Author hokage240sx Posted December 10, 2020 Author Posted December 10, 2020 2 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Dude, excuses are just symptoms of low interest. There are ALWAYS reasons to not see someone more frequently. But again, I don't think time is the only issue. You're not feeling her interest. damn it might be time to have a talk with her. I don't wanna I feel like im gonna mess something up haha. and im impulsive so I don't wanna call and have this conversation.
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: But again, I don't think time is the only issue. You're not feeling her interest. I agree. I do think once week is fine, it's not the quantity by the quality, assuming there is "quality" to your once a week dates. What sounds very off is not connecting in between. My fiancé and I only saw each other once a week but we talked, texted or emailed every single day! That is how we kept our connection alive in between seeing each other. We were not afraid to ask each other the hard questions, NO walking on eggshells by either of us, trying to determine what's going on, where we stood with each other. We discussed our goals and dreams. There was a natural flow. Edited December 10, 2020 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 2 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: damn it might be time to have a talk with her. I don't wanna I feel like im gonna mess something up haha. and im impulsive so I don't wanna call and have this conversation. Don't allow fear to drive your ship man. You are a ball of anxiety right now, this is NOT good.
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: we had a few arguments before last week, that caused things to go this way. now im just hesitant. its really confusing, cause she acts very interested in person. also she is consistent on seeing me haha. Well it's not all that hard to be consistent when it's only once a week. Describe "she acts very interested in person," how so? If you explain, as a woman myself, I might be able to tell you if it's genuine interest or something else. Edited December 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Author hokage240sx Posted December 10, 2020 Author Posted December 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I agree. I do think once week is fine, it's not the quantity by the quality, assuming there is "quality" to your once a week dates. What sounds very off is not connecting in between. My fiancé and I only saw each other once a week but we talked, texted or emailed every single day! That is how we kept our connection alive in between seeing each other. We were not afraid to ask each other the hard questions, NO walking on eggshells by either of us, trying to determine what's going on, where we stood with each other. We discussed our goals and dreams. There was a natural flow. well the quality is really good! thats what makes me so interested, time flys between us. she says she doesn't like to be on her phone, so when I text I just get anxious cause it takes forever for her to get back, so I can't keep up a good flow. she always text back but a conversation can't be made that way. when I call she will be at work or doing something else and may call me back later, so agian I get anxious. she has told me before that she is ok with me calling every other day. but it just doesn't feel right. 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Don't allow fear to drive your ship man. You are a ball of anxiety right now, this is NOT good. I won't call I know it in the state im in, it will just mess things up lol. ive learned impulse control
Author hokage240sx Posted December 10, 2020 Author Posted December 10, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Well it's not all that hard to be consistent when it's only once a week. Describe "she acts very interested in person," how so? well we always meet up on time when I pick her up from her apartment. we keep the converstionion flowing easily we tease each other and always joke around we hold hands she asks me for kisses sometimes time flies with us, hours go by quickly we have done many activities together, mini golf, tandem bikes, walk on beach, Halloween events, mall shopping, drive in theater, theater, bon fire, ect... I don't know, how much better I can get along with someone?
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 2 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: well we always meet up on time when I pick her up from her apartment. we keep the converstionion flowing easily we tease each other and always joke around we hold hands she asks me for kisses sometimes time flies with us, hours go by quickly we have done many activities together, mini golf, tandem bikes, walk on beach, Halloween events, mall shopping, drive in theater, theater, bon fire, ect... I don't know, how much better I can get along with someone? Yeah, I did these things with my second boyfriend, we cuddled, kissed, spent most of our free time together, did many activities together and had a blast doing so! We got on fabulously! If anyone were to ask HIM, he would tell you I was absolutely crazy about him! Problem was, I wasn't. To me he was more like a BFF, with some kissing and cuddling. I never missed him in between seeing each other. It never bothered me when other girls would hit on him (which happened often, the man was GORGEOUS!). I hated having sex with him and rarely did so for that reason. I dunno mate, not sure what to tell ya. All I know is that with all the anxiety you are experiencing, something needs to change otherwise you're headed for a big fall.
Author hokage240sx Posted December 10, 2020 Author Posted December 10, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, I did these things with my second boyfriend, we cuddled, kissed, spent most of our free time together, did many activities together and had a blast doing so! We got on fabulously! If anyone were to ask HIM, he would tell you I was absolutely crazy about him! Problem was, I wasn't. To me he was more like a BFF, with some kissing and cuddling. I never missed him in between seeing each other. It never bothered me when other girls would hit on him (which happened often, the man was GORGEOUS!). I hated having sex with him and rarely did so for that reason. I dunno mate, not sure what to tell ya. All I know is that with all the anxiety you are experiencing, something needs to change otherwise you're headed for a big fall. jeez, thats cruel, why would a girl lead on a guy like that. well atleast you guys were in a relationship. im not hahahah. and I have other girls hitting on me as well, im not gorgeous lmao. Ive been trying to just focus on one relationship at a time. which is kinda backfiring for me. why did you hate having sex with him? is there something he could have done to make it better. would that have changed your mind. yea I will head for that big fall, as soon as I start word vomiting all my anxiety onto her. if I can hold myself back it might be a different story. jeez
Author hokage240sx Posted December 10, 2020 Author Posted December 10, 2020 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, I did these things with my second boyfriend, we cuddled, kissed, spent most of our free time together, did many activities together and had a blast doing so! We got on fabulously! If anyone were to ask HIM, he would tell you I was absolutely crazy about him! Problem was, I wasn't. To me he was more like a BFF, with some kissing and cuddling. I never missed him in between seeing each other. It never bothered me when other girls would hit on him (which happened often, the man was GORGEOUS!). I hated having sex with him and rarely did so for that reason. I dunno mate, not sure what to tell ya. All I know is that with all the anxiety you are experiencing, something needs to change otherwise you're headed for a big fall. also the first time she had sex with me (virgin) she was in pain. so im sure she hates having sex with me :'/ hahah we havent tried agian since, she said she is scared it will hurt agian.
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: jeez, thats cruel, why would a girl lead on a guy like that. well atleast you guys were in a relationship. im not hahahah. and I have other girls hitting on me as well, im not gorgeous lmao. Ive been trying to just focus on one relationship at a time. which is kinda backfiring for me. why did you hate having sex with him? is there something he could have done to make it better. would that have changed your mind. yea I will head for that big fall, as soon as I start word vomiting all my anxiety onto her. if I can hold myself back it might be a different story. jeez Yeah in retrospect, it was very cruel! Very self-serving on my part and I have big regrets about it. Why did I hate having sex with him? Well imagine having sex with your sister, that's how I felt. Like I was having sex with a close brother. Not much can be done when a woman feels this way. It's was nice, fun, comfy, cozy. We got on well. In truth, I was very young (early 20s), and thought this was normal. It was only when I met the man that totally knocked my socks off - mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, when I realized there was more to it. MUCH more. Edited December 10, 2020 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, hokage240sx said: also the first time she had sex with me (virgin) she was in pain. so im sure she hates having sex with me :'/ hahah we havent tried agian since, she said she is scared it will hurt agian. So she is not sexual either? Has she seen a doctor for this pain she claims to have experienced and is afraid of experiencing again? If not, why not? This is not looking good. I am really sorry to say this, but I don't envision this ending well for you. But play it out, which I know you will do anyway, despite what anyone advises. Good luck and please keep us posted. Edited December 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Miss Spider Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 Abort mission..unless you want to be in /marriage section in some years asking what do about your dead bedroom sounds like you’re barely getting anything from this
Gaeta Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 You were 13 years in a relationship, you've lived with a woman and now you put your attention on a 20 year old virgin? You 2 are at different places in your life. She's in college doing what college girls do. You know everything about relationships, the closeness, togetherness and connection and you can't wait to get back to that. She doesn't, she is not there, she is not in a rush to go there, she has the life of a 20 year old to live. She's 20, you're 28, you are 2 generations apart. You would be better looking for a woman your age with a similar relationship experience. A woman that is looking forward to call you her boyfriend, and looking forward to the relationship togetherness. 2 2
poppyfields Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) Hokage, out of curiosity, I checked your history with this girl. I found 6-7 threads (lost count) created by you since you began dating 3 months ago. All related to your sexual frustration, her not meeting your sexual needs, incompatibility, her reluctance to spend more time, the list goes on. The responses on one thread were particularly interesting in that many posters suggested it might be a "I want what I cannot have" type of scenario, related your ego. Which was mentioned in this thread. On that thread, you agreed that might have some merit. Have you considered speaking with a professional about this? You appear to be obsessed with her. Not a judgment, just an observation. Whatever it is, it's not healthy, I'm sure you know this. Reading all the threads, or part of, there is nothing good or positive here, I'm sorry. I truly hope you will consider getting some professional help and I don't suggest this lightly. All the best. Feel better. Edited December 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Maldives Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 What your really doing is just paying for her company and love. I personally wouldn't. Must be a female thing? Chivalry lol I think its not really fair or balanced maybe you pay one date she covers the next? Of course tho that's akward to ask and should really come from her. I noticed the same thing dating woman they always just expect it
Wiseman2 Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 10 hours ago, hokage240sx said: also the first time she had sex with me (virgin) she was in pain. so im sure she hates having sex with me :'/ hahah Her pain is funny to you? She may be 20, but you have a lot of maturing to do yourself. 1 2
JRabbit Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 (edited) You're 28 and she's 20. You are on totally different life plains right now. A 20 year old isn't going to give a 28 year old what they need in a relationship. A lot of people here might not find that age gap a big deal, but it is. Especially at these ages. Honestly sounds like you are more of a sugar daddy without getting the sex. You spend all this time and money and her and get what in return? If she was into you she would sleeping with you. Women in their 20s are raging sexual beings. If she isn't getting it from you is there someone else? Have you met her family, friends, etc? Edited December 10, 2020 by JRabbit
Pumaza Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 Maybe you doing this hoping to get something out of it?? And not because you really liked someone and she seems to like you and you taking her on few dates? If you go around dating randomly hoping one will like you,you will lose alot of money. Best is try to start with phone,facetime,chat etc.See if there is a connection worth to take out on few dates. At some point,specially when she become your girl,she should offer to pay and you guys split the bill also more often. But if its a match for sure you should pay the first 3 dates.
Pumaza Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 You guys are 20/28?? She is closer to 18,you are closer to 30! So big deference in mindset. Get someone your age if you a guy that wants a respectful, mature ,productive relationship. She needs to be into her school!
elaine567 Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 I get it you see her as a "prize". She is young, no doubt hot and you see her as a potential virgin bride. No "second hand" women for you, you took her virginity and now you own her and she somehow owes you... Only she doesn't think like that. She is too busy to see you, she doesn't like the sex, or doesn't like it with you and you are trying to turn her into something she isn't. At 20, this is a filler relationship, she is not looking for "serious". She is loving the attention but is not really capable of giving you anything back in return. Soon she will get fed up altogether and accept the guy in her class that shows her enough attention to capture her interest.
Miss Spider Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 (edited) I did not read you were her ‘first’. Yea she’s probably gonna want to do more sampling before she settles down ... other guys probably looking real good to her rn Edited December 12, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Fletch Lives Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 Theses are some signs a woman is in love with you: She cooks your favorite meal. She's too happy to see you and be with you She bears her soul and tells you everything gifts for no reason she wants to get too close to you She stares at you She's very loyal She's your best friend and more 1
poppyfields Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: She stares at you Lol, I've never heard this, but it's true! I'm constantly staring at my fiance, Woke up early morn and caught him staring at me too! Edited December 12, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1
Author hokage240sx Posted December 12, 2020 Author Posted December 12, 2020 lmao I have and update guys! pretty positive, mmm ill probably make a new tread. in a few haha
Author hokage240sx Posted December 12, 2020 Author Posted December 12, 2020 ok! so just want to share my date yesterday lmao not how I exactly ideal but not bad I guess? I feel good. so last night I took her to see some Christmas lights at the harbor. turned out to be a lot more romantic then I expected, lots of couples. we both definetly could feel each other growing closer, we felt like a couple last night. we got ice cream, held hand all night sat on benches and hugged and kissed under a misle toe haha. really fun. we went and grabbed food and went back to my place and watched a movie (twilight) lmao. it was fun we were making fun of the movie. we had a few beers and I started to kiss her. I decided to make a move and she was ok with me going down on her. I did that for quite a while, and stopped then she started reciprocating. she was also really happy to model her underwear to me. I cut off her reciprocating pretty early on cause I was in the mood to do the act of course. then as I try to initiate she says, that she is not doing that. I say ok no problem, I tell her if she is afraid, its ok ill be gentle. but its still a no. so im like its ok, when your ready, your ready. she start to apologize like repeatedly and I tell her to not worry its ok. I do tell her the truth that it makes me feel a little sad and rejected, but I understand. she says that she chose me to be her first for a reason. and that im the only guy she wants right now. she gets on my lap and starts spilling her guts, which is unusuall for her. She starts telling that she's scared that she will be wasting my time. that she thinks that I can find someone better than her, that can give me more than her. she mentions how serious we are getting but also mentions that we are not a thing. she says that she is afraid to be in a relationship with me. that she does not want to get hurt. she also mentioned our age gap and how I have more experience than her. I try to comfort her so she doesn't feel the need to keep apologizing. I tell her I really care about her and that she is special to me. I told her yea its true I can find someone else, thats not a problem. but I really like her and care about her. and that the age gap didn't matter to me because we connect so well. I told her for the experience stuff I didn't matter to me, that I will be there for her and be patient. I also told her that she knows that im not in it for sex. now this part gets kinda weird. this is when we kinda start with games again. I tell her I want to take her to ride bikes tommorow. she said she can't due to work, ect. I said ok. I said when are your free. she says I don't know. I say when will you know. she says I don't know cause my mom doesn't want me to be going out as much anymore. I say ok, and get off the subject. then she does that under the breath thing I mentioned. and says that she will comeover tommorow at 8am to sleep with me for a lil while before work. I once agian try to hold her accountable (just like the candle) I say ok ill see you at 8 am. she says ok, but maybe because she might sleep through it. lmao. she didn't come over. in the morning I sent her a sweet text of a song she told me she loved and I sent her some lyrics that reminded me of her. she texted me later in the morning saying "ahh, goodmorning lol so much for putting my alarm :(". I sent back "its cool, it happens". I plan on probably not contacting her for atleast a week, try to work on my own stuff and stay busy, she seems like she needs a little space. mm I don't feel bad about the situation, she did open up to me, she seems very comfortable, she just seems like she needs to figure some stuff out. I might contact on Christmas maybe just to drop off her gift.
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