Date cancelled because of accident

[zincmagnesium8]

I was supposed to go on a date with a girl at the weekend but she had to cancel last minute because of an accident. I know it sounds like she just cancelled because she didn't want to go, but this was genuine. She hurt her eye and even sent me a photo of herself with a medical eye patch so I knew she was telling the truth!

What I'm wondering is, how often should I message her to see how she is doing? I was messaging her the day we were supposed to go on the date when she told me about the incident, then I checked in with her the next day to see if she felt any better. She said she was to go to a doctor today to see if there's any serious damage and I'd like to message her to see how it went.

I'm worried I'll seem too keen if I message her 3 days in a row, but at the same time it might seem like I'm not that interested in her if I don't check-in. She said she wanted to rearrange the date as soon as her eye patch is removed so I figure she is still keen.

Should I message her again today or wait a while before checking in again?

[ShyViolet]

Was this going to be the first date?  Have you ever actually met this girl in person before?

[smackie9]

Anyone can put an eye patch on. The ball is in her court...she will "rearrange the date" if this is true. If you don't hear from her by the weekend, she's just blowin smoke up yer butt.

[zincmagnesium8]

6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Was this going to be the first date?  Have you ever actually met this girl in person before?

Yes, only the first date. That's why I didn't want to be too keen. I know sometimes it's seen as endearing, but other times creepy. It's a hard thing to balance!

6 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Anyone can put an eye patch on. The ball is in her court...she will "rearrange the date" if this is true. If you don't hear from her by the weekend, she's just blowin smoke up yer butt.

It would be a very elaborate ploy if she put on medical gauze and tape over her eye just to get out of a date! We had a lot of messages back and forth in the meantime so I highly doubt that she just wasn't interested. But I can't rule out any possibility I guess.

So it's entirely up to her? It wouldn't be seen as inconsiderate not to check in to see how she is? It could be quite a serious injury so I wouldn't be surprised if dating me isn't her highest priority right now.

[smackie9]

Some people do play games for the attention and the control. Don't lose yourself over someone you haven't even met yet. It's not inconsiderate because again you have never met or even went on a date...she has her friends and family to check in on her for support. You already have reached out on that anyway. She told you she will rearrange a date. Back off and wait til the weekend to get in touch again. In the meantime, set up a date with other women. You are way overly too focused on this girl. If she gives you more song and dance, then tell her to call you when she is available...then leave it.

[zincmagnesium8]

10 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Some people do play games for the attention and the control. Don't lose yourself over someone you haven't even met yet. It's not inconsiderate because again you have never met or even went on a date...she has her friends and family to check in on her for support. You already have reached out on that anyway. She told you she will rearrange a date. Back off and wait til the weekend to get in touch again. In the meantime, set up a date with other women. You are way overly too focused on this girl. If she gives you more song and dance, then tell her to call you when she is available...then leave it.

I wouldn't say I'm too focused, but I do only focus on one girl at a time when I'm dating. I'm not the kind of guy to arrange multiple dates with different women. I swipe, match, arrange a date. If that doesn't work out I move onto the next girl. I guess I'm old fashioned that way.

Without trying to sound cruel, she's not in any way special. What I mean by that is that she's on the same playing field as any girl I date, at least up until the first time we meet. Although I must say that she is very beautiful and she could get any man she wanted, but strangely enough she wouldn't be my usual type.

[Miss Spider]

Don’t overthink it. You may not even get to a first date. Happens all the time. Ball is mostly in her court now. Just go with the flow 

[smackie9]

You haven't had a date yet...why hold up other options? Finding someone else to go out on a date on isn't multi dating. Multi dating is actually dating several at a time. This isn't the case.

Edited December 7, 2020 by smackie9

[poppyfields]

35 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

Yes, only the first date. That's why I didn't want to be too keen. I know sometimes it's seen as endearing, but other times creepy. It's a hard thing to balance!

It would be a very elaborate ploy if she put on medical gauze and tape over her eye just to get out of a date! We had a lot of messages back and forth in the meantime so I highly doubt that she just wasn't interested. But I can't rule out any possibility I guess.

So it's entirely up to her? It wouldn't be seen as inconsiderate not to check in to see how she is? It could be quite a serious injury so I wouldn't be surprised if dating me isn't her highest priority right now.

Who advised her to wear the patch given the fact she has not seen a doctor yet per your initial post?

It'a actually advised NOT to wear an eye patch after an eye injury, my doctor told me this after I accidentally poked my eye really bad and had 50% corneal abrasion, three weeks ago!  

He gave me drops to prevent infection, NO patch it can hinder the healing process. 

Healed within 48 hours which is standard for a cornel abrasion.  

Sounds like a story OP.

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Who advised her to wear the patch given the fact she has not seen a doctor yet per your initial post?

It'a actually advised NOT to wear an eye patch after an eye injury, my doctor told me this after I accidentally poked my eye really bad and had 50% corneal abrasion, three weeks ago!  

He gave me drops to prevent infection, NO patch it can hinder the healing process. 

Healed within 48 hours which is standard for a cornel abrasion.  

Sounds like a story OP.

To add, I'm of the opinion that when someone you have never met feels compelled to send you pics "proving" they are telling the truth, they are NOT telling the truth.  

A truthful person doesn't do this, their word should be good enough.  

Sounds fishy OP.

But play it out, no more texts, the ball is in her court.  

[poppyfields]

Hate to belabor, but when one injures their eye like I did, you do not mess around by waiting a couple of days to see a doctor. 

I went to urgent care immediately!  It's your eyesight man, do not mess with that!

First off it's excruciatingly painful and second to prevent infection which is why you need the prescribed eyedrops ASAP.

And no patch which surprised me but again it hinders healing.  

Just sayin..

Edited December 7, 2020 by poppyfields

[zincmagnesium8]

41 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Don’t overthink it. You may not even get to a first date. Happens all the time. Ball is mostly in her court now. Just go with the flow 

I may be a bit of an overthinker. It's a toss of a coin whether to message her or not. I guess it doesn't really matter either way?

41 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You haven't had a date yet...why hold up other options? Finding someone else to go out on a date on isn't multi dating. Multi dating is actually dating several at a time. This isn't the case.

I'm in no rush to meet someone. If I see someone that I could potentially like, I just try to arrange a date. I don't keep swiping, desperate to find someone else as a backup plan!

31 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Who advised her to wear the patch given the fact she has not seen a doctor yet per your initial post?

It'a actually advised NOT to wear an eye patch after an eye injury, my doctor told me this after I accidentally poked my eye really bad and had 50% corneal abrasion, three weeks ago!  

He gave me drops to prevent infection, NO patch it can hinder the healing process. 

Healed within 48 hours which is standard for a cornel abrasion.  

Sounds like a story OP.

She went to the emergency department who applied the patch/gauze and was told to go back to see the doctor after two days. A good friend of mine had a similar injury before and had the same kind of patch applied. Doctors may differ I guess?

26 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

To add, I'm of the opinion that when someone you have never met feels compelled to send you pics "proving" they are telling the truth, they are NOT telling the truth.  

A truthful person doesn't do this, their word should be good enough.  

Sounds fishy OP.

But play it out, no more texts, the ball is in her court.  

I don't think it was a compulsion. She messaged me whilst she was in the emergency department saying she was waiting to be seen. She sent the photo afterwards. I would probably do the same if I'm honest! Also I always like to assume that any potential dates are honest people. No point going in assuming the worst. I know people lie, but what have I got to lose believing this?

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Hate to belabor, but when one injures their eye like I did, you do not mess around by waiting a couple of days to see a doctor. 

I went to urgent care immediately!  It's your eyesight man, do not mess with that!

First off it's excruciatingly painful and second to prevent infection which is why you need the prescribed eyedrops ASAP.

And no patch which surprised me but again it hinders healing.  

Just sayin..

As per above, she went to the emergency department first. Maybe I should have included that detail, but didn't think it was relevant at the time!

[poppyfields]

25 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

She went to the emergency department who applied the patch/gauze and was told to go back to see the doctor after two days. A good friend of mine had a similar injury before and had the same kind of patch applied. Doctors may differ I guess?

Actually no, the advice is fairly standard:

From aafp.org:

Patching is not effective for treatment of corneal abrasions and is not recommended. Consider topical nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs in patients with corneal abrasions. Topical mydriatics are not effective for treatment of corneal abrasions and are not recommended.

Unless she has another type of injury but corneal abrasions are the most common and happens when you accidentally poke your eye which can sometimes cause a tear (abrasion).

The ER doctor wouid have also given her the drops to prevent infection.

Ask her what the testing involved, to warrant a patch? Seems rather extreme. 

To me it sounds like a story, however if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, that's fine.  Say nothing and wait for her to reach out.

Good luck, hope it all works out.

 

Edited December 7, 2020 by poppyfields

[magnolia18]

I am more and more getting the impression that people are overly suspicious of other people here....I mean not everybody is Matta Harri. Most people are normal, fairly truthful and honest people and would not go out of their way to deceive other people, especially when they could just opt out of something without having to create a fake movie out of their lives. Just my opinion, but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe what they are saying until they are proven serial liars- or killers

[poppyfields]

Just now, magnolia18 said:

I am more and more getting the impression that people are overly suspicious of other people here....I mean not everybody is Matta Harri. Most people are normal, fairly truthful and honest people and would not go out of their way to deceive other people, especially when they could just opt out of something without having to create a fake movie out of their lives. Just my opinion, but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe what they are saying until they are proven serial liars- or killers

Actually, when I was dating and a date blew me off last minute, texting me a pic "proving" he was telling the truth, I was suspicious and rightfully so! 

99% of the time it was utter BS.  

Thankfully it didnt happen very often but I'm fairly adept when it comes to reading BS.  I dished a lot of it out myself too!  Not proud of it but owning it.

Here, agree he should give her benefit of doubt but don't chase, ball is in her court.

[zincmagnesium8]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Actually no, the advice is fairly standard:

From aafp.org:

Patching is not effective for treatment of corneal abrasions and is not recommended. Consider topical nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs in patients with corneal abrasions. Topical mydriatics are not effective for treatment of corneal abrasions and are not recommended.

Unless she has another type of injury but corneal abrasions are the most common and happens when you accidentally poke your eye which can sometimes cause a tear (abrasion).

The ER doctor wouid have also given her the drops to prevent infection.

Ask her what the testing involved, to warrant a patch? Seems rather extreme. 

To me it sounds like a story, however if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, that's fine.  Say nothing and wait for her to reach out.

Good luck, hope it all works out.

 

I imagine it was just something to protect the eye until she got her eye drops. She was prescribed something anyway.

I'm not sure how this turned into a medical exercise. I was just asking if I should send her a message! 

8 minutes ago, magnolia18 said:

I am more and more getting the impression that people are overly suspicious of other people here....I mean not everybody is Matta Harri. Most people are normal, fairly truthful and honest people and would not go out of their way to deceive other people, especially when they could just opt out of something without having to create a fake movie out of their lives. Just my opinion, but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe what they are saying until they are proven serial liars- or killers

I try not to be suspicious because it only leads to bad things. Assuming the worst or stalking social media to try and prove you are right. Best avoided.

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

I imagine it was just something to protect the eye until she got her eye drops. She was prescribed something anyway.

I'm not sure how this turned into a medical exercise. I was just asking if I should send her a message! 

I try not to be suspicious because it only leads to bad things. Assuming the worst or stalking social media to try and prove you are right. Best avoided.

That was not why I learned to be suspicious.  I always trusted everyone, there was never a doubt to give anyone the benefit of, I believed everyone!   

Then you witness and experience  some of the harsher realities of life and you learn to become a little less trustful until you at least meet in person.  

Like I said, with this girl, believe her but do not chase, you have done enough, that's all.

You've not even met her yet, not smart to act like a concerned boyfriend just yet, it's too much. 

Edited December 7, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

2 hours ago, magnolia18 said:

I am more and more getting the impression that people are overly suspicious of other people here....I mean not everybody is Matta Harri. Most people are normal, fairly truthful and honest people and would not go out of their way to deceive other people, especially when they could just opt out of something without having to create a fake movie out of their lives. Just my opinion, but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe what they are saying until they are proven serial liars- or killers

One time I had to cancel a date because my dad ended up in an emergency room. I wasn't lying to my potential date but he called me few names and blocked me. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. I was worried about my dad to care.  I guess people been hurt and burned so many times in the past that they don't trust when the real legitimate emergency comes up. I mean if someone comes with some lame excuse like I have to wash my dog or I suddenly have to go to work or I developed a mysterious case of an allergy right before our date, yes, that's just a lame excuse. But real emergencies do happen. I choose to trust a person till proven otherwise.

In any case OP, no harm in you texting her every day or two to check how she is doing. I hardly think this would be considered chasing her.

 

[poppyfields]

28 minutes ago, Alvi said:

One time I had to cancel a date because my dad ended up in an emergency room. I wasn't lying to my potential date but he called me few names and blocked me. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. I was worried about my dad to care.  I guess people been hurt and burned so many times in the past that they don't trust when the real legitimate emergency comes up. I mean if someone comes with some lame excuse like I have to wash my dog or I suddenly have to go to work or I developed a mysterious case of an allergy right before our date, yes, that's just a lame excuse. But real emergencies do happen. I choose to trust a person till proven otherwise.

In any case OP, no harm in you texting her every day or two to check how she is doing. I hardly think this would be considered chasing her.

 

I agree shyt happens, and something like this^ I definitely would believe.  There are ways to know the difference. 

Did you text her a pic of you in the ER, like OP's girl did?  To "prove"  you weren't lying?  This is not necessary when telling the truth imo.

Another poster wrote that her date suddenly cut the first meet short because his friend was suicidal.  Showed her his [fake] text messages, again proving he was not lying.

He left and ghosted her.

Sometimes all it takes is common sense and good intuition to know what is BS and what isn't.  

I hope your dad was OK!  

Edited December 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[Watercolors]

OP you've sent her enough messages. You can't force her to like you. 

My opinion is: leave her alone. Stop messaging her. Your last message to her should be, "Ok. Well, when you heal and want to go out on a date with me, please reach out." And leave her alone. 

Then, go on with your life and keep going on other first dates. You may find someone you're more compatible with in the meantime. 

In this situation, you could send her another message but it should be a "balls in your court, dear" message. Because it is. 

[Acacia98]

25 minutes ago, Alvi said:

One time I had to cancel a date because my dad ended up in an emergency room. I wasn't lying to my potential date but he called me few names and blocked me. I just rolled my eyes and laughed. 

(...)

In any case OP, no harm in you texting her every day or two to check how she is doing. I hardly think this would be considered chasing her.

 

Funnily enough, in the past 1 month, I've had two people assume I was lying in two separate situations. They've then gone on to set up elaborate revenge plans. I didn't bother proving I wasn't lying to either one. I just disengaged completely.

And I've also had one person (one of the people I mention in the above paragraph, actually) tell me a whopper so huge that I still chuckle about it whenever it comes to mind. I knew he was lying, but I didn't accuse him of anything. Just played along and was polite. Through his actions and words, he managed to confirm my suspicions a few days later.

Long story short, even when I think someone is lying, I do the polite thing. Partly because I may be wrong. Partly because, even if I'm not wrong, I'd rather observe the person quietly and get a sense of what they're really like instead of getting upset and confronting them.

 So OP, in your case, I'd check on her once or twice to see if she was okay. But I wouldn't ask her out again. I'd let her be the one to suggest another meeting.

[Alvi]

58 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I agree shyt happens, and something like this^ I definitely would believe.  There are ways to know the difference. 

Did you text her a pic of you in the ER, like OP's girl did?  To "prove"  you weren't lying?  This is not necessary when telling the truth imo.

Another poster wrote that her date suddenly cut the first meet short because his friend was suicidal.  Showed her his [fake] text messages, again proving he was not lying.

He left and ghosted her.

Sometimes all it takes is common sense and good intuition to know what is BS and what isn't.  

I hope your dad was OK!  

Oh gosh, it didn't even cross my mind to sent him any proof. Was only worried about my dad. I just texted him to let him know what I couldn't come. He had some complications after the previous surgery and luckily they helped him in ER. He was OK after. Thanks for asking.

[poppyfields]

39 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

Funnily enough, in the past 1 month, I've had two people assume I was lying in two separate situations. They've then gone on to set up elaborate revenge plans. I didn't bother proving I wasn't lying to either one. I just disengaged completely.

And I've also had one person (one of the people I mention in the above paragraph, actually) tell me a whopper so huge that I still chuckle about it whenever it comes to mind. I knew he was lying, but I didn't accuse him of anything. Just played along and was polite. Through his actions and words, he managed to confirm my suspicions a few days later.

Long story short, even when I think someone is lying, I do the polite thing. Partly because I may be wrong. Partly because, even if I'm not wrong, I'd rather observe the person quietly and get a sense of what they're really like instead of getting upset and confronting them.

 So OP, in your case, I'd check on her once or twice to see if she was okay. But I wouldn't ask her out again. I'd let her be the one to suggest another meeting.

I agree with this!  Seeking "revenge" or automatic block is so over the top

I have good gut instincts and could pretty much tell when a man was lying.  

I never said a word, I simply observed.  99% of the time (or even 100%) my instincts were correct.  

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Oh gosh, it didn't even cross my mind to sent him any proof. Was only worried about my dad. I just texted him to let him know what I couldn't come. He had some complications after the previous surgery and luckily they helped him in ER. He was OK after. Thanks for asking.

That's exactly my point!   Who does that? 

Girl has an eye injury, if it was even remotely like mine was, she's unable to see properly, but has the presence of mind to take a selfie while in the ER and send it to a guy she's never even met wearing an eyepatch that doctors don't even advise wearing!  As it hinders healing.

Why?  To prove she's not lying.  Ugh.  Does this make sense?  

I dunno, maybe it is me.  The amount of BS that gets tossed around when OLDing truly boggles my mind.  SMH..

I'm glad your dad is okay!   Scary.

Edited December 8, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ellener]

6 hours ago, zincmagnesium8 said:

She said she wanted to rearrange the date as soon as her eye patch is removed so I figure she is still keen.

Just re-arrange the date.