mortensorchid Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 I was supposed to have a dinner date this evening (Thursday) and a lunch date on Friday. Both of them flaked out. I reached out to both asking if we were still on and the first said no, he decided to work overtime. The second said he didn't feel like driving 2 hours to see me. *rubbing my forehead* Next on both.
Happy Lemming Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 Can you estimate the ages of these two men?? Unless they are a lot younger than you, I just can't see mature gentlemen acting this way.
alphamale Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 Hmm these seem to be common issues with mortensorchid. There is some information about herself that she is not sharing 4 1
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 4 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I was supposed to have a dinner date this evening (Thursday) and a lunch date on Friday. Both of them flaked out. I reached out to both asking if we were still on and the first said no, he decided to work overtime. The second said he didn't feel like driving 2 hours to see me. *rubbing my forehead* Next on both. Poor screening and communication. Make sure you are only going local and that the first meet is a confirmed mutually agreeable brief coffee/ drink. Forget hours away and forget elaborate first meets/free meals. Be realistic. Even though some are flakes, some are one-and-done, long shots like this are surefire failures waiting to happen. 4
basil67 Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 To be fair to the second guy, driving two hours for a dinner date is just nuts. 5 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 People are crappy, but look at it this way: with these two clowns out of the way, you are now two steps closer to your future mate. By the way, I saw someone’s “free meal” comment. A woman is absolutely not wrong for expecting a real first date. JMO. 2
ccas93 Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 at least they both told you. I had a girl once arrange a date on a saturday night with me. she stopped responding saturday afternoon and didn't communicate to me that we were off. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she just got busy, so I didn't make plans with other people to do anything else that night when I could have. Biggest waste of a weekend night ever, when I realized she was actually ignoring me and flaking, I sent her a message telling her what poor etiquette it was to do it like that, and she immediately unmatched me. 6
Miss Spider Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 I agree with the second guy that it’s too far. we’ve been through this before. There is something seriously amiss with how you are coming across to people or you are intentionally choosing people who aren’t interested. 3
lurker74 Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 13 hours ago, basil67 said: To be fair to the second guy, driving two hours for a dinner date is just nuts. Agreed, but it's more nuts to say yes and then just decide...nah fam, too far, when it's time to actually go.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 A few years ago I dated a guy for a while who lived 2 hours away. He was totally fine with driving to my area for our first dinner date, made the drive 3 or 4 times before he invited me to his neck of the woods and I drove to him. We didn't end up being a match, but it wasn't because of the distance. We had some wonderful dates and parted on friendly terms. 1
basil67 Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 21 minutes ago, lurker74 said: Agreed, but it's more nuts to say yes and then just decide...nah fam, too far, when it's time to actually go. Sometimes, something can seem like a good idea at the time and later we realise that it’s wasn’t such a wise decision. While it can be disappointing to others involved, it’s ok to change our minds as long as we tell the others involved....which he did. 2
FMW Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 Well that sucks. Someone changing their mind is ok, but they should be the one to reach out and tell you that, you shouldn't have to follow up to find out they're flaking. Were your plans solid? Did you follow up after they had already missed the date or were you just checking in ahead of time? Either way, they should have been the ones to reach out and let you know if the plans had been solid and not just possibilities. 3
Fletch Lives Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 Hmmm, "too far" depends on the individual. Don't get down on yourself - sometimes it's for the better............those guys probably were not that into you or had other problems, so they saved you some time and possible heartache. I know, it's still disappointing though.
Miss Spider Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 Unless you live in the Arctic or something, red flag to have to fish in a pond that far away. Jmo
Wiseman2 Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 You'll have more success when you revise your dating strategies. That means better screening criteria as far as age, distance red flags and deal breakers. It also means improving communication. Message a few times, with the intention of setting up a quick coffee/drink meet. If someone is wasting your time in prolonged text chitchat, delete and block them. It's a huge red flag When you meet, decide there and then if you would like a second date, if they ask. If there's no chemistry/attraction thank them for their time and move on. When you go for self-defeating longshots you'll have a lot of burnout and lose focus on trying to meet someone you have a connection with. 1
Weezy1973 Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 On 12/10/2020 at 8:18 PM, alphamale said: Hmm these seem to be common issues with mortensorchid. There is some information about herself that she is not sharing I think she has shared it. If I recall correctly she’s in her mid 40s and tends to chase men in their late 20s to mid 30s. So they’re not super invested, and probably just think it’s easy sex. 1
ShyViolet Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 Don't even schedule a date with a person who lives 2 hours away, that just makes no sense and it's setting yourself up for disappointment. Why would a person want to date someone who lives 2 hours away and waste so much time traveling. 2
poppyfields Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Don't even schedule a date with a person who lives 2 hours away, that just makes no sense and it's setting yourself up for disappointment. Why would a person want to date someone who lives 2 hours away and waste so much time traveling. Agree. To the bolded -commitmentphobe, anxious-avoidant, social anxiety, married, in another relationship, take your pick. It's a ready-made excuse to maintain distance without ruffling feathers and causing drama. When I did OLD, a guy messaged me long distance? Immediate delete. That said, I have on-line chatted with men from all over the world, but we did not "meet" on a dating site, with the intention of dating, at least that was not my intention. But through a dating site? I see no good reason to start out dating someone knowing they live hours away and your time together will be limited, or even non-existent in some cases where they live thousands of miles away in a different country. Makes no sense to me. Edited December 12, 2020 by poppyfields
alphamale Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 7 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: I think she has shared it. If I recall correctly she’s in her mid 40s and tends to chase men in their late 20s to mid 30s. So they’re not super invested, and probably just think it’s easy sex. No, that’s not it W1973 1
Miss Spider Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: I think she has shared it. If I recall correctly she’s in her mid 40s and tends to chase men in their late 20s to mid 30s. So they’re not super invested, and probably just think it’s easy sex. Uh most of the time she doesn’t even get to a first date, and when she does it’s a one and done. They are not even really trying to sleep with her Edited December 12, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
alphamale Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 On 12/11/2020 at 1:39 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I agree with the second guy that it’s too far. we’ve been through this before. There is something seriously amiss with how you are coming across to people or you are intentionally choosing people who aren’t interested. Yes 1
alphamale Posted December 12, 2020 Posted December 12, 2020 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Uh most of the time she doesn’t even get to a first date, and when she does it’s a one and done. They are not even really trying to sleep with her Agreed 1
Watercolors Posted December 13, 2020 Posted December 13, 2020 On 12/10/2020 at 9:33 PM, mortensorchid said: I was supposed to have a dinner date this evening (Thursday) and a lunch date on Friday. Both of them flaked out. I reached out to both asking if we were still on and the first said no, he decided to work overtime. The second said he didn't feel like driving 2 hours to see me. *rubbing my forehead* Next on both. Mort my friend you’ve been at this online dating thing for years. Have you figured out where you’re going wrong yet? Because something you are doing, is causing this to happen to you. None of us can tell you what that is, because we are not you. All we can do is speculate and ask you questions to help you figure out what you’re doing wrong with OLD. We’ve tried this before with no luck, too. 1 2
Author mortensorchid Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 To answer some questions here - there have been instances when I have been in chat with a younger man but I have also been in contact with those my age or older. They are just not interested enough. I don't think it's me in particular, this is how they must treat others around them in general. It's disappointing no matter what. Others who criticize here must have had nothing but positive experiences with others, you have never known one day of unhappiness or disappointment. Because it is disappointing to have someone do this.
Author mortensorchid Posted December 13, 2020 Author Posted December 13, 2020 On 12/10/2020 at 11:03 PM, Happy Lemming said: Can you estimate the ages of these two men?? Unless they are a lot younger than you, I just can't see mature gentlemen acting this way. The first who decided to work instead was/is 49, the second is 51.
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