Author Laura1998 Posted December 25, 2020 Author Posted December 25, 2020 Just now, stillafool said: I'm sorry to hear that. I wasn't aware you had medical problems. I dont have medical problems. Im just ill sometimes because I go to friends houses and drink and stay up late sometimes
Watercolors Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 3 hours ago, Laura1998 said: I dont have medical problems. Im just ill sometimes because I go to friends houses and drink and stay up late sometimes That’s not ill. That’s being hung over. From drinking too much alcohol the night before. So basically you’re tired and hung over and can’t be bothered. 1
poppyfields Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, Laura1998 said: Im genuinely busy and sometimes im ill or come home late. Flip this around. You like a guy, trying to get to know him and wanting to video chat. HE claims to want that too but he's either too busy, hungover or gets home too late to make it happen. What would you think? I'd be thinking the guy is full of **** and can't be bothered, and I'd be right! Interested people act interested. You're not. Why can't you just own that, I mean isn't it obvious? I'm sorry I'm not accusing you of lying except maybe to yourself? I'm just not understanding your thought process here, your words and your actions contradict. Edited December 25, 2020 by poppyfields
Ruby_Red Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 (edited) 19 hours ago, Laura1998 said: I dont have medical problems. Im just ill sometimes because I go to friends houses and drink and stay up late sometimes Interesting that you call that ill, and use it as a reason to not call him. Shows your priorities. Which is totally fine btw. But don’t be surprised if he feels like you don’t take him seriously Edited December 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed mockery 1
Author Laura1998 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Posted December 26, 2020 So an update. several things He is worried I wont like him when we finally meet and he said "dont get your hopes up my pictures look better than in real life lol". He opened up deeply about his feelings and thoughts about being scared of being hurt because od past experiences. Iv told him i promise i will like him and that he is being silly and that I understand he has had his heart broken before. I told him i really like him and cant wait to see him and dance with him and go out with him. He is a bit insecure/worried. I try to reassure him that i do want to date him and I dont care about his height either (hes a bit shorter than me). I told him theres always a first time for everything. He tells me that im beautiful and that im special and different to other girls. he tells me all the time he misses me and I tell him i miss him too:) I said I dont know if im special or normal. I said I really like talking to you every day and I never get bored and that is a good thing. And I want to meet with you so thats a good thing. We have been talking for 3 weeks now
Author Laura1998 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Posted December 26, 2020 there has been no sexual talk or anything like that so far. Does he think im talking to him as a friend or more?
Emilie Jolie Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 45 minutes ago, Laura1998 said: He tells me that im beautiful and that im special and different to other girls. he tells me all the time he misses me Well that escalated fast... This rings a thousand alarm bells right here - he's telling you, a near stranger, what he thinks you want to hear. Sorry, Laura. At this point, you can't actually know whether you want to date him or not. You have not met. This is exactly why video or phone calling a guy from abroad who tells you these things after 3 weeks of texting is a bad idea - he is trying to precipitate intimacy and literally telling you to expect nothing great by pulling at your heart strings and making you feel sorry for him. My honest opinion is that this sounds like a well rehearsed script, and he sounds like he is grooming you. Proceed with extreme caution (preferably don't proceed at all, but it's obviously your call). 1
Author Laura1998 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Posted December 26, 2020 24 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Well that escalated fast... This rings a thousand alarm bells right here - he's telling you, a near stranger, what he thinks you want to hear. Sorry, Laura. At this point, you can't actually know whether you want to date him or not. You have not met. This is exactly why video or phone calling a guy from abroad who tells you these things after 3 weeks of texting is a bad idea - he is trying to precipitate intimacy and literally telling you to expect nothing great by pulling at your heart strings and making you feel sorry for him. My honest opinion is that this sounds like a well rehearsed script, and he sounds like he is grooming you. Proceed with extreme caution (preferably don't proceed at all, but it's obviously your call). what you mean precipitate intimacy? no i think he does really like me a lot. grooming me? I think he is scared off being rejected and being played because he has before. I told him im not the type of girl to play with peoples feelings. I feel exactly the same as him and iv told him i really like him and want to see him and "maybe il.let him kiss me ":) we talked about doing long distance and how hard it will be but i told him "if both really like each other it can work"
Author Laura1998 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Posted December 26, 2020 34 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Well that escalated fast... This rings a thousand alarm bells right here - he's telling you, a near stranger, what he thinks you want to hear. Sorry, Laura. At this point, you can't actually know whether you want to date him or not. You have not met. This is exactly why video or phone calling a guy from abroad who tells you these things after 3 weeks of texting is a bad idea - he is trying to precipitate intimacy and literally telling you to expect nothing great by pulling at your heart strings and making you feel sorry for him. My honest opinion is that this sounds like a well rehearsed script, and he sounds like he is grooming you. Proceed with extreme caution (preferably don't proceed at all, but it's obviously your call). have you ever been in this situation? is there any bous or girls that have done this before? stories?
Wiseman2 Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Laura1998 said: have you ever been in this situation? is there any bous or girls that have done this before? stories? What exactly are you looking for? Do you want to continue communication with this guy..or not? You don't need stories to make up your mind.
Millennial Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Laura1998 said: have you ever been in this situation? is there any bous or girls that have done this before? stories? Yeah. I've been with people from different parts of Europe who were working here and went back and forth. Had a completely open border for decades as you probably know. One of my friends married someone in Asia, and another went out with a Swedish girl he met online when he was just 14 and they went to each other's countries. The Swedish girls that would come here live in Ireland, England and Germany now. This sort of thing is not so unusual for Europe for my generation. Edited December 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic
stillafool Posted December 26, 2020 Posted December 26, 2020 16 hours ago, Laura1998 said: He is worried I wont like him when we finally meet and he said "dont get your hopes up my pictures look better than in real life lol". I think he is saying all of this in a reverse way because he thinks this is why you don't want to video chat and you're the one who is insecure about your looks. So he was opening up the conversation to see if this could be your reason. 1
fred123 Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 Been in this situation as the guy. It doesnt seem as though you are interested seriously because you have not made the time to call or speak?! I dont understand how you can say that you miss this guy and really like him and want him to visit you in your apartment one day and say all these sweet nice things to him but have no time to skype/phone etc because you are too busy?! I spoke to girl (friends) and guy(friends) who have done this sort of thing before when i did and they all used to make time to speak amd one of the girls used to text all night. She even used to not go out sometimes and preferred staying in skyping. Why are you not cancelling plans with friends or one evening having a skype or phone date?! im confused 1
FiReFTW Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 1 hour ago, fred123 said: Been in this situation as the guy. It doesnt seem as though you are interested seriously because you have not made the time to call or speak?! I dont understand how you can say that you miss this guy and really like him and want him to visit you in your apartment one day and say all these sweet nice things to him but have no time to skype/phone etc because you are too busy?! I spoke to girl (friends) and guy(friends) who have done this sort of thing before when i did and they all used to make time to speak amd one of the girls used to text all night. She even used to not go out sometimes and preferred staying in skyping. Why are you not cancelling plans with friends or one evening having a skype or phone date?! im confused My guess is she is very intrigued by the idea of dating someone from a foreign country, its something new and exciting, but she is not really that into him, maybe she doesn't even realize that. 1 1
Watercolors Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 6 minutes ago, FiReFTW said: My guess is she is very intrigued by the idea of dating someone from a foreign country, its something new and exciting, but she is not really that into him, maybe she doesn't even realize that. The sense i get is that she is a young 18 year old college student, who likes to go out partying with her friends all night (where she could potentially meet local guys to date), has a job and goes to school. She won’t video skype with him because then that makes the fantasy real. Yes, they are friends on social media platforms where they can see photos of each other. But as we all know, that’s how people get catfished (fake photos). And, maybe she won’t video skype with him b/c she is afraid to show him what she looks like, as she could be insecure about her appearance. But I agree with you. She doesn’t really want to go through with this in the first place, so she won’t make the effort to video skype with him. It’s all just a game on some level. That’s how it comes across to me, based on the OP’s responses.
Miss Spider Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 I don’t understand why some people are so adverse to video chat but want to meet in person? I’m not saying that you have to video chat everyone that you meet in person, but if one person suggest that, it is a minor red flag if the other person dodges. Jmo 1
stillafool Posted December 27, 2020 Posted December 27, 2020 5 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I don’t understand why some people are so adverse to video chat but want to meet in person? I’m not saying that you have to video chat everyone that you meet in person, but if one person suggest that, it is a minor red flag if the other person dodges. Jmo Yes and people had better get used to it because more and more people want to get a good look at who they will actually be seeing because too many people post out of date pictures. 1
fred123 Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 you guys have been texting every day for 3 weeks right? during work hours? are you only communicating with him during work because you are bored and he entertains you? why havnt and why dont you guys talk after work or schedule dates on evenings or weekends? This is seems like attention seeking from you if im honest. Yes this guy may really like you or being quite forward but you are responding to him saying you miss him etc? are you leading him on? Im not a girl but i wonder what other posters think about your behaviour and whether girls behave like this online/long distance hmm 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 28, 2020 Posted December 28, 2020 17 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I don’t understand why some people are so adverse to video chat but want to meet in person? Other way round for me. I don't understand the obsession with video chatting someone you've never met. Meet first, then video chat to your heart's content if you want. I don't even know anyone who's actually doing that around me - a phone call yes at a push, but if you want to know what a person looks like, meet them in the flesh - so simple. If video chatting a stranger online is some form of prerequisite for you to dating them for whatever reason, then next them if they don't want to do it - also simple. That's what I would advise the guy in the OP. Why travel to a foreign country to meet a girl who won't do what you'd like her to do? To me, nothing is real unless and until it's in person (lesson learned from past experiences). Not saying you can't click or have a connection with someone you've not met, even a strong one (all sorts of relationships have started online and not only on dating sites with people across the globe) but to me, it all actually starts from meeting in the flesh. In this situation, there are too many issues stopping it from making it a realistic prospect from both sides of the equation for different reasons. I'd advise them both to back out.
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