McPuff Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 I recently posted in the infidelity section, hopefully I could get some insight here in the family section. Ill post the link to the original post, but ill try to summarize here. What I thought was a perfect family others like having our family around and had nothing but good things to say about our household and how we were raising our daughter. Fast forward my ex decides to kick me out and breaks up with me. Fast forward our daughter is the one that discovers her mom had been having an affair and is currently still seeing that person. Making me believe he is the reason that she decided to break up with me, so that they could officially be together without doing it in secret, this happened in early July ( separation) and to this very day she still denies anyone else, although she's has been discovered and there's so much proof that proves otherwise. After my daughter confronted her mom Amy daughter found out while she was out there her mom would go out drinking all the time and not go home, while ignoring her calls and not wanting to go visit her. Her mom neglected her and continues to, our daughter lives with me now. Her mom went 3 weeks without saying a single word to us, asking how she's doing and that she misses her. Her mom was so loving before and showed sooo much love, and now she's done a complete 180. She says things like I don't want to see her f ing face, I don't care if she lives on streets with you, to even changing the house lock because she doesn't want our daughter in her house alone. The ex is a RN Nurse so I don't think she's on drugs since they get tested, but it not impossible. She has lost sooo much weight, went from 125ish to nearly 100. She looks like crap. Says she has a hard time keeping anything down, but doesn't have a hard time keeping liquor down. This is a quick run down, I really hope to find someone else that's gone through something like this. Ive been having a hard time trying to figure out why a mom would just start acting this way towards their daughter. Could it be because our daughter is the one that discovered her affair? and is scared that it would tarnish her reputation, or she's so invested in her new relationship that she doesn't care about anything else? I'm open to any ideas or input. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 You need to stop dating and focus on your child. You also need to get legally separated and get court ordered custody and supervised visitation, in addition to formally through the courts, setting up child support payments. You need to stop obsessing about her underwear and stop using the 13 yo to gather intel. Get to a lawyer,get real paperwork in place and stop worrying about victoria secret purchases. That's the least of your problems if the mother has drinking/legal problems while with your daughter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 You need to do what you can to shield your daughter from her mother's present toxicity. For a mother to say that she doesn't want to see her child's f'ing face is disgusting. Given the weight loss, the behavior changes & the increased drinking, something is really wrong. Speak to your in laws about your concerns. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McPuff Posted December 12, 2020 Author Share Posted December 12, 2020 16 hours ago, d0nnivain said: You need to do what you can to shield your daughter from her mother's present toxicity. For a mother to say that she doesn't want to see her child's f'ing face is disgusting. Given the weight loss, the behavior changes & the increased drinking, something is really wrong. Speak to your in laws about your concerns. My daughter has been with me nearly a month and a half. In that time we've only seen her mom once, not very long, my daughter had to make an appt with her mom to pick somethings up from her house. Also in this time very little communication from her moms part. Went three weeks without checking in on our daughter, after I confronted her about her not caring, she's since then messaged once a week. Mondays when she's prob killing time at work with a simple, " how's it at your dads?" My daughter doesn't reply to her. My Ex Mother in Law is the one that first mentioned her daughter losing lots of weight. Also mentioned that whenever the ex goes over to visit them she spends lots of time in the restroom and barely touches the food. Her mom said that she's been having stomach issues. Never did when we were together, that all happened after she broke up with me. I talked to the ex sometime after her mom mentioned her stomach issue, and the ex said the same thing. Having a hard time keeping anything down, never hungry. Don't know if that means she's vomiting or has the runs lol. Either way she looks like crap. I lost nearly 40 lbs and look better 😉 She's all over the place. I remember talking to her one time, and I asked if she was happy started balling and said no, but she does whatever it takes to keep her mind off of things, I asked like what, she got all defensive and said nothing! Huge mood swings. These conversations happened in the early part of the break up. Its been nearly 2 months maybe more since we've had a conversation. I went Limited Contact because of our daughter, but after my daughter came to live with me, it went from limited to nearly no contact. been no contact going 3 weeks. Wonder if anyone else has experience a parent going cold towards their own child and just putting any effort, I see it as neglect. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 5 hours ago, McPuff said: . My Ex Mother in Law ... You need to get to an attorney and sort out the child support and custody/visitation. It's way too chaotic now and you can change some of that with appropriate legal orders It's not your job to chase your wife and her family around and dictate what she does. The courts do that. You also need to discuss appropriate separation/divorce arrangements with an attorney. This ad hoc in the moment emotional approach is not the best thing for you or your child. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 You also have to straighten your situation out. Living in your car is not the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McPuff Posted December 12, 2020 Author Share Posted December 12, 2020 6 hours ago, d0nnivain said: You also have to straighten your situation out. Living in your car is not the answer. Ill make a quick timeline hopefully it answers a lot of questions. July: Ex kicks me out and removes me from bank accounts. That is also when my daughter is sent with her grandparents for the summer. Mid July my daughter confronts her mom about the things that she found. August: Mid August I finally get a job after looking like crazy, with covid it was super hard. Still living out of my car, but with money now I get my daughter and I a hotel to sleep, we finally get time together. Around this time my ex mother in law tells me about her daughter losing so much weight. Around this time I talk to the ex and Bring that up. September: I'm still saving up, really hard getting a place, I haven't been working long and I'm making my way up from literally nothing. Around this time I talk to the ex way less. July and August I tried keeping things amicable, but with time only found out that the ex refused to see our daughter. At this point my daughter started school again, so I arranged all of that. Getting her to school and picking her up from school. October: I was really busy with looking into school, and a place to live, at this point I had enough to move in, just a matter of finding a place. Again because of covid it was extremely hard, but I finally found a place. this month I talked to the ex even less. We talked one last time when I went over to pick up the bigger things that I had nowhere to keep. She asked about how I've been and I told her how I finally found a place, she started crying, can't remember the last time I saw her so happy. She still had some flowers that I gave her back in July and august.I left in a friendly manner. But then she had a big argument with my daughter. More like my daughter asked if she regrets lying to her and neglecting her, her mom said no because she knew if she told her the truth it would hurt her feelings. That was the last straw for my daughter, they had a big fight and in the end my ex told me she was sending her away with her parents for the rest of the school year, so I wouldn't get to see her anymore, and with the possibility of her staying with them till she finished high school. I kept my cool and said I'm picking her up and she's going to stay with me for a few days while you both cool down. The days that followed her mom kept insisting in sending her away, at that point I said she's not going, Ill figure everything out but she's not living with them. November: On my daughters birthday the ex changed the house locks. And 3 weeks after my daughter has been with me, she finally decides to ask how she's been. 3 WEEKS! A few days before thanksgiving my daughter wants to go to her moms house to pick up some clothes, that whole weekend we tried contacting her mom, no answer or reply. She says I'm not home 24/7. As a mom or a parent id expect you'd be available to your kids 24/7 and could at least give us the courtesy of saying you won't be around instead of blowing us off. I keep it cool and we go over, I stay in the car, my daughter goes in and gets a few things. The ex tries acting like nothings ever happened and tried hugging my daughter and my daughter backed off and asked what she's doing. Her mom got sad and said Im trying to hug you. After we leave my daughter breaks down asking why her mom ended being this way and how she misses her old mom, not this cold person. It went on like that for a few days, and I snapped and texted her mom telling her off, and saying she's been hurting out daughter and I've lost respect for her as a mom. that when I blocked her. December: Still blocked. The ex reached out to my daughter a few days ago, but my daughter didn't want to talk with her, they had a Little argument and my daughter blocked her mom. After I found out, a day later I told her to write to her and say that you are not allowed to block you mom, and that I said your mom can contact your whenever she wants. Thats where we are with things. Still no contact with the ex. my daughter is in very limited contact with her mom. She hasn't reached out since my daughter told her she isnt allowed to block her. Hopefully this clears up quite a bit. We spoke heavily in July and in August it started to taper off after I started working to the point where we don't talk at all. And she hasn't said on her own that she's sorry to my daughter and for what, or that she misses her or wants to see her. "how is it at your dads" that's it. Oh and just yesterday, my front neighbor sent me a video of someone driving down the street stopping infront of the house, driving off, reversing and stopping again trying to look at what's in the back of the property. A girl that resembles the ex. Weird because she has no idea where we live. Starting to think if she placed something to track out daughter in something she picked up from her house. Or if her dad found out where we live since he shared his Netflix account with out daughter, I thought they could possibly track us that way so I had her stop using it in early November. I think its just a coincidence. Never seen that car before, but you never know. She never cared before, don't see why shed care now. The only thing that I can think of, is my daughter telling her mom before blocking her that a pretty girl always talks to us and she hopes that we start talking, and she can't wait to have a real mom. I know harsh, and I'm definitely not looking to date anyone right now, I have to much going on in my life. The ex has always been jealous so who knows, but I highly doubt she cares what goes on in our life, too busy getting drunk living it up as a single person. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, McPuff said: July: Ex kicks me out and removes me from bank accounts. November: On my daughters birthday the ex changed the house locks. You need to take this list to an attorney if you are legally married. It's unclear why you are acquiescing to illegal activities. Edited December 12, 2020 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
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