Starswillshine Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 My ex is very much like this. He has many female friends that he takes trips with and does all sorts of things. These friends spend the night. He says everyone knows about everyone but keeps everyone to the "friend" level. Even though they have sex, etx. He is not telling the other friends the details about these friendships... just that they are there. In this, he believes he is being honest and open and therefore, it is all ok. You dodge a bullet. He is my ex because he was a non stop cheating scumbag.
Watercolors Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 19 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: My ex is very much like this. He has many female friends that he takes trips with and does all sorts of things. These friends spend the night. He says everyone knows about everyone but keeps everyone to the "friend" level. Even though they have sex, etx. He is not telling the other friends the details about these friendships... just that they are there. In this, he believes he is being honest and open and therefore, it is all ok. You dodge a bullet. He is my ex because he was a non stop cheating scumbag. Wow. So, your ex had sex with these women friends while you two were in a relationship? Guys like that befuddle me, the way they objectify women. So gross. I bet you’re glad he’s your ex now.
poppyfields Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 1 minute ago, Watercolors said: Wow. So, your ex had sex with these women friends while you two were in a relationship? Guys like that befuddle me, the way they objectify women. So gross. I bet you’re glad he’s your ex now. WC, did you read my previous post? I don't believe for one second, such women are "friends." OP's guy and other such men are "man whores" and being paid a fee. No man would travel around the continent with a woman doing favors if he were not. I mean there are flight, hotel costs, etc. Which no doubt the woman is funding. I've seen ads on craigslist, it's not uncommon. 1
Watercolors Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: WC, did you read my previous post? I don't believe for one second, such women are "friends." OP's guy and other such men are "man whores" and being paid a fee. No man would travel around the continent with a woman doing favors if he were not. I mean there are flight, hotel costs, etc. Which no doubt the woman is funding. I've seen ads on craigslist, it's not uncommon. I’m just shocked that men do this. I think it’s both horrifying and disgusting. 1
Starswillshine Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 59 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Wow. So, your ex had sex with these women friends while you two were in a relationship? Guys like that befuddle me, the way they objectify women. So gross. I bet you’re glad he’s your ex now. Well, he didn't have these type of women friends while we were married. Well, let me rephrase... I was not ok with these types of women friends when we were married, thus he hid them, and now we are divorced. But this is how he continues to be. Has a girlfriend but has quite a few really close female friends he travels with and hangs out with.... and involves our kids with... 1 1
peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 On 12/14/2020 at 3:25 PM, Stret said: Oh you're wrong about me wanting to have him change. That would possibly be the worst of all outcomes and would lead to unhappiness. What I was hoping is to have an honest conversation with him where nothing is hidden and packed up as something else. I wanted him to tell me the truth about his friendships, his attitudes, etc. I really value complete openness. I've just dropped him a message saying that this is unhealthy for both of us. I want to stop all communication and only say hi to him when I see him. We obviously cannot be friends and we cannot have a relationship. Just leave it at that then. Why continue thinking about it when you know you won't get anywhere with this man due to his female friendships. I usually think a man will only be friends with a woman and do favours for her if he is attracted to her in some way. My experience. He seems to want to be around them all the time so maybe your instincts aren't wrong. 1
poppyfields Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, peach302 said: I usually think a man will only be friends with a woman and do favours for her if he is attracted to her in some way. Or these women are paying him for his favors (services). There are simply too many of them for this to be about friendship. Phone beeping at all hours of day and night, traveling around the continent doing favors, no way. Not buying it. Edited December 15, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Or these women are paying him for his favors (services). Wow I had no clue women doing that was a thing ... wait by services you mean sexual ? Sounds like a male fantasy. Because it’s so easy for women to get that for free! xD They’re getting ripped off Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
peach302 Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Or these women are paying him for his favors (services). Sounds weird to me but stranger things have happened . The men I've met who have done favours for me (friends or potentials )...eventually they stop when they realise they're not getting anything out of it..sexually or financially . Edited December 15, 2020 by peach302 1
poppyfields Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Wow I had no clue women doing that was a thing ... wait by services you mean sexual ? Because it’s so easy for women to get that for free! xD They’re getting ripped off Not necessarily sexual, but possible with some. Lonely women who need men to perform services, anything really. Baby sitting cat, pick up dry cleaning, food shopping, escorting them to an event, or simply companionship. The man will travel with them as OP's guy is doing. She funds his trip and pays for his services. OP called them favors. They're not, they are paying him a fee for this. I've seen ads in craigslist personals from men soliciting their services for a fee and women placing ads requesting. They fall under the category "escort services." It's not always sexual. Simply women who have no desire for a boyfriend but want a man around occasionally for whatever. Edited December 15, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Ruby_Red Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Not necessarily sexual, but possible with some. Lonely women who need men to perform services, anything really. Baby sitting cat, pick up dry cleaning, food shopping, escorting them to an event, or simply companionship. OP called them favors. They're not, they are paying him a fee for this. I've seen ads in craigslist personals from men soliciting their services for a fee and women placing ads requesting. They fall under the category "escort services." It's not always sexual. I doubt it. According to the OP, he’s a not so attractive guy in his mid-50s, with a job, while “all” his female friends are very attractive. I think he wants to do what he’s doing. Makes him feel important, and maybe sometimes he gets laid, too.... 1
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Ruby_Red said: I doubt it. According to the OP, he’s a not so attractive guy in his mid-50s, with a job, while “all” his female friends are very attractive. I think he wants to do what he’s doing. Makes him feel important, and maybe sometimes he gets laid, too.... I agree. It is much more likely that he is just doing favors for them for free. 19 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Not necessarily sexual, but possible with some. Lonely women who need men to perform services, anything really. Baby sitting cat, pick up dry cleaning, food shopping, escorting them to an event, or simply companionship. The man will travel with them as OP's guy is doing. She funds his trip and pays for his services. OP called them favors. They're not, they are paying him a fee for this. I've seen ads in craigslist personals from men soliciting their services for a fee and women placing ads requesting. They fall under the category "escort services." It's not always sexual. Simply women who have no desire for a boyfriend but want a man around occasionally for whatever. What makes you think that they are paying him(in this particular case). Or are you just saying this is a small possibility to consider? Sure, there are escort services for lonely, unattractive women (but the ‘goods’ is usually not a mid 50 unattractive guy), but most likely he is doing them favors for free. A lot of women get favors for free from men who are attracted to them. This is as common as the sun rising in the east. Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
poppyfields Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Ruby_Red said: I doubt it. According to the OP, he’s a not so attractive guy in his mid-50s, with a job, while “all” his female friends are very attractive. I think he wants to do what he’s doing. Makes him feel important, and maybe sometimes he gets laid, too.... Possibly but what alerted me was the OP stating he travels around the continent with women "being there" and doing favors even when he does not want to. That and the fact there are so many and phone beeping at all hours of day and night, and he jumps. Sounds like a business, I could be wrong. He can't be that unattractive, OP went for him after all. Anyway, just my opinion based on what she posted and being aware that providing services for a fee exists. There are even legit businesses in my neck of the woods that provide this. But yeah, here, in OP's situation I could be wrong. Sounds weird though, traveling around the continent, being there, doing favors when he does not want to. I wonder who funds these trips, airfare, hotel costs, etc. Expensive friendships. Edited December 15, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Possibly but what alerted me was the OP stating he travels around the continent with women "being there" and doing favors even when he does not want to. That and the fact there are so many and phone beeping at all hours of day and night, and he jumps. Sounds like a business, I could be wrong. He can't be that unattractive, OP went for him after all. Anyway, just my opinion based on what she posted and being aware that providing services for a fee exists. There are even legit businesses in my neck of the woods that provide this. But yeah, here, in OP's situation I could be wrong. Sounds weird though, traveling around the continent and all. Thanks, poppy, for elaborating. I think this guy said that he is a professional photographer. In what I have seen, men are willing to travel great distances to see a woman he’s into ( or fly the woman to them if she is willing to come to them) if he has the resources available. Men do strange things when they have enough time/money and are attracted to woman. Also, him saying he doesn’t want to… That might not be true. I wouldn’t believe the women in this case are paying, but I see where you’re coming from and it’s something to consider. Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author Stret Posted December 15, 2020 Author Posted December 15, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Possibly but what alerted me was the OP stating he travels around the continent with women "being there" and doing favors even when he does not want to. That and the fact there are so many and phone beeping at all hours of day and night, and he jumps. Sounds like a business, I could be wrong. I don't think it's a business, he simply claims these are his friends and the right thing to do is be there for them. He helped women move to other countries, organises things for them, when their shipment is not ready, he makes sure he packs things up and sends everything... He says he likes female company more because of the conversations that he can't get with men. From what I saw, most of the women are rather messed up, or vulnerable, foreign and alone. He simply seems to be attracted to pretty dames in distress so he can completely take their problems onto himself. This makes women fall for him even though he is not their type. How did sometime like him get to date a model (he a fashion photographer) is beyond me. I fitted into his pattern: foreign, alone during lockdown, and had to get help with selling the car (initially, then he took over my entire packing, cleaning, as I was moving). No, I didn't have any paying arrangement but did give him a fee for car voluntarily. He didn't push, but was very touchy and hang at my place all the time, spent entire days sometimes. He liked my company, he said. That's a code for wants to have sex. I don't doubt he might have liked me genuinely but his life with all the female friends, as I told him, was an issue for me and I could see that he was spending all his time running errands for friends. I told him that he neglected himself. He started exercising after that but not sure how long that will last. Anyway, long story short, I don't think he was honest with me that he doesn't find any of his attractive female friends attractive, nor ever did. He admitted before that he slept with some of them, probably (i might be wrong) when they were in a vulnerable stage in their life and he was the only one there... It's strange how that works, but it does work. That makes him a bit sleazy, and if he did this intentionally, very sleazy.
Alvi Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 I was dating this guy about 10 years ago who had three close female friends. At first I didn't think much of it, didn't want to appear jealous or clingy. He was telling me that they are just friends, nothing more. One of them was married, another two had boyfriends. I've met them few times, and let's just say few things appeared to be off. They would flirt with my BF outrageously, would touch him, hug him. It's like he was totally oblivious to what they were doing. Told me once I am making a bigger deal out of it than it has to be. After all, they had a husband, boyfriends. These ladies would ignore me and treat me like I wasn't a part of the equation when there were a get together. He would go see them whenever they asked him. One time one of them has her computer not working, and he would go "try" to fix it for her. Except, he didn't know anything about computers. Or he would run some errands for them. One time all four of them went on a vacation together. I was busy at work to go with him, so he took all three of his just lady friends with him. No husband or boyfriends went. Weird. I don't think he was having any intimacy between them, but one can never know. He wasn't into polyamory, was always talking about wanting to be with one woman in an exclusive relationship with. He was the one who was pushing the exclusivity with me early on. Did he have feeling for them? Well, looking back, I am thinking perhaps. They were very attractive so perhaps he hoped to score with them or one of them at some point. I don't know how the husband and the boyfriends were OK with another guy being around their women all the time. Didn't they feel jealous or try to stomp their feet and issue some ultimatums? How could they not demand them stop hanging around my BF escapes me. I don't know how or why I put up with that for six month myself. I didn't break up with him because of them or his inability to say no to them, there were other issues. But that was definitely a strange experience. Don't think I would ever want to repeat it.
Alvi Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 20 minutes ago, Stret said: He admitted before that he slept with some of them, probably (i might be wrong) when they were in a vulnerable stage in their life and he was the only one there... It's strange how that works, but it does work. That makes him a bit sleazy, and if he did this intentionally, very sleazy. So he took advantage of these women when they were at their most vulnerable. What a "great" guy he is. Kidding of course. He is disgusting. You did the right thing ending it. Don't look back with some regrets regarding him. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 (edited) Yeah sounds like an opportunist. That’s actually what orbiters mostly are. They are just waiting for that rock-bottom moment of vulnerability that the person that friend-zoned them will possibly consider them. Edited December 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Watercolors Posted December 15, 2020 Posted December 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Stret said: I don't think it's a business, he simply claims these are his friends and the right thing to do is be there for them. He helped women move to other countries, organises things for them, when their shipment is not ready, he makes sure he packs things up and sends everything... He says he likes female company more because of the conversations that he can't get with men. From what I saw, most of the women are rather messed up, or vulnerable, foreign and alone. He simply seems to be attracted to pretty dames in distress so he can completely take their problems onto himself. This makes women fall for him even though he is not their type. How did sometime like him get to date a model (he a fashion photographer) is beyond me. I fitted into his pattern: foreign, alone during lockdown, and had to get help with selling the car (initially, then he took over my entire packing, cleaning, as I was moving). No, I didn't have any paying arrangement but did give him a fee for car voluntarily. He didn't push, but was very touchy and hang at my place all the time, spent entire days sometimes. He liked my company, he said. That's a code for wants to have sex. I don't doubt he might have liked me genuinely but his life with all the female friends, as I told him, was an issue for me and I could see that he was spending all his time running errands for friends. I told him that he neglected himself. He started exercising after that but not sure how long that will last. Anyway, long story short, I don't think he was honest with me that he doesn't find any of his attractive female friends attractive, nor ever did. He admitted before that he slept with some of them, probably (i might be wrong) when they were in a vulnerable stage in their life and he was the only one there... It's strange how that works, but it does work. That makes him a bit sleazy, and if he did this intentionally, very sleazy. Except for the fact that he is essentially “grooming” these foreign, vulnerable women to become his sex partners, the way he did with you under the guise of helping you sell your car. Then he escalated it to helping you with packing up your apartment, etc., and groomed you to the point he could have sex with you. Guys like him fall into several predatory categories: pedophile, sex trafficker, pimp. You didn’t have a financial arrangement with him, because he groomed you the whole time. You found out about these other women he grooms (doesn’t matter that his job is as a fashion photographer). Were you to dig deep enough, I’m sure you could find out that he’s involved in some rather depraved activities with women and god knows who else.
Savioursolo Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 Thanks for mentioning about your post. You have a strong gut feeling and you are already following it. Also you have mentioned that he is a fashion photographer, and because my really good friend is a glam photographer (i'm not a model btw and we never had a photoshoot) but I know well that he is very relaxed with his models and you know things happen after the photoshoots... So having such a job as well is not helpful when establishing trust. Another thing that made me raise my eyebrow is that he became defensive when you explained yourself. I found your post helpful in relation to my topic 1
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