ld1991 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 So ive been talking to two girls, for the past 3 weeks or so... one lives an hour and a half away and the other lives like 15 to 20 min away. They are both similar ages to me.. 29.. The one that lives closer to me im more attracted to physically and she has an amazing personality, confident, has the same values as me and shows interest in me and talks to me a lot... everything id want in a girl. The other one is attractive too, has a great personality, shows interest but shes into me a lot more than im into her. I've been on 1 date with both of them... the one thats closer to me weve planned to go on our second date next week and even talked about a 3rd date. The other one ive had to let her down and say that i cant make it as we could be going on lockdown.. and thats true... these past few days ive gone less chatty with her and i think she can sense it but hasnt raised it with me yet. I feel so horrible because ive been in her position earlier this year with my ex gf, me showing more interest and more effort to see eachother.. and not knowing.. i feel awful that i may hurt her because she does have a great personality and is attractive and puts in effort... just im more attracted to the other one. Another thing is if i go with the one closer to me then let down the girl thats further away i could end up losing both if things dont go well further down the line... but thats dating i guess. I just feel horrible about it all and dont know what to say or do as ive not been in a position like this before. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) Sorry. Yeah, that is dating. All’s fair in love and war. You can’t help it that you aren’t feeling girl 2 that much. It sucks to have to let someone down. I get it. But what’s the alternative? Spending the rest of your life with someone you’re not into? You don’t have to make the decision now though. Keep dating. You may come around to like her more, or you may start to like girl 1 less, you might start dating girl 1, or it might end with both and you find someone else. It’s dating. Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author ld1991 Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 11 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Sorry. Yeah, that is dating. All’s fair in love and war. You can’t help it that you aren’t feeling girl 2 that much. It sucks to have to let someone down. I get it. But what’s the alternative? Spending the rest of your life with someone you’re not into? You don’t have to make the decision now though. Keep dating. You may come around to like her more, or you may start to like girl 1 less, you might start dating girl 1, or it might end with both and you find someone else. It’s dating. Yeah i mean i find it hard to juggle to of them...the girl that lives closer to me weve got more things planned.. and as im with her the other one is going to get left out... so to keep both id have to keep on talking and thats hard if im with one of them.. guess i need to choose one carefully. 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 4 hours ago, ld1991 said: .. The one that lives closer to me im more attracted to physically and she has an amazing personality, confident, has the same values as me and shows interest in me and talks to me a lot... everything id want in a girl. One date with each? Well, #2 seems impractical, but hanging on to that may be your way of noncommittal dating and keeping everyone at arms length because you're simply not really ready to date.
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 For the love of god just tell the second girl you are not interested. If you don't like hurting people then don't leave the door open with excuses, giving them hope. It's not that complicated unless you make it that way.
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 16 hours ago, ld1991 said: Yeah i mean i find it hard to juggle to of them...the girl that lives closer to me weve got more things planned.. and as im with her the other one is going to get left out... so to keep both id have to keep on talking and thats hard if im with one of them.. guess i need to choose one carefully. I would say that if it is a decision you have to make “carefully“ then neither one of these people are really right for you at this time. You can keep dating them, but I don’t know if either of these should go beyond that. My experience is that when it’s right, it doesn’t take any careful decision. You get better at multi-dating the longer you do it. People you’re dating tend to want a lot of time with you, but you are at an advantage with having the one you’re less into live farther away. You can plan out dates with her when you are not seeing the other girl. And also, make sure that you give the girl that you like more presidents with the time. Make an excuse for why you cannot see girl 2 on Saturday night because of a family or friend responsibility or whatever.”. The longer you date them though, the less they will tolerate not being able to see you on a Saturday night because of a birthday or whatever. They will expect to go with you. But by then, you should have made a decision anyway. Some will naturally fall off because of this. If they get offended and start something, oh well. I completely disagree with the advice where people say that multi dating necessarily adds confusion or makes it difficult to choose. That may be true for some and you have to find out if you were one of them. But I have personal experience with multi dating and I know tons of friends who have done it including my own parents. It didn’t stop them from finding the right person. . If you find some you like enough and want to be in an exclusive relationship, you drop the others.
Maldives Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 (edited) The one further away she'll be alright dude you'll need to decide soon very soon I think ur more worried and reluctant throwing away an option in case this one goes south Edited December 16, 2020 by Goodguy05
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2020 Posted December 16, 2020 Well, 1.5 hrs away isn't really "on the scene". How practical is that?
ShyViolet Posted December 18, 2020 Posted December 18, 2020 You are overthinking this and making it more complicated than it needs to be. From everything you said, you obviously are not as into the girl that lives 1.5 hours away. So just don't continue seeing her. There's no need for you to feel so horrible about "hurting" her, you have only been talking to her for 3 weeks, you are not in a relationship with her. You're being a little overdramatic about this. Do the girl a favor and don't waste her time. Do it cleanly and don't let this drag out. If you let it drag out then it will be way worse.
mortensorchid Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 If you want to pursue someone else, tell the one you're not that interested in that you're not interested in them. Gotta do it, guy, despite how hard it is.
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