'm not referring to late twenties and beyond. Ok. So going back to the topic, what did you change? 1
Shining One Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 I upgraded my car from a Toyota Corolla to a Lexus ISF, replaced my wardrobe with help from female friends, removed all facial hair and kept myself clean shaven ever since, bulked up a bit in the gym, changed my hairstyle, and switched to a laptop backpack instead of a standard laptop bag. The women in my life were rather insistent on the last one, not entirely sure why.
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