Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 As mentioned in my previous thread, I have been seeing a guy for a short amount of time. we have had a couple of dates and hooked up (my choice), I didn’t want anything serious but started to like him a little. Since then we have had regular communication bar a couple of moments when we both have been flat out busy. But now, I have some questions and confusion. It was recently my birthday and I received flowers from another guy (my friend, not dating). I posted this to my snapchat story as it was a lovely gesture and they were very, very beautiful. The guy I have been seeing and kinda like immediately viewed this and has gone radio silent since. We are NOT exclusive at all, but, I now have a feeling he has saw this and wondered if this has caused his silence?
basil67 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 Yes, it's entirely possible that this is the case. 3 1
introverted1 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 Seems like things were already problematic with this guy on November 29, when you first posted about him. You'd already conveyed low interest and no doubt this just reinforces that position. First you say you want him to chase, now it seems you are playing games by posting something on sm that you know he'd be likely to react to. What is your end-game? 5 2
Wiseman2 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said: I posted this to my snapchat story as it was a lovely gesture and they were very, very beautiful. Did you elaborate on who they were from? Did this guy know it was your bday? If he were interested this would not affect him one way or the other. He would have taken you out for your bday. Edited December 6, 2020 by Wiseman2 1
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you elaborate on who they were from? Did this guy know it was your bday? If he were interested tis would not affect him on way or the other. Yes I tagged the guy (my friend) and he doesn’t know him. He knew it was my bday and wished me happy birthday and said he will arrange something for us to do as soon as we can. Covid has completely locked us all down in my city so it’s hard. He then messaged me after saying he is ‘waiting for me’. I responded saying yes that will be good etc and we will set it up. He then said ‘have a few drinks for me and have a lovely day’ I didn’t respond after this as I was super busy on my bday. I left it a day and got back to him. Then I posted the flowers.. then I hear nothing!
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you elaborate on who they were from? Did this guy know it was your bday? If he were interested this would not affect him one way or the other. He would have taken you out for your bday. We can’t go anywhere because of covid. the city I am in has locked us down entirely with nothing open, only essential supermarkets until 9pm.
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 8 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Seems like things were already problematic with this guy on November 29, when you first posted about him. You'd already conveyed low interest and no doubt this just reinforces that position. First you say you want him to chase, now it seems you are playing games by posting something on sm that you know he'd be likely to react to. What is your end-game? Good question. I am still not sure, just seeing how things play out. I want to measure his interest and also still get to know him a little more. 1
Miss Spider Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 Could be. Even people that just want to hit don’t want to know if everyone else in town is. 2
basil67 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) If you still don't know his interest by now, then he probably wasn't that interested to start with. Throw in a bunch of flowers from some other dude & that you want 'only casual' he's likely decided to walk. Edited December 6, 2020 by basil67 spello 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) OP, did you do this to try to make this guy jealous? You had to have realized how this would look. In light of your recent thread about him, it looks like you're playing games with him. Of course he's going to back off if he thinks another guy has sent you flowers. You shot yourself in the foot here, girl. Edited December 6, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 12 3
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, did you do this to try to make this guy jealous? You had to have realized how this would look. In light of your recent thread about him, it looks like you're playing games with him. Of course he's going to back off if he thinks another guy has sent you flowers. You shot yourself in the foot here, girl. I did post it because they were really beautiful flowers and I’m active on social media like that. I guess in the back of mind I knew he would see it at some point. I just didn’t consider if it would backfire on me.
Miss Spider Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) Beginners mistake. Multi dating tip: try not to let other guys think there are other men in your life outside of their own assumptions. Edited December 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2 1
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Beginners mistake. Multi dating tip: try not let other guys think there are other men in your life outside of their own assumptions. I know looking back on it, it was a pretty stupid thing to do, I didn’t really think of any repercussions. I’m trying to navigate how to get around this now. Maybe give him space and let him decide if he wants to try? 1
Miss Spider Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Lilia1099 said: I know looking back on it, it was a pretty stupid thing to do, I didn’t really think of any repercussions. I’m trying to navigate how to get around this now. Maybe give him space and let him decide if he wants to try? Yes. I think it is your best bet. If the post had any impact( which may or may not be the case)the damage has been done 1 1
Author Lilia1099 Posted December 6, 2020 Author Posted December 6, 2020 12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Yes. I think it is your best bet. If the post had any impact( which may or may not be the case)the damage has been done Yes agreed. I guess time will tell.
ccas93 Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 yeah if it were me I would have walked. The flowers from another guy would have been the nail in the coffin. Not saying you're a bad person for it, just confirming your suspicion. 5 1
Interstellar Posted December 6, 2020 Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) it’s damage control now. definitely the downside of social media, like too much texting, phone calls, etc... Things can get twisted and misinterpreted and before you know it; it’s blowing up in your face. When you posted the flowers you can at least write: “Thanks buddy”, or thank you longtime friend for the beautiful flowers or something along the lines of pure friendship. Edited December 6, 2020 by Interstellar 1
MsJayne Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 I am a firm believer that most people are not that insensitive or thoughtless that they don't know when they're doing something which provokes jealousy in a partner. Especially a new partner who doesn't even know where they stand. Also, most guy "friends" wouldn't send flowers if they knew you were seeing someone, again most people aren't that switched off that they wouldn't know this was inappropriate if you're in the throes of a budding romance. How would you feel if he posted something on his social media which suggested you had competition? Do you think it might make you roll your eyes and go find someone who doesn't play silly games and then pretend they don't know why you're upset? 7 2
Miss Spider Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, MsJayne said: Also, most guy "friends" wouldn't send flowers if they knew you were seeing someone, Periodttt. Why would a guy “friend” do this, anyway? A bouquet of flowers of all things. OP, do you really believe this guy just wants to be a friend? Agree with interstellar too. In the future, tag all orbiters’ gifts with “thanks to my bud /good friend @“ Edited December 7, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 7 1
Fletch Lives Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 People get jelous, both men and women. Yes, sharing that another man sent you flowers could have turned him off. 2
Wiseman2 Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 10 hours ago, Lilia1099 said: I did post it because they were really beautiful flowers and I’m active on social media like that. I guess in the back of mind I knew he would see it at some point. I just didn’t consider if it would backfire on me. It's your social media. Post what you want to post. This guy is not interested in the first place, so attempting to get his attention or make him jealous won't work.
Watercolors Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 Multidating is like playing that board game RISK. It’s about strategy. You chose the wrong strategy posting those flowers to your sm account, and then intentionally not responding to your FWB’s nice birthday message “because you were too busy” which is not true at all. You were not too busy to respond, you intentionally didn’t respond and you know why. But it backfired on you, b/c now he’s not interested in you anymore. That’s why he is radio silent. You basically misrepresented some other interested guy’s birthday bouquet on your sm, and it backfired on you. No point waiting for him to respond. If you want to know where you stand you have to do the adult thing and ask him. 3
salparadise Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Lilia1099 said: I didn’t respond after this as I was super busy on my bday. Not only the flowers... apparently you went silent on your bday, which could lead him to believe you were busy with flower guy. Someone mentioned that sending flowers is a bit over-the-top for a buddy, which is a fair assumption whether accurate or not. If I were this guy I'd put these two clues together, and the picture it paints would be screaming get the &%#$ out of this mess. I'm wondering if you give a flip at all, or if you just want him to chase you for the ego stroke. And now you've thrown a bucket of cold water on him and your response is, "I guess time will tell." I'd be making myself scarce too. I hope he finds someone who really appreciates him next time around. If you want a guy to stay interested you need to make it feel congruent, and communicate that you're interested too. Guys who pursue against resistance soon learn that it's usually a waste of time and resources. Edited December 7, 2020 by salparadise 1 3
Wiseman2 Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 Ok, when someone you had a couple of dates with fades out, playing "hard to get" won't work because they're not trying to "get". This next round of "get him jealous" games won't work either with someone who's indifferent. Just curious if you are getting this bad advice from friends or so-called dating coaches? 1
elaine567 Posted December 7, 2020 Posted December 7, 2020 The flowers, the b'day radio silence and the uninterested/lukewarm/too busy vibe you kept throwing his way in an attempt to get him to chase you, as outlined in your last thread finally, backfired big time. These games work in the movies and with people who are insecure or desperate or sometimes with guys who are madly in love with you or guys who are a bit crazy.... But your average guy won't put up with that. He wants a woman who is interested and shows her interest. 7
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