Emilie Jolie Posted December 17, 2020 Posted December 17, 2020 17 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Some prefer to at least talk or FaceTime before committing to a date. And that's fine of course - talk a bit, confirm ID, send a recent photo, done. Those who don't use the Internet to find their partners might find all of these things super intrusive and / or overwhelming, as is their prerogative. Ultimately, people need to do what feels comfortable to them, I think.
fred123 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) On 12/14/2020 at 6:23 PM, JRabbit said: Considering you haven't even met yet, he should chill. I disagree. Would you be telling someone who has been talking to a girl for a few weeks to chill if he was trying to organise an actual date? What is the difference in him trying to organise a phone or skype date? Its been a few weeks! If they were living in the same country you defintely would be saying its a long time not to have had a date so what is the difference?! Edited December 19, 2020 by fred123
fred123 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 On 12/14/2020 at 6:28 PM, d0nnivain said: First steps 1st. Call on the phone & video call before you worry about anything else. Exactly! Surely they should have done that by now?
fred123 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 On 12/17/2020 at 9:23 AM, Emilie Jolie said: They haven't met, though. This above sounds suffocating enough in an actual relationship with an actual partner, but from someone you haven't even met? That rings alarm bells. At this point, as they've already established mutual interest, they need to set a clear date and hold off on any sustained communication, other than a quick hello every so often. They need to feel like they are discovering new things about each other when they meet up. That's what I would want to do. They talked, presumably verified each other's identity, seen photos / videos whatever - that should be enough. They now need to chill. No amount of phone calls or video calls will make the situation real until they meet, ultimately, and sharing too much before that will create a false sense of intimacy. Thats the point of having a phone date or video date!! Not sure I agree with this post OP entirely. I agree you dont want to create a false sense of intimacy
Wiseman2 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 On 12/15/2020 at 9:43 AM, Laura1998 said: I am 18 and he is 23. He has suggested he flies to vienna to meet me and spend a couple of days there together. I dont live in that city it is about 3 hours drive from me. I said that sounds good and I can show him around. Are you working for a travel agency or tour guide service? Why would you otherwise engage in this proposition? Will you be staying in his hotel room?
Wiseman2 Posted December 19, 2020 Posted December 19, 2020 How well do you know this guy? Have you informed your parents that you are meeting a stranger off the internet in a different city for 3 days?
Author Laura1998 Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 On 12/19/2020 at 7:16 AM, Wiseman2 said: Are you working for a travel agency or tour guide service? Why would you otherwise engage in this proposition? Will you be staying in his hotel room? no im not. it was a just a conversation i will post
Author Laura1998 Posted December 23, 2020 Author Posted December 23, 2020 (edited) On 12/19/2020 at 7:46 PM, Wiseman2 said: How well do you know this guy? Have you informed your parents that you are meeting a stranger off the internet in a different city for 3 days? nothing has been set in stone yet. A couple of my friends know Edited December 23, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator remove video clip
Miss Spider Posted December 23, 2020 Posted December 23, 2020 Yes, please post the specifics. I understand the people who are a bit worried about your safety. You should definitely meet in a public location and have your own accommodations. I am at a guy from Canada, which is a little bit similar. We had been friends for a really long time and we treated it like any other first meet, except I had the opportunity to give a tour of my city . Anyway, have fun and be safe
Author Laura1998 Posted December 24, 2020 Author Posted December 24, 2020 On 12/14/2020 at 6:23 PM, JRabbit said: Considering you haven't even met yet, he should chill. He says that if we cant go on an actual date we should have a phone date/face time/skype date. He says 3 weeks is a long time without phone call
Watercolors Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 25 minutes ago, Laura1998 said: He says that if we cant go on an actual date we should have a phone date/face time/skype date. He says 3 weeks is a long time without phone call Why aren’t you two video Skyping yet? A phone call makes no sense when you have a gazillion free video platforms you two can use to see each other with. 1
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 (edited) On 12/14/2020 at 1:21 PM, Laura1998 said: I am moving flat in the next few weeks. he has been asking to video call me and plan when but I have been busy and havnt had a chance to call on the phone. i think he is getting frustrated that we havnt had a chance to call or video call So you don't even have 15 minutes to video chat with this guy? You must not be very interested or it sounds that way to me. I notice now when women are reluctant to video chat the guy ends up thinking you're hiding something you don't want him to see. Edited December 24, 2020 by stillafool 1
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 47 minutes ago, Laura1998 said: He says that if we cant go on an actual date we should have a phone date/face time/skype date. He says 3 weeks is a long time without phone call That sounds perfectly reasonable. What is preventing you from having a video chat with him? If you can't do that, why are you so hot & bothered to meet in person during a pandemic, especially when countries are closing their borders? 1
Watercolors Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: So you don't even have 15 minutes to video chat with this guy? You must not be very interested or it sounds that way to me. I notice now when women are reluctant to video chat the guy ends up thinking you're hiding something you don't want him to see. I pointed this out to the OP as well - the fact that she’s treating him more like he’s just an option to her, rather than a priority. The OP could easily set aside 15 minutes but since she’s not that interested in this poor sap, she can’t be bothered and she justifies her low interest as being too busy with her hectic life. We all have the same 24 hours 7 days in a week. At the end of the day, the OP either prioritizes this guy, or lets him off the hook. Right now, she’s stringing him along for her own entertainment, and is irritated that he doesn’t like the way she’s dismissive of him. Edited December 24, 2020 by Watercolors 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 I don't think this meeting in 3 weeks is a realistic prospect at the moment - sorry, OP. I know people who online date (not internationally, though) - they don't put all that effort in just to meet someone they might or might not like in person. I personally think you should reconvene when you can actually physically meet each other for sure when it's safe to do so (post-vaccine, imo), if you're both still single. I don't even know how people date at the moment anyway - in your case you have the added travelling part (already pretty compromised as it is, especially in the UK) - if he does get to fly out, he will probably need to self-isolate when he gets there before you can form a 'bubble' with him. How long is he planning on staying? Meeting in a public place / booking separate accommodation is great - again, post-vaccine. This isn't essential travelling. In my experience, this filling the void / fake momentum thing means one or both of you are not actually available or ready for a relationship at this moment in time. Also, I'm in the UK; I have had to cancel plans to go see family in France and took a train within the UK instead (a headache in itself), while someone is at my flat, so I don't know how soon your guy is able to come see you, in honesty. The timing for this is not great, from where I'm sitting. If you both like each other that much, you'll find your way to each other at a more opportune time.
MeadowFlower Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 (edited) On 12/15/2020 at 10:35 AM, Laura1998 said: I have been busy and have nott had time. We had a video call arranged yesterday at 7pm and I got home from work and wasnt feeling well and went to sleep. He was waiting for me and i saw his missed calls later. I literally forgot about our call and so this morning we were chatting on watsapp I didnt even realise until he pointed it out to me. I apologised and he said its fine. Wow. You forgot about his call!? Heaps of interest going on on your part. Edited December 24, 2020 by MeadowFlower 2
stillafool Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Emilie Jolie said: I personally think you should reconvene when you can actually physically meet each other for sure when it's safe to do so (post-vaccine, imo), if you're both still single. Yeah but this guy wants to video chat (to see how she looks IRL) before he travels. He's being slick about it. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 24, 2020 Posted December 24, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: Yeah but this guy wants to video chat (to see how she looks IRL) before he travels. He's being slick about it. I dunno, maybe I'm projecting or I'm too old for this or something. Personally I can't know whether I'm attracted to a virtual stranger via a photo or a video. I'm not visual at all in that sense. It's only real when I see a living, breathing, moving person in the flesh and even then, I still need to have established some sort of connection; everything else seems a bit too much like a movie so phoning / video chatting sounds like an epic waste of time (from experience), on top of it being completely unnatural and unsafe (to me). But I'm not 18 or dating (online or offline), I don't have Instagram, I wouldn't go meet a complete stranger a 3h-drive away from where I live or offer him to stay in my flat just because I spoke to him... All I know from the friends who do online dating is that they chat a bit over the phone or on whatsapp, verify identity and meet. Here the problem is that it's international - would be less pressure if the guy in the OP was headed to Austria anyway (not specifically to meet our OP), I guess. But honestly, I can't get past the point of wanting to travel to a different country during a pandemic to meet someone from Instagram.
Author Laura1998 Posted December 25, 2020 Author Posted December 25, 2020 11 hours ago, Watercolors said: I pointed this out to the OP as well - the fact that she’s treating him more like he’s just an option to her, rather than a priority. The OP could easily set aside 15 minutes but since she’s not that interested in this poor sap, she can’t be bothered and she justifies her low interest as being too busy with her hectic life. We all have the same 24 hours 7 days in a week. At the end of the day, the OP either prioritizes this guy, or lets him off the hook. Right now, she’s stringing him along for her own entertainment, and is irritated that he doesn’t like the way she’s dismissive of him. I told him that I like him very much and we have talked about our first date and exes. We talked about how this is our first time we have done this and flying to see someone is crazy. I told him im very busy because Im only at home just to sleep and when i get home im tired in bed. Im stresses as im moving flat soon I told him and hopefully soon I will have time to call or skype/video.
Watercolors Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Laura1998 said: I told him that I like him very much and we have talked about our first date and exes. We talked about how this is our first time we have done this and flying to see someone is crazy. I told him im very busy because Im only at home just to sleep and when i get home im tired in bed. Im stresses as im moving flat soon I told him and hopefully soon I will have time to call or skype/video. Again, you are making excuses not to video chat with this guy. Why is that? A video chat can take as little time as 10 to 15 minutes. You surely have that amount of time in your day to prioritize to do that. Why wouldn’t you want to see what he looks like before you fly to meet him? And vice versa. I’m sure he wants to know what you look like. I think because you are 18 years old, you are not thinking this through as far as all of the safety precautions either. Either you don’t want him to know what you look like because you are scared that he could be a dangerous crazy guy. Or, you are just having “fun” online, and not really careful about the consequences. Maybe you won’t video chat with him now because you have no real intention of following through on flying to meet him. Being “too busy” to video chat is just not true and you know that. There is a real reason you won’t video chat with him, and that has nothing to do with your busy school and work schedules. Edited December 25, 2020 by Watercolors 1
Author Laura1998 Posted December 25, 2020 Author Posted December 25, 2020 21 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Again, you are making excuses not to video chat with this guy. Why is that? A video chat can take as little time as 10 to 15 minutes. You surely have that amount of time in your day to prioritize to do that. Why wouldn’t you want to see what he looks like before you fly to meet him? And vice versa. I’m sure he wants to know what you look like. I think because you are 18 years old, you are not thinking this through as far as all of the safety precautions either. Either you don’t want him to know what you look like because you are scared that he could be a dangerous crazy guy. Or, you are just having “fun” online, and not really careful about the consequences. Maybe you won’t video chat with him now because you have no real intention of following through on flying to meet him. Being “too busy” to video chat is just not true and you know that. There is a real reason you won’t video chat with him, and that has nothing to do with your busy school and work schedules. we know what each other looks like from facebbok and instagram. one time his skype wasnt working but he says he can call because he wants to hear my voice. Im genuinely busy and sometimes im ill or come home late. I told him I miss him and cant wait to see him and dance with him. He has opened up to me about getting hurt. I do want to fly to London and see him as well
Watercolors Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Laura1998 said: we know what each other looks like from facebbok and instagram. one time his skype wasnt working but he says he can call because he wants to hear my voice. Im genuinely busy and sometimes im ill or come home late. I told him I miss him and cant wait to see him and dance with him. He has opened up to me about getting hurt. I do want to fly to London and see him as well Ok I still think this is a terrible idea. I think you should just try to date 18 year old guys in your neighborhood in Austria. International dating carries too many risks with it.
Wiseman2 Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 3 hours ago, Laura1998 said: I do want to fly to London and see him as well Is this situation something you just enjoy writing about, as you stated, or is it a true dilemma for you? For example, this "fly to London" thing makes no sense in reality, with recent covid restrictions Also it seems you're caught up in a cyberromance and making plans in your mind as a fantasy, no? 1 1
Emilie Jolie Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: For example, this "fly to London" thing makes no sense in reality, with recent covid restrictions Right. There is no flying in or out of London - which is practically on lockdown anyway, so they won't be doing anything at all while there, even after quarantining. Unless they have nobody they care about or worry about passing on the virus to, the idea of travelling abroad during a pandemic is completely nuts, to my mind. 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Also it seems you're caught up in a cyberromance and making plans in your mind as a fantasy, no? If they have a thing, they have a thing (sounds quite cute actually, almost enough to thaw my cold, cynical heart). If it's real and genuine, it can keep a few months until everyone is vaccinated and they can meet in person, imo. Meanwhile, I think they should both do whatever people their age do - live their lives, work, study, etc. and put their trust in serendipity.
stillafool Posted December 25, 2020 Posted December 25, 2020 10 hours ago, Laura1998 said: sometimes im ill or come home late. I'm sorry to hear that. I wasn't aware you had medical problems.
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