Ghosting/orbiting/deleting/whatever after a seemingly amazing date

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, lurker74 said:

Most likely answers are, in order of likelihood:

• He had a date after you that he liked more
• His ex is back in his life
• His views that you won't like were confirmed by him (e.g. he's a Trumper, you are not; he's a flat earther, you believe the earth is a sphere...) and he didn't want to have the conversation
• He was never that into you but likes making out. Maybe this is bad but at least he didn't try to sleep with you.

Never invest in anyone that early. The reasons for moving on are many and varied.

You forgot one. He's gay!!   

Hoping the kissing would trigger an internal physical response (i.e erection). It didn't.  

I'm teasing but seriously who the hell knows.  I realize it's human nature to analyze and want answers.

I've learned it's a futile waste of energy because even if he did reply he's not interested, you would then be wracking your brain wondering what you did "wrong" to cause his disinterest.

Hope you're feeling better today OP.  Plenty more where he came from!  

 

[Versacehottie]

6 hours ago, dmf said:

Thanks everyone.. I’ve both rejected plenty and had plenty of rejection via OLD so it’s not that,  I guess I’ve just never been so blindsided before because it’s usually somewhat obvious to me what the reason is - as in it’s pretty clear there wasn’t a spark/attraction/compatibility. In this case it just so seemed there was all 3 and I can’t think of a single indication during the date that made me think we weren’t going to see each other again. 

I suppose also because we had communicated so well previously and during the date I was really taken aback that he didn’t just say “hey I had fun but don’t think there’s anything here”. 

Im also triply confused that he deleted but didn’t block me, it’s like he wanted me to know I was deleted but still make it possible to communicate, it’s so strange. 

I’m wondering whether he is a commitment-phobe too, hence it was easy to message back and forwards every day (he was the main initiator by the way) but then as soon as faced with the real life possibility of something, he turned into a complete douche. 

hmmm, to the bolded... well to me, that means he's trying to control the appearance of who he follows/is friends with for some 3rd person--meaning another girl, the one he actually has feelings for.  He didn't block you because a)lots of people, especially guys don't block necessarily; it's unnecessary since the delete already conveys, "i don't want you in my life" b) it leaves the door open just enough that if things don't work out with this other person, or potential future other people, that he can open the lines of communication with you again or is not harmed if you try.

I don't think commitment phobe in regards to you, this case. He might be/he might not be but that wasn't remotely tested yet.  

[smackie9]

It's obvious....a lot of people are avoiders and don't like rejecting people...just the way it is. Sure anyone can have a great date, maybe get some affection or sex out of it, but it doesn't mean there was chemistry. Like come on we all have been there where they are great, tick off a lot of boxes but you feel meh about them.

I have said this before, only the truly interested ones I dated arranged another date right away. They didn't play this game of wait 3 days before contacting me again or whatever. "lets do this again, or we'll see you soon." is mostly bull_hitty pooh pooh blow off crap. I didn't hold my breath on hearing that.

[JRabbit]

Try not to add dating interests to your social media.  One, it takes away any mystery, and two, it creates a lot of anxiety and doubt when you can see them viewing/liking/etc and not getting back to you.

I'm always surprised how many people add anyone to their Facebook. Unless you know them well, it is not a good idea to add people to your SM.

[hippychick3]

25 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

Try not to add dating interests to your social media.  One, it takes away any mystery, and two, it creates a lot of anxiety and doubt when you can see them viewing/liking/etc and not getting back to you.

I'm always surprised how many people add anyone to their Facebook. Unless you know them well, it is not a good idea to add people to your SM.

I agree. When I was dating, it was at least a month of consistent dating before either of us would add each other. I’m not one to add strangers or people I may never see again as my Facebook friend. 

[ShyViolet]

Listen, this happens a lot in dating.  It happens more than you know.  You will never find out the reason "why."  He just decided that he wasn't interested in you for whatever reason.  Maybe there was something physically about you that he decided he wasn't attracted to.  Maybe it was something you said.  Maybe it's just that he met someone else who he likes better.  You will probably never know.  So just stop worrying so much about it.  There is no point in over-analyzing this, just move on.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

For one thing, please stop sending him messages. He is not the last man on Earth.

This was a low-effort "date" on his part, where he still got you to be somewhat intimate with him.

He's probably dealing with several women.

You put all your eggs in one basket. Wait to see if they guy even deserves the eggs.

[Saracena]

8 hours ago, elaine567 said:

This is the bit that should have rung alarm bells for you but you seemed to gloss it over.
He was  telling you if you knew him you wouldn't like him and that is fairly major IMV.
There is not a lot of wiggle room there.
"Dealbreaker" is pretty strong language, but you ignored it and carried on regardless.
How could you possibly get into a relationship with someone who if he told you who he really was and how he really thought, it would be a deal-breaker for you?o 

But you can bet it rung alarm bells for him, though! Big ones....

Seriously OP, if I said this to someone and they carried on regardless in this rather reckless manner, I would have serious doubts about that person. A major red flag for me!

(In addition, it seems a very strange thing to say, makes me wonder if I was a deliberate ploy by him)

[Marka]

OP, this happens unfortunately a lot. Men are non confrontational and prefer usually ghost than to have a conversation. Luckily for you it was just one date with some kissing. Imagine if he ghosted after third date which involved having sex  and it happens a lot!! A friend of mine got ghosted by a guy she dated for a month. He didn't block her either. He was just reading her  multiple messages and not replying. That s a bit sadistic from my point of view. So be happy that it was just one day. Move on, date another guys in max in a month time you will not even remember his name.

Edited December 8, 2020 by Marka
typo

[Miss Spider]

5 minutes ago, Marka said:

He didn't block her either. He was just reading her  multiple messages and not replying. That s a bit sadistic from my point of view. 

Lol I actually agree with that. I always found reading the anguished texts of people I had ghosted very unsettling, so I learned to block. (And since I have learned not to ghost at all )  

[stillafool]

Maybe the guy doesn't like or is allergic to dogs and he knows that's a deal breaker for both of you.  Who knows?  You thought it was a good time and chemistry was there.  He obviously didn't so he moved on and so should you.

[Datergirl]

22 hours ago, dmf said:

and

 

22 hours ago, dmf said:

the ONLY red flag raised was he mentioned he had some views and opinions that he thought would be deal breakers for me (I still have yet to discover what these are) and that there would be things about him I maybe wouldn’t like. 

I think this might be the reason he ghosted you. 

If someone said this to me I'd have to ask what those things are about him that he thinks I won't like. Did you? 

I mean, it sounds ominous doesn't it? Like he's done something terrible and when he's told people they've run a mile. 

Edited December 8, 2020 by Datergirl

[dmf]

8 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Agree as is any suggestion that he's a POS for "doing what he did."  You didn't say that OP but some others did.

What did he do exactly?  He wasn't interested after a first meet.   This is quite common.  Many people choose to ghost which isnt even the right word because there was nothing to ghost from.  It was one meet!

It's very difficult for some to say the words "I'm not interested" after a first meet.   It can sound presumptuous because we don't know if the other person is even interested themselves. 

OP sent three texts in a row to this guy.  In an ideal world, sure he could have messaged "not interested" but should that be necessary after only one meet?  I never thought so.

People have the right to not be interested or lose interest for whatever reason.   There is no need for anyone to be losing their shyt over it, and the third message OP sent was way over the top imo.  Totally unnecessary.

People need to chill otherwise they are going to get chewed up and spit out when OLDing.

Good luck moving forward OP.

 

 

Is.. is this really where we are as a society now? I agree he doesn’t “owe” me a future together or even a second date - however I will NEVER agree that it’s okay to invest significant time talking to someone, kiss them, discuss future time spend together, and then not have the common decency to let them know you don’t see things progressing. 

I will continue to call out ghosting where there is no valid reason for doing so beyond “not liking confrontation”.  Perhaps I’m old fashioned. Unless the disinterest is very mutual, I will always let someone know that I enjoyed my time with them but don’t see things progressing. 

[poppyfields]

55 minutes ago, Datergirl said:

 

I think this might be the reason he ghosted you. 

If someone said this to me I'd have to ask what those things are about him that he thinks I won't like. Did you? 

I mean, it sounds ominous doesn't it? Like he's done something terrible and when he's told people they've run a mile. 

That's a great point. Also, he may have said this hoping to get a convo going, as it may have been troubling him.

If you did not ask what these "dealbreakers" were that might potentially turn you off, THAT may be what turned HIM off.  The fact you did not ask and thus reassure him they were not dealbreakers.

It's all speculation but worthy of note.

[Miss Spider]

mentioned he had some views and opinions that he thought would be deal breakers for me (I still have yet to discover what these are) and that there would be things about him I maybe wouldn’t like. 
————

 

By things about him that you maybe wouldn’t like, maybe he was alluding to how he was a cowardly ghoster lol. That whole thing sounds like” it’s me not you”

Edited December 8, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, dmf said:

Is.. is this really where we are as a society now? I agree he doesn’t “owe” me a future together or even a second date - however I will NEVER agree that it’s okay to invest significant time talking to someone, kiss them, discuss future time spend together, and then not have the common decency to let them know you don’t see things progressing. 

I will continue to call out ghosting where there is no valid reason for doing so beyond “not liking confrontation”.  Perhaps I’m old fashioned. Unless the disinterest is very mutual, I will always let someone know that I enjoyed my time with them but don’t see things progressing. 

Ideally, I agree that would be the kind thing to do, it's what I did after a first meet and the guy continued to call or text.

But I've also learned not everyone is like me, and also have the right to change their minds.  

It does not make them a bad person, it only them different from you with a different way or dealing with non-interest after first meet.

Also, there is another thread running about this, but prior to or during first meet, any future talk should go in one ear and out the other, imo  Not to be taken seriously as evidenced here.

It sets up expectations that have the potential of leaving you confused and disappointed. Like here. 

For me, when a guy, prior to or during first meet, discussed anything we would do in the future, my response wouid be "that sounds fun assuming we click when we meet" .   OR if said during the meet, my response would be "sounds fun if we are still dating at that time."  

When guys move fast, it's up to YOU to slow him down.  Do not go along with their fast pace agenda, like future talk,  or spending significant time on a first meet, even when the attraction is strong and you are connecting.  

Protect your heart.  

Anyway, I'm sorry you got disappointed.

Edited December 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

By things about him that you maybe wouldn’t like, maybe he was alluding to how he was the cowardly ghoster lol. 

LOL, good point!  Could be.  All speculation at this point.

 

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, dmf said:

Is.. is this really where we are as a society now? I agree he doesn’t “owe” me a future together or even a second date - however I will NEVER agree that it’s okay to invest significant time talking to someone, kiss them, discuss future time spend together, and then not have the common decency to let them know you don’t see things progressing. 

I will continue to call out ghosting where there is no valid reason for doing so beyond “not liking confrontation”.  Perhaps I’m old fashioned. Unless the disinterest is very mutual, I will always let someone know that I enjoyed my time with them but don’t see things progressing. 

What you're essentially saying here - and correct me if I'm wrong - is that you will never let a guy off the hook for making out with you on a first date, but then rejecting you afterwards. Chasing after men to tell them how horrible they are, because of the way they rejected you, won't change the fact that they rejected you in the first place. It will just make you look foolish and confirm any doubts they may have had about you.

How long have you been dating? You do know that people are not obligated to ask people out again, even if they kiss or have sex with that person.

Also, I'll echo what was already said about not adding strangers to your social media "just because." That creates all sorts of drama as you found out. Next time, don't be so quick to give a guy your FB account name or other social media platform names to find you. Digital communication is just a one dimension representation of a person. It's not three dimensional like in-person communication is, where you have tone of voice, body language, facial cues, and the ability to feel someone else's energy and make decisions based off the cues they give out. Digital communication is not an accurate representation of a person and never will be. Ever.

You cannot just tell people what you want and demand that they give it to you. That's not how life works, especially where dating and relationships are concerned.

Edited December 9, 2020 by Watercolors

[Watercolors]

5 hours ago, JRabbit said:

Try not to add dating interests to your social media.  One, it takes away any mystery, and two, it creates a lot of anxiety and doubt when you can see them viewing/liking/etc and not getting back to you.

I'm always surprised how many people add anyone to their Facebook. Unless you know them well, it is not a good idea to add people to your SM.

Just think. If everyone followed this excellent advice, the percentage of dating threads on LS would drop to near zero.

 

[LynneVicious]

4 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

What you're essentially saying here - and correct me if I'm wrong - is that you will never let a guy off the hook for making out with you on a first date, but then rejecting you afterwards. Chasing after men to tell them how horrible they are, because of the way they reject you, won't change the fact that they rejected you in the first place. It will just make you look foolish and confirm any doubts they may have had about you.

How long have you been dating? You do know that people are not obligated to ask people out again, even if they kiss or have sex with that person.

Also, I'll echo what was already said about not adding strangers to your social media "just because." That creates all sorts of drama as you found out. Next time, don't be so quick to give a guy your FB account name or other social media platform names to find you. Digital communication is just a one dimension representation of a person. It's not three dimensional like in-person communication is, where you have tone of voice, body language, facial cues, and the ability to feel someone else's energy and make decisions based off the cues they give out. Digital communication is not an accurate representation of a person and never will be. Ever.

You cannot just tell people what you want and demand that they give it to you. That's not how life works, especially where dating and relationships are concerned.

I don’t think that’s what she’s doing at all. I think she’s upset she got ghosts without an explanation. It’s fairly easy to say “move on” or “you dodged a bullet”, and she’s not upset she got rejected. She’s upset because he completely ghosted her. Ghosting is rude. I get it. If it were me, and someone wasn’t interested in me after speaking and going on a date; I’d prefer them to tell me they’re not interested as opposed to just ghosting. 
 

then again, people have had some bad experiences with rejection. Go on a date. Have fun. They think there’s chemistry. You decide there isn’t and tell them that it’s not a match and good luck going forward. Then they kinda lose their s***. It’s happened to me. Maybe he’s had a few psychos in response to rejection. That happens more than we think. And to not open Pandora’s box, he just ghosts. 
 

im not saying that’s okay. I think ghosting is rude. And I get why she would rather a “I’m sorry, I don’t think we are a match” rather than ghosting, but op, you never know what’s going on in people’s’ lives. Add this guy to your ‘x’ list and move on gracefully. 
 

there’s someone out there who is perfect for you. Remain patient and have a good attitude. Good luck!

[Watercolors]

14 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

I don’t think that’s what she’s doing at all. I think she’s upset she got ghosts without an explanation. It’s fairly easy to say “move on” or “you dodged a bullet”, and she’s not upset she got rejected. She’s upset because he completely ghosted her. Ghosting is rude. I get it. If it were me, and someone wasn’t interested in me after speaking and going on a date; I’d prefer them to tell me they’re not interested as opposed to just ghosting. 
 

then again, people have had some bad experiences with rejection. Go on a date. Have fun. They think there’s chemistry. You decide there isn’t and tell them that it’s not a match and good luck going forward. Then they kinda lose their s***. It’s happened to me. Maybe he’s had a few psychos in response to rejection. That happens more than we think. And to not open Pandora’s box, he just ghosts. 
 

im not saying that’s okay. I think ghosting is rude. And I get why she would rather a “I’m sorry, I don’t think we are a match” rather than ghosting, but op, you never know what’s going on in people’s’ lives. Add this guy to your ‘x’ list and move on gracefully. 
 

there’s someone out there who is perfect for you. Remain patient and have a good attitude. Good luck!

No, she's pretty much saying that any guy who does ghost her, will experience her wrath as a consequence. And, frankly, that's an unhealthy response to rejection.

Ghosting is rude. But people do it all the time and it's a fact of life. No one, and I mean no one, is going to respond the way you want them to 100% of the time.

The sooner the OP accepts this fact about men in general, as she continues to multidate, the better off she'll be.

It's unrealistic for the OP (or anyone for that matter) to expect a polite "thank you but I don't want to see you again" response after a first date. That is simply not reality because not everyone is like you, OP. So, not everyone will respect your feelings or care about your feelings. To expect that every man you go out on a date with will treat you with respect, is naive.

When you go out on a date with a person, you may have sex with them or just make-out with them and think there's a future with this person. When it turns out not to be true, sure, feel mad, hurt, depressed. But THAT IS LIFE. The amount of entitlement astounds me. "Well, he needs to be nice to me because I'm always nice to everyone."

The OP can thwart the ghosters by setting boundaries with the men she dates. Dating is not a one-way street. Be old fashioned OP, but that doesn't mean this is the 1800s, and the woman has no role or responsibility for her own happiness when it comes to romance.

OP, it is your responsibility to tell these men that you are old fashioned; that you don't like being ghosted, and that you would prefer they be honest with you if they don't want to see you again. Also, stop adding them to your social media. That's not helping you at all. It's just ramping up your expectations that there is a future everytime you get that rush of excitement, after you click the "Add Friend" button your FB page. You should not do that with men who remain complete strangers to you until you've been dating them for a while.

The only real control you have OP, is over yourself. If you don't like how OLD is going, then you have to change the way you interact with OLD in order to get a more positive experience from it. Or, quit OLD, and wait until you meet someone in person through whatever situation presents that opportunity to you. But right now, you are not doing anything and are blaming everything on the man, because he doesn't give you the closure you feel that you deserve, the way you feel you deserve it.

 

Edited December 9, 2020 by Watercolors

[dangerous]

On 12/7/2020 at 11:30 PM, dmf said:

Okay bear with me as there’s a bit of context to be had but I have never been so baffled and I’m hoping someone can give some insight or explanation as to WHY someone would do this.

I met a guy via online dating, we clicked right away and I would go as far as to say I’ve never felt so comfortable/had conversation flow so easily in my life (I never expressed this to him as obviously you never know how things will be in real life). Normally I try to meet as soon as possible but we both were very busy/had conflicting schedules so spent about a week messaging each other back and forwards throughout the day until we could meet.

We seemed very compatible, have similar interests, and the ONLY red flag raised was he mentioned he had some views and opinions that he thought would be deal breakers for me (I still have yet to discover what these are) and that there would be things about him I maybe wouldn’t like. 

The conversation was very flirty but it was established for certain that we wanted to get to know each other before anything progressed physically. 

We met and got a coffee then went for a little stroll along a river before finding somewhere quiet to sit and chat. We kissed multiple times, kept contact with each other while sitting (ie he was rubbing my shoulders a little or had an arm around me, I sat with my head on his shoulder some of the time), made each other laugh, and even both forgot what we were saying as we looked it each other. All in all extremely cute, the conversation flowed so well, we touched on some topics that were a little below the surface but nothing too deep for a first date. Throughout the couple of hours we both made remarks which suggested doing things together in the future.

At the end, we kissed some more, I said I had a good afternoon, he said he did too, and he said “do this again?” And I said yes obviously - he joked that it was a rhetorical question and asked me to message him when I got home (id previously mentioned I drove past an accident on the way there as it’s a very windy and narrow road). 

AND HERE WE ARE: I messaged him a cute video of my dog greeting me when I got home, he viewed it within about 2 minutes but never replied. That was fine, and I refrained from sending anything else as I know he had a lot on for the weekend. I didn’t hear from him over the next two days, again not worried, but he did view every story I posted on Facebook (I cringe saying this but feel it’s relevant). They were just the usual sorts of things I post - dinner with my friends, walking my dog. 

On Monday morning I messaged him (on fb messenger which has been our primary means of communication) and asked how his weekend was.. he didn’t view the message until the evening - then as soon as he read it he removed me as a friend?! He didn’t block me, didn’t unmatch me on the dating app we met on, and didn’t reply. Just unfriended me. I am SO CONFUSED. I sent him one more very polite message letting him know I had a great time with him and had been looking forward to getting to know him more but was shocked that he had chosen such a cold way to cut contact vs just saying he wasn’t interested in pursuing something, as that would have been fine. I ended it with take care and just left it at that. 

He read it, again didn’t reply (shock) and that was it. I am seriously STUNNED. 

Does anyone have any idea why someone would behave this way?! Why just delete me but not actually block communication? I’ve been questioning whether I completely misread everything but I truly cannot think of a single moment during our date that suggested he wasn’t feeling it as much as I was. 

 

Yes, shocking behaviour. Sorry for your disappointment, Unfortunately there are so many spineless people out there. 

[Miss Spider]

I agree with watercolors that you can’t control how others are going to act and reacting with anger does more to you than to them. Most likely, when they see you call them out, they just roll their eyes and think “glad I dodged that  bullet”a 
 

Feeling bad about it is something you can control to an extent.. Try changing how you view it. Instead of seeing it as someone who is trying to harm you or purposely mean, consider the better possibilities. Maybe there is something else they are going through which caused them to not speak up. Maybe it had 0 to do with you. Consider how it’s a good thing in the long run. One less person you’re wasting time with when you could be focusing on people who you match with. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

No, she's pretty much saying that any guy who does ghost her, will experience her wrath as a consequence. And, frankly, that's an unhealthy response to rejection.

Ghosting is rude. But people do it all the time and it's a fact of life. No one, and I mean no one, is going to respond the way you want them to 100% of the time.

The sooner the OP accepts this fact about men in general, as she continues to multidate, the better off she'll be.

It's unrealistic for the OP (or anyone for that matter) to expect a polite "thank you but I don't want to see you again" response after a first date. That is simply not reality because not everyone is like you, OP. So, not everyone will respect your feelings or care about your feelings. To expect that every man you go out on a date with will treat you with respect, is naive.

When you go out on a date with a person, you may have sex with them or just make-out with them and think there's a future with this person. When it turns out not to be true, sure, feel mad, hurt, depressed. But THAT IS LIFE. The amount of entitlement astounds me. "Well, he needs to be nice to me because I'm always nice to everyone."

The OP can thwart the ghosters by setting boundaries with the men she dates. Dating is not a one-way street. Be old fashioned OP, but that doesn't mean this is the 1800s, and the woman has no role or responsibility for her own happiness when it comes to romance.

OP, it is your responsibility to tell these men that you are old fashioned; that you don't like being ghosted, and that you would prefer they be honest with you if they don't want to see you again. Also, stop adding them to your social media. That's not helping you at all. It's just ramping up your expectations that there is a future everytime you get that rush of excitement, after you click the "Add Friend" button your FB page. You should not do that with men who remain complete strangers to you until you've been dating them for a while.

The only real control you have OP, is over yourself. If you don't like how OLD is going, then you have to change the way you interact with OLD in order to get a more positive experience from it. Or, quit OLD, and wait until you meet someone in person through whatever situation presents that opportunity to you. But right now, you are not doing anything and are blaming everything on the man, because he doesn't give you the closure you feel that you deserve, the way you feel you deserve it.

 

WC, would you also address all his "future fake talk" and how neither she nor any woman should take this seriously prior to or during a first meet?  In one ear, out the other.

She clearly did, and had certain expectations because of it.  So this "ghosting" hit her hard and she lashed out because of the implications and expectations.  

I posted about it but no one takes me seriously on this forum, or very few anyway.  Not complaining it is what it is. 

But I think it's important to address because so many men do it after which they are never to be seen or heard from again in many cases.  . 

[Watercolors]

4 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I agree with watercolors that you can’t control how others are going to act and reacting with anger does more to you than to them. Most likely, when they see you call them out, they just roll their eyes and think “glad I dodged that  bullet”a 
 

Feeling bad about it is something you can control to an extent.. Try changing how you view it. Instead of seeing it as someone who is trying to harm you or purposely mean, consider the better possibilities. Maybe there is something else they are going through which caused them to not speak up. Maybe it had 0 to do with you. Consider how it’s a good thing in the long run. One less person you’re wasting time with when you could be focusing on people who you match with. 

Exactly.

And I'm not criticizing the OP for feeling angry that he ghosted on her by deleting her from his FB account. He deleted her from his FB account b/c he decided (for whatever his reasons are that no one but him knows) he doesn't want to date the OP after their first date make-out session. He even told the OP he wasn't interested, the way he acted as I pointed out in my first post on this thread.

But, for whatever reason, the OP didn't pick up those cues and is now fuming mad and called him out for ghosting her, which I think was a bad idea too. Like you said, it just makes the OP look bad to the guy who rejected her. It doesn't change matters. Calling someone out for being a douche bag, won't change the past. It wont suddenly make that person feel guilty, or suddenly like you or show you respect. Nope. They'll just still be a douche bag and now you've embarrassed yourself by going off the handle about it.

A better response to being ghosted is to realize that while you hurt, you can't control this person. Plus, shy would you want to date someone, or be friends with someone, who can't even express their feelings to you directly? OLD is about weeding out ALL the incompatible men, to find the men you are compatible with, OP. And that means, being ghosted sometimes, by men who can't communicate their feelings (or who don't want to be bothered). You just have to accept that this it the environment for OLD. And, like I said three times now, if you don't like the OLD environment, stop OLD, or change the way you interact with the OLD environment so that you can tolerate (get a thicker skin) the ghosters better.