hoppy28 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 im a single guy and 28 years old. i am in no way against relationships or marriage. i hope to someday marry.................but for now i am just a single guy. usually when people hear im "single" a "bachelor" 80% of the time there response is "your smart". some even go to the extent of saying "dont ever get married". now sometimes i know they are just "joking" but some are actually very serious. to be totally honest the longer im single and the more i hear this or see peoples hearts being crushed............the more i want to remain single. its really a catch 22 for me. i want so badly to live that amazing married life that we all wish for. at the same time the thought of spending ex: 20 years with someone to have it end in divorce scares me. marriages just dont seem to last these days. society has beaten into our heads that we "must" get married. that its just part of what your on earth to do. im starting to feel differant. if you asked me 10 years ago whered id be today..............i would have said "happily married with two kids". today im not sure im ever going to. what are others opinions??
JS17 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 You will get every opinion under the sun on this one but asking on a site where the majority of people have relationship problems, it's not going to be an overwhelmingly positive response towards marriage. There are a few people on this site that are happily married though. Bottom line is do what's right for you and don't live in fear of what might happen in the future.
slubberdegullion Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Yes, lots of single guys - single women too - badger the bride or groom to be about getting married. "You'll be sooorrryyyyyyyy!!!" is a common refrain. So I'm going to be completely without humour here. No jokes. No puns. No nonsense. Just clear, direct and unmitigated opinion. Don't get married. Really. It's an old saw that women marry men with the hopes that the man will change, but he doesn't, and men marry women hoping they won't change, but they do. Every married man I know, without exception, has lost more than he has gained. Every married man I know, without exception, finds his marriage more of a burden than a joy. Every married man I know, without exception, has seen their sex life crushed under the burden of domestic responsibilities, bills, kids, mortgages, etc. Every married man I know, without exception, has been coerced into giving up on dreams that he had. Every married man I know, without exception, has seen their wife change from a sensual young woman into, well, something else not nearly as attractive. If these patterns happened only occasionally, then my answer may be different. But these unfortunate patterns have been the rule in every single case. I wish it were different. I really and truly do. But I also know reality when I see it. Now, JS17 is right in the statement of doing what is right for you. Living in fear of a potentially bad future is no way to live at all. But from where I sit and what I've seen, more is lost than gained in marriage.
Woggle Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Marrying the right person that you truly love is a great thing but only do it for that reason. Be happy single first and then you should attract the right person. I used to feel like you ater I got divorced but no more. I still say that being single is better than a miserable relationship.
bunnzy Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 "Don't get married. Really. It's an old saw that women marry men with the hopes that the man will change, but he doesn't, and men marry women hoping they won't change, but they do. Every married man I know, without exception, has lost more than he has gained. Every married man I know, without exception, finds his marriage more of a burden than a joy. Every married man I know, without exception, has seen their sex life crushed under the burden of domestic responsibilities, bills, kids, mortgages, etc. Every married man I know, without exception, has been coerced into giving up on dreams that he had. Every married man I know, without exception, has seen their wife change from a sensual young woman into, well, something else not nearly as attractive. If these patterns happened only occasionally, then my answer may be different. But these unfortunate patterns have been the rule in every single case." slubberdegullion are you telling me you have never seen a married couple that become a perfect pair, united and equal in decision making? That is much better than selfish gain. Does every single husband resent more than love thier wives? Does financial stress and kids ALWAYS get in the way of a healthy, intimate sex life? Have you never met a married couple where the wife 100% supports her partners dreams and hopes, and his hers? And have you never met a couple that love each other MORE as they get older because they really and truly love each other, something fat and wrinkles could never hide? It is not in every single case. My parents have all this, and much of my married friends, sisters, aunties, brothers, agree that marraige such as this is worth it. But you do have to apply yourself.
Outcast Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I know quite a few longtime married couples where the man is happy as a pig in shxt. One person's anecdotal evidence is not something to base your whole life on. Marriage isn't the problem. Making sure you're marrying the right person for the right reasons is. And I'll bet most of Slubber's buddies didn't do either.
kitten chick Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 My parents have been happily married for 32 years. It may sound great to be single now but how about when you're 50 or 60? It's great to live your life in the present but its silly not to plan for the future.
megabit15 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 slubberdegullion are you telling me you have never seen a married couple that become a perfect pair, united and equal in decision making? That is much better than selfish gain. Does every single husband resent more than love thier wives? Does financial stress and kids ALWAYS get in the way of a healthy, intimate sex life? Have you never met a married couple where the wife 100% supports her partners dreams and hopes, and his hers? And have you never met a couple that love each other MORE as they get older because they really and truly love each other, something fat and wrinkles could never hide? It is not in every single case. My parents have all this, and much of my married friends, sisters, aunties, brothers, agree that marraige such as this is worth it. But you do have to apply yourself. I hear ya bunnzy & JS! I also know several couples that, while not every little thing is perfect - they are very happy nonetheless. Not all of them have what I want in a marriage, but it works for them. What's interesting to see is the little compromises they make for each other in order to make it work, the little small considerations that add up over the long haul. Each couple does this in their own way. Expecting elation, ecstasy, great sex or romance 100% of the time is detrimental to happiness. Life is just not like this - whether in a relationship or otherwise. Not everyone fulfills all of their dreams in life (let's say it is skydiving or mountain climbing) for various reasons - I'd venture to say that if it were that important to them, they'd find a way to do it. There is also the statistic that say married men live longer and have less stress...while the reverse is true for women. Woogle - you nailed it too. The 'right' person sees who a person is before marrying them and accepts them as they are, not as they think they *could* be. Slubber - I normally agree with most everything you say...who on earth are you spending your time with? But I do agree with you in that there are a lot of women out there who do think of men as projects. <sigh>. Don't they ever learn?
Mz. Pixie Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Every married man I know, without exception, has lost more than he has gained. Every married man I know, without exception, finds his marriage more of a burden than a joy. Every married man I know, without exception, has seen their sex life crushed under the burden of domestic responsibilities, bills, kids, mortgages, etc. Every married man I know, without exception, has been coerced into giving up on dreams that he had. Every married man I know, without exception, has seen their wife change from a sensual young woman into, well, something else not nearly as attractive. If these patterns happened only occasionally, then my answer may be different. But these unfortunate patterns have been the rule in every single case. Gosh, then you haven't talked to anyone like my husband. He even tells his guy friends how happy he is. Then again, he had a bad marriage before so he can compare that to how good he has it now.
Outcast Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 What's interesting to see is the little compromises they make for each other in order to make it work And IMHO the people who end up feeling they finds his marriage more of a burden than a joy and has seen their sex life crushed under the burden of domestic responsibilities, bills, kids, mortgages, etc. and has been coerced into giving up on dreams that he had are people who should not have married because they were not mature enough to recognize that living with someone else means you don't get everything you ever wanted - not that living single guarantees you will anyway. Neither were they mature enough to enjoy the different pleasures and joys which come even despite the difficulties and responsibilities. Which goes right back to my contention that you have to marry the right person for the right reasons - and the reason should not be that you think you'll get to live the single life with the added bonus of a maid and free frequent sex.
megabit15 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 And IMHO the people who end up feeling.... are people who should not have married because they were not mature enough to recognize that living with someone else means you don't get everything you ever wanted - not that living single guarantees you will anyway. Neither were they mature enough to enjoy the different pleasures and joys which come even despite the difficulties and responsibilities. Which goes right back to my contention that you have to marry the right person for the right reasons - and the reason should not be that you think you'll get to live the single life with the added bonus of a maid and free frequent sex. Yup to 100% of what you said....I enjoy the way you think Outcast. How many single people are living 100% of their dream? What do you think are some of the 'right' reasons to get married?
FataMorgana Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Marriage isn't the problem. Making sure you're marrying the right person for the right reasons is. so very right Outcast. that's more the challenge.
megabit15 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 .....Then again, he had a bad marriage before so he can compare that to how good he has it now. Always good to know what you don't want as well as what you do want!
scottpeterson Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 the statistics are that married men live longer than single men; BUT, married men are more willing to die. its a fact!!
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