ladybug67 Posted December 8, 2020 Posted December 8, 2020 Hi! I’m 24 and I’ve been quite unlucky on the dating scene recently, went through a big break up at the start of the year which was devastating. A few months ago I attempted online dating, and I didn’t have much luck in the sense of I’d be chatting to someone and they’d suddenly ghost or generally act like arseholes. Didn’t particularly make me feel confident and had a bit of a break from it. I’ve been working on myself and building my friendships which has been fab. A few weeks ago I rejoined hinge and got chatting to a lovely man. Extremely my type, very attractive and we hit it off straight away. We have a very similar sense of humour and interests and I don’t have a bad thing to say so far!! The other day, he leaves me a voice note asking if I want to go on a date and it was really sweet. He then says out of the blue in the middle of a conversation “I’ve seen a Christmas market I would love to attend with you”. Felt great cos the last few men I spoke to made literally no effort to try and see me!! And yesterday he sent a jokey but cute text saying “oi, is it really soppy for me to say that I’m actually really looking forward to going on a date with you?!” Anyway I’m feeling really excited and chatting to him just flows!!! However, I am quite an insecure person and have some niggles that I know are going to sound really silly and I really don’t want to mess this up!!!! For example we haven’t arranged a date yet as he said he doesn’t know what days he’s working yet and will let me know as soon as he knows (which is completely fine but my little irrational bit in my brain worries he doesn’t want to see me, even though he suggested it?! Silly right). We also speak each morning and he texts during work but today I have heard nothing at all from him (I texted at 11) and I know he started work at 10. Again, I know I’m being really silly bearing in mind I haven’t even met the guy yet, but I do worry about little things. I don’t need reassurance as I know I’m being silly - I’m sort of looking for tips to stop being so insecure and worrying about things that really don’t need to be worried about? And how I can not mess this up for myself!!! Thanks
Wiseman2 Posted December 8, 2020 Posted December 8, 2020 1 hour ago, ladybug67 said: The other day, he leaves me a voice note asking if I want to go on a date and it was really sweet. He then says out of the blue in the middle of a conversation “I’ve seen a Christmas market I would love to attend with you”. Excellent. Enjoy the date. Pace yourself and think of it s a meeting. 1
lurker74 Posted December 8, 2020 Posted December 8, 2020 2 hours ago, ladybug67 said: I’m sort of looking for tips to stop being so insecure and worrying about things that really don’t need to be worried about? Some people worry about flying. I never do. It's not that I don't sometimes get worried about a bump on a flight. It does seem unnatural to be thousands of feet in the air, traveling at hundreds of miles (km) per hour. But ultimately, I have zero control over it. There is a pilot, a co-pilot, and flight attendants that might have to worry about it but if the flight is going to crash, there's not a thing I can do about it. So I book my ticket, take my seat, and wait to arrive at my destination. While doing this, I pay attention to rules and try not to be a jerk. And early dating is like that. Focus on what you can control (your schedule, your communication) and on what you can influence (indicating, lightly, your interest). His behavior or likes are not in your control, so if that plane is going to crash, there's nothing you can do. But if you pay attention to yourself and what you CAN control, you are more likely to arrive at your destination. 2
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2020 Posted December 8, 2020 Stop over investing yourself. Be cool, calm, positive....do not over text. Save conversation for the date. 2
Miss Spider Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 Don’t overthink it. I’ve noticed about some thing about when I give speeches. When I go in there thinking I’m going to mess up, I do. Confidence in yourself is like 80% of the game. Those butterflies that you feel, don’t tell yourself that’s nervousness. Tell yourself that’s excitement. It feels the same! 2
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2020 Posted December 11, 2020 You are being silly. He's consistent in his communications & trying to arrange a date. Don't be so invested just yet, since you haven't met. Go on the date. Be careful. A crowded Christmas market sounds like a Covid spreader event, not a fun date but get to know him & then see how you feel. Take it one day at a time. Do not try to look into the future just yet. It's too early. 2
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