Ghosting/orbiting/deleting/whatever after a seemingly amazing date

[smackie9]

Wish more people were like this...but wait, the boards would be a ghost town and nothing for us to do.

[dmf]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Wish more people were like this...but wait, the boards would be a ghost town and nothing for us to do.

Wish more people were like what?

[lee179108]

On 12/7/2020 at 11:30 PM, dmf said:

Okay bear with me as there’s a bit of context to be had but I have never been so baffled and I’m hoping someone can give some insight or explanation as to WHY someone would do this.

I met a guy via online dating, we clicked right away and I would go as far as to say I’ve never felt so comfortable/had conversation flow so easily in my life (I never expressed this to him as obviously you never know how things will be in real life). Normally I try to meet as soon as possible but we both were very busy/had conflicting schedules so spent about a week messaging each other back and forwards throughout the day until we could meet.

We seemed very compatible, have similar interests, and the ONLY red flag raised was he mentioned he had some views and opinions that he thought would be deal breakers for me (I still have yet to discover what these are) and that there would be things about him I maybe wouldn’t like. 

The conversation was very flirty but it was established for certain that we wanted to get to know each other before anything progressed physically. 

We met and got a coffee then went for a little stroll along a river before finding somewhere quiet to sit and chat. We kissed multiple times, kept contact with each other while sitting (ie he was rubbing my shoulders a little or had an arm around me, I sat with my head on his shoulder some of the time), made each other laugh, and even both forgot what we were saying as we looked it each other. All in all extremely cute, the conversation flowed so well, we touched on some topics that were a little below the surface but nothing too deep for a first date. Throughout the couple of hours we both made remarks which suggested doing things together in the future.

At the end, we kissed some more, I said I had a good afternoon, he said he did too, and he said “do this again?” And I said yes obviously - he joked that it was a rhetorical question and asked me to message him when I got home (id previously mentioned I drove past an accident on the way there as it’s a very windy and narrow road). 

AND HERE WE ARE: I messaged him a cute video of my dog greeting me when I got home, he viewed it within about 2 minutes but never replied. That was fine, and I refrained from sending anything else as I know he had a lot on for the weekend. I didn’t hear from him over the next two days, again not worried, but he did view every story I posted on Facebook (I cringe saying this but feel it’s relevant). They were just the usual sorts of things I post - dinner with my friends, walking my dog. 

On Monday morning I messaged him (on fb messenger which has been our primary means of communication) and asked how his weekend was.. he didn’t view the message until the evening - then as soon as he read it he removed me as a friend?! He didn’t block me, didn’t unmatch me on the dating app we met on, and didn’t reply. Just unfriended me. I am SO CONFUSED. I sent him one more very polite message letting him know I had a great time with him and had been looking forward to getting to know him more but was shocked that he had chosen such a cold way to cut contact vs just saying he wasn’t interested in pursuing something, as that would have been fine. I ended it with take care and just left it at that. 

He read it, again didn’t reply (shock) and that was it. I am seriously STUNNED. 

Does anyone have any idea why someone would behave this way?! Why just delete me but not actually block communication? I’ve been questioning whether I completely misread everything but I truly cannot think of a single moment during our date that suggested he wasn’t feeling it as much as I was. 

 

Only answers could be that:

His ex is back in the picture

Hes got another girl on the side that he's more attracted to.

Hes just not fully attracted to you and afraid of revealing it.

[Wiseman2]

On 12/8/2020 at 8:25 PM, dmf said:

I don’t expect to change him. But I hope that if people will continue to call out needless ghosting it will become less of an “acceptable” behaviour. 

Focus on who you connect with and don't waste your time or energy on the duds.

Doing this leads to burnout, not social reform  .

Decide who's worth your time and effort. 

[Versacehottie]

16 hours ago, dmf said:

Wish more people were like what?

I think it's a complement.  That you quickly changed direction rather than get stuck on that situation or that guy and found someone better