Smaller sized men

[ThatDude76]

Good day folks,

After the end of my last long term relationship, I find myself in the dating game again. However, for some reason I have become increasingly insecure about my size and how that effects my dating life. 

To be blunt, I am a smaller sized man. I am 169cm ( which I think is 5'6" and a half ) with a smaller build ( smaller than average size hands feet etc ), I am lean with some muscle but I am only around 135 - 140 lbs. Mens small shirts fit me well and I have a 28" waist. Think more soccer player instead of a linebacker haha. 

I know women often like to feel small and protected by their man, but I am worried I wont be able to make women feel this way due to my stature. 

Is this something I should be worried about? Are there women who wont be bothered by this or maybe even be attracted to a man with this type of build?

 

I would love to hear your thoughts,

 

Thanks!

[lurker74]

There is someone for everyone. Yes, some women like larger men. Others don't care. And I am sure there are some that like them smaller. My ex wife cheater on me (I'm 6'2" and muscled) with a 5'7" marathoner. You just never know. Be yourself and let the women sort themselves out.

[ThatDude76]

Just now, lurker74 said:

There is someone for everyone. Yes, some women like larger men. Others don't care. And I am sure there are some that like them smaller. My ex wife cheater on me (I'm 6'2" and muscled) with a 5'7" marathoner. You just never know. Be yourself and let the women sort themselves out.

I am sorry to hear about your ex wife  . That sucks man.

Thanks for your advice, perhaps I've been in my head a little too much. 

[Versacehottie]

Well on average, a lot of women would be biased on paper against a smaller guy.  That said, one of my good guy friends is about your exact size and has no problem with women at all.  He's handsome and fit and charming.  I think you have to work the personality, humor end a bit more and then you are a real guy in person rather than a stat on paper.  An old boyfriend of mine was 5'7" (a little bigger than you build wise though) and he was super charming, interesting, handsome.  He showed his personality right away (met through work so real life meeting would probably easier for you than an app let's say where you might get filtered out for height).  He doesn't have trouble getting girls.  

Also back in school, the two most popular guys at school were twins, your size, that had the best personality and good looking--all the girls liked them.  I think a taller guy might be able to get foot in the door without doing much work on the cerebral side than a smaller guy but you can be successful as well.  Btw, I know enough tall guys who have gotten dumped for being boring and suspect that part of the reason is that their personalities are underdeveloped because they have an easy time getting initial attention.  Just a thought.  You're fine as long as you believe and conduct yourself as if you are absolutely fine and confident about it!

[smackie9]

It's not your height, it's your confidence that attracts women. I have dated short fat skinny and tall.

[Starswillshine]

Ftr, there are many short women who don't really prefer to have sore necks looking up at their partner. I never cared about height. Personality goes a REALLY long way. 

[ThatDude76]

34 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Well on average, a lot of women would be biased on paper against a smaller guy.  That said, one of my good guy friends is about your exact size and has no problem with women at all.  He's handsome and fit and charming.  I think you have to work the personality, humor end a bit more and then you are a real guy in person rather than a stat on paper.  An old boyfriend of mine was 5'7" (a little bigger than you build wise though) and he was super charming, interesting, handsome.  He showed his personality right away (met through work so real life meeting would probably easier for you than an app let's say where you might get filtered out for height).  He doesn't have trouble getting girls.  

Also back in school, the two most popular guys at school were twins, your size, that had the best personality and good looking--all the girls liked them.  I think a taller guy might be able to get foot in the door without doing much work on the cerebral side than a smaller guy but you can be successful as well.  Btw, I know enough tall guys who have gotten dumped for being boring and suspect that part of the reason is that their personalities are underdeveloped because they have an easy time getting initial attention.  Just a thought.  You're fine as long as you believe and conduct yourself as if you are absolutely fine and confident about it!

Thank you, Versacehottie.

I will try to not let the initial bias get to my head much, and just try to enjoy myself when dating, and meeting new people. 

In your opinion, are there women out there who might not have a bias against my size? I understand a lot of attraction is built from charisma and mutual connection, however it would be cool too, if a woman were to be attracted to a body like mine. 

[ThatDude76]

33 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's not your height, it's your confidence that attracts women. I have dated short fat skinny and tall.

Thanks Smackie9!

I will try to be more confident and not let it worry me too much. 

[ThatDude76]

32 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

Ftr, there are many short women who don't really prefer to have sore necks looking up at their partner. I never cared about height. Personality goes a REALLY long way. 

Thanks !

I understand that personality and a human connection are very important to attraction, ill try to focus more on these things. 

[introverted1]

My only preference is not to be bigger than the guy I am with. It has nothing to do with wanting to feel protected, more that it would make me feel ungainly to be bigger.  I am fairly slim, so it's never come up.  I cant speak to how larger women would react, although I agree that it's always better to present with confidence than not.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, ThatDude76 said:

Are there women who wont be bothered by this or maybe even be attracted to a man with this type of build?

 

It wouldn't bother me one bit.  When I was single I dated a guy about your height maybe a little shorter that I was crazy about.  I am 5'6 but with heels around 5'9.  He was at least a couple inches shorter than me but was so good looking with a body that sounds like yours.  Problem was he ended up being a player and as you can tell did not have a problem getting women.

[ThatDude76]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It wouldn't bother me one bit.  When I was single I dated a guy about your height maybe a little shorter that I was crazy about.  I am 5'6 but with heels around 5'9.  He was at least a couple inches shorter than me but was so good looking with a body that sounds like yours.  Problem was he ended up being a player and as you can tell did not have a problem getting women.

Thanks Stillafool! That makes me a bit more confident :). I am sorry to hear that it didn't work out with that guy ( assuming you liked him that is ). I am not much of a player type myself, I find I have to get to know someone first before I can get really into them. Which is probably a good thing, as I doubt I am as handsome as that guy is! 

[ThatDude76]

11 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

My only preference is not to be bigger than the guy I am with. It has nothing to do with wanting to feel protected, more that it would make me feel ungainly to be bigger.  I am fairly slim, so it's never come up.  I cant speak to how larger women would react, although I agree that it's always better to present with confidence than not.

Thanks for your input, I personally don't really care how big or small a woman is; if I like her I like her if that makes sense. 

Do you think I should focus my efforts more on woman who are smaller than myself? (height and weight )

[introverted1]

2 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

Thanks for your input, I personally don't really care how big or small a woman is; if I like her I like her if that makes sense. 

Do you think I should focus my efforts more on woman who are smaller than myself? (height and weight )

Based on what I observe (admittedly, not scientific), I see lots of bigger/heavier women with normal weight guys, so I don't think you should limit yourself. 

Good luck!

Edited December 8, 2020 by introverted1

[ThatDude76]

9 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Based on what I observe (admittedly, not scientific), I see lots of heavier women with normal weight guys, so I don't think you should limit yourself. 

Good luck!

Cool! One of my past relationships was with a heavy woman, but she was always insecure about her size. Looking back on it I feel like my smaller size might have brought those insecurities out. I feel kind of bad about it :/. But I loved cuddling with her!

Edited December 8, 2020 by ThatDude76

[Alvi]

Like I said one of my previous posts, I know quite a few short men who are happily married. Some to shorter women, some to taller ones. So these men must be doing something right. I really don't believe that men's height is the problem, unless he chooses to make it the problem, if it makes sense. I am on a shorter side myself, so men's height was never a problem for me personally. I dated once a guys who was shorter than myself. He ghosted me after six month of dating and what do you know, I find out that he shortly married someone else. Just proves my point, that men's height is not everything.

[Versacehottie]

51 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

Thank you, Versacehottie.

I will try to not let the initial bias get to my head much, and just try to enjoy myself when dating, and meeting new people. 

In your opinion, are there women out there who might not have a bias against my size? I understand a lot of attraction is built from charisma and mutual connection, however it would be cool too, if a woman were to be attracted to a body like mine. 

well, in reality, of course there are women biased against your size and maybe even more than you would like.  You just have to think of it like what it is: preferences.  And don't undercut yourself because of it.  There are people biased against even the supposed "best looking or most handsome" specimens in the world.  Why? Because it's not their taste. I could tell you I find xyz a list actor, gorgeous and some other girl would be eww, not for me!  Looks, physique are just an entry point, a foot in the door and threshold of this is interesting to me.  Then personality and other things will matter a lot.  You can do it backwards and use personality to your advantage when your physique is less for the masses.  Which I wouldn't say yours is or isn't specifically, because it's been proven that lots of women care most for personality and humor.  The thing is we are human, just like guys, and looks come into play and also first and on a superficial level--that's just a fact.  Like if you have nice hair, good bone structure-face or a great smile, you have advantages over other guys too.  Also if you have a great job or style and how you conduct yourself socially.  All those things usually will work in your favor (or not) on the initial impression.  So you can't boil it down to just one point.

I've said this example before but I have a group of very good looking girlfriends--and it's always been something that I've noticed that guys have different preferences among the group.  Objectively (which is hard when the level of looks is about equal) one might be the most beautiful or best body but it doesn't translate that way necessarily to guys because they have varied preferences as well.  So you just have to OPTIMIZE yourself and be confident.  I can think of one smaller guy who I liked initially, not being bothered by his size and attracted to his looks, intelligence, humor, drive, etc ONLY to be completely turned off because it was so apparent to me that he definitely had a hang up/insecurity about his height.  I'm sure he's blown lots of dates since as it was pretty entrenched--funny and I didn't care about it since the good things he had overrode that in my mind.  So you see you just have to feel confident that for the right girl, you like yourself and thus she will too.  NONE of us are going to be everyone's cup of tea.  That's just life.  But you will be SOME people's cup of tea, just as happens to everyone else.

[Versacehottie]

50 minutes ago, ThatDude76 said:

Thanks for your input, I personally don't really care how big or small a woman is; if I like her I like her if that makes sense. 

Do you think I should focus my efforts more on woman who are smaller than myself? (height and weight )

your own thought process proves my point. Bolded is usually how it works.

No. I think you should focus on girls who respond to you, who like you.  Though realistically shorter girls than you might find it easier to like you as it mitigates the bias they have that the guy just has to be "bigger than they are". 

[ThatDude76]

24 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

well, in reality, of course there are women biased against your size and maybe even more than you would like.  You just have to think of it like what it is: preferences.  And don't undercut yourself because of it.  There are people biased against even the supposed "best looking or most handsome" specimens in the world.  Why? Because it's not their taste. I could tell you I find xyz a list actor, gorgeous and some other girl would be eww, not for me!  Looks, physique are just an entry point, a foot in the door and threshold of this is interesting to me.  Then personality and other things will matter a lot.  You can do it backwards and use personality to your advantage when your physique is less for the masses.  Which I wouldn't say yours is or isn't specifically, because it's been proven that lots of women care most for personality and humor.  The thing is we are human, just like guys, and looks come into play and also first and on a superficial level--that's just a fact.  Like if you have nice hair, good bone structure-face or a great smile, you have advantages over other guys too.  Also if you have a great job or style and how you conduct yourself socially.  All those things usually will work in your favor (or not) on the initial impression.  So you can't boil it down to just one point.

I've said this example before but I have a group of very good looking girlfriends--and it's always been something that I've noticed that guys have different preferences among the group.  Objectively (which is hard when the level of looks is about equal) one might be the most beautiful or best body but it doesn't translate that way necessarily to guys because they have varied preferences as well.  So you just have to OPTIMIZE yourself and be confident.  I can think of one smaller guy who I liked initially, not being bothered by his size and attracted to his looks, intelligence, humor, drive, etc ONLY to be completely turned off because it was so apparent to me that he definitely had a hang up/insecurity about his height.  I'm sure he's blown lots of dates since as it was pretty entrenched--funny and I didn't care about it since the good things he had overrode that in my mind.  So you see you just have to feel confident that for the right girl, you like yourself and thus she will too.  NONE of us are going to be everyone's cup of tea.  That's just life.  But you will be SOME people's cup of tea, just as happens to everyone else.

Thank you again, for your help.

I already know they're woman biased against my size, and yes probably more than I would like haha. ( I imagine at least 60%-80% would be at least turned off somewhat by it, and many more much so. )

I suppose what I am asking is if there are woman who could see it as a plus, or at least not a negative. Like for example, I know lots of guys like to say silly s*** like they love big breasts, but I also know a few that say they prefer small ones!

I understand my size is not a preference for most, and I am OK with that. 

Edited December 8, 2020 by ThatDude76

[Fletch Lives]

There are tons of short women out there. Plus, you can workout.

Besides, if a woman gets to know you organically and starts falling in love with you, size won't be an issue. Love changes everything. Not a problem.

A positive attitude will take you much farther than height ever could.

Edited December 8, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[major_merrick]

Some women like larger men.  I'm not one of them.  I'm about 5'6."  My husband is a couple inches taller, and maybe 20lbs heavier.  I don't want to be married to a giant, because I wouldn't feel equal.

I find it ridiculous when I see online dating profiles of girls who are about 5 feet tall demanding their "ideal" guy who is 6ft plus.  Do they want to feel like a little kid or something?

[ThatDude76]

5 minutes ago, major_merrick said:

Some women like larger men.  I'm not one of them.  I'm about 5'6."  My husband is a couple inches taller, and maybe 20lbs heavier.  I don't want to be married to a giant, because I wouldn't feel equal.

I find it ridiculous when I see online dating profiles of girls who are about 5 feet tall demanding their "ideal" guy who is 6ft plus.  Do they want to feel like a little kid or something?

Thanks Major Merrick! I just hope I can find a woman with similar thoughts as you.

I too like it when my partner is similar size to me, feels more like a partnership I think. 

[ThatDude76]

20 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

There are tons of short women out there. Plus, you can workout.

Besides, if a woman gets to know you organically and starts falling in love with you, size won't be an issue. Love changes everything. Not a problem.

A positive attitude will take you much farther than height ever could.

This is true, there are a lot of them. 

I'm not much of a bodybuilder type, I like staying lean and fit (cardio, body weight exercises, hiking etc)  but never personally cared about lifting heavy weights, but maybe I should!

I will try to keep my mind on the positives, thanks man!

[Fletch Lives]

And I'll tell you something else........I'm on the tall side I guess, at six feet........but when I was dating, myself and other tall guys would pass on tons of shorter women......I would not normally approach a woman 5'2" or shorter.....I'd break my neck or back trying to go for that first kiss! Talk about awkward!  So, that's tons of women who be a perfect fit for you!

Honestly, the worries short guys have are 99.9% in the mind. Again, a positive attitude is wayyyyy more important.

Edit to add: Also, I have a buddy who is short, and he gets dates and girlfriends easily. And some of the woman are taller than him! Why? Because he's outgoing, sociable, and has a great attitude.

Edited December 8, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[ccas93]

24 minutes ago, major_merrick said:

 

I find it ridiculous when I see online dating profiles of girls who are about 5 feet tall demanding their "ideal" guy who is 6ft plus.  Do they want to feel like a little kid or something?

and girls who are that short usually can't even actually tell who's really 5'10" or 6'  or 5'11'' anyway. It's usually just a number measurement they want in the guys profile so they can brag to their friends.