Ellener Posted December 8, 2020 Posted December 8, 2020 6 hours ago, vla1120 said: I've had people ask me to video chat and I hate doing it just because I am self-conscious. I never thought about the fact that it could be misconstrued and someone could think I'm not who I really say, or have something to hide, etc. I guess I'll have to try to get over being self-conscious about it! I stopped doing Zoom about a month into the pandemic after someone at my church inadvertently showed her privates to the congregation! I've had this man texting and calling me all year, when I finally invited him over he did not come. I just assumed he's not really serious about a relationship, though everyone's pretty freaked out here by Covid, maybe he thought I wasn't taking it seriously enough.
ShakeShake Posted December 8, 2020 Posted December 8, 2020 A number of red flags which have already been pointed out.. but to answer your question.. next time you are having these marathon texting sessions until the early hours... so you know he is on his phone... just video call him. Don't ask him, just do it. If for whatever reason he declines it, makes an excuse, then simply ask him why. 1
Watercolors Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 All the red flags have been mentioned multiple times to you, OP. Yet, you refuse to acknowledge their validity. Why? Because acknowledging that you are being scammed/catfished is too embarrassing to admit? Well, it happens. All the time to people of all ages and backgrounds. I wouldn't even continue texting with this guy. I wouldn't even ask him to video chat with you. The best solution here: block and delete his cell # from all of your social media. Digital communication is not real. It's just a one dimensional presentation of a person. That's why it is so easy for people in your situation to be scammed. And you are definitely being scammed. But if you need to experience this to its bitter end, where he scams you out of your safety or your money, then so be it. He's not who he says he is. Not even close. Or he would have video chatted with you already.
IntBrowser Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 On 12/7/2020 at 10:40 AM, levin78 said: So I met this guy online last week. Right away we hit it off and connected pretty intensely. I know people will say that whatever connection is felt over text doesn’t mean much, but in all my dating experiences I have 100% always found text chemistry to translate into in person chemistry. So maybe it’s different for different people, but for me, good and engaging texting has always been a good indicator that I will like the person. That being said, I do still like to meet the person ASAP because I’m not interested in texting into oblivion. Anyways, we’ve been texting nonstop for almost a week now. Sometimes all afternoon until late at night like 1 or 2 am. He’s been very open about what he’s looking for...”a woman to trust and grow with, something that can grow into a serious relationship, a connection that is more than physical” etc. We’ve discussed that we’re on the same page about what we’re looking for and he’s expressed great enthusiasm and excitement about getting to know me. He asks thoughtful questions, expresses genuine interest in me, and isn’t afraid to bring up and discuss deep and emotionally intimate topics. He has driven all the conversations in this direction so it’s not me pushing it. I can’t help but get excited about this because allll of the previous guys I have dated had some holdup or reason why they didn’t want to be in a relationship. I guess I tend to attract emotionally unavailable or avoidant men. I have been longing for someone willing to open his heart and be vulnerable with me for years and this is the first time in a long time I feel like I’ve met someone with the potential to do that. None of the guys I've previously dated have taken the time to ask me many of the questions he's asking me. Well, of course there’s always a “but”. After a few days of texting I asked if he’d like to do a video call so we could “meet” each other (we’d already discussed that actually meeting in person was not an option at this time due to COVID). He said he couldn’t that night, but would be able to the following day. The next day when I brought it up, he said something had come up and he wouldn’t be able to again. I wasn’t going to push it even further, so I said “ok, maybe another day then!” to which he said yes but didn’t suggest anything specific. Weird thing too is that on both of these nights when he was apparently unavailable for a video call, we ended up texting the whole night. It makes me feel like he's just avoiding a video call with me for some reason. I’ve done my background research and I know he’s not catfishing me. Everything he says about his family/friends/life checks out with his social media profiles. He appears to be a bold and confident guy and he clearly knows how to talk to women, so I doubt he would be cripplingly nervous about meeting me. Still, he seems genuine, self-aware and kind so I don’t get the vibe he’s a player. The only thing I can think of is that he had to move back in with his mom because of COVID and I guess FaceTiming from your mom’s house could be somewhat emasculating for a grown man. But still, what’s the point of putting in all this effort to get to know me and initiating these intimate conversations over text if you have no plan to actually meet me in the immediate future? You can easily get an ego stroke, dirty pictures, or even sex from plenty of girls online without putting in that much effort lol. I'm not sure what I'm asking for really. I guess I'm curious what other people think here. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt or is this a red flag I need to acknowledge? I know it's only been a week, I've just become impatient, anxious, and distrusting because of my past with emotionally unavailable men. I don't want to enter into a situation like that again and my psychology has got me freaking out now because it wants me to avoid it at all costs. But I also don't want my insecurities to mess up something with potential. So I guess I'm seeking advice on how to either address this situation or how to just calm my fears and relax and enjoy getting to know someone new? Im a guy and never been a fan of video chat. Phone or face to face
IntBrowser Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 Texting is boring when Im home. Mainly because it cant compete with the TV and computer
Author levin78 Posted December 9, 2020 Author Posted December 9, 2020 Update: I backed off on texting and I guess he picked up on it and ended up initiating a video call! I could definitely tell he was kinda nervous/uncomfortable at the start of the call but he warmed up. So I get why he hesitated and I suppose I might have been pushing it a bit early. I appreciate the effort on his part though to do something a bit outside of his comfort zone, and now I know that he is who he says he is (in terms of looks at least, the rest is tbd as it would be with anybody I met online). Additionally, I think there was miscommunication about meeting in person...when we had previously discussed it over text, I was under the impression he was not open to it at all. But he brought it up at the end of our phone call and sounds like we would both be comfortable trying it as long as it's outside and we wear masks. When I went back and re-read our original texts about it, I could see that I misunderstood and made some assumptions that were cleared up by actually talking. So we've got an outdoor date set up for this weekend! I know that people get scammed all the time and that y'all are just looking out for me, so I appreciate that! And I know that I still don't know him at all and still have to be careful (as I always am with people I meet online). The intense questions early on and the way he seemed to avoid the video call to begin with instead of just communicating his discomfort still have me feeling a little wary, but I don't think any of it is CRAZY. After our video call I feel comfortable giving him the benefit of the doubt enough to at least meet him in person in a safe public location and go from there. Thanks for all of your comments! 2 1
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 So C) insecure/nervous it is! People don't realize everyone can be a little nervous. Well at least you put him at ease and you both can finally go out on a date. Hope it goes well. 1
poppyfields Posted December 9, 2020 Posted December 9, 2020 (edited) 50 minutes ago, levin78 said: Update: I backed off on texting and I guess he picked up on it and ended up initiating a video call! I could definitely tell he was kinda nervous/uncomfortable at the start of the call but he warmed up. So I get why he hesitated and I suppose I might have been pushing it a bit early. I appreciate the effort on his part though to do something a bit outside of his comfort zone, and now I know that he is who he says he is (in terms of looks at least, the rest is tbd as it would be with anybody I met online). Additionally, I think there was miscommunication about meeting in person...when we had previously discussed it over text, I was under the impression he was not open to it at all. But he brought it up at the end of our phone call and sounds like we would both be comfortable trying it as long as it's outside and we wear masks. When I went back and re-read our original texts about it, I could see that I misunderstood and made some assumptions that were cleared up by actually talking. So we've got an outdoor date set up for this weekend! I know that people get scammed all the time and that y'all are just looking out for me, so I appreciate that! And I know that I still don't know him at all and still have to be careful (as I always am with people I meet online). The intense questions early on and the way he seemed to avoid the video call to begin with instead of just communicating his discomfort still have me feeling a little wary, but I don't think any of it is CRAZY. After our video call I feel comfortable giving him the benefit of the doubt enough to at least meet him in person in a safe public location and go from there. Thanks for all of your comments! Super happy to hear this!! I had a feeling... As stated previously, I and many others dislike video chat, feels awkward and uncomfortable. There are many reasons for that, as I said it's really no different from being camera shy, which I am as well. Although my fiance being a photographer, I have become much MUCH more comfortable in front of the camera over the years. Yes there are scammers on line and it appears that's where many folks like to jump. Fair enough. Maybe you did too, however I am soooooo happy that did not turn out to be the case!! Now that he took that leap, perhaps video chat will become more of the norm for you in between dates, assuming you click when you meet! Have fun this weekend! Edited December 9, 2020 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted December 10, 2020 Posted December 10, 2020 22 hours ago, levin78 said: I backed off on texting and I guess he picked up on it and ended up initiating a video call! So we've got an outdoor date set up for this weekend! Excellent. Enjoy the date.
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